subs willing to relocate. Would you?

[h_i_s]

the definition was giving through a psychological stand point based on modern human sexuality psychology.

i can read, & i got your point. i have a solid understanding of psychology, society and BDSM.

there are thousands of explinations why, find the one that fits and thats your reason. and i didnt want to repeat what every one else was saying, nor give you a 6 page list of all possible refrences as to why it may happen which may or may not apply to most.

i can read, understand what everyone else has said, have no need for a six page list, and have a firm grasp of the understanding that there are many varied reasons as to why it may or may not apply to most.

i gave my example, and my opinion based on how the subject at hand applies to *me*. Were some portions of that example and/or opinion not conveyed clearly enough, for you?

P.S. The role of a submissive/slave does not equal uneducated, unintelligent and/or having the need to have everything explained and/or translated for them ... and i don't wish to give _you_ "a 6 page list of all possible references as to why it may happen which may or may not apply to most".

 

[timberwolf05]

I have been on a couple BDSM sites and am rather surprised at the number of Doms who expect me to up and relocate halfway across the country. Is this normal? I can't see how anyone who would just up and leave to have a relationship with a virtual stranger could be considered in their right mind. To me, it would show a complete lack of self-respect. Doesn't a Dom want a sub who also loves him/herself enough to have a life of his/her own which might include work, family, friends?

Please explain why you'd be willing to relocate for a Dom you met online.

----------------------------------
basically because they aint gonna come to you...is why..
"I" have logged in 10,000 miles looking for Ms Right and now have a new Mistress and yes i ..up and moved...to be with Her.
wolf

 

[Bandit58]

----------------------------------
basically because they aint gonna come to you...is why..
"I" have logged in 10,000 miles looking for Ms Right and now have a new Mistress and yes i ..up and moved...to be with Her.
wolf

Master is unable to travel at all because of health reasons. It made sense that I would be the one to relocate for all the reasons I listed in my first post on this thread. Even if He was healthy it still would have made more sense for me to go to Him, for one thing there are more job opportunities in Sydney than there are in the little area where I come from.

 

[Pyro Paul]

i can read, & i got your point. i have a solid understanding of psychology, society and BDSM.

i can read, understand what everyone else has said, have no need for a six page list, and have a firm grasp of the understanding that there are many varied reasons as to why it may or may not apply to most.

i gave my example, and my opinion based on how the subject at hand applies to *me*. Were some portions of that example and/or opinion not conveyed clearly enough, for you?

P.S. The role of a submissive/slave does not equal uneducated, unintelligent and/or having the need to have everything explained and/or translated for them ... and i don't wish to give _you_ "a 6 page list of all possible references as to why it may happen which may or may not apply to most".

oh please, do i would love to read a 6 page report of all possible references and cataloged details of how the role of a submissive/slave would or would not equial an uneducated, unintelligent and/or a requirement having all things spelled out to them.

that is probably one of the weaker responces ive had as a rebuttle to one of the aurguments i proposed. trying to degrade the opposition in a rebuttle is rarely successful. please, provide a better aurgument and statments that more convay the meaning of your side of the aurgument.

 

[h_i_s]

oh please, do i would love to read a 6 page report of all possible references and cataloged details of how the role of a submissive/slave would or would not equial an uneducated, unintelligent and/or a requirement having all things spelled out to them.

that is probably one of the weaker responces ive had as a rebuttle to one of the aurguments i proposed. trying to degrade the opposition in a rebuttle is rarely successful. please, provide a better aurgument and statments that more convay the meaning of your side of the aurgument.

For one, i don't post for the mere thrill of arguement. It's not my style. Secondly, when i enter into an exchange of ideas in the form of a polite debate with others, i prefer to interact with others who are capable of doing so without turning the it into a mere pissing contest.
On a fourth note, you are quite fitting of points one and two, & are boring me with your arrogant, uncouth and pompous attitude. When i enter a battle of witts, i prefer to enter a playing field where both sides start off with an even score, rather than interact with one who is unarmed.

That is the polite version of my reply to you.

If you are not capable of respecting that polite offering as my expression of disagreement, you are welcome to the alternative:

Do the world a favor. Enjoy safe sex: Go fuck yourself.

