Unmasked Poet
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2001
- Posts
- 429
Ancillia, thou art brave of heart and earnest.
I believe I recognize where you want this to go.
Each stanza speaking to a virtue
Faith
Hope
Trust
Honesty
Loyalty
These sacred emotions are at the core of every human in abundance along with pain, jealousy, greed, lust and a thousand more. That is why we see these themes so often in all forms of writing. Our own experiences stir these deep emotions and for those of us that are poets we are compelled to write down these moments in torrents of significance.
What the earnest poet must do is find a way to express these wellsprings with insight, language, and art.
You have a good collection of universal definitions but for right now it is not a good poem. Rather than define the words, illustrate with images. What is faith? Capture the essence of what you feel write it down, then examine the words. Do they flow? Are they cliché?
Now that you have written down something it is time to refine it. You wrote:
“faith is assumption of belief
an extension of a secret promise
presenter of all things possible
prospective bearer of paradise”
From my perspective you have provided four possible definitions of faith and not a feeling or image. I detect no soul or contact verbally with this stanza, I agree with the words yet they do not launch imagination.
Learn to use devices to avoid the mundane, hence the cliché If I were to be cliché about faith, I would say faith is:
Being the first person to say I love you.
Turning away from what you want when you know it’s not what you need.
Reaching out for hope.
These are images we can use to illustrate faith. The harder working poet embraces the cliché then redefines it.
Try it. Then rewrite your poem. I think it a good first start.
U.P.
I believe I recognize where you want this to go.
Each stanza speaking to a virtue
Faith
Hope
Trust
Honesty
Loyalty
These sacred emotions are at the core of every human in abundance along with pain, jealousy, greed, lust and a thousand more. That is why we see these themes so often in all forms of writing. Our own experiences stir these deep emotions and for those of us that are poets we are compelled to write down these moments in torrents of significance.
What the earnest poet must do is find a way to express these wellsprings with insight, language, and art.
You have a good collection of universal definitions but for right now it is not a good poem. Rather than define the words, illustrate with images. What is faith? Capture the essence of what you feel write it down, then examine the words. Do they flow? Are they cliché?
Now that you have written down something it is time to refine it. You wrote:
“faith is assumption of belief
an extension of a secret promise
presenter of all things possible
prospective bearer of paradise”
From my perspective you have provided four possible definitions of faith and not a feeling or image. I detect no soul or contact verbally with this stanza, I agree with the words yet they do not launch imagination.
Learn to use devices to avoid the mundane, hence the cliché If I were to be cliché about faith, I would say faith is:
Being the first person to say I love you.
Turning away from what you want when you know it’s not what you need.
Reaching out for hope.
These are images we can use to illustrate faith. The harder working poet embraces the cliché then redefines it.
Try it. Then rewrite your poem. I think it a good first start.
U.P.
daughter
Dreamer
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2001
- Posts
- 1,561
abstractions
Ancilla--
I think we discussed the same thing UP is suggesting here. I called these universal terms abstractions. Problem with abstractions is that their meanings differ from reader to reader.
Anchor these ideas and feelings in concrete images and you'll better enable the reader to comprehend how you see 'faith', 'hope', 'loyalty'.
You have the essence here. Now define it. What image illustrates faith? How do you define 'soul'?
Answering these questions gives you the next step in refining this.
Keep writing.
Peace,
daughter
Ancilla--
I think we discussed the same thing UP is suggesting here. I called these universal terms abstractions. Problem with abstractions is that their meanings differ from reader to reader.
Anchor these ideas and feelings in concrete images and you'll better enable the reader to comprehend how you see 'faith', 'hope', 'loyalty'.
You have the essence here. Now define it. What image illustrates faith? How do you define 'soul'?
Answering these questions gives you the next step in refining this.
Keep writing.
Peace,
daughter
U.P...
Thanks for the kind words, and the gentle delivery.
Oh, and the chuckle helped too. "Thou art brave and earnest"..
After careful consideration of your much needed
pov, and after reading several of the conversations
posted on this board, I find myself in the precarious
position of being...well, way out of my league here.
Tongues are sharpened and wits are honed in this arena.
I love reading the banter between everyone and
I do appreciate the wisdom so generously shared by
the writers on this site.
