Subs Sanctuary

[Daddyslilpet]

Another perspective on failure.....

I tend to be harder on myself by nature than anyone else is on me. I get very upset with the thoughts of failing my Master. However, when it comes to physical limitations and such, I know what I can and can not do, therefore, I let Him know as well. That way I'm not setting myself up to fail Him.

We are all only human afterall, and we won't always do everything perfectly. Our Dom/mes shouldn't expect perfection from us either, its totally unrealistic.

Red, don't be so hard on yourself. You're Dom has told you there was no harm, now you must trust Him that He meant it and move on. I'm sure that's what you've done, but sometimes it doesn't hurt to hear it.....right? ~smile~

Of course these are just my thoughts and opinions.
~smiles~
dixi

 

[Ghost's amaris]

Just wanted to Say

I ment to mention this in the intial post of this thread that I was not alone on starting this thread. It was something Dream and I came up with together after she had mentioned her Dom was in the Dom Lounge.

I had asked her if there was a similar place for Submissives and she said no. So I took the steps neccessary to get the thread started. So it was really suiting that Dream was the 2nd poster to this thread.

Ghost's amaris

 

[redelicious]

Another perspective on failure.....

I tend to be harder on myself by nature than anyone else is on me. I get very upset with the thoughts of failing my Master. However, when it comes to physical limitations and such, I know what I can and can not do, therefore, I let Him know as well. That way I'm not setting myself up to fail Him.

We are all only human afterall, and we won't always do everything perfectly. Our Dom/mes shouldn't expect perfection from us either, its totally unrealistic.

Red, don't be so hard on yourself. You're Dom has told you there was no harm, now you must trust Him that He meant it and move on. I'm sure that's what you've done, but sometimes it doesn't hurt to hear it.....right? ~smile~

Of course these are just my thoughts and opinions.
~smiles~
dixi

Thank you Amaris, Des and Dixi for your thoughts....

Dixi, you are absolutely correct. I do trust Him and I know it's ok. The actual event itself is in the past and He is helping me to work through it for the future.

I am trying to gain some perspective on this part of my personality. I am so new at this. I guess I wanted to take what was a stressful moment and use it as an opportunity to learn and find out if others had encountered similar situations.

 

[Parklife]

I think that fear of letting our Dom/mes down is something we must all have in common. I am just wondering....is it, this need to succeed (and therefore please the people around us), an essential part of what makes us submissive? How do you deal with feelings of failure? How do you keep from setting yourselves up?

I know that many of the posts above have delt with the desire to succeed in relation to their Dom/me but I'm wondering if your question had a broader meaning to it?? Are you asking about a need to succeed in relation to others outside the D/s relationship??

I used to have a drive to succeed in all facets of life... I think that need to succeed had fallen as I've become more comfortable with who i am and where i'm at in life (speaking in general terms, not D/s related). So, in that respect I don't have an over-arching need to succeed.

When in the D/s relationship, then of course, there is the over-analyzing, too hard on myself, desire to please and to do it well.

Failure is often delt with through communication and in this way I know i'm a bit difficult to deal with. Although I don't strive to succeed in everything, those things I do strive to succeed in have quite an emotional effect on me when I fail.. (this is true of D/s, the sports I play competetively, etc..)

In those situations, i often need the help of others to make sure i don't set myself up to fail... i need to be reminded of my limitations and then i can accept them...

Park~

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Thank you Amaris, Des and Dixi for your thoughts....

Dixi, you are absolutely correct. I do trust Him and I know it's ok. The actual event itself is in the past and He is helping me to work through it for the future.

I am trying to gain some perspective on this part of my personality. I am so new at this. I guess I wanted to take what was a stressful moment and use it as an opportunity to learn and find out if others had encountered similar situations.

Always a good thing. Learn from the past. I do think that we subs strive to please our Dom/mes sometimes to the point that we cause ourselves undue stress. Honestly, IMO, I think its the nature of being submissive. How do you change that? I don't know that you can effectively change it. I think you learn, as you are doing now, and grow.

Having an understanding Dom to help you thru this learning experience is a good thing too. ~smile~

dixi

 

[redelicious]

I used to have a drive to succeed in all facets of life... I think that need to succeed had fallen as I've become more comfortable with who i am and where i'm at in life (speaking in general terms, not D/s related). So, in that respect I don't have an over-arching need to succeed.

{SNIP}

In those situations, i often need the help of others to make sure i don't set myself up to fail... i need to be reminded of my limitations and then i can accept them...

Park~

Oh wow, so many good points to your post.....especially the part about becoming more comfortable with yourself. Now that's a never ending journey, isn't it? (D/s or no)

Thank you!

