The New Poems List

[littlekateyes]

I would like to say welcome to all the new poets. I hope you like it here as much as all of us. _land thank you for doing this thread everyday. It is truly great.


LittleKat

 

[_Land]

extolling the virtues of juxtaposition.

For todays new poems thread, sorry i wasnt here yesterday. I was meeting the love of my life...........much more important then a new poems thread, although I did miss it....




Todays Challenge is this, Take one poem, more if you like and explain how the poet uses juxtaposition.


I will have to look up the definition first of course, becasue im not very smart LOL



One entry found for juxtaposition.


Main Entry: jux·ta·po·si·tion
Pronunciation: "j&k-st&-p&-'zi-sh&n
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin juxta near + English position -- more at JOUST
Date: 1654
: the act or an instance of placing two or more things side by side; also : the state of being so placed
- jux·ta·po·si·tion·al /-'zish-n&l, -'zi-sh&-n&l/ adjective




Im looking forward to some good feedback on this one, anything from the New poems thread is accpetable, even if you use one of your own SJ, hope you will help out on this one.

 

[_Land]

Through a child's eyes
by debbiexxx ©
Can you see all that I can see
Silly squirrels clamber gnarly trees
Catch me, I dare you if you can
Or have you now forgotten me
Laughter faded into memory echoes
In empty narrowing dusty corridors
Your mind on schedules, appointments
Mine on sunshine, crayons and teddy
You have tried to shut me out
Now that you are all grown up
Under your skin I still get the giggles
While you are worn down by trivialities
Repressed by the daily stress of life
Numbers crunching, figures blurring
I see funny patterns in the clouds
Passing days and nights speed by
You didn't see it did you; always busy
The nice man was smiling at you
It's raining! Puddles and mud
Are you still worrying Miss Frowny
Tomorrow will be a good day
If you stop to smell the roses
A skip in your step, a smile on your face
I like warm fuzzies and tickles
Lemme out! I am good for you
I know you know I am here
That you think of me fondly
Reach inside and touch me
Let your inner child out
I'll make a mess, laugh and shout
It will be fun seeing things
Through a child's eyes again




There are several examples in this poem.
I will give a few, the first on that comes to mind is the obvious comparison of a grown up to a child, and how their lives contrast.
You also have the contrast of enjoyment and dull and boring.
mundane vs exciting.



Regards, Land

 

[Senna Jawa]

Through a child's eyes

            by debbiexxx ©


Can you see all that I can see
Silly squirrels clamber gnarly trees
Catch me, I dare you if you can
Or have you now forgotten me
Laughter faded into memory echoes
In empty narrowing dusty corridors
Your mind on schedules, appointments
Mine on sunshine, crayons and teddy
You have tried to shut me out
Now that you are all grown up
Under your skin I still get the giggles
While you are worn down by trivialities
Repressed by the daily stress of life
Numbers crunching, figures blurring
I see funny patterns in the clouds
Passing days and nights speed by
You didn't see it did you; always busy
The nice man was smiling at you
It's raining! Puddles and mud
Are you still worrying Miss Frowny
Tomorrow will be a good day
If you stop to smell the roses
A skip in your step, a smile on your face
I like warm fuzzies and tickles
Lemme out! I am good for you
I know you know I am here
That you think of me fondly
Reach inside and touch me
Let your inner child out
I'll make a mess, laugh and shout
It will be fun seeing things
Through a child's eyes again




There are several examples in this poem. I will give a few, the first on that comes to mind is the obvious comparison of a grown up to a child, and how their lives contrast. You also have the contrast of enjoyment and dull and boring. mundane vs exciting.

Regards, Land

The title "Through a child's eyes" is weak, unpoetic. Something in the direction "crayon and pen" should be searched for.

Also the very first line is poor:

        Can you see all that I can see

Needless to say, the first line of a poem is critical, it may grab or lose a reader!