 

[catalina_francisco]

----------------------------------
basically because they aint gonna come to you...is why..
"I" have logged in 10,000 miles looking for Ms Right and now have a new Mistress and yes i ..up and moved...to be with Her.
wolf

All I can say from reading your posts is you must be dealing with a particular type of person who from your descriptions seem to always take and never give, and treat you as a lesser person unworthy of their respect, care, or consideration. If that is what works for you it is good, but my thinking is if we begin to think of a submissive in those terms it is time to start looking at why we would feel we were only worthy of lesser beings. Fortunately we seem to feel we want and deserve submissives who have a healthy attitude of themselves and plenty of attributes to offer us in terms of their submission. We just drove 5 hours there and 5 hours back to meet with one who seems to fit well...and though he will do all that is possible to come to us and plan times when we can all play, his circumstances require we accept it might not always be easy and may take a lot of compromising and last minute changes to make it happen the way we all envision. So far he is doing very well at pleasing.

Catalina

 

[His_pita]

My Dom and I have decided to relocate from both our homes. We are researching out places now that we think we might want to live. I will say from the beginning my Dom was willing to relocate to wherever I wanted to be. Thankfully, I have come to my senses on some of the ideas I had. Now, all I want is our new home and for us to be together.

I will say we make these decisions together. He doesn’t Dom this and I don’t sit back and let him tell me what to do. He expects me to give my ideas and express my wishes into how our life should be. These types of decisions have to be made equally and for the benefit of us both.

 

[BarrysSlut]

----------------------------------
basically because they aint gonna come to you...is why..
"I" have logged in 10,000 miles looking for Ms Right and now have a new Mistress and yes i ..up and moved...to be with Her.
wolf

I would find that to be arrogant and unrealistic. I was on collarme for a time and when some joker from 1500 miles away contacted me I'd just chuckle and delete his message. Yeesh. As if I don't have a life of my own.

 

[Miss Diva]

Yes I would relocate ... to be with the one I loved (BSDM or not).

 

[ZenDragoness]

edited

 

[timberwolf05]

I would find that to be arrogant and unrealistic. I was on collarme for a time and when some joker from 1500 miles away contacted me I'd just chuckle and delete his message. Yeesh. As if I don't have a life of my own.

==========================

i guess.....it IS too bad you feel that way.....
"I" was trained that ANY sub/slave with any sense WILL move to be with the Domme he chooses.....JUST like "I" have driven all over sam hell looking FOR a domme in the past......AND have moved several times.....just like the Ms i have now..She is in Wi and i was in Ia......

ah well
guess YOU figure the world will always live by YOUR standards huh?

have a wondeful time in that life you claim you have.
wolf

 

[shy slave]

I would find that to be arrogant and unrealistic. I was on collarme for a time and when some joker from 1500 miles away contacted me I'd just chuckle and delete his message. Yeesh. As if I don't have a life of my own.

I am so glad Andante did not do this when I emailed him.

I don't recall reading anywhere that there is a maximum mileage limit on meeting the right person.

Thank God for the ability to travel otherwise we would all end up fucking our own relations who live in the same village as we do.

 

[snowy ciara]

Depending on circumstances, I would move for the person, but this is not an absolute. It depends on: whether or not I can get a job where they are, or if they can get a job here. I don't have kids, and if they do, I wouldn't want to uproot the kids. If I were in the position of having children, I would expect this would be part of the consideration on their part.

That being said, I'm now in college and am not in a position to move and too broke and/or pressed for time to travel much. So this is hypothetical. I don't think I'd be able to respect a PYL who would not work with me around my University commitments. A Dominant whom I really really respect once told me that it is his job to care for his submissive an to help her be the best person she can be, to be successful in her life. In one case, this meant stepping out of a relationship when it became obvious that the submissive, who was unwilling to end it, was not happy nor was she thriving. She felt it better to languish in an unsuccessful relationship than to take a chance on going her on her own. He knew she was unhappy and ended it. In the end, this was the best decision for her (and she will be the first to tell you so) so it was the right thing to do for both. This is sort of the way I view an ideal D/s relationship. The parties involve do what is best for both partners, helping them both to be successful in their lives and if that means the Dom picks up and moves to where the sub is, cool. Most "Doms" who demand that the world come to them are spoiled or have unrealistic visions of the realities of life. Such a person would not make good relationship fodder, imo.

