the art of power

[JMohegan]

I didn't say being controlling was not dominant or powerful.

I said that it is possible to be dominant and powerful without being controlling.

What separates controlling behavior from dominance and power is choice. The difference between being coerced to follow and choosing to follow.

I think you misunderstood my question, so I'll rephrase.

In the context of a personal relationship, what would be a tangible example of behavior that was "dominant and powerful" without being controlling?

 

[Netzach]

I think you misunderstood my question, so I'll rephrase.

In the context of a personal relationship, what would be a tangible example of behavior that was "dominant and powerful" without being controlling?

Leadership via example or inspiration. No consequence on the other end necessarily, just a really huge huge carrot without a stick.

 

[JMohegan]

Leadership via example or inspiration. No consequence on the other end necessarily, just a really huge huge carrot without a stick.

I'm seeing two separate issues in what you just wrote. The first being leading by example vs. giving orders. The second being punishment vs. no punishment.

The first would be something like: we negotiate on the division of household chores, and I do mine well & in a timely fashion, trusting that she'll be inspired by my example to do hers well & in a timely fashion too; vs. I tell her what I want her to do, and when.

You don't need punishment in order to get her to do what you want, and when. You just need someone who is inspired to follow your instructions to the best of her ability.

 

[Netzach]

I'm seeing two separate issues in what you just wrote. The first being leading by example vs. giving orders. The second being punishment vs. no punishment.

The first would be something like: we negotiate on the division of household chores, and I do mine well & in a timely fashion, trusting that she'll be inspired by my example to do hers well & in a timely fashion too; vs. I tell her what I want her to do, and when.

You don't need punishment in order to get her to do what you want, and when. You just need someone who is inspired to follow your instructions to the best of her ability.

Yeah, those are separate and not necessarily exclusive or inclusive. I guess I consider controlling-ness to be centered on what happens when the activity strays from the desired being negative in some fashion.

 

[JMohegan]

Yeah, those are separate and not necessarily exclusive or inclusive. I guess I consider controlling-ness to be centered on what happens when the activity strays from the desired being negative in some fashion.

In the 'tell her what to do and when to do it' model of relationships, I'd say that if she was previously inspired to comply without requiring the threat of a stick, but loses that inspiration for whatever reason, there's a fundamental relationship problem to be dealt with.

The fact that the dishes weren't getting done would be the least of the problems at that point.

 

[Netzach]

In the 'tell her what to do and when to do it' model of relationships, I'd say that if she was previously inspired to comply without requiring the threat of a stick, but loses that inspiration for whatever reason, there's a fundamental relationship problem to be dealt with.

The fact that the dishes weren't getting done would be the least of the problems at that point.

Hey, we operate totally the same on this level. A lot of people can't even begin to imagine being in a place where the stick doesn't come out immediately heavy and often. And the dishes are the problem and a means to communicate minor messages with intent, bottom to top. I'm too obtuse to be talked to with hinting and acting out and I don't tolerate it.

Me, I don't have that kind of energy. Most things don't matter to me one way or another. When they do, they really do, and they go my way. Periodically that's the wrong way and then it's my mess and I have to clean it.

 

[bridgeburner]

I think you misunderstood my question, so I'll rephrase.

In the context of a personal relationship, what would be a tangible example of behavior that was "dominant and powerful" without being controlling?

Took me a minute and I could be wrong but I think it's about consent and will to obey. You can control someone who doesn't wish to please you in any number of ways. You can enforce your will on them and that's certainly dominating and powerful, however, if someone desires to please you and surrenders his wishes to yours out of that desire then that still makes you dominant and powerful without being controlling as I Eros is connoting the word.

Although I don't think I would've used the word controlling to begin with since I would define plenty of things as controlling but not necessarily in a non-consentual way. Micromanaging is controlling but lots of folks sign up for and adore that.

Uh, did I make it clear that I think Eros is defining "controlling" in a negative light involving non-consentual compulsion?

