The never-ending "labels" debate

[chy_girl]

Oh and there is a Literotica group over there already but no one does anything with it.

That's because there's no action on either of the Lit groups at Fet. I looked when I was attempting to find a new group to be chatty with.

 

[where]

As for the disability end of things, there's no reason why that should interfere unless someone's looking for the cut and past version of BDSM play. People modify stuff all the time to accommodate a pyl's physical and/or mental state so why couldn't there be an accommodation for a PYL? On top of which, it's just ignorant to think that someone has to be a pyl if they have a physical disability. It's who the person is in their head that decides upper case vs lower case. That's not changed by needing a mobility devise any more than sexual orientation is.

that's what I was basically (and clearly very inarticulately) trying to get at.

 

[LunachickXXX]

I'm new to the boards, but I knew terms such as Dom/sub Master/slave etc before coming here...however, I had to look up PYL/pyl because I had no idea what it meant. I agree with Black Bunny...

When speaking generally, PYL/pyl... but if you're polling or looking for someone specific, use the terms you feel apply.

We have to censor ourselves enough in public-- why not keep this space free.

 

[Primalex]

Primalex, without sounding like I'm offended, I have to say that I'm a pretty darn nice person, and I go to a lot more effort than some to be friendly and get to know a person. So yes, I am worth being friends with.

I would be surprised if you would have said something else. Anyway, my comment was not really about you. I'm just irritated how some people here determine whether "someone is worth being friends with" - as if the value of a human being would correlate with the amount of identical point of views.

Am I worth less because I admit to be not free of preconceptions?

 

[graceanne]

I'm just irritated how some people here determine whether "someone is worth being friends with" - as if the value of a human being would correlate with the amount of identical point of views.

Am I worth less because I admit to be not free of preconceptions?

QFT..

 

[FurryFury]

That's because there's no action on either of the Lit groups at Fet. I looked when I was attempting to find a new group to be chatty with.

Exactly. I usually hang out in one of the book, nerd or ask X groups.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Take the uniqueness out of the idea, and instead try to incorporate it as part of the newest fad. Comic books for geeks? Make romance and action films out of them until the public no longer thinks of Batman as a cheesy 60's tv show and most people know who 'the Dark Knight' is. Do the same, ad infinitum, to anything seen as geeky or kinky or out of the mainstream.

By introducing elements of BDSM in to already accepted cultural aspects, people began/have begun to see it as the 'next best thing'. Madonna in latex spanking a poodle in a video. Ballet boots worn to movie openings. Tattoos and piercings everywhere. Things begin to lose there meaning.

So? After the fad is over, the core iremains.

You still won't see a ton of people at play parties on account of seeing a Madonna video or Ballet boots. Hell, anyone wants to wear ballet boots is welcome to them. That's NOT a momentary whim. Tattoos? Piercings? They still have to be tatted and poked. And the recipient has to undergo the process.

At that point, munches (sp?) and play parties and anything resembling them move from the 'kink' crowd to the 'wannabe popular' crowd, and become pop culture events.

Yeah, too many words. Oh well.

Maybe so, but the wannabes have to deal with the really-ares. And when they see the hardcore crowd at work they either leave or get serious. The harder core crowd arranges private-er events-- as they always have done.

And one or two of the wannabe's turn out to be actually-ares. I once sat down next to a woman and asked her; "How did you get into leather?"

"Oh, me and my girlfriend went to a workshop at Michigan," she replied with a brilliant smile.

Lemme tell you.. she might have found out some of the particulars at that workshop, but that woman was born in leather.

 

[BiBunny]

I got my funnybone tickled when I was at a munch, and then they all decided to go around the table interrogating people about what they liked and didn't like. They asked me, "Do you like spanking?"

"Not particularly," I replied.

"How about caning?"

"It's ok."

"The crop?"

"Nope. It makes me angry."

"Floggers?"

"They're all right, I guess."

