Sir/Master/Daddy...titles to be used sparingly?

[Lord_Johnny]

I understand you feeling this way. That you are squicked out about bring called "Daddy", however, as a point of clarification for those who engage in DD/lg interactions it has nothing to do with the man being her actual father or "relation" or a substitute thereof.

cb

I understand that it doesn't necessarily equate. That doesn't mean that how it comes off to me is any less invalid, and this is exactly how it comes off to me. Hence my expressed opinion on the matter.

If you would like to think about how others like myself may feel, feel free to read my above statement.

 

[Lord_Johnny]

Being from the south, I also say ma'am and sir to a lot of people. It's different when I say it to my Daddy though. I use it more in place of His name, or when I can't say Daddy because of being around other people.

I'm guilty of the capitalization thing when I post about Him on here. I didn't realize it was anything to be annoyed about. I like it though, it means something to me, so I'm going to keep doing it.

And you know, even though I dis like being called "Daddy" doesn't mean I get to swing into someone else's thing and tell them no (for most things). If it works for you, then enjoy it!!

 

[babslovesherdaddy]

And you know, even though I dis like being called "Daddy" doesn't mean I get to swing into someone else's thing and tell them no (for most things). If it works for you, then enjoy it!!

Oh, I understood that. To each his own.

 

[TheJestersAdvocate]

Personally I would have to say that like any title (Sir, Ma'am for example) it is something to be earned. Generally speaking if I were to enter a strictly D/s relationship, a title such as Sir would be used, after I demonstrated respect to my new submissive. Any other titles such as Master or Daddy, would be earned/given in the heat of the moment and something I feel would be accepted to be used or not on a case by case situation. But Sir or Ma'am....at least to me, are perfectly usable from the start, since they are also acceptable terms for showing respect to meeting strangers in the "real" world.

 

[cascadiabound]

I don't really like being called "Daddy". Now I get other dons have their own foibles, but "Daddy" isn't what I want to be to you. I'm in charge, yes, but I'm not your relation. If we're going to do roleplay, that's one thing, but if we're not, then don't call me "Daddy".

My original post Lord Johnny was responding to the bolded bit, I think. You subsequent posts makes it clear that you personally are not confused about DD/lg stuff being incestuous, just that you personally do not care for being called "daddy" - you are certainly not alone in this preference.

Ya know... I don't normally express my views in threads like this because they are unpopular. I hate the word "daddy." I dislike it in the way that other people dislike the word "moist." It's a word that just doesn't sound good to me. When I hear it, no matter the context, I hear the childish word for "father." It's a word I will never use with a lover and one that squicks me out when I see it used in that context.

As far as dd/lg goes, I don't care for the dynamic or the titles used within it. I understand what it is and often how it works. I also know that not all dd/lg has nothing to do with incest because there are plenty out there that do include that in the dynamic just as there are those that have no incestuous intentions.

The reason I rarely express my dislike for the word is that there is always someone that pops up to tell a person like me to "go get educated on the subject." Did that, hate the word more now.

Meek Me - I certainly did not mean to rub you the wrong way with my post. 1) Lord Johnny is rather new here and I did not have a sense of his voice yet and 2) while I would never accuse you of being unclear about the DD/lg dynamic (you seem very clear to me about such things) there are lots of folks around here and who lurk here and who read our words who are deeply confused about such things. It was me feeling responsible to be clear about how we talk about these things and point people to the resources that are available that made me speak up. I am sorry if you took offense. It was not my intention.

I would also say, that I have personally evolved on this. I have been totally squicked out by the use of "daddy" in the past. My SO is still squicked out by the use of "daddy", and yet I yearn for some of the elements of DD/lg dynamic.

The only way the word "moist" gets better is to follow it with the word "crease". Really rolls off the tongue.

Moist? Crease???
I like the word moist... it sounds like what it is.
and crease... I guess it takes my mind to paper folding techniques and fancy fabric stuff more than skin folds so I do not find it objectionable either as what comes to mind is hours and hours of meditative studio work...

I understand that it doesn't necessarily equate. That doesn't mean that how it comes off to me is any less invalid, and this is exactly how it comes off to me. Hence my expressed opinion on the matter.

thank you.

And you know, even though I dis like being called "Daddy" doesn't mean I get to swing into someone else's thing and tell them no (for most things). If it works for you, then enjoy it!!

fair enough.

