Teach-in Pantoum

[UnderYourSpell]

Thank you. And for the subject matter, yes gives me the heebies as well. I just moved into a turn of the century brick house with a root cellar (aka spider dungeon). I have a fear of spiders verging on arachnophobia and trying to desensitize myself with some exposure. I don't know if it's working or not since I overreact when seeing them, mashing them to smithereens. However I stopped screaming like a little girl.

I'm going to give another go at pantoum, a rhyming one. Now that's scary.

You are braver than me I wouldn't get within striking distance nor do I like the scrunch! Speaking of screaming like a little girl, a wood mouse ran over my foot and I squealed although normally I'm not afraid of mice!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

So near and yet so far
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My words stroke you, though my fingers cannot,
You are so close, just behind this screen.
Your voice is silent, in this Gordian Knot,
Your face, a mystery, goes unseen.

You are so close, just behind this screen,
You are so far, many miles away.
Your face, a mystery, goes unseen,
So many things I wish I could say.

You are so far, many miles away,
Would that I could just bring you near.
So many things I wish I could say,
I'd protect you from all the demons you fear.

Would that I could just bring you near,
To kiss you, taste you, fulfil your desires.
I'd protect you from all the demons you fear,
In the passion of night I'd light those fires.

To kiss you, taste you, fulfil your desires,
Your voice is silent, in this Gordian Knot.
In the passion of night I'd light those fires,
My words stroke you, though my fingers cannot.

Lovely subject and well done on a first attempt but I think the meter needs a bit of tweaking, ie 4th line 2nd Stanza 'So many things I wish that I could say'

 

[Wintermute01]

Lovely subject and well done on a first attempt but I think the meter needs a bit of tweaking, ie 4th line 2nd Stanza 'So many things I wish that I could say'

Yep, fair point. I was actually, subconsciously, inserting a pause here when I read it. But obviously without punctuation how would the reader know? Your solution is better.

Thanks.

 

[Angeline]

One for the road...

Jazzonia Pantoum*

In a Harlem cabaret
Six long-headed jazzers play.
A dancing girl whose eyes are bold
Lifts high a dress of silken gold.

Jazzonia, Langston Hughes


In a Harlem cabaret
dancers stomp the blues all right.
Six long-headed jazzers play
for the lily crowd all night.

Dancers stomp the blues all right
and the trumpets fairly ooze
for the lily crowd all night.
A cafe au lait chanteuse

and the trumpets fairly ooze.
A dancing girl whose eyes are bold,
a cafe au lait chanteuse,
lifts high a dress of silken gold.

A dancing girl whose eyes are bold
taps out heartache like a code,
lifts high a dress of silken gold
to sway. The syncopated ode

taps out heartache like a code.
Six long-headed jazzers play
to sway the syncopated ode
in a Harlem cabaret.

*This is a pantoum with a glosa worked into it. It's a modern glosa in that I had to sacrifice parts of one form to meet the requirements of the other. It's really just my own weird hybrid.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Jazzonia Pantoum*

In a Harlem cabaret
Six long-headed jazzers play.
A dancing girl whose eyes are bold
Lifts high a dress of silken gold.

Jazzonia, Langston Hughes


In a Harlem cabaret
dancers stomp the blues all right.
Six long-headed jazzers play
for the lily crowd all night.

Dancers stomp the blues all right
and the trumpets fairly ooze
for the lily crowd all night.
A cafe au lait chanteuse

and the trumpets fairly ooze.
A dancing girl whose eyes are bold,
a cafe au lait chanteuse,
lifts high a dress of silken gold.

A dancing girl whose eyes are bold
taps out heartache like a code,
lifts high a dress of silken gold
to sway. The syncopated ode

taps out heartache like a code.
Six long-headed jazzers play
to sway the syncopated ode
in a Harlem cabaret.

*This is a pantoum with a glosa worked into it. It's a modern glosa in that I had to sacrifice parts of one form to meet the requirements of the other. It's really just my own weird hybrid.

Wow impressed!!
But please tell what is a long-headed jazzer?!

 

[Angeline]

Wow impressed!!
But please tell what is a long-headed jazzer?!

Well it is Langdon Hughes' line but I imagine something like these guys:

That is the horn section from Duke Ellington's first orchestra.

 

[todski28]

Acrostic, pantoum, roundelay, glossa, sonnet, sestina, iambic pentameter, tetrameter, seriously did poets invent another language??

What is a glossa?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Acrostic, pantoum, roundelay, glossa, sonnet, sestina, iambic pentameter, tetrameter, seriously did poets invent another language??