"Oh, so you're one of those SENSUAL players." *Knowing smirk*

I tried not to choke on my drink and just let the comment pass. Apparently, if you don't like people whacking you with things, you're not hardcore enough. I'm sorry, but spanking really isn't that damn creative. I realize that spanking, bondage, blowjobs, and anal are the requisite parts of BDSM for these people, but damn.

I really wanted to relate how, the week before, the boy tied me to a pole in the basement and used me as his own personal heavy bag, but I didn't figure it'd go over too well. So I just let them think I'm a "sensual" player.

 

[Stella_Omega]

"Nope, it's usually too light."

"Nope, doesn't go deep enough."

Nope, I hardly notice it..."

See? It just depends on your choice of words.

In my experience, spanking is THE hallmark of "sensual players."

And I have nothing against sensual players, either.

 

[sb2009]

I have had several odd rants (well, the only one listening was my spouse) about people, NON BDSM people, just normal fucking people who introduce themselves by Mr. Smith - we are not talking a teacher principal.

Now, I know that I have gaps in my social rule awareness. However, I thought it went like this - person introduces themselves. They say "Hello, I am Joe Smith, nice to meet you." You do some quick status check (if he's the CEO of your company, your date's father, or whatever) you say "Good to meet you Mr. Smith."

Now, if your status check determines you are pretty equal (your next door neighbor, your friend's date, the guy changing your oil at Spiffy Lube) you say "Hello Joe, nice to meet you."

So when someone introduces themselves to me by Mr. or Mrs. and they aren't my kid's teacher (they always use first names anyway with me) I wonder - is that the way "it's done" and did I miss that lesson?

 

[satindesire]

I think when people introduce themselves formally, it usually smacks of them not wanting to really allow you to get to know them personally. First names are quite intimate, and if they're sort of cold or snobby or antisocial, being formal is sort of the 'nice' way of letting you know they don't want to be friends.

Maybe. I could be assuming too much.

 

[chy_girl]

Exactly. I usually hang out in one of the book, nerd or ask X groups.

I haven't found any that I "qualify" for or speak to me. I thought about trying some of the fetish groups but I'm just not so interested in talking about things to that extent... Especially if it's likely to end with someone telling me I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about whether I do or not.

*shrugs*
Besides, I kind of prefer the sit around and shoot the shit discussion we have here. Even the technical end of things are like a group of people chatting instead of a few select All Mighty In The Know ass holes preaching about stuff. It's that whole free-flowing exchange of ideas thing that I prefer. The occasional arguments based on something other than "I'm the bigger PYL/I'm the better pyl so I'm right and you're wrong" are amusing too.

*snip*
Maybe so, but the wannabes have to deal with the really-ares. And when they see the hardcore crowd at work they either leave or get serious. The harder core crowd arranges private-er events-- as they always have done.
*snip*

Actually, it was more: panic, leave, sob, panic, apologize profusely, get serious.

Yeah. It was quite an extensive (see intimidating) home dungeon, not to mention some freaking serious public play for the second play party ever attended and *maybe* two months into meeting the local community and like the 4th time to ever see actual play.

...I keep hoping they'll take me back someday because now I'd love to play with some of those toys.

 

[BiBunny]

"Nope, it's usually too light."

"Nope, doesn't go deep enough."

Nope, I hardly notice it..."

See? It just depends on your choice of words.

In my experience, spanking is THE hallmark of "sensual players."

And I have nothing against sensual players, either.

"Nope, it's just annoying" is more like it.

I don't have a problem with "sensual players," either, but like you said, I've always thought of spanking and such as hallmarks of sensual players. So the irony there was pretty good. Apparently, I'm into bunny fur and roses and candlelight by their estimation.

It was like they couldn't figure out what you'd do if you weren't into spanking/caning/flogging. And because they couldn't figure it out, I was obviously vanilla and had ended up there purely by accident. It kinda rubbed me the wrong way. That wasn't the only thing that bugged me, but it was by far the most amusing.