 

[h_i_s]

Thank God for the ability to travel otherwise we would all end up fucking our own relations who live in the same village as we do.

Amusing choice for expressing your opinion on the subject ... and SO true. heh ...

 

[Betticus]

Depending on circumstances, I would move for the person, but this is not an absolute. It depends on: whether or not I can get a job where they are, or if they can get a job here. I don't have kids, and if they do, I wouldn't want to uproot the kids. If I were in the position of having children, I would expect this would be part of the consideration on their part.

That being said, I'm now in college and am not in a position to move and too broke and/or pressed for time to travel much. So this is hypothetical. I don't think I'd be able to respect a PYL who would not work with me around my University commitments. A Dominant whom I really really respect once told me that it is his job to care for his submissive an to help her be the best person she can be, to be successful in her life. In one case, this meant stepping out of a relationship when it became obvious that the submissive, who was unwilling to end it, was not happy nor was she thriving. She felt it better to languish in an unsuccessful relationship than to take a chance on going her on her own. He knew she was unhappy and ended it. In the end, this was the best decision for her (and she will be the first to tell you so) so it was the right thing to do for both. This is sort of the way I view an ideal D/s relationship. The parties involve do what is best for both partners, helping them both to be successful in their lives and if that means the Dom picks up and moves to where the sub is, cool. Most "Doms" who demand that the world come to them are spoiled or have unrealistic visions of the realities of life. Such a person would not make good relationship fodder, imo.

Shit, I live three hours away from you and I can't even plan a time to meet up with you for some coffee and a chat. You are impossibly busy. But in reference to your post it's not like I have ever tried to set a time and place to meet up with you that doesn't mesh with your schedule.

We both suck equally in regards to being able to juggle schedules.

 

[Betticus]

I am so glad Andante did not do this when I emailed him.

I don't recall reading anywhere that there is a maximum mileage limit on meeting the right person.

Thank God for the ability to travel otherwise we would all end up fucking our own relations who live in the same village as we do.

Sometimes when you are young you don't have a choice.

 

[chris9]

Hi Chris
I can see why it could look as a lack of respect, but if their job or life is not moveable, it may be viewed as a lack of respect if the other more moveable person is not prepared to move.

(Hmm I think that makes sense).

I liked the idea he was honest from the start, no hidden aganda. I knew the score when it began to get serious. No wondering, or trying to figure out how to ask difficult questions.

On the other hand if we had not got on, I probably would have thought 'arrogant asshole'
With me its lose:lose lol

I'd imagine it can be good to have one saying he won't move and basta. Might cut down on the number of people who respond, but in the end, if he finds the one for him, who cares...
I just think that many people (at least around here, maybe other nations have people who like to move more) would put themselves first, find reasons like work, friends and expect their partner to move. Which can work if the partner has a work that's easier to relocate, no family-ties.
So if there are valid reasons to expect the partner to relocate, and give them as much time as they need to organize their stuff, no problem.

 

[BarrysSlut]

I guess I should put this another way...

So, I put up a profile on collarme, saying where I'm from. I get folks from up to 4 hours way contacting me and I respond to a few of them. I mean, 4 hours is doable. One can spend weekends together, yes? Those who live 2 hours away are even more promising.

Maybe I should change my profile to say I'm not looking for a live-in arrangement. I want a boyfriend, for lack of better words, not another husband. I'm still trying to divorce the first one.

Anyway, here I am getting emails from these men that live halfway across the country, some saying "Come to me, slut. On your knees!" I'm reading this shit and thinking these guys just can't be for real! Maybe the BDSM culture is just different. In the vanilla world, I don't see profiles saying "willing to relocate."

Another thing that crossed my mind, and here I'm finding I'm wrong to think this, is that I would have to have no self-respect or self-love to be seeking someone to own me, have me uproot and move, serve his needs completely, and all this coming to fruition in a matter of months. Over a year or so, maybe. But to go into an email dialogue thinking I could be with this virtual stranger in less than a year is not something I'd even consider. So, long distance relationships requiring air travel just aren't realistic for me.

Let me just say that when I married my husband, I moved to another continent in the process, so, yes, I do have some experience in that arena. My divorce has reminded me that being an independent woman who has my OWN home, my OWN interests, my OWN freedom, my OWN income is priceless.

