the use of safe words

[catalina_francisco]

I dunno, there are 2 sides to the reluctance to using a safeword you have been given, one being the cool, common sense, rational one, the other being the emotional. Being a highly emotional person who is slave to another highly emotional person, it is not so easy to always be full of common sense at every precise moment (and for some time afterward) it may be called for, so though it is true that the safe word is there to also help out the PYL, it is not usually what is uppermost in the mind of someone who is doing all they can to please and dreading the thought they could in any way mess it up for their PYL. And it is real that sometimes a PYL is disappointed the safeword has been used. It doesn't mean it shouldn't have been employed, but it is possible it does not create pleasure in the PYL who might just be needing that release, looking forward to it etc....it is a reality sometimes. I think it just as important the PYL have the right to express that feeling, talk about how they felt and why instead of invalidating it as a reality in the interests of making the pyl feel 100% OK. Communicating disappointments, feelings, pleasure, needs, wants, triumphs, expectations etc., goes both ways when seeking to have an honest and open exchange

Then you move to the aspect of emotional, as in how it makes the pyl feel to have to use the safe word and I tend to think it is not fair to tell them they are wrong to feel that way. Feelings are natural, not wrong...what you do with them may be. Unfortunately to be submissive with a mindset bent on pleasing, there are going to be plenty of opportunities for one to feel they have done less than their best, or more to the point, what they hoped would be their best. That feeling is real, not wrong. Not talking about it, or not being given the necessary reassurance using a safeword is what is expected, may be wrong or foolish, but the feeling is just that, feeling. Being able to talk openly about it gives some hope there can be a sensible and healthy conclusion and plan for how to deal with those feelings in future moments, thus working toward a positive outcome for both PYL and pyl which is also healthy on all levels.

Catalina

 

[the captians wench]

This gets me up in arms every time a topic on safewords comes up, so I'm just going to spew it. I'm NOT directing this at anyone in specific in this thread, just food for thought relating to this failing idea in general.

Those of you that are entertaining ideas of failure and disappointment when you do have to use your safeword?

Cut that shit out. Seriously.

I can guarantee it will annoy the fuck out of most doms to make sure you have a safety net, to make sure you BOTH have a safety net (as the safeword is there for HIS benefit too you know) only to have to continue to worry if the sub is going to not use it for fear of disappointing or whatnot. That worry, that fear....undermines the entire purpose and use of a safeword altogether.

The point of a safeword is a quick, no-confusion-added means of communication to put a stop to something that is potentially or immediately damaging to one or the other in the scene. It's like a tourniquet, a short term, immediate way of stopping the flow of blood until more advanced help can be administered in efforts to save a limb. A safeword is a short-term, immediate form of communication to stop the flow of a scene so more advanced communication can take place to "heal" the problem and can even yes, save a scene or relationship from more serious harm if the issue is not addressed.

I'm really not trying to sound like a bitch here, but I'm likely failing. Sorry about that. Spew = bitchy seri.

If you are going to establish a safeword, use it properly. Let it do the job it is there to do, without making your dominant have to wonder "will she really use it, can I really trust her to use it, or will she suffer through to try to please me?"

No one wants to shoulder that burden. I sure as hell wouldn't.

No decent dom is going to think or say "damn, you really disappointed the hell out of me by ruining that scene and using your safeword over your damn emotional drama again."

If they do? Take if for the huge ass red flag it is and get the hell outta there.

Otherwise, give your partners a little credit.

Ma'am often tells me when I am worrying needlessly about whether or not she is pleased with something I did..."It's no concern of yours. If you displease me, I will let you know."

Edited to add...

This topic just goes to show exactly why you should never allow a safeword to override good old common sense. There are just too many ways that the lack of responsibility or mutual understanding of safewords on either side can cause a heck of a mess. It's just a tool. You need to put the brainpower behind the tool to use too in order for it to be of any use at all.

I think you really hit on something here for me suri.

I have never worried about using my safeword, I knew it was there but I also trust the person who is using me in the moment enough that I don't usually feel a safeword is nessisary (infact most of the time they stop before I'm ready to stop). on both occations that I yellowed, he was trying to get me to safeword, something that has never been done before. On one level it was a learning experience for him, to see where I would break, on another level it was for me to learn it's okay to use it if I need it. He still didn't get me to the point where i felt I had to stop, I just needed a breath. I was disapointed that I couldn't take more, and I will dig in and take more than I used to. I like being pushed further, which is why I didn't like safewording, and why I didn't need to red. I'm not sure if I ever expressed what I was feeling in that moment, but I know he did mention it once, about me feeling like I let him down because I couldn't take that little bit more.

and you mentioned in an earlier post that you didn't put d/s into play. This was an issue I think upset Jounar a little at first because when I scene with some one, I give them full control. I think this might not be a common thing, but it's why I don't play with a lot of people and it takes a lot of trust for me to play with some one.

these were all things we each discussed with this new girl in depth many times. She seemed to understand how we felt about things, but I"m wondering if she really did. She is fairly new to the lifestyle, I've only known her for about 3 weeks, and he just a bit longer than that. There is deffinitly going to be more indepth conversation about what happened, on all ends.