Today I took the time to sit and *gasp* smell the roses,
and upon my musings, decided that "faith" is definitely
"something we must know without having the tangible
evidence of before us", yes?
I watched a hawk glide on the thermals of the afternoon
light and draw it's name in the wind. I thought of the mighty
redwoods. Maybe...
We KNOW we have faith in death and taxes, and the bird poop
on the car after it's been washed. Maybe...
What about...I have faith that my check will clear for the writing
course I need to take...no, that's hope.
I thought of something else real good, but forgot it.
Then I picked up an old poetry book of my mother's and lo,
and behold! There it was! FAITH!
Emily Dickinson 1890
I NEVER SAW A MOOR
"I never saw a moor,
I never saw the sea,
Yet I know how the heather looks,
And what a wave must be.
I never spoke with God,
Nor visited in heaven;
Yet certain am I of the spot
As if the chart were given."
I'm probably supposed to put the word "quote" somewhere
but you get my drift.
Think I'll try something new, or take a LOT more time with
this one. It would certainly take something special to beat
ol' Emily.
I'll keep watching and learning. I might even read some.
Oh...and by the way, WHO ARE YOU?
I don't want to publicly suck up too much, but you are awesome.
C'mon, you can tell me. : )
What's your real pen name?
ancilla
Thanks for the kind words, and the gentle delivery.
Oh, and the chuckle helped too. "Thou art brave and earnest"..
After careful consideration of your much needed
pov, and after reading several of the conversations
posted on this board, I find myself in the precarious
position of being...well, way out of my league here.
Tongues are sharpened and wits are honed in this arena.
I love reading the banter between everyone and
I do appreciate the wisdom so generously shared by
the writers on this site.
Today I took the time to sit and *gasp* smell the roses,
and upon my musings, decided that "faith" is definitely
"something we must know without having the tangible
evidence of before us", yes?
I watched a hawk glide on the thermals of the afternoon
light and draw it's name in the wind. I thought of the mighty
redwoods. Maybe...
We KNOW we have faith in death and taxes, and the bird poop
on the car after it's been washed. Maybe...
What about...I have faith that my check will clear for the writing
course I need to take...no, that's hope.
I thought of something else real good, but forgot it.
Then I picked up an old poetry book of my mother's and lo,
and behold! There it was! FAITH!
Emily Dickinson 1890
I NEVER SAW A MOOR
"I never saw a moor,
I never saw the sea,
Yet I know how the heather looks,
And what a wave must be.
I never spoke with God,
Nor visited in heaven;
Yet certain am I of the spot
As if the chart were given."
I'm probably supposed to put the word "quote" somewhere
but you get my drift.
Think I'll try something new, or take a LOT more time with
this one. It would certainly take something special to beat
ol' Emily.
I'll keep watching and learning. I might even read some.
Oh...and by the way, WHO ARE YOU?
I don't want to publicly suck up too much, but you are awesome.
C'mon, you can tell me. : )
What's your real pen name?
ancilla
G
Guest
Guest
No Way!
Ancilla,
I must disagree, "you are not out of your league" Writing and reading poetry is a joy. I hope you continue to post.
I join you in wishing I could write as well as Ms. Dickensen. Yet this desire does not diminish the value of your words. I suggest you write as often as possible and ask for opinions and advice at each step. Read of course, yet do not silence your voice.
I look forward to seeing a revision of your poem.
You flatter me, I hope my comments are amusing and impart a dash of knowledge. Listen to Daughter, KM, and others.
As for who I am well that question has been answered in the thread "U.P. Who is that guy?" I swear everything I wrote was the truth.
U.P.
Ancilla,
I must disagree, "you are not out of your league" Writing and reading poetry is a joy. I hope you continue to post.
I join you in wishing I could write as well as Ms. Dickensen. Yet this desire does not diminish the value of your words. I suggest you write as often as possible and ask for opinions and advice at each step. Read of course, yet do not silence your voice.
I look forward to seeing a revision of your poem.
You flatter me, I hope my comments are amusing and impart a dash of knowledge. Listen to Daughter, KM, and others.
As for who I am well that question has been answered in the thread "U.P. Who is that guy?" I swear everything I wrote was the truth.
U.P.
