The Happy Submissive?

[satindesire]

Hm. Well, this topic has induced a lot of really introspective thought the last hour or two, and the only thing I can really articulate is this:

I do it because I love Him. I don't complain because I love Him. I don't -try-, I -accomplish-. I know He would never ask something of me that was physically or humanly impossible...so I trust Him to never want to see me truly harmed.

Thus, feeling total loyalty and acquiescence to His decisions, I obey. To this day, faultlessly. I haven't needed punishment yet because I have not disobeyed, simply because to disappoint Him would crush me.

Whether the task is difficult or not, I do it. I'll finish it with as much grace and humility, and joyous gusto, as I can possibly have...because no matter the mundane-ness of the goal, it's still for Him. I do it with bells on.

I hope that gives you some more insights.

 

[PredatorSmile]

A lot of people look down on the submissive partner in a sexual game out of ignorance. Take me and my BF for example.


He's a bisexual stud who takes anything he wants. He's all strength and all power, all man, all the damn time. I'm the laid-back, cool girl. He comes, and takes ME. Roughly. One minute I'm reaching for something in the kitchen, and next thing I know, I'm grabbed, bent over, and he hotly breathes in my ear : " I'm taking you, now." He's NOT asking for permission.
Just giving a warning. And then, he takes me.


Anyone who knows me ( outgoing tomboy, college graduate, store manager, athlete) KNOWS that I don't seem to have a submissive BONE in my body. Yet, I like to be taken. In any way that my man wishes. I still remember my first anal penetration in the shower, one night after his B-ball team lost to a rival. Hot !

When you surrender, you GET a control that your TAKER does not have. He tells me to suck him, to lick him, and taste him. I do all that. He depends on me for his pleasure. He needs to take me to feel satisfied.
I only need to THINK about being taken to get all wet in all sorts of places.

See what I mean ?

 

[Softouch911]

I'm not much into whining, but I do thrive on challenges, as does he. That translates to him liking to order me to do things he knows I will find distasteful or difficult either temporarily or permanently, usually they are things which are not immediate successes but the point is not about success as much as it is about actively accepting and submitting to the dominance and working to succeed. It is not about better or true submission for us, but personally if I was not being challenged, found I could submit to every command without the occasional failure on the first or subsequent attempt, I would feel I was not challenged or growing and it was all too easy. As much as I hate those demands I cannot submit to just because I am told to do them, I also love them because they spark my submission even more so, they keep me on my toes, they keep it interesting and it gives us yet another opportunity to work together toward a common goal though each in our respective roles, and it makes us grow.

Catalina

I find myself nodding again, Catalina. I try not to take a position when I ask a question, but it keeps occurring to me that a healthy relationship requires balance and variety.

There's a lot of pride and joy for each in completing a task (w/o regard to success, maybe, as you say) that is difficult and/or unpleasant.

There's also fun and satisfaction in offering to her, and for her, a task she relishes.

Personally, I don't value one form of submission more than the other, but I do value them differently! The quality of the experience is just plain different -- I couldn't say better or less good -- whether a direction is met with a smile or resignation.

For me, the resistance of dissent, or displeasure, or just plain "whining," is welcome in a free session. But my Pita knows I put as much value on the grace and docility of her acceptance as I do on the acceptance itself, so there comes a point where any response other than willing assent seems just plain "inappropriate" -- to me.

ST

 

[catalina_francisco]

Hmmm, be careful satindesire, you are still young and have a long way to go and saying you obey always at this point could bite you with time, not to mention sound as if you are the perfect submissive who never does wrong. I think what happens is often the Dominant in the relationship chooses things they know the submissive can do so as to avoid any problems of not being able to comply in the blink of an eye, any wrestling with emotions such as failure, self disappointment for the submissive, insecurity etc., and while that is admireable in some ways, it also does not challenge on any fronts for the Dominant or submissive.

That is fine if that works for you both, but for me that would inhibit growth and feeling I had achieved something when after working at something and achieving it, I can know it was done because he wanted it and helped me get there no matter how difficult and how much hard work it took, not because it was easy to do just because he ordered. There are things I have been ordered to do which were not easy but I did on the spot as you talk of, but in reality I did them because they were in the range of things I could do without too much struggle using my desire to please him to get me through it. Sometimes it takes a little more than that to accomplish other orders, but for me the effort and struggle within is worth it in the long term. It doesn't make it better or more real, but for us it takes us beyond the step where I can feel comfortable knowing he will never ask anything of me which might mean streaching that bit further than instant submission. LOL, maybe I listened too much when my mother used to tell me 'nothing worth having comes easy'.