And while we are on the topic of things that make us feel weird... (which is a bit of a bird walk away from the topic of the thread, but with all of the talk of not liking "daddy" and "moist" and "crease" I have been thinking about my feelings about "Master" and so I have a few things to say about this)... call them ruminations. And I preface these thoughts by saying that these are my own and I do not object to anyone using this term if they like it. Obviously people do. And privately, I do sometimes myself, but this does not mean that I don't have some discomfort with it. As others have said about "daddy" - to each their own.

For me, "Master" brings up a whole host of stuff about icky black/white race relations and slavery in the US. I wonder how people/ especially women of color feel about seeing "Master" in print around BDSM play. If it is so overladen with the history of the slave trade and the culture of black oppression that there is nothing fun or sexy about it. I think about how people were sold, separated from their spouses and their children. Raped and dehumanized. And in the modern era we still have human trafficking of young women all over the world to pleasure people of wealth and power without consent. Now I KNOW that this is not at all what we are talking about in BDSM. But I am saying that I get this weird knot in my tummy about the word "Master" because I have all these images in my head - much as other people have all kinds of father figures and parent types in their heads that make them feel weird about "daddy"

So - we all need to give everyone a little space. I squelch my weird feelings about "master"... and I know that others squelch their weird feelings about "daddy" but sometimes we need to talk about the crap that these things bring up for us.

thanks for listening and I hope that no one is going to be all mad at me now.

cb

 

[MastersDelight]

And while we are on the topic of things that make us feel weird... (which is a bit of a bird walk away from the topic of the thread, but with all of the talk of not liking "daddy" and "moist" and "crease" I have been thinking about my feelings about "Master" and so I have a few things to say about this)... call them ruminations. And I preface these thoughts by saying that these are my own and I do not object to anyone using this term if they like it. Obviously people do. And privately, I do sometimes myself, but this does not mean that I don't have some discomfort with it. As others have said about "daddy" - to each their own.

For me, "Master" brings up a whole host of stuff about icky black/white race relations and slavery in the US. I wonder how people/ especially women of color feel about seeing "Master" in print around BDSM play. If it is so overladen with the history of the slave trade and the culture of black oppression that there is nothing fun or sexy about it. I think about how people were sold, separated from their spouses and their children. Raped and dehumanized. And in the modern era we still have human trafficking of young women all over the world to pleasure people of wealth and power without consent. Now I KNOW that this is not at all what we are talking about in BDSM. But I am saying that I get this weird knot in my tummy about the word "Master" because I have all these images in my head - much as other people have all kinds of father figures and parent types in their heads that make them feel weird about "daddy"

So - we all need to give everyone a little space. I squelch my weird feelings about "master"... and I know that others squelch their weird feelings about "daddy" but sometimes we need to talk about the crap that these things bring up for us.

thanks for listening and I hope that no one is going to be all mad at me now.

cb

I AM OFFENDED AND MAD NOW. You have to like what I like and can't have feelings of your own towards things because that would make you human!

TOTALLY KIDDING BTW

I've never thought of it as the dark history of slave trade in the US. I don't know why, it seems stupid now that that had never crossed my mind.

I think more towards way before US history, when slaves were many races. Probably doesn't make the idea any better really... But I love the feeling of being owned in such a way. I used to be a little put off by "Daddy". I've tried it, but it just doesn't feel right for us. * shrugs *

 

[cascadiabound]

I AM OFFENDED AND MAD NOW. You have to like what I like and can't have feelings of your own towards things because that would make you human!

TOTALLY KIDDING BTW

I've never thought of it as the dark history of slave trade in the US. I don't know why, it seems stupid now that that had never crossed my mind.

I think more towards way before US history, when slaves were many races. Probably doesn't make the idea any better really... But I love the feeling of being owned in such a way. I used to be a little put off by "Daddy". I've tried it, but it just doesn't feel right for us. * shrugs *

I too love the feeling of being "possessed"/ "owned" by my Dom - makes me feel all melty inside.
But I do have all kinds of intellectual stuff that I have had to "overcome" to get to the emotional stuff that just "feels right" - for instance, it took me a long to time come to terms with the traditional marriage ceremony because it was linked to the history of the woman as property being transferred from father to groom. And let me tell you... I was bound and determined to be no one's property. I am my own and my father had no right to "give" me away to anyone, as he did not "own" me.

