Sir/Master/Daddy...titles to be used sparingly?

[Freya_Gin]

I must confess that I don't quite understand the controversy here. I always ask a sub how they want to be addressed-- "pet," "slave," "slut," etc. I understand how important that title or word is to some subs, whether it's just to fit in with their fantasy or if they find a particular name fulfilling somehow. Likewise, I prefer "Mistress." What's wrong with that? If I'm respectful enough to call my sub by the title they prefer, why shouldn't the sub do the same for me? I must be missing something here.

 

[cascadiabound]

I must confess that I don't quite understand the controversy here. I always ask a sub how they want to be addressed-- "pet," "slave," "slut," etc. I understand how important that title or word is to some subs, whether it's just to fit in with their fantasy or if they find a particular name fulfilling somehow. Likewise, I prefer "Mistress." What's wrong with that? If I'm respectful enough to call my sub by the title they prefer, why shouldn't the sub do the same for me? I must be missing something here.

It is not about the negotiations of titles of terms between two people who are in a relationship with one another...

I think the questions and the thrust of the thread is about when a person who identifies as a top or a Dom in an initial interaction before it is at all clear that any kind of relationship is going to occur and/or before any trust has been established, demanding that any person identifying as a sub or a bottom immediately refer to them by the title they prefer rather than starting with something more neutral.

I think it is off-putting in sort of the same way that I would find meeting a person who is a physician in a purely social setting - say a volleyball game at a picnic - insist that I call him Doctor so and so - especially if he had just learned that I was a nurse and yet he did not insist than anyone else on the court do so.

 

[Freya_Gin]

It is not about the negotiations of titles of terms between two people who are in a relationship with one another...

I think the questions and the thrust of the thread is about when a person who identifies as a top or a Dom in an initial interaction before it is at all clear that any kind of relationship is going to occur and/or before any trust has been established, demanding that any person identifying as a sub or a bottom immediately refer to them by the title they prefer rather than starting with something more neutral.

I think it is off-putting in sort of the same way that I would find meeting a person who is a physician in a purely social setting - say a volleyball game at a picnic - insist that I call him Doctor so and so - especially if he had just learned that I was a nurse and yet he did not insist than anyone else on the court do so.

I think I understand what you mean. But I'm old and I kind of came into the scene at the end of the time when there was a definite protocol in BDSM circles. For instance, it was normal to address a domme that wasn't yours as "Ma'am," and use "Sir" for male doms other than your own. Calling a domme that wasn't yours "Mistress" or another dom "Master" was presumptuous. A lot of the old protocol seems to have been abandoned nowadays, I've noticed. Just a thought; some people might come from backgrounds with such rigid protocol and not know that it's not the standard in BDSM anymore.

 

[cascadiabound]

I think I understand what you mean. But I'm old and I kind of came into the scene at the end of the time when there was a definite protocol in BDSM circles. For instance, it was normal to address a domme that wasn't yours as "Ma'am," and use "Sir" for male doms other than your own. Calling a domme that wasn't yours "Mistress" or another dom "Master" was presumptuous. A lot of the old protocol seems to have been abandoned nowadays, I've noticed. Just a thought; some people might come from backgrounds with such rigid protocol and not know that it's not the standard in BDSM anymore.

I am old too.
And... I think that if I were in a scene I would expect to address any Dom around me with at title - Sir or their preference - I would expect to have a something that differentiates the person who is Domming me in particular in a scene and that the way I address them would indicate this.

I do take exception to someone expecting me to call them Sir or Lord or Daddy on a first PM when there is no reason for me to have an submission relationship to them We are just adults having a conversations. I am not YOUR sub and I am not in a scene in which I am a sub in general.

I don't know. Am I making sense? Or am I making too fine a point of this?

cb

 

[SpunThings]

I am old too.
And... I think that if I were in a scene I would expect to address any Dom around me with at title - Sir or their preference - I would expect to have a something that differentiates the person who is Domming me in particular in a scene and that the way I address them would indicate this.

I do take exception to someone expecting me to call them Sir or Lord or Daddy on a first PM when there is no reason for me to have an submission relationship to them We are just adults having a conversations. I am not YOUR sub and I am not in a scene in which I am a sub in general.

I don't know. Am I making sense? Or am I making too fine a point of this?

cb

I feel the same way. I don't like being told what to do unless I decide I will.

 

[AKentuckyLady]

I am old too.
And... I think that if I were in a scene I would expect to address any Dom around me with at title - Sir or their preference - I would expect to have a something that differentiates the person who is Domming me in particular in a scene and that the way I address them would indicate this.

I do take exception to someone expecting me to call them Sir or Lord or Daddy on a first PM when there is no reason for me to have an submission relationship to them We are just adults having a conversations. I am not YOUR sub and I am not in a scene in which I am a sub in general.

I don't know. Am I making sense? Or am I making too fine a point of this?

cb

Makes perfect sense, and I agree completely.

