The Men Who's Wives Have No Sex Drive Support Club

[Mtnmike]

A year or so after splitting from my first wife I had a problem sustaining an erection with women, which I thought was some sort of age thing. I had a couple of sessions talking to a friend of a friend who is a therapist and came to realise that it was a guilt thing, in my head I was cheating. Since then I have been fine.

Interesting take on it, i'll definitely have to study on this, thank you.

 

[Mtnmike]

Just chiming in to the support group, because the loneliness is real, but also feeling unattractive. It really hits your self-esteem. and that moment when you’ve been promised sex, or at least mutual masturbation, and it just… doesn’t happen. Even when I prompt. My husband has a medical issue - seems to be fairly normal in these scenarios - but the mismatch is pretty extreme. I was always the freak, and he was just… so pretty. Where was I? Oh. So now I’m masturbating in the bathroom so many times a day, he thinks I have IBS. Decided to start writing erotica as therapy. (I told myself it was to make some side cash, but no, it’s therapy). Anyway, lonely groins unite in solidarity. My heart is with you all.

So right, the loneliness & feeling unattractive is real, depression set's in & that's a whole new problem, especially if they put you on medication.

 

[Bbl87]

Just chiming in to the support group, because the loneliness is real, but also feeling unattractive. It really hits your self-esteem. and that moment when you’ve been promised sex, or at least mutual masturbation, and it just… doesn’t happen. Even when I prompt. My husband has a medical issue - seems to be fairly normal in these scenarios - but the mismatch is pretty extreme. I was always the freak, and he was just… so pretty. Where was I? Oh. So now I’m masturbating in the bathroom so many times a day, he thinks I have IBS. Decided to start writing erotica as therapy. (I told myself it was to make some side cash, but no, it’s therapy). Anyway, lonely groins unite in solidarity. My heart is with you all.

I look forward to reading your work! It is definitely therapeutic, otherwise I wouldn't have turned a one off story into a 10 parter myself.

 

[Elite_Goblin]

Lol, year's ago I would do that but got tired of being told to quit or go somewhere private, she didn't want to see or hear it. Omfg

Now that sounds familiar...

 

[trevorness]

I occasionally worry about my wife coming across evidence of my online playing. And formulating a response along the lines of “well what am I supposed to do?

 

[klippert]

I occasionally worry about my wife coming across evidence of my online playing. And formulating a response along the lines of “well what am I supposed to do?

I used to be worried, I don't even think that would surprise my wife, well maybe the bi and gay. This has been a multi-year roller coaster that has had long drops slow inclines.... then down even faster.

 

[trevorness]

I wore@ thong today and enjoyed it, I kind of want to transition to all thongs.

Also pondering getting my nipples and ears pierced.

 

[canogagrizz]

Just chiming in to the support group, because the loneliness is real, but also feeling unattractive. It really hits your self-esteem. and that moment when you’ve been promised sex, or at least mutual masturbation, and it just… doesn’t happen. Even when I prompt. My husband has a medical issue - seems to be fairly normal in these scenarios - but the mismatch is pretty extreme. I was always the freak, and he was just… so pretty. Where was I? Oh. So now I’m masturbating in the bathroom so many times a day, he thinks I have IBS. Decided to start writing erotica as therapy. (I told myself it was to make some side cash, but no, it’s therapy). Anyway, lonely groins unite in solidarity. My heart is with you all.

Very same thoughts & situation here but the opposite sex. My wife is the one that has given up because her sex drive is totally gone because of kidney problems & she is sadly on dialysis. I've been supportive of her & always will continue to be supportive of her and understanding of her sad situation. I gave up any & all asking of anything sexual anymore & just became understanding she has no desires anymore. I got very hurt feeling I was unattractive to her. Then I gave up mentioning anything, even in a joking manner or hinting for oral or even a helping hand. It just upset her and even if she was feeling in a funny mood, she's say thing like "ok later on I promise" and it would never happen. I gave up totally. I was not going to beg at all anymore for anything sexual from her anymore. 10Yrs later I have my days where I'm super horny and resort to porn & masturbation. Provided I can find some privacy. She doesn't care that I masturbate. I just never wanted her to see me doing it and she has said "Yuck" anytime I mentioned myself masturbating. I suppose I use to say such things IN HOPES that it might spark something in her.
The thing that really stinks is I find myself resorting to more & more male on male sex porn. I had just a few instances when I was younger with a friend but I was never gay or bi. I never gave it any thoughts really. I am not attracted to men, the idea of kissing a man, cuddling any of that grosses me out. But I have had thoughts to the point that I wouldn't mind just doing some oral, mutual masturbation or trying some m2m sex. Just to have sex again in my life. I NEVER wanted to even think of these things in the past. Never considered that I would again. And the only reason I have thought & considered it is because I'm 59yrs old & have thoughts over & over again how I'm an chubby old man that not many women would be attracted to probably, and I have no desires to cheat on my wife with another woman or go though all the dynamics of getting a side girlfriend/mistress type relationship & all the drama & money it would take. No way. Not worth it. But with another guy, that avoids all of that. So I sit here thinking do I want to go the rest of my life without sex of any kind? Hell no I don't. Will I have to? Probably. It makes me very sad to think that I will die with no more sex other than my hand or sex toys. So humiliating thinking of the only choices I might have left if I want to have sex again in my life. A woman would be the greatest thing. I loved making love & pleasuring a woman. I desire women. But I go back to what I just said. Too much of a hassle to TRY and have tine for another woman in my daily life. And I would NEVER want to hurt my wife anyways. And with a guy friend (if I could find a way to even make that happen which is very doubtful) I would feel safer & not feel like I was cheating. Which I really would have no guilt about at this point being sexless. Anyways I'm glad for this thread & support club.

