_Land
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2002
- Posts
- 757
Well, Monday *sigh* although better than being home alone all weekend.
Aft in the Captain's Lounge
by lickmyboot ©
This is some of the best imagery I've seen since I joined Lit!
Aft in the Captain's Lounge
by lickmyboot ©
no cigarettes
by smithpeter ©
Who needs nicorrette ?
Roberta said-
by Palau ©
Welcome to the board, Your Poem is great, although you could have been more creative with the title.
"and you and I were busy
in deep business
so that is how my signature
appeared on your document
the one between your legs "
What Is, Was and Will Be
by ForMySaniT ©
Embracing what is
I come to grips
with what may be.
She Stoops to Conquer
by Angeline ©
Do you ever write something, that isnt lovely?
morning razor sunshine
by Senna Jawa ©
Lovely view SJ
The View Inside the Box
by KillerMuffin ©
This short is longer then it seems! great read!
twisted knickers
by smithpeter ©
LOL, the title says enough!
Bird
by Lauren.Hynde ©
You should wear short more often, lauren they are lovely on you
I Came To You
by gvmethestars ©
I feel this poem all over, thanks for posting it!
Ya all have a great day
Aft in the Captain's Lounge
by lickmyboot ©
This is some of the best imagery I've seen since I joined Lit!
Aft in the Captain's Lounge
by lickmyboot ©
no cigarettes
by smithpeter ©
Who needs nicorrette ?
Roberta said-
by Palau ©
Welcome to the board, Your Poem is great, although you could have been more creative with the title.
"and you and I were busy
in deep business
so that is how my signature
appeared on your document
the one between your legs "
What Is, Was and Will Be
by ForMySaniT ©
Embracing what is
I come to grips
with what may be.
She Stoops to Conquer
by Angeline ©
Do you ever write something, that isnt lovely?
morning razor sunshine
by Senna Jawa ©
Lovely view SJ
The View Inside the Box
by KillerMuffin ©
This short is longer then it seems! great read!
twisted knickers
by smithpeter ©
LOL, the title says enough!
Bird
by Lauren.Hynde ©
You should wear short more often, lauren they are lovely on you
I Came To You
by gvmethestars ©
I feel this poem all over, thanks for posting it!
Ya all have a great day
Angeline
Poet Chick
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2002
- Posts
- 27,172
Thank you, Land
and trust me I have plenty of stuff that is the poetic equivalent of nails on a chalkboard, lol. If I recognize it for the dreck it is, I just don't post it. On the other hand, I'd be happy to walk through my page with you sometime and show you the clunkers I wish I could remove!
and trust me I have plenty of stuff that is the poetic equivalent of nails on a chalkboard, lol. If I recognize it for the dreck it is, I just don't post it. On the other hand, I'd be happy to walk through my page with you sometime and show you the clunkers I wish I could remove!
Senna Jawa
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- May 13, 2002
- Posts
- 3,272
"She Stoops to Conquer" by Angeline
And I like this poem very much.
Until the middle of the text I had the image of a couple standing in line to cashier, in a grocery store. I thought that the cashier's greeting "Hello, how are you today?" will bring those two and me, the reader, back to reality. Instead, I was awaken rudely by that "Master" business, which made the final "yes" uninteresting and unimportant. The poem had a great appeal to the general audience till then, but the "Master" junk has reduced it for no good reason to a much narrower public.
Poems should be concrete but they should have nothing, including any concrete references, which does not serve poetry. That's why great poems are both concrete and universal. (That's why Chinese language and poetry make such a perfect match)
I still enjoyed the poem a lot. And I keep imagining that its two characters stand in the line, that the cashier will address them any moment.
Thank you Angeline for a beautiful poem.
And thank you _Land again for what you do and also for mentioning my own poem too.
Regards,
Indeed_Land said:
And I like this poem very much.Until the middle of the text I had the image of a couple standing in line to cashier, in a grocery store. I thought that the cashier's greeting "Hello, how are you today?" will bring those two and me, the reader, back to reality. Instead, I was awaken rudely by that "Master" business, which made the final "yes" uninteresting and unimportant. The poem had a great appeal to the general audience till then, but the "Master" junk has reduced it for no good reason to a much narrower public.