I just went to my first Munch and play party last week. I had made friends with a submissive online before I went so I knew someone, and she and her Dominant were very nice to me. I was able to ask her Dom a little later if I should address him and the others there as "Sir" and he laughed. Said no, since none of them was my Sir, and I should just be myself and reserve that for the person I formed a connection with.

And nothing puts me off like a new PM or message from someone who starts off by saying "Hello sub". So I wouldn't want to start off a conversation with, "Hello Sir/Master/Lord" etc.

 

[yellowrocket]

So, since I started posting here I have had some responses from men who (after only one or two exchanges ) indictated that they wished to be called by one of the tiles above. My understanding of the use of an honorarium like that was that, generally speaking , there was history and a connection and a relationship built before that point. Am I wrong? Is the relationship between a D and s not a little more than slapping the title Sir on some random almost stranger? Doesn't that seem like putting the cart before the horse?

Short of an established relationship there is no place.for demanding us of those titles. They are to be earned. And from my view, more than calling a sub a pet name, to earn the title daddy/sir/master/or any other title of power, you must work, show your value to those you think should be submissive to you.

There are teenagers out there that try to claim the title of dominant, and they may be to their peers, but to experienced people it's almost comical because what have they done besides being a big personality and ego?

They don't know how to care for a sub, to tease the mind as well as the body. To make a successful person who is confident in themselves submit to you is something you should cherish, not expect. I mean you have to believe you are worth of it, but I've found so much more satisfaction in someone who isn't going to roll over and do as I say the second we meet. The switch that's dom leaning, to have her want to give up her prefer role and want to be submissive to me at times is far more fulfilling because I had to earn that from her. She didn't strip and say do as you please with me.

So yeah I probably got off on a tangent on my rant on the topic, but I'm pretty sure the point is still there.

 

[Mindfondler]

And nothing puts me off like a new PM or message from someone who starts off by saying "Hello sub". So I wouldn't want to start off a conversation with, "Hello Sir/Master/Lord" etc.

Apart from anything else, where's the sport in that? I'd much rather enjoy the gradual process of earning that title from someone whom I've learnt over time to understand and respect. What's the crazy rush? I've noticed it in real life as well as online: "You have thirty seconds to make your pitch as a worthy Dom". I wouldn't expect to choose a business partner that way.

Sorry -- that's a bit of a random grizzle from me, but hopefully still somewhat on topic.
.

 

[MastersDelight]

I don't use titles with anyone I haven't had a scene with. If I don't trust you with my body I'm not going to call you Sir/Master/Dom/Milord/Your Highness or anything you attach a dominant meaning to. If you ask me to, chances are my brat will shit all over your title, even if you asked nice, because a respectful dominant will wait for the submissive to ask if there is a title they may use. To me, using a title is expressing my submissiveness to that dominant, which is not something I do lightly. I have a VERY hard time submitting. I can still respect a dominant without being submissive towards them, which for me, includes using a title.

I also shy away from others using certain pet names for me. It rubs me wrong. To me it almost feels like they are trying to claim me by naming me so.

Maybe I'm just too touchy about it, but in my RL experiences it's been a non issue. I only seem to experience pet name and title issues online.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[MastersDelight]

I hereby christen this a thing!!

 

[Mindfondler]

I still like Milford. I think it makes a good word for this kind of expectant dome. 'He/she is a bit of a Milford'.

There's an ideal place for all of the Milfords to get together.

Milford Haven
.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[MeekMe]

There are teenagers out there that try to claim the title of dominant, and they may be to their peers, but to experienced people it's almost comical because what have they done besides being a big personality and ego?

They don't know how to care for a sub, to tease the mind as well as the body. To make a successful person who is confident in themselves submit to you is something you should cherish, not expect.

There are 56 years olds that have decided to call themselves master that have no experience in it. What's your point? That young people are all new and have no experience and shouldn't use such titles? If they're new, then they are new and age has nothing to do with. There are plenty of teenagers out there that use titles AND know what the fuck they're doing. There are plenty of older people that use titles and really have no clue.

 

[yellowrocket]

There are 56 years olds that have decided to call themselves master that have no experience in it. What's your point? That young people are all new and have no experience and shouldn't use such titles? If they're new, then they are new and age has nothing to do with. There are plenty of teenagers out there that use titles AND know what the fuck they're doing. There are plenty of older people that use titles and really have no clue.

Point taken. I was just speaking from what I had seen. I don't deal too much with the male population in those settings. I don't get the messages, I don't get hit on often any more(not that I was interested but it was flattering), and the events I've been to have been heavily skewed to sub males and dim females. So I've spent much of my time in lifestyle setting with dom and switch females.

So I apologize of I came of as any older guy has a clue because of age. From the anecdotes, most younger people they've dealt with don't have a clue. They aren't my anecdotes but of the females around me.