 

[Ghost's amaris]

dixi,

It is great that your Dom and you are working through it so you can learn from your past. That is one of the best ways to succeed is to take something that you did wrong or messed up on and learn from it so you dont make the same mistake twice.

Ghost's amaris

 

[redelicious]

Always a good thing. Learn from the past. I do think that we subs strive to please our Dom/mes sometimes to the point that we cause ourselves undue stress. Honestly, IMO, I think its the nature of being submissive. How do you change that? I don't know that you can effectively change it. I think you learn, as you are doing now, and grow.

Having an understanding Dom to help you thru this learning experience is a good thing too. ~smile~

dixi

I don't know that I would want to change it.....just manage it better.

Again Dixi you are so right, and I am very grateful to Him. *VBS*

 

[artful]

amaris

I for one think it is a part of just about all submissives to not want to fail there Dom/me's. I know when i fail my Dom I get very hard on myself and feel as if I dont deserve any pleasure at that point.

What my Dom usually ends up saying is you dont deserve please as you say but am I not the one that you have supposedly failed, and shouldnt I then determin what you deserve and dont deserve?

I then must admit yes to both questions. I am always harder on myself than he could ever be. I tend to just keep beating myself up over every little thing till he finally has enough of it and gets me to realize that it is over and now to move on.
Ghost's amaris

FIRST,...let me congratulate you on opening 'The Sub's Sanctuary'. I will always *POP* in here to see how the sub's are doing,...and from time to time, offer a tidbit of humor, and possibly address a question or two, (much as I do at "The Dom's Lounge").

In reference to amaris' quote, <which I snipped>, I would offer that MOST *new* submissive's, are indeed more harsh on themselves, than their Dom's would be. This is even MORE prevalent, as pertaining to one who is TRAINING to be a *new* 'slave', (as is the case with Dream).

Once again, LDR makes it more difficult for a Master to deal with THAT kind of issue, than simply a, "Ok,...when you talk to me on VOICE CHAT, I want you to remove your panties.", type of command.

'Nuff said,...Now,...dixi,...it's so great to see you back posting. We have ALL missed you,...and I hope you and your Master are well.

Here,...have one of des' Toll House' cookies. No, no, no,...*NOT*, 'Troll House',..."Toll House"!!!

*chuckles*-

 

[Desdemona]

Re: amaris

Here,...have one of des' Toll House' cookies. No, no, no,...*NOT*, 'Troll House',..."Toll House"!!!

*chuckles*-

Art, ya just can't resist a pun, can you? <snickers>

 

[~Dream~]

MISS T..

HI dixi!

*warm hugs*

I am glad to see you here


As for the LDR issue:

I have always struggled with LDR"s of any nature. Once meeting face to face, all those little things that managed to carry me through the lonely nights no longer worked. I never felt anger, but my disappointment and longing interfered with the relationship's growth.

It is very important to remain focussed and ponder the positive things.

It is also very important to remember the trust you had for your Dom prior to meeting him and keep that trust in place. It can be difficult when you are constantly wanting to be with him and can't. Then wondering what he is up to.

Then, IMHO, in my current relationship, it is not as long distance as many that I have had or that are here on the boards, but I feel very positive about it and am managing well. Perhaps, because

a) I had stopped looking for Mr Right a while back.

b) it is meant to be and we are both committed to making it work.

c) Our communication is more open than in any other relationship I have had.

Best wishes to all,

Miss T

_________________

I Think for me,I allowed the disappointment and longing that i felt and STILL FEEL for Master to turn in to Anger,I blamed Him for not bein here for me and its no more His fault than it is mine .. this stood in the way of my being able to "joyfully" submit to Him ,instead I harbored resentment ... but looking to the Positive aspects of our relationship really is a GReat IDEA AND 1 that Master Himself tried to suggest to me also we communiacte MORE than most couples I know ,the problem was ,I didnt feel HEARD cause I had resentment ,thanks to the loving care and patience of a good friend (Ghost 's amaris) we broke through that wall last night ..

** Dixie so good to see you back, and amaris? ty for what you said about me helping with the thread ,that meant ALOT to me

 

[Ghost's amaris]

[QUOTEI Think for me,I allowed the disappointment and longing that i felt and STILL FEEL for Master to turn in to Anger,I blamed Him for not bein here for me and its no more His fault than it is mine .. this stood in the way of my being able to "joyfully" submit to Him ,instead I harbored resentment ... but looking to the Positive aspects of our relationship really is a GReat IDEA AND 1 that Master Himself tried to suggest to me also we communiacte MORE than most couples I know ,the problem was ,I didnt feel HEARD cause I had resentment ,thanks to the loving care and patience of a good friend (Ghost 's amaris) we broke through that wall last night ..