What is a glossa?

You take an already written poem and must incorporate the lines into yours, one line per stanza, expanding on the theme of the original

 

[Wintermute01]

Since joining this, I've been seeing Pantoums everywhere, most recently in the lyrics of a rock band I'm a fan of:

"The Larger Bowl (A Pantoum)"

Lyrics by Neil Peart

If we're so much the same like I always hear
Why such different fortunes and fates?
Some of us live in a cloud of fear
Some live behind iron gates

Why such different fortunes and fates?
Some are blessed and some are cursed
Some live behind iron gates
While others only see the worst

Some are blessed and some are cursed
The golden one or scarred from birth
While others only see the worst
Such a lot of pain on the earth

The golden one or scarred from birth
Somethings can never be changed
Such a lot of pain on this earth
It's somehow so badly arranged

Somethings can never be changed
Some reasons will never come clear
It's somehow so badly arranged
If we're so much the same like I always hear

Some are blessed and some are cursed
The golden one or scarred from birth
While others only see the worst
Such a lot of pain on the earth

 

[todski28]

I think it is because it is such a powerful piece of form. I thought after reading and seen it mentioned by 1201 that due to the powerful nature that even the tritest crap can be made to sound amazing in this type of interlocking revebrating style. please don't take that as me saying that what we have written is trite though, coz we are amesome

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Since joining this, I've been seeing Pantoums everywhere, most recently in the lyrics of a rock band I'm a fan of:

"The Larger Bowl (A Pantoum)"

Lyrics by Neil Peart

If we're so much the same like I always hear
Why such different fortunes and fates?
Some of us live in a cloud of fear
Some live behind iron gates

Why such different fortunes and fates?
Some are blessed and some are cursed
Some live behind iron gates
While others only see the worst

Some are blessed and some are cursed
The golden one or scarred from birth
While others only see the worst
Such a lot of pain on the earth

The golden one or scarred from birth
Somethings can never be changed
Such a lot of pain on this earth
It's somehow so badly arranged

Somethings can never be changed
Some reasons will never come clear
It's somehow so badly arranged
If we're so much the same like I always hear

Some are blessed and some are cursed
The golden one or scarred from birth
While others only see the worst
Such a lot of pain on the earth

I've already tried to say that Hip hop is form poetry and got shot down for my pains so thanks for posting this

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I think it is because it is such a powerful piece of form. I thought after reading and seen it mentioned by 1201 that due to the powerful nature that even the tritest crap can be made to sound amazing in this type of interlocking revebrating style. please don't take that as me saying that what we have written is trite though, coz we are amesome

Of course we are awesome ........ we are Poets all

 

[twelveoone]

I won't let you kill off anything and there's going to be many more form threads however much you object to them (as if you have some right that others don't) and it's hardly my fault that you can't see that Rap is the ballad form read to music

somehow I think Mr. Form (Turco) might object, as for me it is important to know the history, the strengths and possible drawbacks of the form and the fact that forms where developed and used for specific reasons. Todski is expanding somewhat on a comment I left on Remec's poem BTW. (which you may want to bring up)
As for rap or ballad, I could care less. BTW Miss paint in the line, the beat structure is the ballad is what? Strange huh? For you it may be the how, for me it is always the why.
And AGAIN things depend on the definition of FORM, it is often used a truncation of Formal. And Turco is a neo-formalist. Here are the lines follow them.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pantoum
The pantoum is a form of poetry similar to a villanelle in that there are repeating lines throughout the poem. It is composed of a series of quatrains; the second and fourth lines of each stanza are repeated as the first and third lines of the next. This pattern continues for any number of stanzas, except for the final stanza, which differs in the repeating pattern. The first and third lines of the last stanza are the second and fourth of the penultimate; the first line of the poem is the last line of the final stanza, and the third line of the first stanza is the second of the final. Ideally, the meaning of lines shifts when they are repeated although the words remain exactly the same: this can be done by shifting punctuation, punning, or simply recontextualizing.
repeating pattern and shifting meaning inherently mean more than the form, per se. very simply put.

AND MARK OFF THE METRE BRITISHER

 

[Tzara]

Thank you. And for the subject matter, yes gives me the heebies as well. I just moved into a turn of the century brick house with a root cellar (aka spider dungeon). I have a fear of spiders verging on arachnophobia and trying to desensitize myself with some exposure. I don't know if it's working or not since I overreact when seeing them, mashing them to smithereens. However I stopped screaming like a little girl.

I'm going to give another go at pantoum, a rhyming one. Now that's scary.

