Sub-Types, Are You Passive In Bed?

[satindesire]

Mister is hopelessly, frustratingly impossible at initiating sex. He could have the most painful, purple swollen blue-balled cock in the universe and still won't ask for sex. If during foreplay I didn't FINALLY break down and say "would you like to fuck me now?", the foreplay would never end until I probably got bored and fell asleep.

He cannot seem to verbalize or initiate intercourse no matter what. 99% of the time I am the one to 'start' sex.

and I'm the pyl.

But when it comes to foreplay, he initiates it about 85% of the time. Sometimes that's all we have, just outercourse, oral, etc, and that's great because intercourse every time we are sexual would just get boring to me. Example: Night before last: I often give him entire-body massages (more like caresses and petting than an actual muscle massage, he finds it comforting and helps him sleep) and most of the time he'll get an erection and become aroused. I was feeling rather sore so I gave him a handjob which was really nice, we both enjoyed it a lot.

 

[graceanne]

I am EXACTLY like this and it frustrates the shit out of my Master sometimes. He says he doesn't feel desired if he only gets sex when he demands it but I'm hopeless at initiating. I don't know what's wrong with me. During play, I very rarely show initiative and this also annoys Master as he'd like to be surprised sometimes rather than having to orchestrate everything. Even though I know my passivity irks him at times, I can't seem to modify my behaviour. It's a huge mental block for me and I really don't know why.

So believe me, you're not alone.

I'm like that. K would love for me to initiate sex, but I only can if I'm drunk and have been informed I better initiate sex. lol

But when it comes to foreplay, he initiates it about 85% of the time. Sometimes that's all we have, just outercourse, oral, etc, and that's great because intercourse every time we are sexual would just get boring to me. Example: Night before last: I often give him entire-body massages (more like caresses and petting than an actual muscle massage, he finds it comforting and helps him sleep) and most of the time he'll get an erection and become aroused. I was feeling rather sore so I gave him a handjob which was really nice, we both enjoyed it a lot.

When I was pregnant we got handjobs down to an art.

Honestly, sex sometimes takes more energy than either of us had when I was pregnant. lol

 

[satindesire]

When I was pregnant we got handjobs down to an art.

Honestly, sex sometimes takes more energy than either of us had when I was pregnant. lol

Did you miss intercourse? I think for a pregnant couple we still have plenty of it, but when I go through periods where I'm in too much pain, I miss sex a lot.





P.S. Has she shown her boobs yet?! Did I miss it?

 

[00Syd]

Uh.. No. I would say I'm an active participant.

I initiate sex a lot, and so does he. Sometimes its a mutual thing where we both sort of realize at the same time "Oh, we really want to fuck each other." And so we do. With gusto.

Sometimes when he's more tired than I am, it feels like I'm fucking him instead of the other way around which, while not my favorite feeling in the world, is not so awful. Even when I feel like I'm the fucker instead of the fuckee I never feel like I have more power. My actions still feel guided and controlled by him.

And even when he's fucking me really hard, even if I'm on my knees with my face in the floor, I'm never just going to lay there and take it. I'm going to struggle and push back and participate.

As much as I feel submissive toward him, I'm not going to be passive in bed because that's no fun for anyone involved.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I am alot like BiBunny when it comes to sex.

 

[graceanne]

Did you miss intercourse? I think for a pregnant couple we still have plenty of it, but when I go through periods where I'm in too much pain, I miss sex a lot.

Depends on the pregnancy. With my older girl, yes I missed sex. With the two younger ones I was so sick that I had no sex drive at all. Bleeding to death will do that to you.

 

[WriterDom]

I haven't dated anyone in the same town as me for years. So it is usually a month since I've seen someone. I pretty much fuck their brains out the entire weekend. I haven't seen anyone in a while but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I will soon.

 

[satindesire]

Depends on the pregnancy. With my older girl, yes I missed sex. With the two younger ones I was so sick that I had no sex drive at all. Bleeding to death will do that to you.

Geesh.

 

[Cattypuss]

I intiate sex probably 50% of the time but once it's been initiated I like to be "led" (just like someone said, as if in a dance). Sometimes, though, I'm in a leading mood. Maybe one time in ten.

 

[PersephoneAwake]

As someone without a Dom who has recently discovered that I have "sub" tendencies, I can't help but wonder if I will change once I have a Dom in my life. I know during vanilla sex, I definitely initiated several times. I often encouraged my ex husband to "force" me...I like being chased. But I was always an active participant unless completely exhausted. I think because I enjoy sex so much that I will have a hard time if I'm unable to fine a Dom that meshes with that side of my personality. So I would like to think in an idealized world with the right Dom for me that I would be free to be active if we both wished.