The idea is interesting and known from other poems from the past. Two phases of the same person shown in one or even presented as two different people. Julian Tuwim wrote a poem in which a skinny, romantic youngster and a well to do poet are contrasted. The poem ends with an appeal to the youngster to punch the poet on his face. Of course (?) the two persons were Tuwim himself from two different periods of time. The "(?)" from the previous sentence is due to a comment in print by a professional critic who missed the main point of the poem (while another professional critic pointed to the ommission of his colleague later on). I used this idea of "two me" too. Try it sometime.

Lines like these:

    While you are worn down by trivialities
    Repressed by the daily stress of life

kill poetry. Don't generalize.

Also these lines are awful:

    I know you know I am here
    That you think of me fondly
    Reach inside and touch me
    Let your inner child out

Otherwise it is a cute poem. Nothing special, nothing
especially original, but except for lines like those
criticized above, the poem would be alright (better
than many other poems ). And I liked this line:

        Are you still wearing Miss Frowny

(I have modified it slightly! What do you think)?

Poems about childhood is quite a topic.

Regards,

 

[Angeline]

Quite a Topic Indeed

that thought Senna, just sent about 42,000 poem ideas screaming through my head! No doubt three or four are good ones.

Here comes one now!


Girls' Night Out

Hamilton Little League
does not accept girls.

No softball for the ladies.
Go home. Wear pearls.

Snuck out late.
Saturday night.

Landscaped field.
New spotlight.

Got my glove.
On my bike.

Judy. Leslie. Janet JoAnn.
Behind the playground.
Past bike stand.

Jump down.
Quiet!
Lock the Schwinn.

Over the fence.
We're in.

Soon enough.

Two teams worth of
angry buzzin' girls
wanting in on
boy's game world.

Hitting, sliding, stealing
base. Sweating, cursing
up your face!

Not foul, not foul!
It was a ball.

Take it over
one more hit.

I'm murderous.

They pit me against
their best.

Judy Petrangeli!
Big star pitcher!

Sheeit! Scared?
I'm a switch hitter!

A lefty!
Scare em half to death.
Judy's nervous. Takes a breath.
Throws fast and high.

Bullshit on that.
That ball is fly!

Let it go.
Let old braces Judy sweat
and blow another pitch.

Ball two.
A mile out.

And secretly I want to hit.
I pout.

(I've got a wicked
arm and Judy knows it,
she smiles and scratches.
snaps her gum. Tries to mess
me up and throws it)

Perfect arc.

The feeling rising
from my toes.

Swing.

The air is
whooshing past my glasses
slipping down my nose

I'm gonna have a
heart attack!

Contact!

Crack.

Wooooooooooooooo!
It's soaring.

Janet's running back to catch it.

I'm hauling ass. Home run!
I'm scoring.

Round the bases rounding
first when the very very
worst of all things.

Crashes
Tinkling

Glass that rings aloud
crowding silence out of night

The new clubhouse
The little girls.

Freeze in fright!

Until the oldest moves
and breathes

and

My big sister's voice
has spoken

"C'mon."

On the bikes
Racing fast.
In the yard. Up the tree.
Through the window.

In.

Safety's flight.
Little girl.
Sweet dreams.

Goodnight.

 

[Senna Jawa]

Re: extolling the virtues of juxtaposition.

Todays Challenge is this, Take one poem, more if you like and explain how the poet uses juxtaposition.


I will have to look up the definition first of course, becasue im not very smart LOL



One entry found for juxtaposition.


Main Entry: jux·ta·po·si·tion
Pronunciation: "j&k-st&-p&-'zi-sh&n
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin juxta near + English position -- more at JOUST
Date: 1654
: the act or an instance of placing two or more things side by side; also : the state of being so placed
- jux·ta·po·si·tion·al /-'zish-n&l, -'zi-sh&-n&l/ adjective

In poetry, when we talk about juxtaposition (as an artistic device or even a philosophy) we really mean the juxtaposition of Nature v. human emotions. When encountering other juxtapositions we talk about analogies, contrasts, etc.

Juxtaposition is common to the folk poetry around the world, was systematically developed in Chinese poetry, then in Japanese haiku.

