Starting with slave's ass crack...

[Miss Diva]

Almost 4 months.......often online for 8-16 hours a day chatting, as well as a few phone calls. He decided marriage was a good idea after 2 months which was out of character for both of us as we are usually safe and methodical creatures in such things, and he was the proverbial bachelor for life figure. LOL, I hear he yelled 'never getting married' the most and loudest on boys nights out so it was little wonder everyone he knew thought he had lost his marbles when he said he was off to Oz to marry a woman he had never met!! 3+ years later, they are amazed it all worked out and we are so happy and blissfully in love and lust, more so with each passing year.

Catalina

I think the key here is that you knew him. I mean chatting online and phoneing and being a mature sensible adult...you knew on some instinctive level that Francisco was an ok type of guy. Catalina, when you first met face to face at the airport and if things did not feel right with you, would you still have "scened with Francisco?

I have met many potential Doms who expect to meet at hotel rooms after chatting a few times, but I want to meet face to face to get a feel for the guy. I don't know maybe I am being too paranoid and protective of myself.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think the key here is that you knew him. I mean chatting online and phoneing and being a mature sensible adult...you knew on some instinctive level that Francisco was an ok type of guy. Catalina, when you first met face to face at the airport and if things did not feel right with you, would you still have "scened with Francisco?

I have met many potential Doms who expect to meet at hotel rooms after chatting a few times, but I want to meet face to face to get a feel for the guy. I don't know maybe I am being too paranoid and protective of myself.

I had met others (one at the same terminal, and on my knees ) who I didn't think were going to be the one, but who I felt enough trust for to play with. Mainly it was for selfish reasons as I wanted to gain some experience, I wanted to know I was sure about what I was going for 100%. In those situations, we were both honest about our feelings up front. With him, as strange as it may seem, the first email I received from F sent wonderful chillls and thrills up my spine for no logical reason, especially since he lived far, far away and not in a place I had ever dreamed of going or meeting someone from. I found the sensation so real I phoned a friend to share and she was surprised but supportive, and a bit more 'let's wait and see' I imagine.

Catalina

 

[Master Sensei]

I have met many potential Doms who expect to meet at hotel rooms after chatting a few times, but I want to meet face to face to get a feel for the guy. I don't know maybe I am being too paranoid and protective of myself.

I know this wasn't directed at me, but I feel compelled to answer.

You are NOT being too paranoid. Where do some people (not necessarily Diva) get the idea that being submissive equates to being easy?

Any time I've met a girl, I've always made it absolutely clear that sex is not expected. Play might very well happen, but she is to feel no obligation whatsoever to allow that.

For that matter, I am not some slut who will play with just any tart who drops to her knees with her mouth open.

This may sound strange coming from a man, but I assure you that it's how I view things.

 

[Master Sensei]

Oh, and BTW, whatever happened to romance? Even though I'm as hard core a BDSM Master as you will ever find, I am also a romantic.

Why do we always have to rush to penetration (or physical intimacy of any kind)?

To me getting there, and taking your sweet time about it, is not just half the fun, but rather the majority of it.

 

[shy slave]

There are LOTS of potential or alleged Doms who insist on the first meeting being in a hotel room with an instant scene being the main menu.

Personally it screams of someone desperate for kinky sex with a woman who will say 'Yes'

I don't think your being paranoid or too protective of yourself Miss Diva.

I chatted to a Dom for over a year online, even when I was with my ex I continued to chat and be friendly with him, (Yes they both knew about it)
Finally we met and I got bored, very bored, very quickly. Ironically he thought he had taken me places I had never been before.

When I told him about Andante he decided to start calling me 'slave' and telling me he would 'have me one day.'

The point is after a year I thought I 'knew' him but I only the 'knew' the online him.

On the other hand it can work amazingly well as it did for Catalina & Francisco and Andante & I.
Sometimes it depends on the people involved and the way they have interacted before they meet.
Andante and I met after three weeks of online and 'phone chat.

He made me feel safe in a variety of ways before we met
As a pratcial thing to make me feel safe he scanned a copy of his passport to me and some additional personal information which I then emailed to my sister.

We had seen each other on the webcam almost every day during the three weeks leading up to our meeting.

Voice is very important to me, and his voice is quite deep with an erotic accent (well to me it is). The sound of his voice can easily make me obey him and drift of to a place of submission. I was vaguely aware of this when we spoke on the phone but had no idea at the time the levels he would be able to take me to with his voice alone.