Poems should be concrete but they should have nothing, including any concrete references, which does not serve poetry. That's why great poems are both concrete and universal. (That's why Chinese language and poetry make such a perfect match)
I still enjoyed the poem a lot. And I keep imagining that its two characters stand in the line, that the cashier will address them any moment.
Thank you Angeline for a beautiful poem.
And thank you _Land again for what you do and also for mentioning my own poem too.
Regards,
Angeline
Poet Chick
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2002
- Posts
- 27,172
Thank You, SJ
for your good words about this poem. Of course, we (poet and reader) often have completely different understandings of what a poem means. I tend to write alot more concrete stuff based on memories because it's easier for me. "She Stoops to Conquer" was not such a poem, but was just a big old fabrication.
I had been thinking about a recent thread here calling for poems that describe master/sub relationships, and wanting to write something to question where power lies in them. Really wasn't thinking beyond that, but your point about the "master" stuff in it narrowing its appeal is well taken. That's not a value judgment at all about that languge, but that I agree that the best poems float somewhere between general and specific.
One of the things I love about posting here is that you do get feedback from poets who see something completely different from what you intended. This was very helpful to me.
I made some changes that I think reflect what you are saying. I think they open the poem up to various interpretations. Do you think this is so?
Thanks for the feedback!
She stands beside him
eyes cast down
in sleeveless dress
long arms bare-
skinned silken flesh
close enough for him
to breathe her fragrant
hair smooth and fresh
Her eyes cast down
Essence of a lemon grove
Palermo warm and green
the top note fading to
a white-washed sea scent
tangy ocean taste below
musky forest elemental
woman earth is powerful
Yet eyes cast down
absorbed in thought
A sly delighted knowing
smile on curving lips
points teasing fabric
shifting arc of hips
she stands beside him
still and waiting silent
eyes cast down and
musing barely masked
then startled metamophic
mouth in motion parted lips
her breath bare whisper:
Yes.
for your good words about this poem. Of course, we (poet and reader) often have completely different understandings of what a poem means. I tend to write alot more concrete stuff based on memories because it's easier for me. "She Stoops to Conquer" was not such a poem, but was just a big old fabrication
.I had been thinking about a recent thread here calling for poems that describe master/sub relationships, and wanting to write something to question where power lies in them. Really wasn't thinking beyond that, but your point about the "master" stuff in it narrowing its appeal is well taken. That's not a value judgment at all about that languge, but that I agree that the best poems float somewhere between general and specific.
One of the things I love about posting here is that you do get feedback from poets who see something completely different from what you intended. This was very helpful to me.
I made some changes that I think reflect what you are saying. I think they open the poem up to various interpretations. Do you think this is so?
Thanks for the feedback!
She stands beside him
eyes cast down
in sleeveless dress
long arms bare-
skinned silken flesh
close enough for him
to breathe her fragrant
hair smooth and fresh
Her eyes cast down
Essence of a lemon grove
Palermo warm and green
the top note fading to
a white-washed sea scent
tangy ocean taste below
musky forest elemental
woman earth is powerful
Yet eyes cast down
absorbed in thought
A sly delighted knowing
smile on curving lips
points teasing fabric
shifting arc of hips
she stands beside him
still and waiting silent
eyes cast down and
musing barely masked
then startled metamophic
mouth in motion parted lips
her breath bare whisper:
Yes.
Last edited:
smithpeter
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2001
- Posts
- 409
thank you _Land
thank you very much
thank you very much
and the Creature's choices for the day are:
We're back with today's poems (Sep-16th)
[Ok we got a new deal now: An A means comments by Angeline; an L by Lauren. We generally do that with our own posts, so you'll know we don't praise ourselves!]
Very interesting poems today, some really must-read:
-------------------------
Third-Floor Fire Escape 1980
by Angeline ©
overripe about to burst
the worst was when
we parted panting
and ohfuck granting
Same Angeline that got us used to her poignant and masterfully conceived poetry, but this time in a slightly different note. It's at once evocative and inventive, funny and twisted. Delightful.