 

[Stella_Omega]

"Nope, it's just annoying" is more like it.

I don't have a problem with "sensual players," either, but like you said, I've always thought of spanking and such as hallmarks of sensual players. So the irony there was pretty good. Apparently, I'm into bunny fur and roses and candlelight by their estimation.

It was like they couldn't figure out what you'd do if you weren't into spanking/caning/flogging. And because they couldn't figure it out, I was obviously vanilla and had ended up there purely by accident. It kinda rubbed me the wrong way. That wasn't the only thing that bugged me, but it was by far the most amusing.

I've only known a few women -- or men either-- who are into being punched-- who want that very deep impact. That would be pretty hard to guess.

By the way you report the convo, you were mighty non-informational. I might peg you for a non-player or a lightweight in the same way-- what clues have you given to the contrary?

And , let's face it, if I have to play guessing games with you, I would have to wonder if you were worth the effort, or if I should take the easy way out.

Wouldn't you?

 

[BiBunny]

I've only known a few women -- or men either-- who are into being punched-- who want that very deep impact. That would be pretty hard to guess.

By the way you report the convo, you were mighty non-informational. I might peg you for a non-player or a lightweight in the same way-- what clues have you given to the contrary?

And , let's face it, if I have to play guessing games with you, I would have to wonder if you were worth the effort, or if I should take the easy way out.

Wouldn't you?

I don't care if they thought I was worth the effort or not. I'd already decided long before that conversation transpired that I was completely out of place there. I'd done my best to be polite for most of the evening, but they kept trying to pry what I was into out of me, and I didn't much think it was any of their business.

I just thought their thought processes were amusing.

 

[rida]

So when someone introduces themselves to me by Mr. or Mrs. and they aren't my kid's teacher (they always use first names anyway with me) I wonder - is that the way "it's done" and did I miss that lesson?

I think when people introduce themselves formally, it usually smacks of them not wanting to really allow you to get to know them personally. First names are quite intimate, and if they're sort of cold or snobby or antisocial, being formal is sort of the 'nice' way of letting you know they don't want to be friends.

Maybe. I could be assuming too much.

It also could be just cultural.
They way I grew up, you called people Mr. and Mrs. such and such unless they told you to call them otherwise. And if they are older then myself, no matter how friendly we are, they remain Mr and Mrs for me. I might even use their first name after the title, but I cannot bring myself to let the title go. I'm weird that way.

As for myself, I always introduce myself with first name only.

 

[infinity706]

Sure, there's a lot more to rough sex than spanking, but there's definately something to be said about a good ass whipping. Of course, I also have a thing for hot/cold water, stinging substances, clamps/pegs, elastic bands, ropes, handcuffs, chains, fisting, pinching, being put into uncomfortable positions, medical play (sounding, speculums, etc) lactation, latex, sex swings (some of them require more effort than sex) humiliation, gagging, electricity, tickling, licking body parts that most people think are gross, needles, watersports, scat, roleplay, food play, sand paper,... I haven't really found any kind of sex I don't like as long as reasonable safety precautions are taken. I've weirded a few people out with the whole incest play thing, though. Of course, you really need to do spanking for that. What better excuse is there to be stripped and end up ass up OTK? It's even a timely opportunity for enemas, figging, and anal thermometers. Nothing I've found is as hard as necrophilia, though. Ice water is pretty fucking cold and it's tough to lie there without moving or making noise as you're molested.

 

[chy_girl]

"Nope, it's just annoying" is more like it.

I don't have a problem with "sensual players," either, but like you said, I've always thought of spanking and such as hallmarks of sensual players. So the irony there was pretty good. Apparently, I'm into bunny fur and roses and candlelight by their estimation.

It was like they couldn't figure out what you'd do if you weren't into spanking/caning/flogging. And because they couldn't figure it out, I was obviously vanilla and had ended up there purely by accident. It kinda rubbed me the wrong way. That wasn't the only thing that bugged me, but it was by far the most amusing.