But this is my own intellectual dialogue... lol

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[cookiecat]

I'm not mad at anybody. Least of all cb.

I just wanted to mention my crease is super moist!!

As a side note, pertaining to the thread, the first real time D/s experience was with someone who wanted me to call him Milord.

This was my face everytime I said it ----->

But I was soooo new, I kept my eyerolls inside my head and said it. It totally ruined my mood. Well, ruined my moist crease, really...

I just wanted to bow at the waist and do a fancy hand gesture every time I said it.

http://i.imgur.com/NqkrBUX.gif

 

[fitdaddy6936]

I'm not mad at anybody. Least of all cb.

I just wanted to mention my crease is super moist!!

As a side note, pertaining to the thread, the first real time D/s experience was with someone who wanted me to call him Milord.

This was my face everytime I said it ----->

But I was soooo new, I kept my eyerolls inside my head and said it. It totally ruined my mood. Well, ruined my moist crease, really...

I just wanted to bow at the waist and do a fancy hand gesture every time I said it.

http://i.imgur.com/NqkrBUX.gif

Milford?? Wow, that is odd.

 

[cookiecat]

Is there a non-body part fetish, or any part of BDSM for that matter, that doesn't have it's historical roots tangled up in something morally repugnant?

Whips? Canes? any form of "funishment" really. Tattoos, bondage,.... all of it.

It's not just the titles that hold that history. Why do we let that culture hang over us, which we abhor and in no way identify with?

That there are common terminologies & tools, does not make it the same. We hold consent to be crucial, and celebrate the choice to submit. Playing with the taboo dulls the poison, and we should let it, without ceasing the fight against that which does and should continue to abhor us.

Our use of the word "slave" should morally be the proper one, and the entire need for the modern use of the word "slave" should be expunged.

If on the other hand we let it hang over us, let the taboo smother us, vilify the dominance that is the necessary counterpart to submission, then that choice closes to us, we will have clipped our own wings, and can never be called "free".

Perhaps most importantly, eliminating "yes master" from our lexicon, hugely devalues "no thank you." The practice would not stop, humans are more stubborn than that. But if we stop talking about dominance and submission, how do we continue talking about safewords.

To me it falls into the same course as recreational drugs or prostitution. Acknowledgement (talking about it), legalization & regulation makes it safer and more profitable, both directly and collaterally. Right now just talking about power exchange is the most we can hope for.

Right on!

That's the goal but I'm not sure we can help how we feel about some images or words.

I recall a passage in Toni Morrison's book "Beloved" in which slaves wore bit gags and the anguish they felt being reduced to property. To this day, it sticks with me and disturbs me, even as I readily accept (and get wet over) wearing something akin to that type of gag.

 

[cookiecat]

It's hard to put my finger on a first time.

but the first time I went LARPing I was snatched up by a regular player, who handed me a "temporary character sheet" titled "midnight snack" to keep folded up in my pocket just so I looked official. My role was to stay close, pretend I look cute, and don't talk.

I escorted her to one of her vampire meetings behaving more or less as a body guard, and during a pause in the meeting she dragged me into her lap, put her mouth on my neck for a moment, and then pushed me onto the floor, where I lay for a couple minutes before moving on.

Not a scene in our sense, but kindof awesome just the same.

Jeeze louise. Your life. It's really very, very interesting.

 

[cookiecat]

Milford?? Wow, that is odd.

hahhaha! Noooo not MILFORD. Wouldn't that be the best?

Please Milford, let me cum, please please Milford....

It was MILORD. Like my lord. A renaissance fair kind of a term.

 

[cookiecat]

It's period. opposite of Milady, which I've heard in use more. Maybe he was a fan of renfaires.

yup.

 

[cookiecat]

<snip>

Thank you Milord Stag.

That's Milford Stag, if you please.

 

[fitdaddy6936]

hahhaha! Noooo not MILFORD. Wouldn't that be the best?

Please Milford, let me cum, please please Milford....

It was MILORD. Like my lord. A renaissance fair kind of a term.

LMAO!! Now that makes more sense. I read it as Milford and was like WTF????

Never used my lord. I prefer sir or daddy. Never had her use any other term.