 

[Adakgirl]

what do you think, adakgirl? I know that sexual power and the effect it has on other people can be ego-building. But what if it wasn't. What would it be then?

I can tell you what it wouldn't be, it wouldn't be powerful.

 

[Adakgirl]

I can go into an Adult Only chat room, say a masturbation room, cam up and I can put my sexual power to work and see right there how it affects very different men, in many different ways and at various levels of intensity.

I can do this simply because I enjoy pleasing men and go about it as a social service of sorts or I can do it for the ego strokes and complements, either way I am still exercising sexual power over those that are watching me on cam.
I can make their cocks hard and tease them until men are cumming right and left. Or I can slow it down, lower the intensity and in turn they slow down. Or I can go in and not cam up and have no sexual power over them at all. Unless they know me and I hold residual power because they know what I do on cam.

regardless if I expose myself just for the men's sake and because I love to please men..and I could care less about their complements or I do it to get my ego stroked..the sexual power remains the same. And I'm only talking visual power and the power of the text I type in the room.

It's strange though I have seen women get upset and complain when they are not getting the attention they expect from showing the men their cams. When the guy's attention is directed to other women and they get few if any comments or complements they get all pissed off and cam down. They expect to have sexual power by just sitting there with their clothes on in a room with woman with their clothes off and that's just not going to happen.

Some may call it being a slut, some may call it exhibitionism, some may call it a need to please, a way to validate sexuality...whatever...call it anything you want...I just call it fun! But it is also a very intriguing, interesting social study.

 

[Adakgirl]

zippitydodayday my 5900 post on Lit, i need a prize!

 

[RJMasters]

I'm curious about how you experience power.

What does it feel like? Where does it come from? How do you harness it? Develop it? Learn it? Practice it? How does your experience of sexual power or powerlessness relate to your experience of power in the rest of your life?

For me, the answer to many of these questions can be summed up in one word.

Confidence.

The scope of which comes from one's whole being which would include sexual endeavors and pursuits. Thus the practice of the art of power is simply me expressing naturally the confidence I have in myself. This feels right to me in the way I live my life and do the things I do.

When you place emphasis upon sexual power, then for me it would be my sexual lusts and desires expressing themselves within the level of confidence I have in myself, and I would include here the level of confidence I have "in knowing" my partner. I would even also include the level of confidence my partner has in me and knowing me.

As to how to learn it, practice it and harness it...this is done over time and expereince. A dominant personality will always have some natural or raw talent, but this talent can be honed and harness as knowledge/understanding (both mentally and physically) increases through life expereinces.

To ask how one would develop/learn/harness/practice power is akin to asking how one would develop/learn/harness/practice maturity.

Of course there are exceptions to this as no one is cut from the same cloth, however, such are my thoughts on this matter.

 

[rida]

* tip toe back in to say hi! to RJMaster *

Hi! Hope life is good with you

 

[RJMasters]

Hello Rida.

Life has been treating me well lately. Nice to see you and hope all is well with you too.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Rape is about power. Rape is about rage and selfishness and the desire to humiliate, denigrate and destroy another person in some way. Rape is also about sex. Sex is the vehicle.

Sounded like an enjoyable evening minus the rage and destruction. Then again, any idiot that loses the temper and breaks the toys should be neutered to clean the gene pool anyway.

 

[bridgeburner]

Sounded like an enjoyable evening minus the rage and destruction. Then again, any idiot that loses the temper and breaks the toys should be neutered to clean the gene pool anyway.

My thoughts exactly!


....althought I've been known to have some enjoyable evenings indulging my rage and need to destroy. Those are the evenings I play alone, however. Nobody else needs to see that crap.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Nobody else needs to see that crap.

Or at least under overhead cover and behind blast proof plexi ...

 

[bridgeburner]

Or at least under overhead cover and behind blast proof plexi ...

Better make it soundproof, too!

Mama doesn't call me Little Miss PottyMouth for nothin'