Soliloquium: Reflections on my World.

[grant_s]

Mmmm I would adore sitting snuggled within the protection of your strong arms watching such an amazing sight.


Here is what I see from my window , front and back...

Burrr... we would have to be snuggled up in my huge cosy bed to fully enjoy this I am thinking *blushes smiling*

Now thats an idea I would not pass up on

 

[yeishia]

Now thats an idea I would not pass up on

Then come snuggle Grant because...

Baby, It's Cold Outside


I really can't stay
Baby, it's cold outside
I've got to go 'way
Baby, it's cold out outside
This evening has been
Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice
I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice

My mother will start to worry
Beautiful what's you're hurry
And father will be pacing the floor
Just listen to that fireplace roar
Now really I'd better scurry
Sweetheart, what's your hurry
Well, maybe just a half a drink more
Why don't you put some records on while I pour

And the neighbors might think
Baby It's bad out there
Say what's in this drink?
No cabs to be had out there
I wish i knew how
Your eyes are like starlight now
To break the spell
I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell

I ought to say no, no, no sir
Mind if I move in closer?
At least I'm gonna say that i tried
What's the sense of hurtin' my pride?
I really can't stay
Baby don't hold out
Oh but it's cold outside
Oh but it's cold outside

I simply must go
Baby It's cold outside
The answer is no
But baby it's cold out outside
This welcome has been
So lucky that you dropped in
So nice and warm
Look out that window at that storm

My sister will be suspicious
Gosh your lips look delicious
My brother will be there at the door
Waves upon a tropical Shore
My maiden aunt's mind is vicious
Oh, Baby your so delicious
Maybe just one little kiss more
Never such a blizzard before

Oh I've got to go home
You'll freeze to the bone out there
Hey, lend me your coat
It's up to your knees out there
You've really been grand
I thrill when you touch my hand
But don't you see
How can you do this thing to me

There's bound to be talk tomorrow
Think of my lifelong sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied
If you caught pneumonia and died
I really can't stay
Get over that old out
Oh but it's cold outside
Oh but it's cold outside

It is kind of chilly
Just stay right here, Baby
You ain't gotta be nowhere


​

 

[yeishia]

Get well soon Gaia.




This reminded me of you ​

 

[Veroe]

This quote I might well add to my siggy as a permanent reminder to me
My son is ill and I guess I am a bit more introspective than I usually am this week (which is a lot anyways lol)



There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:

This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love!

I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away!

Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold.

If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.

When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you with.

Stacey Charter
​

Beautiful quote, I loved it.

 

[grant_s]

Then come snuggle Grant because...

Baby, It's Cold Outside


The pleasure will be all mine​

 

[yeishia]

Beautiful quote, I loved it.

Thank you Veroe it has taken me most of the past year to fully believe those very words.

To actually say them out loud and even to write them here I find is very empowering

Then come snuggle Grant because...

Baby, It's Cold Outside


The pleasure will be all mine​

*smiles softly *​

 

[ShyMystica]

Hey sweetie,

I am just popping this in here as I have been worried about your son. Is he doing alright now? Are there any updates? How are you coping?

My thoughts are with you. Take care of yourself.

Shy

 

[grant_s]

 

[Last_Rider]

I want to wish you Merry Christmas yeishia, you make the world in general and my life in particular a much brighter place. Thank you for being such a wonderful, caring, genuine person. You have greatly enriched my life and I am very blessed to know you. I hope your holidays are every bit as wonderful and magical as they deserve to be for one as lovely as yourself.

Oh, and thank you for the card, brought a genuine smile to my face. And I would love to take you up on that offer.

 

[yeishia]

Merry Christmas
to all
of my friends!
​

 

[grant_s]

Merry Christmas to a sweet and beautiful woman

 

[yeishia]

There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:

This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love!

I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away!

Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold.

If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.

When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you with​

.

Stacey Charter​

[/CENTER]Beautiful quote, I loved it.