[L]
(yes lauren, but the real question is, did i make it up or not?)
-------------------------
our worth is mud
by Palau ©
she tells me stories
at night of things she is not
old enough to have had.
but, they flow from her
Some poems are Wow. This is a Wow poem. There were three Wow poems we read in the past three days (and to give credit they were by Rybka, Wicked Eve, and now Palau). What is happening? Is it the air? The season? What is it with this poem? It flows like a brook that meanders here, there yet somehow holds together. I think we're saying we don't understand what it means, but we really like it! Welcome Palau!
-------------------------
lousy miscellany
by smithpeter ©
Yes, smithpeter this poem is lousy with miscellany (in the sense of replete with )! What we have here are four poems, three of which--the "cancer" poems-are really a set.
The first three poems struck me as dealing with cancer of a specific sense (i.e., hearing, touching, seeing). What I find interesting about them is that they can work individually or, because there is some overlap across senses in each piece, as a set. Of the three, I think "Ear Cancer" is the strongest poem, and I might have taken the part of "Eye Cancer" that begins with "Taste so smooth" and made it a fourth poem, Mouth Cancer, but what do I know? lol. Ask my kids. [hers, not mine! L] Or wait, maybe don't.
"Trying to break the rule of 3 lines" is very good. We love what it says about breaking with poetic form, the images are just
beautiful, and love the way it's open for interpretation! So there!
-------------------------
Heart
by ZaQadir ©
Do you remember the blood I shed for you?
Those soft voices, in the night
Quieted
How my earth ran red for you?
Yet my love remains unrequited
ZaQadir is new to Literotica poetry, and we like what we see. Heart has a simple urgent quality to it--almost terse in the pointedness of its message, and the images--heart, blood, night-work well to create a mood. Welcome ZaQadir: hope we see more of your work!
-------------------------
Blood Drops
by KillerMuffin ©
Blood drops across the smooth surface of the mirror
bisects my face with Picasso's elaborate touch.
Heat throbbing like a mother's tender love
spreads through my body and tells me that
I have a soul
This wonderful poem comes from Killer Muffin, and there is much going on in it. I'm trying to figure out if there was a real-life event that precipitated this poem. Did she cut herself? Was she checking in the mirror to make sure she was ok?
The image of blood drops bisecting her face and creating abstract expressionism is so good as is the metaphor of blood heat (maybe from the throbbing pain of a cut?) as love. And boy can I relate to the stolen moments where one regains sense of self!
[A]
-------------------------
Analysis-Paralysis
by Lauren.Hynde ©
Nice poem, Lauren-I felt that "fails to engage" is the nexus of the poem-your point being (I think) that the poet here is not engaged by the process. The imagery ("behavioral matrix, transfinite mathematics, and even the title) is appropriately dry, which sets up the poem for the conclusion: the poet screaming for cessation! (Of course you do know that grievances are allowed and petitions are NOT interdicted, [not all the time! L.] but you can dream!)
[A]
We're back with today's poems (Sep-16th)
[Ok we got a new deal now: An A means comments by Angeline; an L by Lauren. We generally do that with our own posts, so you'll know we don't praise ourselves!]
Very interesting poems today, some really must-read:
-------------------------
Third-Floor Fire Escape 1980
by Angeline ©
overripe about to burst
the worst was when
we parted panting
and ohfuck granting
Same Angeline that got us used to her poignant and masterfully conceived poetry, but this time in a slightly different note. It's at once evocative and inventive, funny and twisted. Delightful.
[L]
(yes lauren, but the real question is, did i make it up or not?)
-------------------------
our worth is mud
by Palau ©
she tells me stories
at night of things she is not
old enough to have had.
but, they flow from her
Some poems are Wow. This is a Wow poem. There were three Wow poems we read in the past three days (and to give credit they were by Rybka, Wicked Eve, and now Palau). What is happening? Is it the air? The season? What is it with this poem? It flows like a brook that meanders here, there yet somehow holds together. I think we're saying we don't understand what it means, but we really like it! Welcome Palau!