 

[Wageslave]

Very same thoughts & situation here but the opposite sex. My wife is the one that has given up because her sex drive is totally gone because of kidney problems & she is sadly on dialysis. I've been supportive of her & always will continue to be supportive of her and understanding of her sad situation. I gave up any & all asking of anything sexual anymore & just became understanding she has no desires anymore. I got very hurt feeling I was unattractive to her. Then I gave up mentioning anything, even in a joking manner or hinting for oral or even a helping hand. It just upset her and even if she was feeling in a funny mood, she's say thing like "ok later on I promise" and it would never happen. I gave up totally. I was not going to beg at all anymore for anything sexual from her anymore. 10Yrs later I have my days where I'm super horny and resort to porn & masturbation. Provided I can find some privacy. She doesn't care that I masturbate. I just never wanted her to see me doing it and she has said "Yuck" anytime I mentioned myself masturbating. I suppose I use to say such things IN HOPES that it might spark something in her.
The thing that really stinks is I find myself resorting to more & more male on male sex porn. I had just a few instances when I was younger with a friend but I was never gay or bi. I never gave it any thoughts really. I am not attracted to men, the idea of kissing a man, cuddling any of that grosses me out. But I have had thoughts to the point that I wouldn't mind just doing some oral, mutual masturbation or trying some m2m sex. Just to have sex again in my life. I NEVER wanted to even think of these things in the past. Never considered that I would again. And the only reason I have thought & considered it is because I'm 59yrs old & have thoughts over & over again how I'm an chubby old man that not many women would be attracted to probably, and I have no desires to cheat on my wife with another woman or go though all the dynamics of getting a side girlfriend/mistress type relationship & all the drama & money it would take. No way. Not worth it. But with another guy, that avoids all of that. So I sit here thinking do I want to go the rest of my life without sex of any kind? Hell no I don't. Will I have to? Probably. It makes me very sad to think that I will die with no more sex other than my hand or sex toys. So humiliating thinking of the only choices I might have left if I want to have sex again in my life. A woman would be the greatest thing. I loved making love & pleasuring a woman. I desire women. But I go back to what I just said. Too much of a hassle to TRY and have tine for another woman in my daily life. And I would NEVER want to hurt my wife anyways. And with a guy friend (if I could find a way to even make that happen which is very doubtful) I would feel safer & not feel like I was cheating. Which I really would have no guilt about at this point being sexless. Anyways I'm glad for this thread & support club.

I can very much relate to this post
My girlfriend has serious physical and mental health problems and we haven't been intimate for about 8 years.
My libido has also collapsed so that I can't even have a proper wank either.
I don't look at gay porn but would love to meet up with another guy to wank, suck and frot each other
If he liked women's underwear that would be a big bonus

 

[canogagrizz]

I can very much relate to this post
My girlfriend has serious physical and mental health problems and we haven't been intimate for about 8 years.
My libido has also collapsed so that I can't even have a proper wank either.
I don't look at gay porn but would love to meet up with another guy to wank, suck and frot each other
If he liked women's underwear that would be a big bonus

Yes. EXACTLY my same thoughts regarding meeting up with another guy. If you have these thoughts I'm super surprised you haven't or don't watch any gay porn. It's very exciting & stimulating to help when wanking.