G
Guest
Guest
Lean days
Time to take another gander at the new poems list. No where did I leave off? I believe I finished the 25th.
I read for quite a bit through the quagmire of words and rhymes that compromise the 26th.
I am at a loss. There is not one gem, not one unpolished lump of coal that could be a diamond. (with a little elbow grease)
The best of the lot rated a vote of 2. There were a great number of 1s. I know many kind and altruistic members who will not vote below a 3. I dear friends cannot abide by such a golden rule of generosity. I vote for everything I mention yet I do withhold the deathheads 1 rating. It's not that I'm squeamish about unleashing such a harbinger. I simply feel that a non vote says as much.
What can I do? Not talk about the poems? I must consider something for I have been sedentary far too long.
Lets look at titles. A most important bit indeed. Often in this overcrowded media frenzy internet.
A line a mere title is all we have to entice the reader to spend valuable time considering our vain attempts at being humorous, profound, or enlightened. A good title is like exquisite gift-wrapping one cannot take his or her eyes from it. Oh and all the coo’s and giggles of excitement “Is that for me?”
Why yes indeed! For the 26th here are the best titles of the lot.
Spellbound -
Submitted by Mistress Jorja (Erotic Poetry) 11/26/01
No dear friends it is not a play of words on the classic movie. Yet it did cause me to open it.
Event Horizon -
Submitted by slowhand60 (Non-Erotic Poetry) 11/26/01
Again with the movie title or could it be the astronomical term the nautical? I must say I have a fear of black holes.
My Husband -
Submitted by WickedEve (Erotic Poetry) 11/26/01
An ode to the most sacred of partnerships? Maybe…Maybe not.
Well that’s it 28 new poems and 3 decent titles.
The 27th was a bit better for the overall level of the poem yet again I am denied an object of attention! I scoured for a line of significance yet all I found were the most common of clichés. These are the lean days. As a beggar’s feast is often what others would throw away I too must feast on paltry titles yet again. What’s that you say? “I could just shut the hell up!” If only you were so lucky.
Prime Meridian -
Submitted by slowhand60 (Non-Erotic Poetry) 11/27/01
I’m Popeye the sailor man toot! Toot!
Now onward to the 28th Ohhh yes! There is a Santa Claus. Two worth considering go ahead spend your time! And good titles to boot!
The first is by that guy smith peter go on, read it a couple times and tell him what you think.
(I think she must be writing cursive.)
The second is SA Storm I can hear the lilting melody of a flute, the beat of a drum.
Ah go ahead vote for both of these. I need new blood on the #1 list.
Drawing Letters
by smithpeter ©
She draws her letter A's sexy,
Buxom A's,
With a hip swinging out,
Full breasted,
One single line across,
So flirtatious it does not complete,
The journey from leg to leg,
I can not wait,
For the letter O,
Friends told me,
Wait for the braless,
O's
B tomorrow
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30440
Bolero
by SA Storm ©
You were wearing something secret,
something dangerous.
Perhaps it was your perfume
or maybe you had bathed in my desire.
I caress soft sounds and the moan of silk
as you pass.
Dangerous.
My throat dry
candles flicker.
Causing shadows to flow across the room,
in an impassioned rhythm.
Your silhouette responds in kind.
Seductive,
swaying,
dangerous.
You bring the glass to your lips,
I feel my heartbeat.
A dance of emotion and the veiled promises
of red wine flowing, tempo’s lilting,
urgency through
candlelight.
You smile, a slow smile
lean your head back and close your eye’s.
I bring my lips to your neck,
the shadows dance,
the music drifts in.
I move toward you
dangerous.
A sigh, and surrender
hands whisper over you,
in concert with mouth and kisses in rhythm.
You taste of salt and desire
part for me,
as I search for you.
Dangerous.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30396
That’s all I got!
U.P.
Time to take another gander at the new poems list. No where did I leave off? I believe I finished the 25th.
I read for quite a bit through the quagmire of words and rhymes that compromise the 26th.
I am at a loss. There is not one gem, not one unpolished lump of coal that could be a diamond. (with a little elbow grease)
The best of the lot rated a vote of 2. There were a great number of 1s. I know many kind and altruistic members who will not vote below a 3. I dear friends cannot abide by such a golden rule of generosity. I vote for everything I mention yet I do withhold the deathheads 1 rating. It's not that I'm squeamish about unleashing such a harbinger. I simply feel that a non vote says as much.