I also have a phobia about spiders, though mine has greatly attenuated over the years. I even came suddenly upon a largish spider in the sink the other day and managed to trap him (or, I suppose her) in a glass and dump it in the back yard without screaming. Too much.

Well, there was that one little shriek, but I don't think anyone heard it.

And it was a big one, too. The spider, not the shriek.

Now if I could start to get over my acrophobia, which seems as ingrained as my blood type.

Dammit.

 

[twelveoone]

I think it is because it is such a powerful piece of form. I thought after reading and seen it mentioned by 1201 that due to the powerful nature that even the tritest crap can be made to sound amazing in this type of interlocking revebrating style. please don't take that as me saying that what we have written is trite though, coz we are amesome

Don't Overstate
Here goes, the problem with the pantoum is it so strong a form it can carry weak material as long as you don't fuck up the swing lines. You do an admirable job with the swing lines*.
and there is more, and as for you tod. kudos, you are putting teeth in comments (I saw on Tess's)
swing lines = the english got the pantoum from the french who got it from the malays who adopted it from the ourang-outangs, hence the term "swing lines"

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I also have a phobia about spiders, though mine has greatly attenuated over the years. I even came suddenly upon a largish spider in the sink the other day and managed to trap him (or, I suppose her) in a glass and dump it in the back yard without screaming. Too much.

Well, there was that one little shriek, but I don't think anyone heard it.

And it was a big one, too. The spider, not the shriek.

Now if I could start to get over my acrophobia, which seems as ingrained as my blood type.

Dammit.

I can stand them if they keep still but if they move I'm gone. I can't stand the way they scuttle, we must be in tune with our deep dark past when we needed to be afraid of scuttling things

 

[UnderYourSpell]

somehow I think Mr. Form (Turco) might object, as for me it is important to know the history, the strengths and possible drawbacks of the form and the fact that forms where developed and used for specific reasons. Todski is expanding somewhat on a comment I left on Remec's poem BTW. (which you may want to bring up)
As for rap or ballad, I could care less. BTW Miss paint in the line, the beat structure is the ballad is what? Strange huh? For you it may be the how, for me it is always the why.
And AGAIN things depend on the definition of FORM, it is often used a truncation of Formal. And Turco is a neo-formalist. Here are the lines follow them.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pantoum
The pantoum is a form of poetry similar to a villanelle in that there are repeating lines throughout the poem. It is composed of a series of quatrains; the second and fourth lines of each stanza are repeated as the first and third lines of the next. This pattern continues for any number of stanzas, except for the final stanza, which differs in the repeating pattern. The first and third lines of the last stanza are the second and fourth of the penultimate; the first line of the poem is the last line of the final stanza, and the third line of the first stanza is the second of the final. Ideally, the meaning of lines shifts when they are repeated although the words remain exactly the same: this can be done by shifting punctuation, punning, or simply recontextualizing.
repeating pattern and shifting meaning inherently mean more than the form, per se. very simply put.

AND MARK OFF THE METRE BRITISHER

I'm not British, I'm English .......... you know like people that come from England

 

[twelveoone]

Let's back this up for a second, what you are doing UYS is admirable and what the people here are doing (learning) I applaud. Despite the fact that this information is all over the place, this is interactive. I have no problem with people writing forms (regardless of what the definition is). Todski made an earlier observation which was astute, this mirrored the astuteness I had 8 years ago, this mirrored the astuteness the british had when they adopted and adapted the form from the french who adapted it from the malaysians, (the ourang-outang part was a joke.)Now when Todski pulls the 1201 says routine, that is something different, one it is blown up and out of context, and two, now people have to make a decision, either you are full of shit or I am. Neither is particularly true or applicable. Because the focus here is the how to, comments elsewhere by me are more about the why and what for.
Now your comment about the metre, mark it off, without doing so there is no metre, it is a "free ride" statement, predicated by a certain type of prejudice (British), you speak a certain type of english, I doubt whether it is either RP or BBC, to expect a Canadian let alone an American or Indian or etc. to speak the same way is British imperialism, and the sun done set on that big red blotch a long time ago.
My interjection about Angeline's non use of "still" was a valid one, but other than that, I really don't want to be here or in most other "form" threads, so carry on, with my blessing (although you don't need it).

