The never-ending "labels" debate

[graceanne]

In regards to addressing people as Mrs, Miss, Mr, or Ms it depends to me a lot on how they're introduced to me. I usually refer to my kids teachers by Ms. Whatever or Mr. Whatever just because that's what my kids call them. If I said, for instance, 'Did Nova send your spelling words home with you?' I'd get a strange look while my daughter figured out I mean her teacher. I also tend to call people by what they're introduced to me as, just cause I'm a creature of habit; it's not necessarily a respect thing. I have a cousin name Christian, who we called CJ most of his life. When he got older, he chose to be called Christian, and I cannot for the life of me remember to call him that.

On the other hand, when dealing with my kids, I tend to take the age and background of the person in account before I choose what they should call him/her. My landlord is elderly, upper middle class. They call him Mr. (Landlord). With the sweet old hippy we meet a church, I have them call him/her by their first name. If I'm not sure, I will usually err on the side of caution, using their title, but if they ask to be called by their first name I don't argue. In the eternal words of Adam, from Blast from the Past, a lady or gentleman is someone who does their best to make everyone else around them as comfortable as possible. If it makes someone uncomfortable to be called by a title, then it's not good manners to insist, it's just rude.

 

[Stella_Omega]

No idea.

I use the James Bond style.

Shaken not stirred. *nod*

 

[sb2009]

I didn't mean what to actualy calll them, - I understand that is done with some quick mental work that takes into account social status, thier positition in the situation we are in, etc.

But when someone comes up to you and says "Hello, I am Mr. Jones." and they are not, for example your kid's teacher. Is *that* sort of thing common?

I am curious about it because while working as a civilian in govt. the sort of rule was that anyone non military but who was higher ranking than you, was addressed ass "Mr." ect. The may say "I'm Bob Jones, Big Wig arond here" but when I responded, it was "Nice to meet you, Mr. Jones." It was always, the person of higher status is called by honorific, the person of lower status by first name.

In the Army, it was similiar - A Sgt. called a Pvt "Jones" but a Privet called the Sgt "Sgt. Jones" or just "Sgt" Peers called each other by last name.


But I also saw thigns that I never picked up on the correct rules. Govt employees calling me, for example, and saying "this is Mr Jones from accounting." I thought it was proper to use your full name, Bob Jones, and then the onus on the other person was to decide whether you were addressed with an honorific.

but now I see letters with the signature block Mr. Bob Jones and that is new to me, but I did learn "secretaryin'" back in the days of shorthand and typewriters LOL

 

[graceanne]

I didn't mean what to actualy calll them, - I understand that is done with some quick mental work that takes into account social status, thier positition in the situation we are in, etc.

But when someone comes up to you and says "Hello, I am Mr. Jones." and they are not, for example your kid's teacher. Is *that* sort of thing common?

I am curious about it because while working as a civilian in govt. the sort of rule was that anyone non military but who was higher ranking than you, was addressed ass "Mr." ect. The may say "I'm Bob Jones, Big Wig arond here" but when I responded, it was "Nice to meet you, Mr. Jones." It was always, the person of higher status is called by honorific, the person of lower status by first name.

In the Army, it was similiar - A Sgt. called a Pvt "Jones" but a Privet called the Sgt "Sgt. Jones" or just "Sgt" Peers called each other by last name.


But I also saw thigns that I never picked up on the correct rules. Govt employees calling me, for example, and saying "this is Mr Jones from accounting." I thought it was proper to use your full name, Bob Jones, and then the onus on the other person was to decide whether you were addressed with an honorific.

but now I see letters with the signature block Mr. Bob Jones and that is new to me, but I did learn "secretaryin'" back in the days of shorthand and typewriters LOL

Honestly, to be fair, I live in one of the more casual parts of the US. We're casual about just about everything, so the whole name thing is bound to be casual, too. I'm not sure what it's like, elsewhere.

 

[Seurat]

I didn't mean what to actualy calll them, - I understand that is done with some quick mental work that takes into account social status, thier positition in the situation we are in, etc.

But when someone comes up to you and says "Hello, I am Mr. Jones." and they are not, for example your kid's teacher. Is *that* sort of thing common?