What can I do? Not talk about the poems? I must consider something for I have been sedentary far too long.
Lets look at titles. A most important bit indeed. Often in this overcrowded media frenzy internet.
A line a mere title is all we have to entice the reader to spend valuable time considering our vain attempts at being humorous, profound, or enlightened. A good title is like exquisite gift-wrapping one cannot take his or her eyes from it. Oh and all the coo’s and giggles of excitement “Is that for me?”
Why yes indeed! For the 26th here are the best titles of the lot.
Spellbound -
Submitted by Mistress Jorja (Erotic Poetry) 11/26/01
No dear friends it is not a play of words on the classic movie. Yet it did cause me to open it.
Event Horizon -
Submitted by slowhand60 (Non-Erotic Poetry) 11/26/01
Again with the movie title or could it be the astronomical term the nautical? I must say I have a fear of black holes.
My Husband -
Submitted by WickedEve (Erotic Poetry) 11/26/01
An ode to the most sacred of partnerships? Maybe…Maybe not.
Well that’s it 28 new poems and 3 decent titles.
The 27th was a bit better for the overall level of the poem yet again I am denied an object of attention! I scoured for a line of significance yet all I found were the most common of clichés. These are the lean days. As a beggar’s feast is often what others would throw away I too must feast on paltry titles yet again. What’s that you say? “I could just shut the hell up!” If only you were so lucky.
Prime Meridian -
Submitted by slowhand60 (Non-Erotic Poetry) 11/27/01
I’m Popeye the sailor man toot! Toot!
Now onward to the 28th Ohhh yes! There is a Santa Claus. Two worth considering go ahead spend your time! And good titles to boot!
The first is by that guy smith peter go on, read it a couple times and tell him what you think.
(I think she must be writing cursive.)
The second is SA Storm I can hear the lilting melody of a flute, the beat of a drum.
Ah go ahead vote for both of these. I need new blood on the #1 list.
Drawing Letters
by smithpeter ©
She draws her letter A's sexy,
Buxom A's,
With a hip swinging out,
Full breasted,
One single line across,
So flirtatious it does not complete,
The journey from leg to leg,
I can not wait,
For the letter O,
Friends told me,
Wait for the braless,
O's
B tomorrow
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30440
Bolero
by SA Storm ©
You were wearing something secret,
something dangerous.
Perhaps it was your perfume
or maybe you had bathed in my desire.
I caress soft sounds and the moan of silk
as you pass.
Dangerous.
My throat dry
candles flicker.
Causing shadows to flow across the room,
in an impassioned rhythm.
Your silhouette responds in kind.
Seductive,
swaying,
dangerous.
You bring the glass to your lips,
I feel my heartbeat.
A dance of emotion and the veiled promises
of red wine flowing, tempo’s lilting,
urgency through
candlelight.
You smile, a slow smile
lean your head back and close your eye’s.
I bring my lips to your neck,
the shadows dance,
the music drifts in.
I move toward you
dangerous.
A sigh, and surrender
hands whisper over you,
in concert with mouth and kisses in rhythm.
You taste of salt and desire
part for me,
as I search for you.
Dangerous.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30396
That’s all I got!
U.P.
Unmasked Poet
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2001
- Posts
- 429
Once again all that bluster and yet I cannot sign in.
U.P.
U.P.
Unmasked Poet
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2001
- Posts
- 429
Well, the day just keeps getting better. More people reading and talking about poetry and a plethora of good titles and capable poems.
The 29th
I want to kiss you while you scream
by rnabokov ©
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30474
How about that title!. You have to go open this one. Daughter wrote a promo for this. And I hate to step on her words but she is right! I urge you to read it a few times.
Stout
by smithpeter ©
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30447
This guy’s quirky, he has an odd view that I cannot help adopting as I read his work
Crucible
by SA Storm ©
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30550
He’s hot! Hey that’s not my opinion there is a little "H" by his poem Bolero and it is #1. If you like that you'll like this.
Panty Queen
by Littlemissblair ©
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30467
I enjoyed this rhyme you must read it aloud!