How can a sub think this way, you may ask. Well, considering my inexperience in the BDSM lifestyle maybe you'll tell me I can't be a submissive if I'm too much in control of my life. I don't know that that's true. Having gone through what I have in regards to my most recent relationship, I do NOT want to lose my identity to anyone, Dom or not.

In our local BDSM group, there is a Dom whose subbie lives about 2-1/2 hours away. In her town she has family, grandchildren, adult children. Being that close she can serve her Master lovingly, yet still spend time with her children. They have talked about her moving to Him, but so far she hasn't, preferring to stay close to her family. To me, this is ideal. She can spend weekends with him being consumed by him, but still go home to a busy vanilla life with work and family. What's so "wrong" with that? What's so "wrong" with wanting independence, privacy and down-time?

Also in our group is a D/s couple who found a submissive living some 900 miles away. She left her husband and son to come live with them, serving their needs. This works for them. She has finally found a job and is settling in. She's thinking of divorcing her husband. I don't know when she sees her son. This is not something I could ever do, uproot and leave the life I'd grown comfortable with.

Is this sort of thinking indecent? Am I so out of line to refuse to turn my life over to someone who simply may not be worthy of me? I want a Dom, yes, but I'm picky. Whoever gets me is going to be one lucky sumbitch. If he meets MY standards, just like I have to meet HIS standards, then maybe we can negotiate. But don't write to me from Milwaukee and say, "Your profile is interesting. Let's talk!" then feel insulted when I say, "Dude, I'm not moving from my excellent job, my kids, my desert and network of friends for NOBODY."

 

[shy slave]

I'd imagine it can be good to have one saying he won't move and basta. Might cut down on the number of people who respond, but in the end, if he finds the one for him, who cares...
I just think that many people (at least around here, maybe other nations have people who like to move more) would put themselves first, find reasons like work, friends and expect their partner to move. Which can work if the partner has a work that's easier to relocate, no family-ties.
So if there are valid reasons to expect the partner to relocate, and give them as much time as they need to organize their stuff, no problem.

I don't think its a 'German' thing, (you said 'around here') more a mental process.
I work with people who have only visited the local city twice in twenty years.

Looking at some of the posts from people in the US its not even a European thing.

Maybe Andante should feel lucky I am willing to move.
In his desire to show me how lucky he feels he could learn to make english tea and then hand feed me chocolate

Somehow I don't think the latter will happen lol

I will just hold out for the tea

 

[shy slave]

I guess I should put this another way...

So, I put up a profile on collarme, saying where I'm from. I get folks from up to 4 hours way contacting me and I respond to a few of them. I mean, 4 hours is doable. One can spend weekends together, yes? Those who live 2 hours away are even more promising.

Maybe I should change my profile to say I'm not looking for a live-in arrangement. I want a boyfriend, for lack of better words, not another husband. I'm still trying to divorce the first one.

Anyway, here I am getting emails from these men that live halfway across the country, some saying "Come to me, slut. On your knees!" I'm reading this shit and thinking these guys just can't be for real! Maybe the BDSM culture is just different. In the vanilla world, I don't see profiles saying "willing to relocate."

Another thing that crossed my mind, and here I'm finding I'm wrong to think this, is that I would have to have no self-respect or self-love to be seeking someone to own me, have me uproot and move, serve his needs completely, and all this coming to fruition in a matter of months. Over a year or so, maybe. But to go into an email dialogue thinking I could be with this virtual stranger in less than a year is not something I'd even consider. So, long distance relationships requiring air travel just aren't realistic for me.

Let me just say that when I married my husband, I moved to another continent in the process, so, yes, I do have some experience in that arena. My divorce has reminded me that being an independent woman who has my OWN home, my OWN interests, my OWN freedom, my OWN income is priceless.

How can a sub think this way, you may ask. Well, considering my inexperience in the BDSM lifestyle maybe you'll tell me I can't be a submissive if I'm too much in control of my life. I don't know that that's true. Having gone through what I have in regards to my most recent relationship, I do NOT want to lose my identity to anyone, Dom or not.