I am curious about it because while working as a civilian in govt. the sort of rule was that anyone non military but who was higher ranking than you, was addressed ass "Mr." ect. The may say "I'm Bob Jones, Big Wig arond here" but when I responded, it was "Nice to meet you, Mr. Jones." It was always, the person of higher status is called by honorific, the person of lower status by first name.

In the Army, it was similiar - A Sgt. called a Pvt "Jones" but a Privet called the Sgt "Sgt. Jones" or just "Sgt" Peers called each other by last name.


But I also saw thigns that I never picked up on the correct rules. Govt employees calling me, for example, and saying "this is Mr Jones from accounting." I thought it was proper to use your full name, Bob Jones, and then the onus on the other person was to decide whether you were addressed with an honorific.

but now I see letters with the signature block Mr. Bob Jones and that is new to me, but I did learn "secretaryin'" back in the days of shorthand and typewriters LOL

On the rare occasions that I see the pres or one of the VPs of the company, I call them by their first names but usually throw an honorific in there. "Good morning, Mark. No, sir, I didn't see the email." Since I am the only one in my company in my position, I am referred to by job description, or by first name and job description. 'Sir's show up when people are talking to me about my job or something that has to do with it, but disappear when talk is casual.


It's really odd, but I got used to it.

 

[chy_girl]

Honestly, to be fair, I live in one of the more casual parts of the US. We're casual about just about everything, so the whole name thing is bound to be casual, too. I'm not sure what it's like, elsewhere.

That's an understatement. Stand in a busy mall and use the words "Hey! Dude!" in a slightly louder than normal voice and 85% of the people who hear will turn to see if you're talking to them.

 

[sweepthefloor]

No label, no safe word. I don't want to be in the position to need them, but I live in utopia. It will just all be natural. Keep in mind: I don't know nothing about this except what I have read here.

 

[Stella_Omega]

No label, no safe word. I don't want to be in the position to need them, but I live in utopia. It will just all be natural. Keep in mind: I don't know nothing about this except what I have read here.

I like to write stories where my characters have no limits, no safeword. They somehow, magically, know each other perfectly right off the bat.

That's what fiction is for.

In reality... if your partner doesn't have at least some clue as to your limits, they might never even get close to them--this is true more often than the other way around-- and you won't get satisfaction.

If you don't have a safeword, he'll stop the first time you say; "No!" because who can be sure, really?

Limits and safewords are as often about making sure you get there, as they are about not going past there.

 

[sb2009]

i used my safeword tonight - it involved corndogs for dinner. Thankully PYL respects my hard limits LOL

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

i used my safeword tonight - it involved corndogs for dinner. Thankully PYL respects my hard limits LOL

It's important to know your boundaries, and which batter-coated meat-on-a-stick violates them.

 

[Stella_Omega]

i used my safeword tonight - it involved corndogs for dinner. Thankully PYL respects my hard limits LOL

more than 24 hours later and this still made me laugh out loud!

 

[Homburg]

In the Army, it was similiar - A Sgt. called a Pvt "Jones" but a Privet called the Sgt "Sgt. Jones" or just "Sgt" Peers called each other by last name.

Once when I was little, someone asked me what my dad's first name was, and my immediate response was "Sargeant."

 

[sweepthefloor]

I like to write stories where my characters have no limits, no safeword. They somehow, magically, know each other perfectly right off the bat.

That's what fiction is for.

In reality... if your partner doesn't have at least some clue as to your limits, they might never even get close to them--this is true more often than the other way around-- and you won't get satisfaction.

If you don't have a safeword, he'll stop the first time you say; "No!" because who can be sure, really?

Limits and safewords are as often about making sure you get there, as they are about not going past there.

I understand the concept. thank you.

I imagine I will be the work of fiction, already read in his mind, and the novel turns into a screen play, and he will we just know.


I know, I live in a pipe dream.

 

[Black_Bunny]

No label, no safe word. I don't want to be in the position to need them, but I live in utopia. It will just all be natural. Keep in mind: I don't know nothing about this except what I have read here.

Labels, or titles or names, are very exciting for some... doesn't it turn you on to think of him calling you his slave, instead of by your name that everyone else uses? Doesn't it make you feel good to call him your Master?