A Lover Named Jack
by Mistress Jorja ©
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30525
It’s a mystery and I love a mystery!
Okay, read, vote, procreate whatever.
U.P.
The 29th
I want to kiss you while you scream
by rnabokov ©
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30474
How about that title!. You have to go open this one. Daughter wrote a promo for this. And I hate to step on her words but she is right! I urge you to read it a few times.
Stout
by smithpeter ©
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30447
This guy’s quirky, he has an odd view that I cannot help adopting as I read his work
Crucible
by SA Storm ©
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30550
He’s hot! Hey that’s not my opinion there is a little "H" by his poem Bolero and it is #1. If you like that you'll like this.
Panty Queen
by Littlemissblair ©
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30467
I enjoyed this rhyme you must read it aloud!
A Lover Named Jack
by Mistress Jorja ©
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30525
It’s a mystery and I love a mystery!
Okay, read, vote, procreate whatever.
U.P.
Last edited:
perks
sarcasduck ruffleslut
- Joined
- May 20, 2001
- Posts
- 40,901
missed poem
Dear Unmasked Poet, daughter and whomever,
I submitted a poem called The Poetry of Submission. I was wondering what could be done with it to make it better, so it, at least, would not escape your attentions. I think I'd rather you hate it, or show some emotion towards it, than be completely apathetic towards my writing.
<I did have issues with the Title.....but I quite like the poem itself>,
perky
PS. so you won't have to search for it....here it is.
Quill, thy cock
Cum, thy ink
Pain, thy sweet poetry.
Prevail upon me, I pray thee,
Compose skin sonnets.
Distress supple flesh.
Induce dulcet death
Prodigious in its entirety
Dear Unmasked Poet, daughter and whomever,
I submitted a poem called The Poetry of Submission. I was wondering what could be done with it to make it better, so it, at least, would not escape your attentions. I think I'd rather you hate it, or show some emotion towards it, than be completely apathetic towards my writing.
<I did have issues with the Title.....but I quite like the poem itself>,
perky
PS. so you won't have to search for it....here it is.
Quill, thy cock
Cum, thy ink
Pain, thy sweet poetry.
Prevail upon me, I pray thee,
Compose skin sonnets.
Distress supple flesh.
Induce dulcet death
Prodigious in its entirety
daughter
Dreamer
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2001
- Posts
- 1,561
first impression
Perky--
I enjoy your work. Your language makes your work stand out. The fact that you're consisitent and use it appropriately is a plus.
The first stanza is too bare. You're mixing a modern habit with period language. Translation: I think the construction of the lines should more closely mirror the period in which the language was used.
I'd prefer the opening stanza be either complete sentences or at minimal, a more developed phrase to support the image. As it is, these are flash card associations, and they don't fit the tone I associate with the language. I'd play with the punctuation, too.
I like the concept and where I think you want this to go. Be careful about asking for my silly opinion. I'm a revision zealot.
Peace,
daughter
Perky--
I enjoy your work. Your language makes your work stand out. The fact that you're consisitent and use it appropriately is a plus.
The first stanza is too bare. You're mixing a modern habit with period language. Translation: I think the construction of the lines should more closely mirror the period in which the language was used.
I'd prefer the opening stanza be either complete sentences or at minimal, a more developed phrase to support the image. As it is, these are flash card associations, and they don't fit the tone I associate with the language. I'd play with the punctuation, too.
I like the concept and where I think you want this to go. Be careful about asking for my silly opinion. I'm a revision zealot.
Peace,
daughter
perks
sarcasduck ruffleslut
- Joined
- May 20, 2001
- Posts
- 40,901
ohhh daughter,
thankyou....I can see what you mean. I love the words and language that comprise prose. I do fall into the trap of the modern day often. I think I shall rewrite..and then post here to see what you think.
As for revisionism, the world needs more of them<smile>. How could I my reality be better, unless I'm constantly revising it?
thanks again,
perky
thankyou....I can see what you mean. I love the words and language that comprise prose. I do fall into the trap of the modern day often. I think I shall rewrite..and then post here to see what you think.