I know that spanking and such can be sensual, and my People occasionally go sensual during play to fuck with my head and/or annoy the hell out of me, but I've never thought of it as strictly sensual. Or even typically sensual... aside from the feel of leather falls sliding over burning/stinging skin or the feel of a flogger handle prodding at sensitive places. But that always seemed like a different kind of sensual than a sensual caning or flogging or such.

Huh. Interesting perception shift.

 

[Seurat]

So? After the fad is over, the core iremains.

I didn't say it didn't. I was simply offering satindesire an explanation to her question,

wait...what are "Pop culture BDSM events"? exactly?

You still won't see a ton of people at play parties on account of seeing a Madonna video or Ballet boots. Hell, anyone wants to wear ballet boots is welcome to them. That's NOT a momentary whim. Tattoos? Piercings? They still have to be tatted and poked. And the recipient has to undergo the process. Maybe so, but the wannabes have to deal with the really-ares. And when they see the hardcore crowd at work they either leave or get serious. The harder core crowd arranges private-er events-- as they always have done.

And one or two of the wannabe's turn out to be actually-ares. I once sat down next to a woman and asked her; "How did you get into leather?"

"Oh, me and my girlfriend went to a workshop at Michigan," she replied with a brilliant smile.

Lemme tell you.. she might have found out some of the particulars at that workshop, but that woman was born in leather.

It seems every non-mainstream group goes through a period of time when it is in vogue for mainstreamers to play at it, at least until something new comes along. Thus the term 'pop'. This was an explanation, not an argument.

 

[Etoile]

They way I grew up, you called people Mr. and Mrs. such and such unless they told you to call them otherwise. And if they are older then myself, no matter how friendly we are, they remain Mr and Mrs for me. I might even use their first name after the title, but I cannot bring myself to let the title go. I'm weird that way.

I'm the same way. I retained friendships with two high school teachers well after I graduated. One is still Mr. Black even though he has told me to call him Jerry. The other, Mr. McCarthy, has told me to call him Rob; I've successfully dropped the Mr. but he is still Rob McCarthy - I can't drop the last name.

I assume I would be the same way with non-teacher friends, though I can't remember any at the moment.

names changed, of course

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I'm the same way. I retained friendships with two high school teachers well after I graduated. One is still Mr. Black even though he has told me to call him Jerry. The other, Mr. McCarthy, has told me to call him Rob; I've successfully dropped the Mr. but he is still Rob McCarthy - I can't drop the last name.

I assume I would be the same way with non-teacher friends, though I can't remember any at the moment.

names changed, of course

I've had the same thing happen. When we had our deb ball in high school, around Year 11, the shire mayor was our old high school principal. He kept insisting we could call him by his Christian name, those of us who went to that school just couldn't do it.

And, at work, the managers and senior staff I respect, get a Mr so and so rather than a first name. Usually with a big shiteater grin, but still, the respect is there.

 

[infinity706]

I don't call anyone Mr or Ms unless I'm being a smartass or certain people that have a higher than average degree of manners. It has nothing to do with age, seniority, or authority, though.

 

[satindesire]

It seems every non-mainstream group goes through a period of time when it is in vogue for mainstreamers to play at it, at least until something new comes along. Thus the term 'pop'. This was an explanation, not an argument.

Oooh, I think I understand what you mean now!

 

[Primalex]

So when someone introduces themselves to me by Mr. or Mrs. and they aren't my kid's teacher (they always use first names anyway with me) I wonder - is that the way "it's done" and did I miss that lesson?

No idea.

I use the James Bond style.

 

[Seurat]

Oooh, I think I understand what you mean now!

Oy, I should put that in the 'what made you smile' thread. What a day.

Back on topic.



We refer to teachers by the honorific if we are around anybody in their class, otherwise it's on a first name basis. I'll use the word, 'sir' out of respect, but then again I work around a lot of people that carry/carried guns, and I would rather err on the positive side there. Nothing to do with BDSM.