 

[TemptationTango]

There's an interesting note here... the assumption that a woman's sex drive can disappear just because, but a man's must certainly be medical. Just because that's my situation doesn't mean I should think of that as universal. (I'm coaching myself here, just thinking out loud). I'm wondering if a sex therapist would tell us to work on the cerebral part of attraction before we look at the physical. Because truly, I do wonder if he's still attracted to me. We have transcended romance on the partnership scale; we've been through some real shit as a team and fought back. I have no doubt I want him as my partner for life. But... can I please have romance, too? I'll get myself off. It'll be fine. Just... I miss kissing.

Note for you men: There are receptors in women's mouths that trigger oxytocin. If you want to connect with her, just fucking kiss her already!

Well, that is a tough one. I kinda like this analogy...we are all loving abandoned puppies in a pound. Just someone opening the door to our " cellblock" gets us all excited. If someone touches us, we damn near pee all over the place.

So, at these rare times that my wife gives me a hug, or kisses me, the godamned launch sequence starts all on its own...Claxon's are going off and red lights are blinking, and I get lightheaded as all my blood rushes south. Ever try and conceal something like that so to not put any pressure on the "situation"?...mission impossible.

I have come to the same conclusion that most here have figured out. We love our wives and are not leaving, but I am not going to turn down the possibility of a discrete relationship ever(again).

 

[trevorness]

Now if my wife is out and a guy is offering to blow me… hm.

 

[PMarky2]

There's an interesting note here... the assumption that a woman's sex drive can disappear just because, but a man's must certainly be medical. Just because that's my situation doesn't mean I should think of that as universal. (I'm coaching myself here, just thinking out loud). I'm wondering if a sex therapist would tell us to work on the cerebral part of attraction before we look at the physical. Because truly, I do wonder if he's still attracted to me. We have transcended romance on the partnership scale; we've been through some real shit as a team and fought back. I have no doubt I want him as my partner for life. But... can I please have romance, too? I'll get myself off. It'll be fine. Just... I miss kissing.

Note for you men: There are receptors in women's mouths that trigger oxytocin. If you want to connect with her, just fucking kiss her already!

My missus never was much of a kisser, which was unfortunate. I love snogging as much as I love oral sex (giving and receiving, for the record) and really miss it. Her lack of interest is firmly medical. She has an autoimmune disease which affects the mucus membranes. This means that even if she is feeling frisky, she knows that the resulting interaction is, at some point, going to become uncomfortable/painful. To complicate the issue further, she also has a form of non-Hodgkin lymphoma, so for me to get even the yellow light for sex, we need her to be (a) in the mood, and (b) both medical conditions to be in remission. That does not happen very often.

 

[Meeh81]

Hi Everyone!

There seem to be a large group of us here who are happily married and somewhere along the lines our wives have lost interest in sex. I thought it would be nice to have a common thread for us to chat and discuss how we deal with it and meet others in the same boat.

My story seems to be a common one. Had really great sex while we were dating. Ok sex once we got married. And now it is once a month "make it quick" sex since kids. It's rough. I'm always horny. I think my wife is sexy and beautiful. But there is nothing that seems to get her interested in sex. Even when we have sex she's always very present. She doesn't let go. Most of the time i'm ok with it and just thankful for the wonderful life I have. But sometimes (when it gets to 6 or so weeks without sex) I take it personally and feel unloved. When that happens it's hard.

How do I deal with it? Usually i'm left to jerking off and end up on Literotica. Check out my fav threads, see what new stories are up and then venture out into porn land from there. I've recently tried to really cut back on Lit and Porn. But in a bigtime current dry spell (2 months) so there is only so much holding out I can handle

I'm starting this club because I feel like one of the best things about Lit is being able to talk about what you are going through and then coming to realize you aren't alone. It's free therapy with some sexy conversation and content thrown in

Feel free to share your story and how you deal with it or you can PM me if you don't want to post.

IMPORTANT NOTE WOMEN ARE VERY VERY WELCOME HERE I may have made it a guys club but it isn't. Any women in this position please join in we'd love to hear from you

How about married women who has the same problem with her husband?? I think we are on the same boat here

 

[30bandits]

How about married women who has the same problem with her husband?? I think we are on the same boat here

i'm here to help....scratch my back, i'll scratch yours....

 

[HampshireBoy]

What a difference a year makes, last September we were in Spain - staying in a villa with our own pool. We had sex pretty much every day in the pool, sometimes a couple of times a day, plus some mornings or nights in bed. It genuinely seemed like she might have regained her drive. However, since then we've returned to her having no drive and very slim pickings.

Leading up to our holiday this September, different villa but still a private pool, she talked about the fun we would have. The reality was very different, sex once after going to nudist beach and seeing other couples and once in the pool. If I asked she didn't feel like it and then I'm told that I'm pressurising her.