I'd think that juxtaposition deserves a separate thread, perhaps together with other devices of this kind: metaphore, simile and kenning. These four form a logical quartet.

Regards,

 

[Rybka]

Here comes one now!


Girls Night Out

Excellent Angeline, especially if you just tore that off. - I like the theme even more than the words and structure!

Regards,                 Rybka

 

[JUDO]

That was awesome Angeline! If only I could get a video of you performing that one for the coffee-house crowd. Wow!


- Judo

 

[Angeline]

To answer you Rybka

I looked at Senna's comment and just started thinking. If I were to write about my childhood, what would I write? And that is true, lol. I did break the window and was never discovered. Until now lol.

I haven't thought of that for god knows how long, but my son is playing softball and was telling me stories about his escapades the other night, so it may have jogged the memory.

Once I started it came out really fast. Most of the time was formatting it. Still tweaking that to post it.

But that's the thing about writing and memories, I think. If you can envision it in your mind's eye, think about it with all your senses, you can remember the most incredibly minute details.

I still remember scrambling up that tree to my bedroom window, haha. I had scabby knees for weeks.

And yeah, lol, I knew as I was writing it that it was my little secret feminist manifesto!

Thanks!


Hey Judo!

Grins at you--could happen girlfriend. I'm doing my first poetry reading--yep at a coffeehouse--since college next month! Probably will read it!

 

[Senna Jawa]

Re: Quite a Topic Indeed

Girls' Night Out

[...]
        Safety's flight.
        Little girl.
        Sweet dreams.

Goodnight.

Angeline, delightful!

 

[Debbie]

Thanks for feedback on my poem Through a child's eyes.

Interesting thoughts and things to mull over regarding the poem.
I wrote this poem for the writing live challenge and submitted it as it was. For me it is a simple poem that lacks depth and a lot of thought. I wrote it in a light mood and it reflects that in the way it is written. A no frills poem.
Something that just came to me and needs fine tuning.
Thanks to _Land for bringing it to the light for a better look at it. And to Senna Jawa and _Land for words of honesty and giving me something to learn from.

 

[Angeline]

Well thank you SJ for the inspiration

I didn't even know there was a challenge about juxtaposition or anything else for that matter. lol. Just saw your comment and remembered.

 

[Senna Jawa]

Re: Well thank you SJ for the inspiration

I didn't even know there was a challenge about juxtaposition or anything else for that matter. lol. Just saw your comment and remembered.

I am glad to provide inspiration, you're very welcome, Angeline.

I must say that otherwise I don't understand your letter. Is there a connection between the title and the rest of your post? What challenge do you have in your mind? Did I miss/forgot something? I feel disoriented

Regards,

 

[Angeline]

Poetically Challenged

_Land said:

Todays Challenge is this, Take one poem, more if you like and explain how the poet uses juxtaposition.


No it was me I
did not read the
whole thread as
you see I went
back and saw one
line from _Land so
ok fine I thought it
meant some kind
of game the little
word plays seem
the same sometimes
to me I wrote alot
last night and so
I should explain
that I was caught
upon the tenterhooks
of poetry I'm sure
you know how
that can be so
please excuse
and if I may I
wonder do you
ever feel that there
is nothing you can
be but words that
skip along and sing
true rather stupidly
and still you go on
with the form and
content there is not
a thing that you can
do but write more

poetry?

 

[_Land]

Re: Re: extolling the virtues of juxtaposition.

Thanks SJ, am glad you helped out on this one. what is a kenning?

In poetry, when we talk about juxtaposition (as an artistic device or even a philosophy) we really mean the juxtaposition of Nature v. human emotions. When encountering other juxtapositions we talk about analogies, contrasts, etc.

Juxtaposition is common to the folk poetry around the world, was systematically developed in Chinese poetry, then in Japanese haiku.

I'd think that juxtaposition deserves a separate thread, perhaps together with other devices of this kind: metaphore, simile and kenning. These four form a logical quartet.