Catalina

 

[His_pita]

Thus, feeling total loyalty and acquiescence to His decisions, I obey. To this day, faultlessly. I haven't needed punishment yet because I have not disobeyed, simply because to disappoint Him would crush me.

Whether the task is difficult or not, I do it. I'll finish it with as much grace and humility, and joyous gusto, as I can possibly have...because no matter the mundane-ness of the goal, it's still for Him. I do it with bells on.

I hope that gives you some more insights.

A Stepford Subbie?



Just kidding!

I'm working on my grace and docility while submitting with a smile. Reading a post like yours makes me feel just a tad inadequate to tell you the truth.

Fortunately like he has said before, he likes a challenge. Plus, I agree with Catalina's mama that 'nothing worth having comes easy'.

Or maybe I just like being cropped!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Ah finally... someone who can read and take a joke!!!
I knew I always liked you.

Reading is required here? Since when?

 

[A Desert Rose]

Reading is required here? Since when?

Thanks for that slap alongside the head, Ma'am. What the fuck was I thinking?



LOL

 

[Ebonyfire]

Thanks for that slap alongside the head, Ma'am. What the fuck was I thinking?

LOL

I know you meant no harm...

 

[Little Bird]

I think it's mostly a matter of personal perspective. Classifying peoples into Doms and subs is to simple and there's always a different degree in importanace everyones sees in it for himself.

Submisiveness is not always submissiveness. Judging from fiction about it, there are many who enjoy fantasies about being mistreated and I'm also very sure there are many who actually did it and enjoyed it, too.

I think every Dom and every sub has his own view what is the central element of submission. Maybe for some punishment is necessary and one cannot be a sub if he does not like having things done to him he does not want, while others think a dom who enjoys punishing is not dominant but abusive. I think the only central element is that D/s is about a disparity in control.

For me submission is a display of unconditional love and complete affection and trust, because you know that the other one has taken you under his care and will do anything to save you from harm. You don't submit because you are forced to, but because the other one deservs your love and service. It's a way of showing how greatfull you are for being cared for.
If in such a relationship, the Dom does not convince the sub to something he didn't want to, but forces him, the whole thing breaks apart. It really depends on the relationship, I don't think it can be generalized.

 

[satindesire]

This is mostly to Catalina, but also just a further comment.

Just because I'm young, doesn't make my desire to please any less worthy of comment -OR- pride. And just because I -haven't- failed Him yet doesn't mean I don't think I ever will. I'm just going to pour my heart and soul into not ever doing it. In my life, that's what my submission to Him means to me.

Stepfordish? Maybe. (I don't disagree at all, honestly!) I'm not saying I -don't- struggle. Sometimes when I pick an outfit I think is cute and he disagrees, I -want- to pout and whine and cry about it. But I bite my tongue...it's the least I can do for all He does for me. That's my biggest pet peeve in submission, I guess...being an independant thinker briefly, but being told that my decision doesn't suit Him. That -really- boils my hamster!

I'm so glad I haven't failed Him yet, in all the months we've been together. I'm lucky that so far, none of the decisions He's made for me haven't been impossible. And I'm lucky that I have very little desire to be 'bratty' or go against him, just to test His (or my own) limits, or for punishment. I don't think that limits my growth, or His at all. I think the ease in which I accept the struggles in our relationship give a frictionless sort of time together that makes any difficulty worthwhile.

On a side note, punishment would be His anger and disappointment most of all. Spankings are fun-happy-joy-warm-tingly times. So I veiw punishment in a very diffrent way than some might. Does that help?

Note: Edited because I just came back from "The Lake House" And my spelling is atrocious due to me crying my eyes out.

 

[catalina_francisco]

This is mostly to Catalina, but also just a further comment.

Just because I'm young, doesn't make my desire to please any less worthy of comment -OR- pride. And just because I -haven't- failed Him yet doesn't mean I don't think I ever will. I'm just going to pour my heart and soul into not ever doing it. In my life, that's what my submission to Him means to me.

Stepfordish? Maybe. (I don't disagree at all, honestly!) I'm not saying I -don't- struggle. Sometimes when I pick an outfit I think is cute and he disagrees, I -want- to pout and whine and cry about it. But I bite my tongue...it's the least I can do for all He does for me. That's my biggest pet peeve in submission, I guess...being an independant thinker briefly, but being told that my decision doesn't suit Him. That -really- boils my hamster!