As for revisionism, the world needs more of them<smile>. How could I my reality be better, unless I'm constantly revising it?
thanks again,
perky
daughter
Dreamer
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2001
- Posts
- 1,561
Hey, want the favor in time(hint)
LOL
perky, I like modern takes on traditional forms, and I think we can mesh language with different times. They take concerted effort though and sometimes they don't work.
Anytime, you feel like offerin' a sista a few observations about her work, it'd be appreciated. I tell you, poor daughter is the worst speller I know. Chile(intentional misspelling here) needs help.
Peace,
daughter
LOL
perky, I like modern takes on traditional forms, and I think we can mesh language with different times. They take concerted effort though and sometimes they don't work.
Anytime, you feel like offerin' a sista a few observations about her work, it'd be appreciated. I tell you, poor daughter is the worst speller I know. Chile(intentional misspelling here) needs help.
Peace,
daughter
perks
sarcasduck ruffleslut
- Joined
- May 20, 2001
- Posts
- 40,901
daughter,
I'd be more than honored, sugah. Playing with words, mine and others, is such a great high. I'm a complete junkie for the language. Most people have a novel on their nightstand, I have a dictionary(really I do, lmao). Can't wait to try your words.
perks
I'd be more than honored, sugah. Playing with words, mine and others, is such a great high. I'm a complete junkie for the language. Most people have a novel on their nightstand, I have a dictionary(really I do, lmao). Can't wait to try your words.
perks
Unmasked Poet
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2001
- Posts
- 429
On to the 30th!
Acrostic Sestina
by HomerPindar ©
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30631
HP delights in form, I applaud the effort. The poems good too.
Looking Old
by smithpeter ©
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30626
SP labels this erotic, ummm I don't think so what do you think?
Death of a Saleswoman
by Littlemissblair ©
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30572
Interesting poem, but ladies don't shop here!
That's what I like.
Read, Vote, Denounce! But do not ignore.
U.P.
Acrostic Sestina
by HomerPindar ©
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30631
HP delights in form, I applaud the effort. The poems good too.
Looking Old
by smithpeter ©
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30626
SP labels this erotic, ummm I don't think so what do you think?
Death of a Saleswoman
by Littlemissblair ©
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30572
Interesting poem, but ladies don't shop here!
That's what I like.
Read, Vote, Denounce! But do not ignore.
U.P.
Last edited:
perks
sarcasduck ruffleslut
- Joined
- May 20, 2001
- Posts
- 40,901
bleary eyed
daughter and whomever,
UGGGGGGGGGGH!.......okay....I saw Nessus' posting on the BB, and decided to take the day to look at the list of poems<although, In good conscience, I cannot call all of them poetry>.
anyway......since I've never really read more than a handful of the poems here<this is an new category for me>, I came up with a system. Go through each page, and find the Titles that jump out at me and then read. I'm about half-way through. I wrote down the titles of some that I liked, and then went back to see who wrote them. Daughter, lol, girl you've spoken to me. I picked three of your poems. I'm also interested in some of SexplorN and Lord Wolf.
THere were two poems that blew me away specifically, so far.
One was Daydreams of a Catholic Schoolboy by Alex Finch, and Eating Dough by daughter <I was a chef previously>...I'm predisposed to love this poem.
So, enough rambling, daughter, I'm working on the post to Nessus, and I like your stuff. I'll be studying it more to check out your word choices. However, your style has a humble beauty that would be muddled by flowery vocabulary.
still reading and writing,
perks
daughter and whomever,
UGGGGGGGGGGH!.......okay....I saw Nessus' posting on the BB, and decided to take the day to look at the list of poems<although, In good conscience, I cannot call all of them poetry>.
anyway......since I've never really read more than a handful of the poems here<this is an new category for me>, I came up with a system. Go through each page, and find the Titles that jump out at me and then read. I'm about half-way through. I wrote down the titles of some that I liked, and then went back to see who wrote them. Daughter, lol, girl you've spoken to me. I picked three of your poems. I'm also interested in some of SexplorN and Lord Wolf.
THere were two poems that blew me away specifically, so far.
One was Daydreams of a Catholic Schoolboy by Alex Finch, and Eating Dough by daughter <I was a chef previously>...I'm predisposed to love this poem.
