Sonnet Smackdown

[Angeline]

Threads unravel. The world’s no less obscure
for this moment’s elusive plot of time.
Brief monuments to what we must endure
are written here in less or greater rhyme.
Each pixel takes a breath of human truth
and holds it long enough to captivate
some distant soul whose folly is but youth
or age that wandered here in search of fate.
It’s emptiness that calls on us to fill
the wanting cup of folly’s lonely plight.
Somewhere else someone laughs or cries until
dawn’s gray clouds usher in the breaking light.
I’ve dreamed awake again and you have read
my pen’s last prayer before my lover’s bed.

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

Okay, I wrote a sonnet-- and after all that, I'm using it for today's 30 in 30 chalenge too! LOL

To My Stillborn Twin

Awaking blurred from dreams unknown
A voice, a welcome door to life
In mother’s arms, I am alone.
My life marred by initial strife.

Your death a mystery until
the loss explained at early age.
My childhood held a vicious chill-
against life itself I held rage.

Prior sensation told the tale
of missing pieces unfulfilled
A loss of monumental scale
My life, I continued to build

I consider what could have been.
No doubt we will embrace again.

 

[Guest]

Threads unravel. The world’s no less obscure
for this moment’s elusive plot of time.
Brief monuments to what we must endure
are written here in less or greater rhyme.
Each pixel takes a breath of human truth
and holds it long enough to captivate
some distant soul whose folly is but youth
or age that wandered here in search of fate.
It’s emptiness that calls on us to fill
the wanting cup of folly’s lonely plight.
Somewhere else someone laughs or cries until
dawn’s gray clouds usher in the breaking light.
I’ve dreamed awake again and you have read
my pen’s last prayer before my lover’s bed.

Fantastic. You do sonnets so well that I can't see the rhymes, Ange. I think that's what bothers me with sonnets, seeing the end words matching; however, hearing it doesn't. I've been doing my homework on iamb pentameter, but my writing still sound mechanical to me.

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

Fantastic. You do sonnets so well that I can't see the rhymes, Ange. I think that's what bothers me with sonnets, seeing the end words matching; however, hearing it doesn't. I've been doing my homework on iamb pentameter, but my writing still sound mechanical to me.

She makes it look so easy! In my sonnet, there are some trip ups on iambic pentameter. I'll have to work on refining it further.

 

[Angeline]

Fantastic. You do sonnets so well that I can't see the rhymes, Ange. I think that's what bothers me with sonnets, seeing the end words matching; however, hearing it doesn't. I've been doing my homework on iamb pentameter, but my writing still sound mechanical to me.

Thank you dear stumpy.

She makes it look so easy! In my sonnet, there are some trip ups on iambic pentameter. I'll have to work on refining it further.

I don't worry about the iambs. I know I mess up the rhythm sometimes, but part of not being a sonnet slave is to let the words rule over the form, I think. I don't want to be a slave to any kind of form. Actually, I don't want to be a slave at all. I'm too toppy for that.

 

[Anschul]

Threads unravel. The world’s no less obscure
for this moment’s elusive plot of time.
Brief monuments to what we must endure
are written here in less or greater rhyme.
Each pixel takes a breath of human truth
and holds it long enough to captivate
some distant soul whose folly is but youth
or age that wandered here in search of fate.
It’s emptiness that calls on us to fill
the wanting cup of folly’s lonely plight.
Somewhere else someone laughs or cries until
dawn’s gray clouds usher in the breaking light.
I’ve dreamed awake again and you have read
my pen’s last prayer before my lover’s bed.

You make me want to quit and write a cookbook...oh, wait...you'd kill me on that, too.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

okay sigh.

two very old ones. I'm pretty sure they suck. *sends $2.37 to Tzara*

a new one or two pretty soon.

To the Deus Ex Machina

1
As a sovereign is the servant of the land
And servant’s will becomes the master’s fate,
The lowest servant rules a monarch’s hand;
The perfect slave a master will create.