When we met at the airport we had to journey across London to the hotel.
As I recall we were both pretty quiet, but once near the hotel he gave me the option of not continuing any further or going for a coffee before we made a final decision.
I did not feel pressured or as if I 'had' to continue simply because he had flown over to see me.
In truth I couldn't wait to get there and see him naked, although to say I was nervous was an understatement lol

Up to that point I felt completely in control of the situation. I did not feel I was made to say or do anything I did not want to do, and I was made to feel that saying 'No' was an ok thing to say.

Who has the power in a relationship is for a different thread but I recall feeling a mix of heady power ~ 'Wow, I could have this gorgeous man' and complete submission towards him.
In comparision with my ex, whom I also met online, I never felt that deep level of connection which comes with my submission to Andante.

A long post but basically I dont think the PYL, whether they are male or female can do too much to make you feel safe, if that what you need.

Not sure I did anything to assure him I was who I said I was and not someone with two different personalities~online and r/l.

 

[graceanne]

Not sure I did anything to assure him I was who I said I was and not someone with two different personalities.

Wow, you must really have him fooled.

 

[shy slave]

Oh, and BTW, whatever happened to romance? Even though I'm as hard core a BDSM Master as you will ever find, I am also a romantic.

Why do we always have to rush to penetration (or physical intimacy of any kind)?

To me getting there, and taking your sweet time about it, is not just half the fun, but rather the majority of it.

Romance is different things to different people.

Its easy to say or think its expensive gifts, hearts and flowers (roses with thorns please!) etc.

However it can be so many things:
Washing his cock before pushing it your mouth
Amazing aftercare complete with scented bath and hot fluffy towels.

Personally, neither of those things would work for me.

Romance to me, is about the unexpected.
Things said or done that would not normally happen.

I enjoy finding stupid, ridiculous gifts that have a 'message' for the recipient.
Thats my level of showing a romantic side.

 

[catalina_francisco]

He made me feel safe in a variety of ways before we met
As a pratcial thing to make me feel safe he scanned a copy of his passport to me and some additional personal information which I then emailed to my sister.

We had seen each other on the webcam almost every day during the three weeks leading up to our meeting.

Another good point....F gave me his work contact complete with website where I could contact any of his colleagues including his boss, copy of passport, birth certificate, family contact details, and we webcammed while chatting often and at times his mother was passing by behind him, commenting on me or what he was doing etc. It does add a lot of security to the feeling you have before even meeting...and then as you say, when they recheck after meeting and make it clear you are under no obligation and can take longer if you need, trust increases even more.

Catalina

 

[shy slave]

Wow, you must really have him fooled.

Yep,

I hope he still is.

If he ever figures out just how weird I really am, I am in BIG trouble lol

 

[Miss Diva]

Thanks for all the comments. Yes Sensei, romance is missing and to Shy and Catalina, our safety comes first.

 

[graceanne]

Yep,

I hope he still is.

If he ever figures out just how weird I really am, I am in BIG trouble lol

The good kind?

 

[Master Sensei]

Romance is different things to different people.

Yes, I agree that it is. However, I think most of us would agree that some "Dom" expecting that you two will meet in some hotel room and you'll immediately begin sucking like a hoover equates the antithesis of romance.

What I was trying to say is that you should never give yourself to some loser who is primarily interested in your pink parts. You should feel like you're with someone who cares about you and your soul. You should not (at least not exclusively) feel like you're with some guy who only wants to paw at your naughty bits.

I feel that a large percentage of the people in our lifestyle are emotionally bankrupt and I feel pity for any girl who accepts that.

 

[Miss Diva]

Another good point....F gave me his work contact complete with website where I could contact any of his colleagues including his boss, copy of passport, birth certificate, family contact details, and we webcammed while chatting often and at times his mother was passing by behind him, commenting on me or what he was doing etc. It does add a lot of security to the feeling you have before even meeting...and then as you say, when they recheck after meeting and make it clear you are under no obligation and can take longer if you need, trust increases even more.

Catalina

I get image of you and Francisco doing online sex just as his mother is passing by.

 

[Netzach]

Yes, I agree that it is. However, I think most of us would agree that some "Dom" expecting that you two will meet in some hotel room and you'll immediately begin sucking like a hoover equates the antithesis of romance.

What I was trying to say is that you should never give yourself to some loser who is primarily interested in your pink parts. You should feel like you're with someone who cares about you and your soul. You should not (at least not exclusively) feel like you're with some guy who only wants to paw at your naughty bits.