Thank you Veroe, it has taken me a while but I firmly believe those words. I do hope dear friend that you had a wonderful Christmas filled with love and fun. xoxoox.

Hey sweetie,

I am just popping this in here as I have been worried about your son. Is he doing alright now? Are there any updates? How are you coping?

My thoughts are with you. Take care of yourself.

Shy

Thank you so much Shy, I really do appreciate your concern with regards my son. I will let you know the details when I reply to your e-mail.*Big hugs and kisses* Please no how much it means to me that you care.

I want to wish you Merry Christmas yeishia, you make the world in general and my life in particular a much brighter place. Thank you for being such a wonderful, caring, genuine person. You have greatly enriched my life and I am very blessed to know you. I hope your holidays are every bit as wonderful and magical as they deserve to be for one as lovely as yourself.

Oh, and thank you for the card, brought a genuine smile to my face. And I would love to take you up on that offer.

My dearest Rider thank you so much for your heartwarming words. I feel very much the same way towards you and him honored that you think of me as your Sensual Angel. I am so happy you enjoyed the card and will catch up with you in IM.

Merry Christmas to a sweet and beautiful woman

thank you so much Grant, we spoke at length the other evening and so you know exactly where my thoughts lie. I am very pleased and honored to have you in my life at the moment, good friends are like precious gemstone; I am blessed to count you amongst them .

* * *

I had a peaceful and joyous Christmas and sincerely hope that all of my friends were blessed with the same.

I was watching a program on Christmas Day which reminded me of something important.
That many times in our lives we are so busy looking forwards searching for what will make us happy, for example, when I get that promotion I be happy, when I find the perfect guy I'll be happy, when I lose weight I be happy. Sometimes we overlook the things that are right under our very noses, the things which make us happy in that very moment.

I was lying on my bed beside my sleeping son both of my dogs snuggled in around us, I looked at them all and realized, "These are my joy, I am happy, I am content.
The things that fulfill me the important things are right here right now. I am surrounded by unconditional love!"

The fact that I have made some great trustworthy friendships here is simply icing on my very beautiful cake, and for that I thank you all in the bottom of my heart.​

 

[yeishia]

I wish all of those I treasure a wonderful New Year filled with love, peace and good health.
May all your dreams come true!


​

 

[Veroe]

Just wanted to say, Yeishia, I loved your new picture in your signature.

 

[Last_Rider]

I agree with Veroe, it fits you perfectly, just pure Sensual expression.

 

[yeishia]

Just wanted to say, Yeishia, I loved your new picture in your signature.

Thank you so very much Veroe I am delighted with it. I speaks to one of my private fantasies *blushes at the thought*

I agree with Veroe, it fits you perfectly, just pure Sensual expression.

Hmmmmmm *smiles softly* It pleased me that you would think that you think so



Bella came across it and thought of me and so she thoughtfully passed it along to Grant and the...rest is history. It seemed to belong in my signature.
They both made me very happy.

 

[fuckmeat]

tiptoes into the Soliloquium clutching a little box. leaves it for yeishia to find. against black velvet lies something to remind her of me, a silver anklet that just screamed 'yeishia' when I saw it. a pink rose lies on top of a card that just bears my name, because I have no words for what I really want to say.


tiptoes out

 

[Annisthyrienne]

*pokes head inside this wonderful space to leave a little classical gift for my new classy friend.
Pachobel's Canon
One of my personal favorites, I play this when I need peace and to de-stress. I hope it does the same for you and gives you a nice peaceful feeling that all is right with the world.

Thyri

 

[yeishia]

This belongs in my world.

Returning to my Soliloquium the first I thing saw was a small gift. With tentative fingers I picked it up trembling slightly as I read the name. Tucking the rose behind my ear I sank to the soft carpet and carefully open the small package. My breath caught in my throat when I saw what it contained. Almost reverently I removed the silver anklet and placed it around my leg almost instantly I was transported to another time another place... Isis.