So, enough rambling, daughter, I'm working on the post to Nessus, and I like your stuff. I'll be studying it more to check out your word choices. However, your style has a humble beauty that would be muddled by flowery vocabulary.
still reading and writing,
perks
Unmasked Poet
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and all but two had rhyme...
I know I have been remiss
In the new poem list
So off I go
To watch the rhyme flow
It flowed all day
And did not stop
If one must rhyme
These are the tops.
U.P.
12/01/
A Dance -
Submitted by shaya
No rhyme here just a few nice words
possession
by rnabokov ©
Oh just kill me with cliché Me thinks I need an exorcism,
still it has promise
Itch
by Mistique ©
After possession I need something lite,
so i read the itch
to blot out
the night
Sweet Exchange of Air –
Submitted by SexplorN
I cannot miss
the tender lips
a sweet exchange
as nice as this
Fallen –
Submitted by Mistress Jorja
Rhyme though your heart is broken,
rhyme for each word that’s spoken,
rhyme for the love left in your life
Blue Note
by smithpeter ©
Yeah it’s true
occasionally smith peter
turns a rhyme for you.
That's all I got, did anyone else see something that struck a chord!
U.P.
I know I have been remiss
In the new poem list
So off I go
To watch the rhyme flow
It flowed all day
And did not stop
If one must rhyme
These are the tops.
U.P.
12/01/
A Dance -
Submitted by shaya
No rhyme here just a few nice words
possession
by rnabokov ©
Oh just kill me with cliché Me thinks I need an exorcism,
still it has promise
Itch
by Mistique ©
After possession I need something lite,
so i read the itch
to blot out
the night
Sweet Exchange of Air –
Submitted by SexplorN
I cannot miss
the tender lips
a sweet exchange
as nice as this
Fallen –
Submitted by Mistress Jorja
Rhyme though your heart is broken,
rhyme for each word that’s spoken,
rhyme for the love left in your life
Blue Note
by smithpeter ©
Yeah it’s true
occasionally smith peter
turns a rhyme for you.
That's all I got, did anyone else see something that struck a chord!
U.P.
Unmasked Poet
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- Nov 15, 2001
- Posts
- 429
12/02
What stood out for me.
jazz from hell –
Submitted by rnabokov (Erotic Poetry) 12/02/01
You take your music where you can find it.
Favor –
Submitted by SA Storm (Erotic Poetry) 12/02/01
Now I’m conviced this guy is on something!
girly things –
Submitted by WickedEve (Erotic Poetry) 12/02/01
I'll just add my voice to the chorus
U.P.
What stood out for me.
jazz from hell –
Submitted by rnabokov (Erotic Poetry) 12/02/01
You take your music where you can find it.
Favor –
Submitted by SA Storm (Erotic Poetry) 12/02/01
Now I’m conviced this guy is on something!
girly things –
Submitted by WickedEve (Erotic Poetry) 12/02/01
I'll just add my voice to the chorus
U.P.
daughter
Dreamer
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2001
- Posts
- 1,561
Thanks, perky
Perky--
Thank you.
My preference is lean, simple lines. While I think myself plain(in physical attributes), I have been told there's something sensual in my features. I think I write similarily.
I appreciate your kind words.
Peace,
daughter
Perky--
Thank you.
My preference is lean, simple lines. While I think myself plain(in physical attributes), I have been told there's something sensual in my features. I think I write similarily.
I appreciate your kind words.
Peace,
daughter
Unmasked Poet
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- Nov 15, 2001
- Posts
- 429
12/03
Another rhyming selection, don’t worry I won’t help them along by adding my own. I read them all and of the bunch these were my favorites.
After The Dance –
Submitted by Khul Waters (Erotic Poetry) 12/03/01
Khul brings something different to the party this time.
Bound...To please –
Submitted by The Bard (Erotic Poetry) 12/03/01
Has it moments.
Maybe One Day –
Submitted by pleasureu (Erotic Poetry) 12/03/01
Today could be the day.
Read, vote, find some you like.
U.P.
Another rhyming selection, don’t worry I won’t help them along by adding my own. I read them all and of the bunch these were my favorites.
After The Dance –
Submitted by Khul Waters (Erotic Poetry) 12/03/01
Khul brings something different to the party this time.