I feel that a large percentage of the people in our lifestyle are emotionally bankrupt and I feel pity for any girl who accepts that.

what if you're also primarily interested in your pink parts?

news flash, women are also capable of sane ok no strings sexual stuff.

I'd be more worried about winding up in a barrel than having to decide if you just want to get laid or want more out of life.

 

[chris9]

what if you're also primarily interested in your pink parts?

news flash, women are also capable of sane ok no strings sexual stuff.

I'd be more worried about winding up in a barrel than having to decide if you just want to get laid or want more out of life.

Weren't we just talking about starting a long-term relationship?
Having 'sane ok no strings sexual stuff' for me feels different than starting out on the 'whole thing'. The same safety should be involved to avoid being killed/injured, but to me it would not be important to connect romantically when it's all about sex. On the other hand I wouldn't like to be pressured into sex if there is the possibility of a long-term relationship.
Both kinds are good.

 

[Master Sensei]

what if you're also primarily interested in your pink parts?

news flash, women are also capable of sane ok no strings sexual stuff.

I'd be more worried about winding up in a barrel than having to decide if you just want to get laid or want more out of life.

Ah, very true. At this point in my life, I'm looking for permanent ownership, not casual flings.

Also, any girl with me immediately realizes that altho I am sensitive and romantic, I am also a voracious sexual beast who must be satisfied often.

I don't think this lifestyle is primarily filled with girls who are treated too gently, rather I think most girls who are "officially" pyls tend to find the opposite. The tend to find only souless, emotionally empty partners who's spiritual depth ends with "Kneel and suck."

 

[His_pita]

What I was trying to say is that you should never give yourself to some loser who is primarily interested in your pink parts. You should feel like you're with someone who cares about you and your soul. You should not (at least not exclusively) feel like you're with some guy who only wants to paw at your naughty bits.

No, you shouldn't give yourself to a loser! When I first got online and starting chatting with people, I was overwhelmed by men that only wanted to get their kink on. Sure, it was fun at first. I was starved for attention and getting lots of it. I soon found out it was all meaningless and I became very bored. None of them seemed to care at all about the person I was inside. Just give them naughty pics and type dirty words to get them off. That isn’t to say I haven’t made some great friends. But, for the most part, I could have been any woman to these men. So, I gave up on that and decided to concentrate on other things. That is when I met my Sir.

I knew he was for real and serious by his complete honesty and taking steps to make me feel safe. From the very beginning of when we became Us, he sent me all his info. I got pics of his home, his address and even his resume. He calls me, he went out and got a cam when I asked him too and he makes sure I know that I’m the most important person in his life. There has never been anything I have asked that he doesn’t tell me. From day one he took a real interest in who I am and took action to help me solve problems I was having. It is his wanting all of me… body, soul and mind that has set him apart from anyone I have ever met. Over these last months he has proven to me that he is the man who can and should own me completely. That is the best feeling in the world and I am so very grateful I didn’t settle for someone less.

 

[Kajira Callista]

"Kneel and suck."

That is the ultimate in romance to me. Lets me know that the person i am with really gets who/what i am.... and what i desire.

 

[babiesmiles]

First of all LOL @KC !! I like you

then here I go :

Even if my words below will make me seem as an insensitive heartless bitch I must say different aims lead to different behaviours , on both side of the relationship , till since the very beginning of a meeting with a potential partner.

Based on assumption that the safety issues are however observed ( common sense should always suggest to run away from people , lifestyle or not , who don’t seem take in due respect the healthy basic rules of a safe date ) in my opinion every following development of the meeting depends basically on what one expects from that encounter.

If I am just looking for fun ( yup it happens ) I don’t mind to comply with my play partner’s weird requests and with his personal tastes in playing since the very first minutes , cause usually if I get to the point to find myself alone in a room with a man, I have already made my preliminary evaluations about the person and his behaviour , taken the due precautions and had all the safety assurances and preference indications I needed to know ( picky , cautious bitch here !!).

Years of dealing with "weirdos" of all kinds and of professional experience ( No …lol .. I am not a professional of sex, even if I wouldn't have problems at all with being it , I am a lawyer, which, for the most is quite the same .. ) trained me to have a stict path of personal and maybe eccentric rules I always follow in the preparation of the date ; which if is planned with an online friend is always preceded by a good amount of talking and each other knowledge , and my request of personal and overall easily verifiable informations .