Regards,

 

[_Land]

Its a pleasure to have you with us Debbie, feel free to come on in any time. I enjoyed your poem. _Land

Thanks for feedback on my poem Through a child's eyes.

Interesting thoughts and things to mull over regarding the poem.
I wrote this poem for the writing live challenge and submitted it as it was. For me it is a simple poem that lacks depth and a lot of thought. I wrote it in a light mood and it reflects that in the way it is written. A no frills poem.
Something that just came to me and needs fine tuning.
Thanks to _Land for bringing it to the light for a better look at it. And to Senna Jawa and _Land for words of honesty and giving me something to learn from.

 

[Rybka]

Today is a good day!

There are quite a few new poems worth reading today. Besides several from some of the usual contributors to this forum, there are a number from new people, or at least poets who are not regulars here. - Unfortunately, more than one of these would benefit from an editor, or at least a spell check, but that aside, they are still worth a read.

Regards,                 Rybka

 

[_Land]

Todays New poems




advancing into the sunset
by Senna Jawa ©
A Lovely poem SJ, but I must ask, why do you have the sun is red in parenthesis?

Also, I would love to understand your beware infinity poem, at least the number usage. Would you take the time to explain it.




Girls' Night Out
by Angeline ©

This is a great piece of art Angeline, as always your efforts leave me satisfied.





The Real Question, the Real Answer
by Pane ©

why not?



Unscareable
by d7dlp0 ©

If you took of the poor attempt to put this in a poetic stanza form, this would make excelent prose. You could edit it to fit the poetic form, but i think as prose it would do better. Keep writing, you have some thought provoking words.






How Much Do I Love You?
by Suzi ©


I love the use of rhymes, but i think you clutter this nice poem a little to much. Trying to stick with your pattern has forced some of them. world/girl etc... I think perhaps using your rhyme scheme in just alternating stanzas would be better. Your descriptive stanza doesnt need it and it would allow you more flexibility.

"How much do I love you?
How wide is the sky?
Clouds float around in it,
And in it birds fly. (you could do better with this line, forget the rhyme)

My love is your sky,
And wide is my heart,
Hoping of my life
You'll want to be part. "




The Box - Awakening
by Whitman ©


WOW






Time
by Pane ©

You will really like the form he used rybka check this one out.



Time Labeled
by smithpeter ©

Sp, this was a well thought out piece, one of the best from my view that you have posted recently.




my angel
by charmed7399 ©

A very charming read............






At First
by Little Wing ©


Welcome to the board LW hope you enjoy your stay. Nice poem.





Seduction (II)
by Cloudbrst9 ©

I was seduced to putting this one on the board

 

[Senna Jawa]

Todays New poems

   
advancing into the sunset
        by Senna Jawa ©

A Lovely poem SJ, but I must ask, why do you have the sun is red in parenthesis?

Red is a striking color, it raises your adrealin and your heart beat (for obvious, survival reason--red means blood, means--be ready). But I want to downplay it, I want to play it softly (like in music), I want to keep this sunset peaceful, to keep a quiet mood, a bit on the dark side. Also, literally-visually you are already getting an ascii preview of what the next lines say. "sun" is like a jewel in the crown (without saying anything like this).

Looking back at a good poem, it is unbelievable how much (brain) intensity goes into it, how many improbable occurences contribute harmoniously to its impact (locally & globally), it's quite miraculous. And scary.

Also, I would love to understand your beware infinity poem, at least the number usage. Would you take the time to explain it.

Numbers stand for the age. E.g. "I 16" stands for "I, who was 16 years old"). This was one of a very few of my poems which in the past got a grand praise.

Girls' Night Out
by Angeline ©

This is a great piece of art Angeline, as always your efforts leave me satisfied.

Now, that's an admirable poem that everybody must love, and for good reasons . It is obvious that my poems will never be liked as widely as Angeline's.