 

[MastersDelight]

I'm not mad at anybody. Least of all cb.

I just wanted to mention my crease is super moist!!

As a side note, pertaining to the thread, the first real time D/s experience was with someone who wanted me to call him Milord.

This was my face everytime I said it ----->

But I was soooo new, I kept my eyerolls inside my head and said it. It totally ruined my mood. Well, ruined my moist crease, really...

I just wanted to bow at the waist and do a fancy hand gesture every time I said it.

http://i.imgur.com/NqkrBUX.gif

Yikes. Milord would DEFINITELY dry me up the second it rolled off my lips. As would Milford. I'd probably get a lot of swats for not keeping a straight face lol.

 

[cookiecat]

WTF!?

How DO you read so fast!?!?

I'm positively jealous. reading is fairly tedious for me, which is still no excuse for my lack of practice, but still, that was a longish post for me these days, and you reply IN THE SAME MINUTE? I didn't even get a chance to compulsively edit it.

It was a TOTAL fluke. I was posting something super flighty about Milord and my moist crease. When I hit submit, I saw your post which was super smart and relevant to the subject and I felt a little... trite?

Which I had to deflect by immediately posting something about your post.

*sigh*

 

[gretchenmilliner]

Easy, Equus regis

I still can't figure out what title one might use for a king's steed.

 

[kelseygurl98]

uh oh horse talk :/

 

[hourglass_nikki_ts]

You're absolutely right. Run far away from the dom who insists a( on his domliness and b( demands to be called anything. Huge red flags.

A title comes with understanding one another, with trust, time, patience, won respect, and so many other things. Most of all? It comes from within you. YOU. Not him. A leader will take and cherish what you offer of your own accord, because he inspires it in you. And he'll work tirelessly for the privilege.

So true. Unless you're roleplaying casually. But in real life, or a deep situation like that, anyone who says "I'm your Master, here's my collar" after one talk probably has watched too much porn and has not dominated many people in real life. It's soooo much more complicated than I ever thought (in a good way).

 

[MichelleInAsia]

Any insistance early on and I'd run a mile. An early discussion back and forth will generally lead to me explaining I'm very comfortable to use 'Sir' with a Dom who has even a modicum of respect from me early, but that Master would be wayyyyy down the line and think only used that once maybe twice in many years.

Daddy is a bit of an odd one. Not keen myself but linked to certain styles of fantasy etc. I wouldn't have a big issue if the connection was there and it pleased the other side. Early on though, insistance not just coming up in convo....... run again is the point I think.

Hope above makes sense as English not always easy to be really exact in

 

[bangbangbaby91]

Any insistance early on and I'd run a mile. An early discussion back and forth will generally lead to me explaining I'm very comfortable to use 'Sir' with a Dom who has even a modicum of respect from me early, but that Master would be wayyyyy down the line and think only used that once maybe twice in many years.

Daddy is a bit of an odd one. Not keen myself but linked to certain styles of fantasy etc. I wouldn't have a big issue if the connection was there and it pleased the other side. Early on though, insistance not just coming up in convo....... run again is the point I think.

Hope above makes sense as English not always easy to be really exact in

I completely agree, I find "sir" to be an easier phrase to use early on in conversation (as long as some respect has been built). I think it is because sir is a word I use more normally, it doesn't hold as much power.

Master or Daddy are ones that I am very hesitant to use. They are for someone special....though I haven't met that someone special yet.

 

[hourglass_nikki_ts]

I completely agree, I find "sir" to be an easier phrase to use early on in conversation (as long as some respect has been built). I think it is because sir is a word I use more normally, it doesn't hold as much power.

Master or Daddy are ones that I am very hesitant to use. They are for someone special....though I haven't met that someone special yet.

Agree.

 

[Kim_Burly]

I'm the odd duck here, again. Sir and I met through a dating an online dating service and he was smart enough to pick up what I was looking for in my cleverly written profile. It was early in our first face to face meeting that I asked him how I should address him and he immediately came back with Sir and in what social situations I would be allowed to use another moniker.

In fact, my very first Dom, the one that I started my self-destruction with, didn't care what I called him. When I had finally done so much damage to my marriage, I dumped him. If I choose to, I could leave Sir (my current husband). To me,and me alone, if you want to play the game, you have follow your Dom's rules or you move on. No man can make you stay if you don't want to.