The memories come flooding back, her touch, of promises left unfulfilled and finally such a sense of profound loss. My hand slipped to my ankle to finger the hearts as if I were reading Braille. She needed no words I understood. My regret was that circumstances beyond my control had prevented me for being with her in her time of anguish; though in my heart I had never ever left her side….

Coming back into the present I decided to keep her gift around my ankle knowing it would bring me comfort in the days ahead.

I had an anniversary of sorts coming up...

The 23rd of January 2110 had marked the day when time had for me stood still. In a brief afternoon after I had given myself in totality, I had lost everything; my Master, my friend and my beloved threads. I had been left bereft. It had many months before he had returned to offer me closure of a kind; I had hoped it had helped him heal for it had only hurt me that much more. I had been a weeping wound for many long months while I had been fighting for my life in the real world.

I stood up and it was then I saw my second gift. I read the greeting it was from someone who I had only recently met, Thryi, I already felt drawn to her as a new friend. I unwrapped the C.D and placed it in my player. The beautiful strains of the musicI was very familiar with but hadn’t listened to in an eternity, filled the room.

Smiling softly I approached the full length mirror.

“One of my personal favorites, I play this when I need peace and to de-stress. I hope it does the same for you and gives you a nice peaceful feeling that all is right with the world.”

As I read her words aloud I wondered how had she known I would need such music in the days ahead. Staring at the reflection of the almost serene woman I was becoming I smiled thinking back to my Dance of Submission I had no regrets for I had learned so much about myself, yet I had been wrong about one thing!

When I had tucked the memory away in my Raindrops and Roses thread I had written.

"Sometimes a single moment in time is all the fates allow us."

I had been utterly and totally wrong. The fates were allowing me a second chance. It had taken me the best part of a year to open up my heart to another but I had finally done so.

As the soothing exquisitely beautiful music washed over me I imagined Grant standing behind me his loving eyes encouraging as I confidently spoke the words he loved for me to say.

"I am beautiful, and I am loved"

I wouldn’t change a single moment of the last year, every facet was helping shape me into the woman I was destined to become. Was I scared, of course I was, but knew with certainty whatever was in store for me I would survive grow and continue to move forwards becoming stronger still…

Moving from the mirror I twirled around until laughing and delightedly dizzy until I wound up on the carpet giggling and content.

“Thank you so very much Grant

Thank you all the friends who stuck by me, you well know who you are..
Thank you FM you were never far from my mind and are always welcome in my world.
Thank you to my new found friend, Thyri “

Words whispered on the air and sent with love to each and every one of them.

I even sent a silent thank you to Marauder…

Things happen for a reason or the world just simply would not make sense. People had been drawn into my orbit for a specific purpose of that I was absolutely sure, even the ones that had caused me pain. I treasured each and every one of them in some small way. This coming weekend would be all about putting the past behind me, where it truly belonged, a bitter sweet celebration of my journey this far.

 

[yeishia]

Gliding into my refuge with a stack of CD’s in one hand I make my way outside feeling suddenly claustrophobic and close to tears

I curl up before the fireplace bereft!

Even though I know I am truly loved, I guess in the emotion of the moment the only music I can hear playing in my head is…


My side of the story


It has nothing to do with this day, but nonetheless is overshadowing everything. I am being accused of having an alt and have no way of proving my innocence.


Cold wind blows, I am shivering
My body aches as my heart is breaking
Why is life making me hollow?
Why is happiness casting me in the shadows?
In the shadows.