We've had another talk, basically we're very much in love, she still fancies me but doesn't feel like sex. She apparently loves me walking around naked and enjoys going to nudist beaches with me, there is no way that she is going naked.

If I ask then I'm pressurising her, if I don't ask she thinks I don't want it - it doesn't feel like there is a solution.

 

[KeenVoyeur]

There's an interesting note here... the assumption that a woman's sex drive can disappear just because, but a man's must certainly be medical. Just because that's my situation doesn't mean I should think of that as universal. (I'm coaching myself here, just thinking out loud). I'm wondering if a sex therapist would tell us to work on the cerebral part of attraction before we look at the physical. Because truly, I do wonder if he's still attracted to me. We have transcended romance on the partnership scale; we've been through some real shit as a team and fought back. I have no doubt I want him as my partner for life. But... can I please have romance, too? I'll get myself off. It'll be fine. Just... I miss kissing.

Note for you men: There are receptors in women's mouths that trigger oxytocin. If you want to connect with her, just fucking kiss her already!

If that's your mouth on your AV, I'd love to trigger your oxytocin!

How about married women who has the same problem with her husband?? I think we are on the same boat here

There's just not enough married women who would admit to being in that situation, even less make it clear to a guy that she wanted a sexual relationship

What a difference a year makes, last September we were in Spain - staying in a villa with our own pool. We had sex pretty much every day in the pool, sometimes a couple of times a day, plus some mornings or nights in bed. It genuinely seemed like she might have regained her drive. However, since then we've returned to her having no drive and very slim pickings.

Leading up to our holiday this September, different villa but still a private pool, she talked about the fun we would have. The reality was very different, sex once after going to nudist beach and seeing other couples and once in the pool. If I asked she didn't feel like it and then I'm told that I'm pressurising her.

We've had another talk, basically we're very much in love, she still fancies me but doesn't feel like sex. She apparently loves me walking around naked and enjoys going to nudist beaches with me, there is no way that she is going naked.

If I ask then I'm pressurising her, if I don't ask she thinks I don't want it - it doesn't feel like there is a solution.

That's a shame - I know how much you were looking forward to the opportunities the holiday might have brought!

 

[KeenVoyeur]

And while I'm here ... just to echo the sentiments expressed by some other guys here - I never thought about returning to the experimental stage I went through as a teenager, having cock fun with a friend, but it just seems somehow more attractive now! Meet a guy (or guys), get your cock out, enjoy some mutual stroking and sucking, empty your balls somewhere agreeable, get your pants back on and drive home ... just don't kiss me or stick your dick up my arse

 

[HumpDayHoratio]

Can I join? Wife entering menopause and desire is down. She’s warning me she just doesn’t have the desire. She can get in the mood if it’s planned out but she won’t plan it out and so now I have to be the pushy guy. Most times rebuffed but on occasion (date night) it will happen.

My problem is I need more. I guess that’s why I’m here. Probably a good bit of us in the same boat.

Keep the faith brothers, and sisters who don’t get enough!

 

[HampshireBoy]

... just don't kiss me or stick your dick up my arse

Getting picky in your old age?

To be serious for a moment, I entirely get where you're coming from. It would just be nice to have someone actually desire you and touch you.

 

[KeenVoyeur]

Getting picky in your old age?

To be serious for a moment, I entirely get where you're coming from. It would just be nice to have someone actually desire you and touch you.

Not picky, just not into that really

As things stand, I'm not wanting anything more than some mutual fun, be it touching or sucking ... and as we have discussed before, there seems to be a number of guys out there who want to play but the distance is always a problem

 

[HampshireBoy]

Not picky, just not into that really

I couldn't resist a tease, as you know, I'm exactly the same; tempted by the idea of mutual pleasure but not at all turned on by anal sex with another guy.

As things stand, I'm not wanting anything more than some mutual fun, be it touching or sucking ... and as we have discussed before, there seems to be a number of guys out there who want to play but the distance is always a problem

Yes, distance and building up the courage.

 

[pezzheaddazzler]

I'm in the same boat as most of the guys on here its been years since my wife and I had sex.
Her drive started going south after her hysterectomy that was 15 years or so ago.
I's just me and on here and keep dreaming.

 

[HumpDayHoratio]

I'm sorry to hear there are so many men who are experiencing this. if any of you are lonely, need to chat or ask a question, I try take the time to respond to my private messages if that is something that would interest any of you.

I hope I didn't interfere on a private discussion on this thread.

Ashley

Thanks Ashley. It means a lot to have support from you and like minded folks.

 

[klippert]

thought i'd stop in... see if anything has changed for anyone.... no change here