A power gained becomes its master’s cost
And power given up is power regained.
This mystery of power freely lost:
A master’s will by slaves is firmly chained.

As you have mastery of every art -
For slaves to art its masters we will be -
Surrendered power becomes the kingly heart;
In servanthood is found your mastery.

As kings wash feet and slaves may climb to fame,
Your servant and your master are the same.



2
In me find master mistress all entwined;
My will your fate, your mistress and your art.
As will is slave to fate so you are mine;
Enslaved to love we rule each other’s hearts.

Your master and your mistress I will be
And ruled by you as slaves to masters bow.
Enslaved to love you find your mastery;
Your will my fate enslaves and masters now.

Your mistress has but one demand in three:
Be bound to know the depth of my desire;
Submit to love in perfect sovereignty,
Let will be burned and birthed in slavery’s fire.

Enslaved to you in perfect power found,
By fate and heart my will to yours is bound.

 

[Angeline]

okay sigh.

two very old ones. I'm pretty sure they suck. *sends $2.37 to Tzara*

a new one or two pretty soon.

To the Deus Ex Machina

1
As a sovereign is the servant of the land
And servant’s will becomes the master’s fate,
The lowest servant rules a monarch’s hand;
The perfect slave a master will create.

A power gained becomes its master’s cost
And power given up is power regained.
This mystery of power freely lost:
A master’s will by slaves is firmly chained.

As you have mastery of every art -
For slaves to art its masters we will be -
Surrendered power becomes the kingly heart;
In servanthood is found your mastery.

As kings wash feet and slaves may climb to fame,
Your servant and your master are the same.



2
In me find master mistress all entwined;
My will your fate, your mistress and your art.
As will is slave to fate so you are mine;
Enslaved to love we rule each other’s hearts.

Your master and your mistress I will be
And ruled by you as slaves to masters bow.
Enslaved to love you find your mastery;
Your will my fate enslaves and masters now.

Your mistress has but one demand in three:
Be bound to know the depth of my desire;
Submit to love in perfect sovereignty,
Let will be burned and birthed in slavery’s fire.

Enslaved to you in perfect power found,
By fate and heart my will to yours is bound.

The first one is really good. The second one's not bad either, maybe needs a little editing bit I think that about everything.

 

[Angeline]

You make me want to quit and write a cookbook...oh, wait...you'd kill me on that, too.

I dunno about the cookbook. I was in the zone on that sonnet. I could show you other erm examples that are less successful. But I won't!

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I think I'm TOO shakespearian and I always have these over-the-top goals for sonnets - okay, I'm going to create this amazingly complex metaphor involving flower arrangement, the time-space continuum and horseback riding and relate it all to my lust for you, in fourteen lines.

fail. duh.

but I shall continue to bash away, of course.
Meh. They were love poems to a very important person, and he pretended that they were brilliant, so that's all that matters, really.

bj

 

[Angeline]

I think I'm TOO shakespearian and I always have these over-the-top goals for sonnets - okay, I'm going to create this amazingly complex metaphor involving flower arrangement, the time-space continuum and horseback riding and relate it all to my lust for you, in fourteen lines.

fail. duh.

but I shall continue to bash away, of course.
Meh. They were love poems to a very important person, and he pretended that they were brilliant, so that's all that matters, really.

bj

I like Shakespearian sounding sonnets as well as modern ones. And i don't think there's anything wrong with being derivative if it puts one on the road to one's own style with the form. But, there are some excellent modern sonnets linked here. Sometimes it helps me to read them and get a sense of how people have stretched the form around.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Isn't it brave of me to be willing to put up such sucky work today? *sends Tzara another $2.37*

Okay, here's a Sort of A Thing.