** Dixie so good to see you back, and amaris? ty for what you said about me helping with the thread ,that meant ALOT to me [/QUOTE]

Dream it was my pleasure to help in any small way that i did.

The part about the thread is only the truth and as my Master would tell anyone I am an Honest Woman.

Ghost's amaris

 

[lovetoread]

We wont be doing football in here will we?

Hello all.

I'm off to school,but I'll be back to see what's been going on.

 

[~Dream~]

Re;amaris

Well it is nice to have you join us here at Subs Sanctuary.

This is a great place to pose this type of question.

I for one think it is a part of just about all submissives to not want to fail there Dom/me's. I know when i fail my Dom I get very hard on myself and feel as if I dont deserve any pleasure at that point.

What my Dom usually ends up saying is you dont deserve please as you say but am I not the one that you have supposedly failed, and shouldnt I then determin what you deserve and dont deserve?

I then must admit yes to both questions. I am always harder on myself than he could ever be. I tend to just keep beating myself up over every little thing till he finally has enough of it and gets me to realize that it is over and now to move on.

We then talk about what happened and if it is something that can be done after some different things have been worked on then we do what we have to or we deside that is just not for us and is just not us at all. Then we just drop it.

I tend to find alot of things come down to communication. Weather it be verbal, physical, emotional, or something like my Dom and I have where nothing is said or done we just know.

Ghost's amaris

______________________

this is me in a nutshell>"I am always harder on myself than he could ever be. I tend to just keep beating myself up over every little thing till he finally has enough of it and gets me to realize that it is over and now to move on.

I HATE failing or dishonoring Master at all in ANY way cause I think of it the same as "hurting Him ' and I cannot bear that thought be it intentional or not..I have come to the point where I try to "punish myself' for the wrong I feel guilty about.. and I now know this also ,is WRONG .. only Master decides Dream's discipline because Master does NOT believe in "punishment... it does cause undue Stress to me and I think I finally realize that , His patience and love always seem to see me through..

 

[Ghost's amaris]

Dom/me's

Welcome Artful,

You and all the other Dom/me's are welcome to come in and check on us anytime it helps with the feeling of safety to me.

Ghost's amaris

 

[Desdemona]

We wont be doing football in here will we?

Hello all.

I'm off to school,but I'll be back to see what's been going on.

God, I hope not!

 

[Ghost's amaris]

God, I hope not!

That is only if the subs say they want it. This is a thread for the subs to build and say what they want, feel and things.

We want them to be comfortable.

Ghost's amaris

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Re: amaris

<snip>
'Nuff said,...Now,...dixi,...it's so great to see you back posting. We have ALL missed you,...and I hope you and your Master are well.

Here,...have one of des' Toll House' cookies. No, no, no,...*NOT*, 'Troll House',..."Toll House"!!!

*chuckles*-

~giggle~ That was cute, thanks Art. Good to be back. Master and I are doing quite well thank you.

Thank goodness those aren't "troll house" cookies....lol.

Thank you again Dream for the welcome back.

LTR....I sincerely hope we don't do football in here, I'd be more than lost then. ~grin~

dixi

 

[Blue Dolphin]

amaris hun
check your pm box
I answered your question
hugs
BD

 

[Ghost's amaris]

BD,

Thanks hun I got it.

It is really great to see all the great faces and the People that have decided to post again. The great questions and answers are amazing and I think they will really help alot of submissives in the end.

Ghost's amaris

 

[Desdemona]

do we need to have a vote on football? I for one, am totally confused by sports of any kind and don't really want to think about them here.

 

[redelicious]

do we need to have a vote on football? I for one, am totally confused by sports of any kind and don't really want to think about them here.

Football/shmootball, who the heck cares? (unless my gamecock's are winning *grin*)

Figure skating anyone??????

 

[artful]

Re: Re: amaris

Art, ya just can't resist a pun, can you? <snickers>

Puns, buns, and Snickers on the run,

Lik'em all, lic'em all, gotta have *FUN*.

 

[Ghost's amaris]

Sports

Des, Dixi, Everyone,

I really doubt sports at all will come into play here. I really would hope to rather see this as a place where we can come and feel free to talk about anything that we wish preferably BDSM related but doesnt have to be. I would just rather see this as a helping place not a place to be exactly like the Dom's lounge we are Submissives and we are different there for our thread should be different.

Ghost's amaris

 

[artful]

Deli

Figure skating anyone??????

LTR,...when she gets back from school, has a *NEW* twist on FIGURE skating,...you may wanna ask her to explain to you.