I must say till now I’ve never had any difficulty to obtain and verify all the above said , maybe for my strict preliminary screening of jerks , control freaks and intuitable landscape of varied mankind one can meet on net ( and in everyday life as well ).

However , Back On Topic, even if for some diversified reason I’m not looking for the man of my life just there and then ( but lucky the few happy ones who are able to recognize their soulmate at first sight or chat !! ) and the person I am dealing with is enough worthy of trust , transmits me a good sense of safety , is graceful and classy in behaviour ( yup even rough sex can have its grace and elegance ) and however enjoyable and a congenial company for my standards, I happily follow him in his favourite kinks even if I am sure the possibility of a long term relation is not provided at all .

So the Perempt ‘s original statement in itself doesn’t bother me more than for the choice of words ( I would have used others maybe) , cause in my personal experience behind that ……..

….

Immediately after the 'hello'es', I have the slave undress and kneel on a couch, ass toward Me. There is a certain amount of humiliation in this, the ass-hole raised for inspection…..

there is so much knowledge so much introspection , there has been so many talkings about tastes , limits, idiosyncrasies and preferences, that the act of

to pull apart the ass-cheeks, exposing the ass hole and genitals

…… et cetera, et cetera …

... is nothing but the pure external sign of a more interiorized strong will to be there .. exactly in that point of time and space.. doing it with that person .

Of course some dates stay simple fun dates , some lead to good friendships others (rarely) can conduct to more wider kind of commitments where the romance ( whatever one likes call with that name ) begin to sneak into , with all the well known consequences …

….. but please !! …. don’t give me romance if I am looking for fun .

Respect and acceptance of mutual needs and limits yes , capability of a decent level of communication yes , self irony and sense of humour yes ( yup it helps even in a so called “one stand night”, and for me in bdsm too ) but not romance !!!

Sex is so pure, joyful and beautiful when deep feelings are not involved at all !!!

Obviously when eventually things should change and a relation should evolve ( if it does ) , the exterior displays of that original " will" change too , things become more smooth, more intense, more mental and shared .
A new feeling more deep but less istinctual takes the place of the initial thrill , which for me at least is , unfortunately, lost forever and replaced by other things .

I am not saying it is worse or better , I am only affirming that it’s a different situation with different rituals , like dance steps always new but at very last always the same.

I can almost visualize some eyebrows rising now... lol ….

But ... hey!! it’ s just a rant of mine , and it was long time I had not a good one here . b.

PS
Language Nazi please keep yourselves away from here !!!
I know by myself my English is awful without need of learned remarks !!!

 

[shy slave]

First of all LOL @KC !! I like you

then here I go :

Even if my words below will make me seem as an insensitive heartless bitch

You words dont seem insensitive to me, but what do I know

... and the person I am dealing with is enough worthy of trust , transmits me a good sense of safety , is graceful and classy in behaviour ( yup even rough sex can have its grace and elegance ) and however enjoyable and a congenial company for my standards, I happily follow him in his favourite kinks even if I am sure the possibility of a long term relation is not provided at all .

Sometimes sex is good just because its sex, not because its going to be lasting or meaningful. To me, this applies in D/s and vanilla. I like your 'rough sex' comment. Its so true, the most demanding of Dom/mes can state their wishes in a calm manner and still be rough, forceful and make a sub feel nothing more than an object. It takes more class and elegance to be carefully polite about the intention to be rough than simply 'being rough.'
Images of a D/s scene with Antony Hopkins using his Hanibal Lector voice compared to be dragged about and screamed at by a 'smash and grab' Dom are now playing in my mind.

….. but please !! …. don’t give me romance if I am looking for fun .

... Sex is so pure, joyful and beautiful when deep feelings are not involved at all !!!

PS
Language Nazi please keep yourselves away from here !!!
I know by myself my English is awful without need of learned remarks !!!

IMHO This line is the best comment on the thread so far

 

[Netzach]

You always come across loud clear and intelligent to me, esp. in this post.

Anyone who has a grammar issue can tell it to you in Italian.

 

[babiesmiles]

Thanks Shy , you're lovely as always !!! b.

 

[babiesmiles]

You always come across loud clear and intelligent to me, esp. in this post.

Anyone who has a grammar issue can tell it to you in Italian.

Exactly my thought Net b.

 

[Yggdrasil]

Good spoken Babi...
I really like and understand your "rambling" as well

 

[babiesmiles]

Thanks Yogdrasil , very kind of you .b