Hold on, dont turn and walk away
Save me
And I cried these words but nobody came

Im all alone, running scared
Losing my way in the dark
I tried to get up, stand on a prayer
But I keep crashing down hard
This is my side of the story
Only my side of the story
Nobody cares, nobodies there, no one will hear
My side of the story

Emptiness its all around me
I try to catch my breath
I barely survive and I
Cant go on and I come undone
and there’s Nothing left in me

Hold on, don’t turn and walk away
save me
And I cried these words but nobody came

Im all alone, running scared
Losing my way in the dark
I tried to get up, stand on a prayer
But I keep crashing down hard
This is my side of the story
Only my burden to bear
Nobody cares, nobodys there, no one will hear

As I fall down
As I fall in

And I cried these words but nobody came

I’m all alone, running scared
Losing my way in the dark
I tried to get up, stand on a prayer
But I keep crashing down hard
This is my side of the story
Only my side of the story
My side of the story
Only My burden to bear
Nobody cares, nobodies there no one will hear
My side of the story

I doubt that any one will understand how impotent I feel.


Perhaps it was meant to be , perhaps was meant to distract me from my real pain this early morning...

I had planned to curl up in front of the comforting fireplace and listen to my music starting from the moment my life had stood still, until the present day were my life had started to make sense again.

Once I had stopped crying I knew with certainty that I would be ready to take the needed journey in my mind, with the help of my music, from that fateful day exactly one year ago up until this day, when I knew finally becoming whole again.

I needed to take this journey, no matter how painful it might be, in order to finally find my personal closure. I had finally found someone with whom I could move forwards. Oddly enough these words came to my mind, "for better or for worse, in sickness or in health." Ironic considering that my former Master had given no consideration to the fact I was gravely ill when he had left me, nor had he inquired as to how I was at any point thereafter. I now understood but at the time it had simply hurt.

Fate is a strange Lady, and for the moment it seemed that she was on my side, she had provided me with friendships, treasured friendships and a new love.

I placed the CD into the stereo and curled up in front of the crackling fire determined to finally put the past behind me

 

[Last_Rider]

I slip quietly into this wonderful world that yeishia has created. All wonderful softness, or wicked sensuality depending on her mood and her guest. Tonight the place is more subdued, and I spot her curled up on a chair by the fireplace. I move beside her, climbing into the chair with her and wrapping my arms around her slender frame.

Don't worry my Angel, you are loved. The rest may hurt a little, or try to chip at the edges, but it is temporary. You have friends, and many many people who care very much for and about you. That, at the end, is all that matters.

My lips find her temple, one hand sliding up and down her upper arm. I am whatever she needs, and tonight she needs comfort.

 

[yeishia]

I feel his familiar presence envelop me seconds before I hear his comforting voice. I melt into his arms feeling very safe as always. I have learned to trust this man, he has earned the right to comfort me this night. I know in my heart of hearts he speaks the truth.With joy in my heart I turn to my Dark Angel this night for comfort.

"Hold me please," I turn towards his voice, my lips seeking his, my arms encircling him as I lovingly draw him into my embrace.

 

[Last_Rider]

Your wish is my command Angel.

my lips return the soft kiss, my arms around her, just holding. She feels so warm, so soft. One hand slips up to cradle her head, just sharing the moments as they tick away.

Whatever you need.

Words whispered against her lips as we embrace. The fire is providing more warmth as she relaxes a little, my eyes closed. I just want to feel her heart beat, to smell her hair, to touch her skin. This is a perfect moment, one that will last as long as it is needed.

 

[yeishia]

Whatever I need?

He has always known instinctively exactly what I have needed from the very first time we met. Nothing had changed.

Right now; his strong loving arms around me, his heart beating the exact twin of my own, his delicious masculine scent mingling with mine gentler one.

"Rider you are perfection."

My eyes flutter closed as I snuggle closer, my lips touching his demanding more...

 

[Last_Rider]

my lips return the kiss, I can feel the need in her. It's a slow and sensual kiss, just soft fire like low embers. My hands slide down her back, pulling her closer to me.

I try for perfection, achieving it is very different. But sometimes I can find perfect moments, like this one.

Whatever she needs tonight. Our lips meet again, my hands moving her body a little more so we're facing each other fully, my hands on her hips. Not moving her, but moving with her.