-------------------------
lousy miscellany
by smithpeter ©
Yes, smithpeter this poem is lousy with miscellany (in the sense of replete with
)! What we have here are four poems, three of which--the "cancer" poems-are really a set. The first three poems struck me as dealing with cancer of a specific sense (i.e., hearing, touching, seeing). What I find interesting about them is that they can work individually or, because there is some overlap across senses in each piece, as a set. Of the three, I think "Ear Cancer" is the strongest poem, and I might have taken the part of "Eye Cancer" that begins with "Taste so smooth" and made it a fourth poem, Mouth Cancer, but what do I know? lol. Ask my kids. [hers, not mine! L] Or wait, maybe don't.
"Trying to break the rule of 3 lines" is very good. We love what it says about breaking with poetic form, the images are just
beautiful, and love the way it's open for interpretation! So there!
-------------------------
Heart
by ZaQadir ©
Do you remember the blood I shed for you?
Those soft voices, in the night
Quieted
How my earth ran red for you?
Yet my love remains unrequited
ZaQadir is new to Literotica poetry, and we like what we see. Heart has a simple urgent quality to it--almost terse in the pointedness of its message, and the images--heart, blood, night-work well to create a mood. Welcome ZaQadir: hope we see more of your work!
-------------------------
Blood Drops
by KillerMuffin ©
Blood drops across the smooth surface of the mirror
bisects my face with Picasso's elaborate touch.
Heat throbbing like a mother's tender love
spreads through my body and tells me that
I have a soul
This wonderful poem comes from Killer Muffin, and there is much going on in it. I'm trying to figure out if there was a real-life event that precipitated this poem. Did she cut herself? Was she checking in the mirror to make sure she was ok?
The image of blood drops bisecting her face and creating abstract expressionism is so good as is the metaphor of blood heat (maybe from the throbbing pain of a cut?) as love. And boy can I relate to the stolen moments where one regains sense of self!
[A]
-------------------------
Analysis-Paralysis
by Lauren.Hynde ©
Nice poem, Lauren-I felt that "fails to engage" is the nexus of the poem-your point being (I think) that the poet here is not engaged by the process. The imagery ("behavioral matrix, transfinite mathematics, and even the title) is appropriately dry, which sets up the poem for the conclusion: the poet screaming for cessation! (Of course you do know that grievances are allowed and petitions are NOT interdicted, [not all the time! L.] but you can dream!)
[A]
Last edited:
_Land
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2002
- Posts
- 757
Tommorows New Poems today
I am going to recuse myself from tommorrows New Poems thread, as my submissions make over half of all the new poems for tommorrow LMAO, The other ten are mostly all good........ So Im going to pass the buck..............besides its fun to see someone
else express what they like. Whos the next contestant on the new poetry thread?
BTW, incase you might have forgotton where the new poems are I have posted the link, so no excuses
Extra Extra Read All About It
I am going to recuse myself from tommorrows New Poems thread, as my submissions make over half of all the new poems for tommorrow LMAO, The other ten are mostly all good........ So Im going to pass the buck..............besides its fun to see someone
else express what they like. Whos the next contestant on the new poetry thread?
BTW, incase you might have forgotton where the new poems are I have posted the link, so no excuses
Extra Extra Read All About It
perks
sarcasduck ruffleslut
- Joined
- May 20, 2001
- Posts
- 40,901
my turn
Season of Lonely by _Land
that first stanza, brilliant. A few cliches that made me grimace but overall nicely done, and I love the icing on the cake<title>. He has a gazillion poems up, take a look. I'd love to bloody the hell out of some of his poems, but you can feel him in the words.
Third Floor Shitstorm by karmadog now THIS is poetry. I know the contest, but damn. This poet's voice is strong. The only thing I want is some goddamn punctuation.
Analysis-Paralysis by Lauren.Hynde
transfinite mathematics
or extra-linear dynamics
nice clipped flow, too many coordinating conjunctions. Needs a tweak, but I enjoyed it anyway.