In our local BDSM group, there is a Dom whose subbie lives about 2-1/2 hours away. In her town she has family, grandchildren, adult children. Being that close she can serve her Master lovingly, yet still spend time with her children. They have talked about her moving to Him, but so far she hasn't, preferring to stay close to her family. To me, this is ideal. She can spend weekends with him being consumed by him, but still go home to a busy vanilla life with work and family. What's so "wrong" with that? What's so "wrong" with wanting independence, privacy and down-time?

Also in our group is a D/s couple who found a submissive living some 900 miles away. She left her husband and son to come live with them, serving their needs. This works for them. She has finally found a job and is settling in. She's thinking of divorcing her husband. I don't know when she sees her son. This is not something I could ever do, uproot and leave the life I'd grown comfortable with.

Is this sort of thinking indecent? Am I so out of line to refuse to turn my life over to someone who simply may not be worthy of me? I want a Dom, yes, but I'm picky. Whoever gets me is going to be one lucky sumbitch. If he meets MY standards, just like I have to meet HIS standards, then maybe we can negotiate. But don't write to me from Milwaukee and say, "Your profile is interesting. Let's talk!" then feel insulted when I say, "Dude, I'm not moving from my excellent job, my kids, my desert and network of friends for NOBODY."

Now I am really confused.

You have a profile on collarme and your looking for a Dom but your name is BarrySlut.

Is there a Barry or have I lost the plot completely.

As to the rest of your post,
No one is an island.
There is nothing wrong with down time, but that can be found within a relationship that involves living in the same house.

There is nothing wrong with being a pyl with views and speaking out, God knows their are plenty on Lit.
Nor is there anything wrong with choosing whena dn where you are a pyl and agreeing that with the PYL.

It simply would not work for me.

I want to be with him, not at the expense of time with my children but I see it as bringing them into a bigger family and showing them more to life than the area we live in.

Jobs come and go, develop and change happens whether you stay in the same place or job hop.

Real friends that I have realise that friendship is a matter of mental processes not mileage.
One of my closest friends lives two hours away and another lives in Jersey.
We still talk all the time.


I am not a young naive idiot, I am a person who is taking control over her life and making choices about how the next stage of it will be.

 

[timberwolf05]

In the vanilla world, I don't see profiles saying "willing to relocate."
==============

LOL........YOU never seen MY ad then did ya????????


wolf

 

[BarrysSlut]

I have an example....

I "met" a guy on another site who lives about 6 hours from me. He lives in the desert, too, just another one. In two months we've swapped a few emails via the site. I didn't respond for a time and he'd send me a message every week or so just asking if I was OK. I finally responded telling him about the filing for divorce, the work situation, the kid situation, the moving situation (to my own place), the general uphheaval that was keeping me quite distracted.

He wrote back talking about some mutual interests, just general conversation stuff. He didn't say anything about meeting him, calling him, serving him, just voicing concern over my circumstances, then chatting a bit about what's going on with his own life.

I gave him my Yahoo chat ID. He sounds like the kind of guy I could chat with on an evening and he's not going to tell me to turn on my cam and strip for him. HE's the kind of guy that could own my mind. Not some horn dog who tries to barrel into my cyber life with ego on high power. Own my mind and you'll own all of me.

There are other men, and women, who just want to know when I'm going to drive out their way to meet them. When, when, when. Then, when I stop responding to their emails because my life is in session, they send one telling me they hope I find what I'm looking for. Yeesh. I say I want to take things slow, but they're not even willing to carry on a dialogue first to see if we click.

I'm grumpy. I need to go to the lake.

 

[BarrysSlut]

In the vanilla world, I don't see profiles saying "willing to relocate."
==============

LOL........YOU never seen MY ad then did ya????????


wolf

Apparently not.

 

[BarrysSlut]

shy, as I said, it works for some, but it doesn't work for me. As for my handle, it represents my only submissive role, one which lasted 2 years and one which opened my eyes to what I could have with a Man to whom I'd give everything. That everything doesn't include moving in with him, however. He'd have to know that up front.

 

[shy slave]

shy, as I said, it works for some, but it doesn't work for me. As for my handle, it represents my only submissive role, one which lasted 2 years and one which opened my eyes to what I could have with a Man to whom I'd give everything. That everything doesn't include moving in with him, however. He'd have to know that up front.

Thanks for explaining that.

I really hope you find the right person for you...

and I look forward to the your post further down the line that says one of you is moving miles to be with the other one