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Let's back this up for a second, what you are doing UYS is admirable and what the people here are doing (learning) I applaud. Despite the fact that this information is all over the place, this is interactive. I have no problem with people writing forms (regardless of what the definition is). Todski made an earlier observation which was astute, this mirrored the astuteness I had 8 years ago, this mirrored the astuteness the british had when they adopted and adapted the form from the french who adapted it from the malaysians, (the ourang-outang part was a joke.)Now when Todski pulls the 1201 says routine, that is something different, one it is blown up and out of context, and two, now people have to make a decision, either you are full of shit or I am. Neither is particularly true or applicable. Because the focus here is the how to, comments elsewhere by me are more about the why and what for.
Now your comment about the metre, mark it off, without doing so there is no metre, it is a "free ride" statement, predicated by a certain type of prejudice (British), you speak a certain type of english, I doubt whether it is either RP or BBC, to expect a Canadian let alone an American or Indian or etc. to speak the same way is British imperialism, and the sun done set on that big red blotch a long time ago.
My interjection about Angeline's non use of "still" was a valid one, but other than that, I really don't want to be here or in most other "form" threads, so carry on, with my blessing (although you don't need it).

I don't know what you mean by 'Mark it off' and the explanation I posted for this form I stole from Lauren

 

[twelveoone]

I don't know what you mean by 'Mark it off' and the explanation I posted for this form I stole from Lauren

simply where you hear the stresses BOLD or even more the feet //
other than that, congrats to you and everyone involved.

 

[Angeline]

Let's back this up for a second, what you are doing UYS is admirable and what the people here are doing (learning) I applaud. Despite the fact that this information is all over the place, this is interactive. I have no problem with people writing forms (regardless of what the definition is). Todski made an earlier observation which was astute, this mirrored the astuteness I had 8 years ago, this mirrored the astuteness the british had when they adopted and adapted the form from the french who adapted it from the malaysians, (the ourang-outang part was a joke.)Now when Todski pulls the 1201 says routine, that is something different, one it is blown up and out of context, and two, now people have to make a decision, either you are full of shit or I am. Neither is particularly true or applicable. Because the focus here is the how to, comments elsewhere by me are more about the why and what for.
Now your comment about the metre, mark it off, without doing so there is no metre, it is a "free ride" statement, predicated by a certain type of prejudice (British), you speak a certain type of english, I doubt whether it is either RP or BBC, to expect a Canadian let alone an American or Indian or etc. to speak the same way is British imperialism, and the sun done set on that big red blotch a long time ago.
My interjection about Angeline's non use of "still" was a valid one, but other than that, I really don't want to be here or in most other "form" threads, so carry on, with my blessing (although you don't need it).

First, your interjection about my use of "still" may be valid to you but it's only your opinion and I happen not to agree with it. It's a matter of preference, not some absolute that only you can say is right.

Second I'm glad you seem to realize, at least for now, that neither UYS nor form poetry is the enemy. There is no war between form and free verse here unless someone starts one. You have valuable things to teach people--I am a strong supporter of you doing that here--but you do realize that if you go around calling people names and saying sly snotty things to them that no one will listen to you anymore, right? I think you should take a few steps back and consider how you are sounding to people, as if you want to either pontificate at them or pick fights with them. Going off on someone and then coming back the next morning and apologizing (sort of) sounds like some weird cyber version of domestic violence to me. Your behavior in some posts is bordering on abusive. Perhaps you would prefer being the only one here telling us all how to write poetry. But that is never going to happen. People have different opinions about what works for them and there are ways to express that without getting nasty about it. Surely someone of your talent with words recognizes that. Of course you could pick the next fight with me or threaten to leave, but that would be childish. I like you being part of this community, but I am liking the hectoring people less and less. That's a valid interjection on my part.

I would have preferred to have said these things to you privately but you don't accept private messages anymore.

 

[champagne1982]

In response to twelvio's request which could have been asked for a little more directly and politely, but that's just the mom in me castigating any demanding children for poor manners.

Istanbul At 5:30 a.m

Morn|ing| makes| us| be|lie|vers| here
with| the| dawn| comes| the| call| to |prayer I say prare
broad|cast| through| the| blue| so| clear
the| light| wears| a| bless|ing| of| sen|sual I pronounce these syllables as shwul with a slur| layers and this is lairs

with| the| dawn| comes| the| call| to |prayer
and| the| ca|ress| of| sound| flows| a|way| to the| south
the| light| wears| a| bless|ing| of| sen|sual | layers
you| taste| on| your| heart| when| you| o|pen| your| mouth

the| ca|ress| of| sound| flows| a|way| to the| south
you| add| your| love| psalms| prai|sing| life's| beaut|y
straight| from| your| heart| when| you| o|pen| your| mouth
to| whis|per| your| grace|ful| re|sponse| to| du|ty

you| write| love| psalms| prai|sing| life's| beau|ty
mur|mured again a slur –murd| through| the| blue| so| clear
you| whis|per| your| grace|ful| re|sponse| to| du|ty
morn|ing| makes| us| be|lie|vers| here