Bound...To please –
Submitted by The Bard (Erotic Poetry) 12/03/01
Has it moments.
Maybe One Day –
Submitted by pleasureu (Erotic Poetry) 12/03/01
Today could be the day.
Read, vote, find some you like.
U.P.
Unmasked Poet
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- Nov 15, 2001
- Posts
- 429
12/04
Rap is Crap –
Submitted by patient1 (Non-Erotic Poetry) 12/04/01
It’s fu fu fu fu fu fu funny whether you like the music or not.
Window of Life –
Submitted by Savage Kitten (Non-Erotic Poetry) 12/04/01
Contemplation and reflection
reverie -
Submitted by rnabokov (Non-Erotic Poetry) 12/04/01
urban reality
Spur Moment 3 –
Submitted by smithpeter (Erotic Poetry) 12/04/01
Okay, whatever
Foreign Sensations –
Submitted by KatPurrs (Erotic Poetry) 12/04/01
Sometimes you gotta act.
Find your way to the new poems list and vote for what you like.
U.P.
Rap is Crap –
Submitted by patient1 (Non-Erotic Poetry) 12/04/01
It’s fu fu fu fu fu fu funny whether you like the music or not.
Window of Life –
Submitted by Savage Kitten (Non-Erotic Poetry) 12/04/01
Contemplation and reflection
reverie -
Submitted by rnabokov (Non-Erotic Poetry) 12/04/01
urban reality
Spur Moment 3 –
Submitted by smithpeter (Erotic Poetry) 12/04/01
Okay, whatever
Foreign Sensations –
Submitted by KatPurrs (Erotic Poetry) 12/04/01
Sometimes you gotta act.
Find your way to the new poems list and vote for what you like.
U.P.
Unmasked Poet
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- Nov 15, 2001
- Posts
- 429
12/05
Wednesday on the list.
exposed –
Submitted by Virtuous (Non-Erotic Poetry) 12/05/01
Something should remain in the light
subtlety is best –
Submitted by rnabokov (Non-Erotic Poetry) 12/05/01
I am in complete agreement
Her Release –
Submitted by slowhand60 (Non-Erotic Poetry) 12/05/01
Ah freedom
U.P.
Wednesday on the list.
exposed –
Submitted by Virtuous (Non-Erotic Poetry) 12/05/01
Something should remain in the light
subtlety is best –
Submitted by rnabokov (Non-Erotic Poetry) 12/05/01
I am in complete agreement
Her Release –
Submitted by slowhand60 (Non-Erotic Poetry) 12/05/01
Ah freedom
U.P.
Unmasked Poet
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- Nov 15, 2001
- Posts
- 429
12/06
This is what I came up with I dare you to do better.
IF –
Submitted by ShamelessFlirt (Non-Erotic Poetry) 12/06/01
Allusion to Sunsets –
Submitted by Mistress Jorja (Non-Erotic Poetry) 12/06/01
Split Lickety –
Submitted by smithpeter (Erotic Poetry) 12/06/01
Read, vote,
U.P.
This is what I came up with I dare you to do better.
IF –
Submitted by ShamelessFlirt (Non-Erotic Poetry) 12/06/01
Allusion to Sunsets –
Submitted by Mistress Jorja (Non-Erotic Poetry) 12/06/01
Split Lickety –
Submitted by smithpeter (Erotic Poetry) 12/06/01
Read, vote,
U.P.
Unmasked Poet
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- 429
And then there was one...
12/07
New Sneaker Blues
by karmadog ©
Nobody told me there’d be day like these
U.P.
12/07
New Sneaker Blues
by karmadog ©
Nobody told me there’d be day like these
U.P.
Unmasked Poet
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- Posts
- 429
12/08
Here’s what I like from 12/08
OtherWorld –
Submitted by RisiaSkye (Non-Erotic Poetry) 12/08/01
cinnabar rouge –
Submitted by WickedEve (Erotic Poetry) 12/08/01
Read, vote there is more.
U.P.
Here’s what I like from 12/08
OtherWorld –
Submitted by RisiaSkye (Non-Erotic Poetry) 12/08/01
cinnabar rouge –
Submitted by WickedEve (Erotic Poetry) 12/08/01
Read, vote there is more.
U.P.