There are/were many superb poets around the world, over centuries and millennia. My friend who died at 20, Wlodzimierz Szymanowicz is among them. He was a genius and would be still greater if he was given just a few more years. In recent times we lost poets who were adding to the quality of life of their readers: Joseph Brodsky, Zbigniew Herbert, Michael McNeilly, Keiko Imaoka...But three poets stand out: Du Fu, Lesmian and Polonika. The last one is unknown. Her poems, and there are not too many of them, twenty something perhaps, are incredibly beautiful in the most simple, unassuming, direct way: beautiful, natural language, beautiful images, unbelievable ease. They invoke emotions at the first reading, without any emotional words. She fulfills the Basho's principles: karubi, sabi & wabi, and gets more because she can achieve them without any constrains on beauty. Often you are not aware of the narrator (lirical subject) of her poems like you are unaware of yourself, when you feel at peace, in harmony. In terms of juxtaposition, Polonika went a step further. The man and Nature in her poems are simply one, the unity is seamless. All this is already A LOT. But then I come back to her poems over months and years, and see more and more in them. My eyes open to the grand compositions and grand symbolism of these not so long (sometimes short) poems. (I have to talk someone exceptionally good, possibly poet Marek Lugowski, into translating these poems. Marek's translations of Halina Poswiatowska are admired even by people who dislike him . But then, would it make a difference? I don't know. Participants of the Polish Internet main poetry list, pl.hum.poezja, rather like Polonika's poems but don't appreciate what a unique phenomenon these poems are. Why, some of them allowed themselves to act patronizingly or even outright ugly and dirty. Oh, well, nothing new under the Sun).

How Much Do I Love You?
by Suzi ©

I love the use of rhymes, but i think you clutter this nice poem a little to much.

_Land, if you had any mercy on Suzi, you would never mention her trite, cliched, uninteresting poem. Possibly you want Suzi to raise her standards a million times over. Let's hope.

Good luck, Suzi. And thank you _Land for your continues activity.

Best regards,

 

[Suzi]

Excuse Me?????

Just what are you trying to say here about my poem aforementioned?

 

[Rybka]

Land, if you had any mercy on Suzi, you would never mention her trite, cliched, uninteresting poem. Possibly you want Suzi to raise her standards a million times over. Let's hope.

Good luck, Suzi. And thank you _Land for your continues activity.

Best regards,

Suzi wrote:

Just what are you trying to say here about my poem aforementioned?

Suzi, Senna Jawa was saying that he thinks your efforts need to be improved multi-fold. - I agree that you can improve, and that that takes continued effort, but I, like _Land, see much promise in your work. Keep writing and never expect to reach the perfection that S.J. might recognize as good poetry.

Regards,                 Rybka

PS: S.J. "Continues" should be either "continued" or "continuing".

 

[Angeline]

SJ thank you for you compliment

you know I think one of the best things you have done for this board is introduce us to obscure poets that you love. You feel about some of them, I think, the way I feel about Lester Young: that the more I listen, the more I find in the music.

I have become popular as a poet in a short time, yes. Some of my poems are quite good I think--some need more work, some I wish I'd never writ, lol. I joke around alot here because that is how I am comfortable expressing myself, but I am often very umcomfortable with the attention.

I want to write and learn. That is all, really.

Writing is expression. So many ways to play the words and express oneself--like jazz no? And we all write, I suppose, because we need to express. And we are all learning. Me, you, Suzi, _Land, all of us here.

Be well mr. sj

Be well suzi and _land and all of you

Goodnight moon.

 

[Suzi]

Well Fishie....

Senna Jawa has a PM waiting for him......and I let my feelings be known.

 

[Suzi]

Oh....and btw...

for those who have been wanting to see my free verse...I just submitted a few of those....I have submitted maybe two rhyming also. Senna...I would advise you not to read mine...since they are SO below your standards!!!

 

[Senna Jawa]

PS: S.J. "Continues" should be either "continued" or "continuing".

Yes, "continued", like in "continued fractions" , would be ok, and "continuing" would be fine too. But "continuous" (which I have misspelled, sorry) can't be bad either, is it?

Thank you, Rybka,