 

[twelveoone]

First, your interjection about my use of "still" may be valid to you but it's only your opinion and I happen not to agree with it. It's a matter of preference, not some absolute that only you can say is right.

you don't have to, defer to writer, but still a valid point about possibilities, in case you hadn't thought of it

Second I'm glad you seem to realize, at least for now, that neither UYS nor form poetry is the enemy. There is no war between form and free verse here unless someone starts one. You have valuable things to teach people--I am a strong supporter of you doing that here--but you do realize that if you go around calling people names and saying sly snotty things to them that no one will listen to you anymore, right? I think you should take a few steps back and consider how you are sounding to people, as if you want to either pontificate at them or pick fights with them. Going off on someone and then coming back the next morning and apologizing (sort of) sounds like some weird cyber version of domestic violence to me. Your behavior in some posts is bordering on abusive. Perhaps you would prefer being the only one here telling us all how to write poetry. But that is never going to happen. People have different opinions about what works for them and there are ways to express that without getting nasty about it. Surely someone of your talent with words recognizes that. Of course you could pick the next fight with me or threaten to leave, but that would be childish. I like you being part of this community, but I am liking the hectoring people less and less. That's a valid interjection on my part.

I would have preferred to have said these things to you privately but you don't accept private messages anymore.

There was no apology, and a rather careful reading would show otherwise about me telling anyone that there is only one way is a total falsehood. Outside of EDIT and think it through.
Todski was in error with the 1201 says bullshit* and I explained why, UYS was a little aggressive with the Form in another thread, so I returned the favour. As for Mark it off, show us the metre.

*second time this year, I think Darkmaas had a problem with the second coming, the first time around. Well so did I, I tolerate lionization about as much as demonization, but I am always up for a good scrap.

Well, this time around at least no one posted a link that suggested I was sleeping with my daughter. I do miss those boys.

 

[twelveoone]

In response to twelvio's request which could have been asked for a little more directly and politely, but that's just the mom in me castigating any demanding children for poor manners.

Istanbul At 5:30 a.m

Morn|ing| makes| us| be|lie|vers| here
with| the| dawn| comes| the| call| to |prayer I say prare
broad|cast| through| the| blue| so| clear
the| light| wears| a| bless|ing| of| sen|sual I pronounce these syllables as shwul with a slur| layers and this is lairs

with| the| dawn| comes| the| call| to |prayer
and| the| ca|ress| of| sound| flows| a|way| to the| south
the| light| wears| a| bless|ing| of| sen|sual | layers
you| taste| on| your| heart| when| you| o|pen| your| mouth

the| ca|ress| of| sound| flows| a|way| to the| south
you| add| your| love| psalms| prai|sing| life's| beaut|y
straight| from| your| heart| when| you| o|pen| your| mouth
to| whis|per| your| grace|ful| re|sponse| to| du|ty

you| write| love| psalms| prai|sing| life's| beau|ty
mur|mured again a slur –murd| through| the| blue| so| clear
you| whis|per| your| grace|ful| re|sponse| to| du|ty
morn|ing| makes| us| be|lie|vers| here

thank you, very well done, as for "manners", that kind of left with the so-called outing post a certain poet mentioned to teach another poet some manners, that also seemed to coincide with my disappearing H's. Lovely hide the Anon. Which by the way didn't just affect me. But also hit UYS among others.

 

[Angeline]

you don't have to, defer to writer, but still a valid point about possibilities, in case you hadn't thought of it

There was no apology, and a rather careful reading would show otherwise about me telling anyone that there is only one way is a total falsehood. Outside of EDIT and think it through.
Todski was in error with the 1201 says bullshit* and I explained why, UYS was a little aggressive with the Form in another thread, so I returned the favour. As for Mark it off, show us the metre.

*second time this year, I think Darkmaas had a problem with the second coming, the first time around. Well so did I, I tolerate lionization about as much as demonization, but I am always up for a good scrap.

Well, this time around at least no one posted a link that suggested I was sleeping with my daughter. I do miss those boys.

Ok so you didn't apologize and you are certainly entitled to your opinions. That leaves the browbeating part.

If you want to see where such aggressive scrapping (as opposed to reasoned differences in opinion) leads, spend a few hours reading on the GB. I don't want this place to deteriorate to name-calling and flame-throwing. It takes the focus off poems and puts it on the angry or snarky or whatever. I don't see how that ever helps anything.