 

[CurlyKat]

So, little bit of clarification on what I said earlier... my definition of passive was more of the "lay back and take it" kind of thing. I don't initiate sex for my own benefit, ever, or at least without specifically being told that I need to. What I meant by going for what I wanted was that once I get comfortable with someone I'm okay with starting something that pleases him, but not sex or anything pleasing to myself. Anything that brings me pleasure I always feel the need to be led through or receive permission for.

I guess I'm afraid of stepping out of line if I do anything that's not for his pleasure without his permission.

 

[sadangel]

By my definition of passive...no I'm not.

I don't initiate what we do in bed since that goes against our expected dynamics. I do however participate fully...enthusiastically...even if sometimes it's letting him do as he wishes to me and my 'job' is reacting naturally to the pain/pleasure that I'm receiving. He takes pleasure from my responses and the control he has over them.

Being passive in bed suggests to me that I'm a wet blanket...lying there listless...almost a 'get it over with' type of attitude...and no that's definitely not me.

This comes very close to how I feel. I consider passive in bed to be very much as you described. You said my thoughts very well.

 

[BiBunny]

Ok, I know I used the word "passive." As I told gracie earlier in the thread, I realize now it probably wasn't the best choice of words. Perhaps I should have said, "Are you aggressive in bed?" I just can't change the title and the poll options now.

For the purposes of this thread, passive doesn't mean lying on your back and thinking of England.

 

[Qualm]

I'll try not to go off on a rant about passive subs but ...

What used to drive me insane during bdsm play with a former long-time sub girlfriend was trying to get her to choose between two options. "paddle or crop?" "pussy or ass?" .... "whichever you prefer" is not a fucking acceptable answer. I know it's whichever I prefer, but I'm fucking asking you because I fucking want you to pick either or (usually because I have something devious in mind.) I get that I'm in charge. I get that I can do whatever I want to you and you'll submit to it. I get that for you (her), the most desired relationship dynamic in that moment is that you have surrendered all control to me. But you still gotta answer the fucking question! ARGH. In all the years we were together (nearly 8) that particular bedroom issue never got solved. Which was both our faults.

Things are different with my current girlfriend. She's not at all a "you're in control, you do all the work and muster all the creativity" type. She's much more specific about what she wants and isn't shy about requesting it (overtly or otherwise.)

 

[youknowyoulike]

Depends on the mood and on what you mean by passive. My neck may sometimes move more than my hips.

 

[BiBunny]

I'll try not to go off on a rant about passive subs but ...

What used to drive me insane during bdsm play with a former long-time sub girlfriend was trying to get her to choose between two options. "paddle or crop?" "pussy or ass?" .... "whichever you prefer" is not a fucking acceptable answer. I know it's whichever I prefer, but I'm fucking asking you because I fucking want you to pick either or (usually because I have something devious in mind.) I get that I'm in charge. I get that I can do whatever I want to you and you'll submit to it. I get that for you (her), the most desired relationship dynamic in that moment is that you have surrendered all control to me. But you still gotta answer the fucking question! ARGH. In all the years we were together (nearly 8) that particular bedroom issue never got solved. Which was both our faults.

Things are different with my current girlfriend. She's not at all a "you're in control, you do all the work and muster all the creativity" type. She's much more specific about what she wants and isn't shy about requesting it (overtly or otherwise.)

For the purposes of this thread, passive doesn't mean lying on your back and thinking of England.

I'm not trying to be difficult here. I know I didn't use the best word. But could we please actually discuss the question I posed in the OP and subsequent posts rather than saying, "I don't like passive people," or "I'M not passive because I don't just lay there and wait for it to be over."

That's not really what I'm asking, y'all. Do I need to clarify again?

 

[graceanne]

That's not really what I'm asking, y'all. Do I need to clarify again?

Probably. At least once or twice.

 

[BiBunny]

Probably. At least once or twice.

I've about decided no one actually reads threads. They just look at the title and run off on whatever tangent happens to cross their minds at the time. Or else I suck at explaining myself, one or the other.

 

[Guest]

I've about decided no one actually reads threads. They just look at the title and run off on whatever tangent happens to cross their minds at the time. Or else I suck at explaining myself, one or the other.

I love to suck, too.

I'm sorry, what was the thread topic again?

 

[BiBunny]

I love to suck, too.

I'm sorry, what was the thread topic again?

Haha!

 

[graceanne]

I love to suck, too.

I'm sorry, what was the thread topic again?

There was a thread topic?

 

[BiBunny]

There was a thread topic?

Cookies, gracie. It was cookies. *Nods sagely*

 

[graceanne]

Cookies, gracie. It was cookies. *Nods sagely*

But of course!

Isn't that always the topic?

 

[ownedsubgal]

well for whatever it's worth Bunny, i knew what you meant by the word passive...and i was kinda confused too when people seemed to equate passive to watching paint dry, lol.

imo passive doesn't mean lifeless or dull or without spirit.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Love the passive ladies.

Yall light my fire.