I'm so glad I haven't failed Him yet, in all the months we've been together. I'm lucky that so far, none of the decisions He's made for me haven't been impossible. And I'm lucky that I have very little desire to be 'bratty' or go against him, just to test His (or my own) limits, or for punishment. I don't think that limits my growth, or His at all. I think the ease in which I accept the struggles in our relationship give a frictionless sort of time together that makes any difficulty worthwhile.

On a side note, punishment would be His anger and disappointment most of all. Spankings are fun-happy-joy-warm-tingly times. So I veiw punishment in a very diffrent way than some might. Does that help?

Note: Edited because I just came back from "The Lake House" And my spelling is atrocious due to me crying my eyes out.

No your youth does not have any effect in those areas but I was refering to youth in that you have had little time to get to a point where things heat up. Some do, but in general I find that while they think they have seen or done all there is, it is borne of misconceptions based on lack of knowledge or experience of what might be yet to come...it is not personal, we have all been there. I was watching a George Michael interview recently and he made a similar comment in that when we are in or teens and 20's, we are so unaware of what is around the corner because we believe we have already arrived and seen it all, it usually takes another couple of decades to realise how much more there really is to explore and experience, and then you continue to discover more and more as the years pass, never getting to a point where knowledge or experience is complete.

I think when you speak of doing things because of your submission, you are talking on a different level to myself and some others and demonstrate what I am speaking of. You mention doing mundane tasks despite not enjoying them, not having his agreement about your choice of clothing but accepting his opinion...I can honestly say I have no problem with those things either, they don't even make me think twice..that is not a challenge. The challenges I refer to go much deeper as in doing things which are totally against who I am as a person (not superficially but more in terms of personality, character, traits, life choices), sacrificing my needs and wants for his, giving up some of the most fundamental aspects of my life such as family, friends, country, home, to be with and serve him, performing tasks which to me are significantly distasteful, phobia challenging, extremely painful, difficult and/or repulsive, many of these areas which often require a lot of headwork to even approach let alone submit to instantly. If you continue your journey of submission, you most likely will come to a point where your limits are pushed in ways which you will not find so easy to comply with with nothing more than a desire to cry and pout. It is worth the effort, but not as cookie cutter easy as some would lead you to believe, or submitting within the box which is comfortable and often predictable.

Catalina

 

[Softouch911]

....
Just because I'm young, doesn't make my desire to please any less worthy of comment -OR- pride. And just because I -haven't- failed Him yet doesn't mean I don't think I ever will. I'm just going to pour my heart and soul into not ever doing it. In my life, that's what my submission to Him means to me.

... But I bite my tongue...it's the least I can do for all He does for me. That's my biggest pet peeve in submission, I guess...being an independant thinker briefly, but being told that my decision doesn't suit Him. That -really- boils my hamster!

I'm so glad I haven't failed Him yet, in all the months we've been together. I'm lucky that so far, none of the decisions He's made for me haven't been impossible. And I'm lucky that I have very little desire to be 'bratty' or go against him, just to test His (or my own) limits, or for punishment. I don't think that limits my growth, or His at all. I think the ease in which I accept the struggles in our relationship give a frictionless sort of time together that makes any difficulty worthwhile.

On a side note, punishment would be His anger and disappointment most of all. Spankings are fun-happy-joy-warm-tingly times. So I veiw punishment in a very diffrent way than some might. Does that help?

.

Thank you for this clarification, satindesire. It strikes me as much more promising for your future in submission than your first post, which I reflected your ideals I realize, but this will eventually bring you face to face with reality, and I'm glad you seem willing to go there. Good luck and best wishes to both you and your dominant!

ST

 

[Softouch911]

....The challenges I refer to go much deeper as in doing things which are totally against who I am as a person (not superficially but more in terms of personality, character, traits, life choices), sacrificing my needs and wants for his, giving up some of the most fundamental aspects of my life such as family, friends, country, home, to be with and serve him, performing tasks which to me are significantly distasteful, phobia challenging, extremely painful, difficult and/or repulsive, many of these areas which often require a lot of headwork to even approach let alone submit to instantly. If you continue your journey of submission, you most likely will come to a point where your limits are pushed in ways which you will not find so easy to comply with with nothing more than a desire to cry and pout. It is worth the effort, but not as cookie cutter easy as some would lead you to believe, or submitting within the box which is comfortable and often predictable.

Catalina

Thanks for this. Very well said!

ST

 

[PredatorSmile]

Thanks for this. Very well said!

ST

'


I heartily concur !