Season of Lonely by _Land
that first stanza, brilliant. A few cliches that made me grimace but overall nicely done, and I love the icing on the cake<title>. He has a gazillion poems up, take a look. I'd love to bloody the hell out of some of his poems, but you can feel him in the words.
Third Floor Shitstorm by karmadog now THIS is poetry. I know the contest, but damn. This poet's voice is strong. The only thing I want is some goddamn punctuation.
Analysis-Paralysis by Lauren.Hynde
transfinite mathematics
or extra-linear dynamics
nice clipped flow, too many coordinating conjunctions. Needs a tweak, but I enjoyed it anyway.
karmadog
Now I'm a drink behind.
- Joined
- Nov 22, 2001
- Posts
- 1,198
Wow, thanks for the mention, pb. Sorry about the lack of punctuation, it's something I've been playing with. I like the clean look that it gives the poem on the paper (or screen) and the variations it can give to the meaning.
Thanks again.
Thanks again.
Lauren Hynde
Hitched
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2002
- Posts
- 21,061
Re: my turn
Care to tweak? Please?
Thank you, Ducky Mistress. Never expected anyone to like that one. Poetry written in less than a minute (literally, the time of typing it) at 5.30 AM on a week night was never my specialtyperky_baby said:
Care to tweak? Please?
lickmyboot
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2002
- Posts
- 223
hey _Land!
Thanks for the mention on Aft in the Captain's Lounge! Would y'all make fun of me if I told you it was a spontaneously subliminal poem? When I finished writing, I walked into the next room to see that my better half was watching "Pleasure Boater" on TV! Pleasure boater indeed!
Thanks for the mention on Aft in the Captain's Lounge! Would y'all make fun of me if I told you it was a spontaneously subliminal poem? When I finished writing, I walked into the next room to see that my better half was watching "Pleasure Boater" on TV! Pleasure boater indeed!
perks
sarcasduck ruffleslut
- Joined
- May 20, 2001
- Posts
- 40,901
Re: Re: my turn
behavioral matrix
on logic sand
fails to engage
transfinite mathematics
or extra-linear dynamics
grievence disallowed
petitions interdicted
SCREAM
reductum ad absurdum
tweak
Lauren.Hynde said:Thank you, Ducky Mistress. Never expected anyone to like that one. Poetry written in less than a minute (literally, the time of typing it) at 5.30 AM on a week night was never my specialty
Care to tweak? Please?
behavioral matrix
on logic sand
fails to engage
transfinite mathematics
or extra-linear dynamics
grievence disallowed
petitions interdicted
SCREAM
reductum ad absurdum
tweak
Lauren Hynde
Hitched
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2002
- Posts
- 21,061
Re: Re: Re: my turn
I like your tweaking! Merciperky_baby said:
_Land
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2002
- Posts
- 757
I think for todays new poems list we might do soemthing a little different............for those of you willing to participate......Pick a new poem off the board and write a spoof........Please be carefull of peoples feelings.....some people are more sensitive then others......You all are more then welcome to use one of mine.........
post the spoof here in the thread with a link to the inspiration
Have ya looked at the new poems thread lately?
Heres the link Please Read Me Im Lonely
post the spoof here in the thread with a link to the inspiration
Have ya looked at the new poems thread lately?
Heres the link Please Read Me Im Lonely
perks
sarcasduck ruffleslut
- Joined
- May 20, 2001
- Posts
- 40,901
Lucky
by WickedEve ©
~
She bends over,
cotton blue slides up.
Rising hem reveals his enthusiasm:
wet thighs, ripped panties.
She hands him a found penny for luck,
but it's too late for that.
Plucky
by perky_baby
~
She bends over
Downy white thrusts up
Racey ruffles reveal his spirit
duck thighs, wet feathers.
She gives him a quill to pluck
but it's too late for that.
by WickedEve ©
~
She bends over,
cotton blue slides up.
Rising hem reveals his enthusiasm:
wet thighs, ripped panties.
She hands him a found penny for luck,
but it's too late for that.
Plucky
by perky_baby
~
She bends over
Downy white thrusts up
Racey ruffles reveal his spirit
duck thighs, wet feathers.
She gives him a quill to pluck
but it's too late for that.
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