Sonnet for a triad

Raise high this arch of passion over you,
Raise upon yourself the two and three
and be the base that holds her, and holds me,
the shaft that links the kisses of the two,
That sweetened line now joined at tip and tip.
Now be foundation for this pair of flowers
and in this garden gather luscious hours,
a blossom curled, the velvet of the lip.
And in a heady, bright triadic kiss,
your own mouth in the line, electrified
by juice and life, to twinning hearts you're tied,
undone by sacred numbers in the bliss
that takes your mind past thought and on to god:
three sides, three mouths, two gates and one bright rod.

.

 

[the Snood]

Hope you don't mind Spenserian...

Dentelle de bonne fortune

Tantalise me, dancing wonder! As you
twirl and drive my eyes asunder, I catch
glimpses of a teddy, softly see-through.
I might pull you to me, gently detach

you from your garments as your fingers scratch
behind my ears, then I would fling away
your clothes, and hold your naked form, a match
for mine, save that your eyes are normally

more clear than mine, indeed they're of the Fey.
I envy underclothes, in love they lie
against your skin while hold I must at bay
my hands unless alone in lust we ply

the seas of possibility, my love,
enhancing flexibility thereof.

 

[the Snood]

Or ...

My love You are, but loved more deeply still
is how You touch this world in many ways
both soft and harsh, with wisdom guided will.
Enlightened One, with whom this mortal plays

in joyous form, enraptured by Your ways
and means to find the windows to his soul.
The world at large beneath Your loving gaze
evolves and grows, improved from pole to pole

by what You see, the way in which You roll
and shape the minds of those You find in pain
to wholesome paths, though not without its toll
upon Your brow, as beauty from You rains.

To stand by You is what I most desire,
to hold Your hand as You defer the dire



which might be wrought by minds immersed in fear
of things unknown or what they might have seen
in early life before their path was clear
their happiness reduced to "might have beens."

The ways You feel, from turmoil how You wean
the wayward soul which to'rd the Lady wends
that cleanse itself it might of low and mean
things tacked upon its form to rotten ends.

Insight and joy You bring to those who fend
against the ugly, still for beauty seek
in places dulled by time and beasts which rend
the innocence of those alone and weak.

I dance with You about the Sacred Fire
that Elements might see You never tire



or from Your work be pulled by things impure
or otherwise not meriting Your force
of will divert to travel their uncer-
tain ways obscure, that You maintain the course

by which for years Your soul astride Her horse
has ridden onward into darkest night
there secrets rare to glean and to the source
of human nature let Her mind take flight.

Instinctive honour guides You, is the light
by which You walk o'er paths paved with mistrust
to gain the heart, to find that which is right
and tell the world. Your aims are always just

I know and You, the Sacred I admire
are She to whose sworn service I aspire.

 

[the Snood]

Okay, here's a Sort of A Thing

... that takes your mind past thought and on to god:
three sides, three mouths, two gates and one bright rod.

Hmmm. I like.

Now, mayhap you should post a variant for another gender mix. After all, there are four possibilities if one presupposes only two genders.

Snood

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Hmmm. I like.

Now, mayhap you should post a variant for another gender mix. After all, there are four possibilities if one presupposes only two genders.

Snood

O sure. I'll get right on that after the week of blood transfusions I'm having to get after that last one.

Obviously this stuff is easier for You People, whoever you are, you Sonnet Writing Types, than it is for some of us.

bj

 

[The Mutt]

O sure. I'll get right on that after the week of blood transfusions I'm having to get after that last one.

Obviously this stuff is easier for You People, whoever you are, you Sonnet Writing Types, than it is for some of us.

bj

Come to the light, bj. Become one of us Sonnet Writing Types. If for no other reason than that it's great mental exercise.

If you couldn't use the word you really wanted to use, which word would you use?

I love sonnets.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Just a pair of shoes by the table
Abandoned there on the floor
Just the sight and I am unable
To hold back the tears anymore.
The smell on a work worn sweater
The space in my bed every night
The knowledge it won't get better
That nothing can make it right.
To lose you now is a hard thing
Even knowing your pain is through
You made me yours with a gold ring
I'm nothing if never with you.
Last night I dreamt you still were here
Reality at dawn is too hard to bear.