Show and Tell Exercise

[Alex756]

Sometimes short can be harder than long. I once had a class with *shudder* weekly papers. the kicker, they were to be one and a half to two pages, no longer. Plus they had to be 'thoughtful and concise'.

the initial exercise where I tried to keep it at less than the original's words was very difficult, being naturally terse, my original came in at 180 I think so chopping 12 words was relatively easy since I knocked it out mostly in one big chunk.

Alex756

 

[gauchecritic]

Just a *bump* to let contributors know the show or tell "How to.." is posted.

Gauche

 

[Guest]

Gauche: very fine how-to; I'm going to share it with a prof. friend in our M.F.A. in writing program and some English profs. who try to teach creative writing.

You put everything together very well, all your commentary leads a 'student' to what's what. Excellent piece. I'm honored to be included.

high regard, as ever, Purr

 

[MathGirl]

Good stuff

Just a *bump* to let contributors know the show or tell "How to.." is posted.

Dear Gauchie,
Very good essay. Thanks
MG

 

[destinie21]

No more than two paragraphs and in nearly double the word count of the original. 120/130 words

"He was five feet eleven and had muscles like a film star with dark brown eyes and darker brown longish hair. Then he saw her and she was like an angel with a body to match. Her hair was golden and she was exactly the same height as he was. He could tell that she was hot for him because her nipples were poking out beneath her green top."


128

It was damn hot , of course my air conditioning was on the fritz. I’d called the landlord but only reached his son , who was coming over now to fix the damn thing. My blonde hair,bleached nearly white by the sun was braided and I’d just tugged on shorts and a green halter when the knock came. I opened the door surprised to be looking directly into the chocolaty eyes of a well chiseled man holding a tool box. Running his other hand through a mane of brown hair that barely brushed his shoulders. he smiled looking pointedly at my nipples that seemed ready to burst through the fabric. For a moment I wondered what this Adonis had done with the landlords 18 year old son.


I thought that the fact that she looked directly into his eyes conveyed height was the same w/o stating it outright. I was actually a little hard for me to stay within the word limit. Great excercise.