 

[Netzach]

I definitely hated to safeword as a bottom, because I was interested in pushing myself as far along as I could, not in being pushed as far as I could, if that makes the least bit of sense. I definitely understand, right wrong or indifferent, that people are reluctant to use them, so they're one tool in a lot that I use to try and increase the safety level of my play.

Then there *are* people who honestly have no qualms about using them. They are fewer in number. I met some as a pro who drove me totally batshit because I could never ever deviate remotely from what they wanted or introduce anything uncertain without "red!" - but hey, they had no really compelling reason to trust me. Just more fun when they did.

 

[serijules]

I just think sometimes people make an overly big deal over safewords and put too much faith and emphasis on them. They are just very simple communication step-stools...why load all this extra meaning and need and emotion on them when really, all it is is a way to say to your partner "hey, we need to stop, something is going on"? If you make communication so complicated that you can't even trust yourself or your partner can't trust you to just utter a word to start that flow of communication, you are not ruining a perfectly good scene, you are likely dooming it from the start.

I agree, no one is perfect and shit will happen. All I'm saying is when subs start doing the "I'm disappointing him/her" thing with no indication from the dom that any such thing happened, they are doing both a disservice.

 

[serijules]

Then there *are* people who honestly have no qualms about using them. They are fewer in number. I met some as a pro who drove me totally batshit because I could never ever deviate remotely from what they wanted or introduce anything uncertain without "red!" - but hey, they had no really compelling reason to trust me. Just more fun when they did.

I have no qualms about using them either...but I think perhaps the difference is I have no qualms about using them when NECESSARY. It would drive me batshit if someone constantly was safewording for little or no reason other than "i don't likeeee thatttt". The whole "boy who cried wolf" story never had a good ending.

But it just drives me just as batshit when people won't use them out of fears or worries that have no basis. I actually DID this once. I was being caned by Ma'ams other sub C (a switch) and she was just pushing me in ways I couldn't handle. Rather than safewording, I lay there trying to hide my distress, worried I would disappoint them, fretting over not being able to take it, not wanting to ruin the scene, etc.

I think that experience and the resulting issue of C not wanting to play with me after that once she realized what I had been doing made me realize how selfish and disrespectful I was being of her. Here she was, trusting me to safeword if I needed it and there I was, so caught up in my worries of ruining the SCENE that I ended up nearly ruining the play relationship we shared for years. It was flat out dishonest of me and while my feelings and fears were valid and even understandable, my actions really were not.

 

[BiBunny]

I just think sometimes people make an overly big deal over safewords and put too much faith and emphasis on them. They are just very simple communication step-stools...why load all this extra meaning and need and emotion on them when really, all it is is a way to say to your partner "hey, we need to stop, something is going on"? If you make communication so complicated that you can't even trust yourself or your partner can't trust you to just utter a word to start that flow of communication, you are not ruining a perfectly good scene, you are likely dooming it from the start.

I agree, no one is perfect and shit will happen. All I'm saying is when subs start doing the "I'm disappointing him/her" thing with no indication from the dom that any such thing happened, they are doing both a disservice.

Honestly? I think people, and subs in particular, like being martyrs sometimes.

 

[satindesire]

Although I have never had to use my safeword, I agree with the fact that it is just a stepping stone in the journey of communication. I have no qualms about using it and no fear. I think if you have a lot of fear about using it, there must be some sort of unresolved emotional issues of fear and abandonment (they'll leave me because I'm weak...etc) that should be discussed and dealt with before they cause any irreparable damage to the relationship.

Just my opinion.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Although I have never had to use my safeword, I agree with the fact that it is just a stepping stone in the journey of communication. I have no qualms about using it and no fear. I think if you have a lot of fear about using it, there must be some sort of unresolved emotional issues of fear and abandonment (they'll leave me because I'm weak...etc) that should be discussed and dealt with before they cause any irreparable damage to the relationship.

Just my opinion.

Quite frankly, in the days when I did have a safeword, this line of thinking never entered my head. What it was about for me in terms of thinking about using it was that I was disappointing him, I was not able to fulfil his wishes, I was messing up his plans, I was letting him down by putting my needs first instead of his, I was failing. There are many ways of looking at things, depending on the mindset you have. Fortunately in those times though we played hard, I rarely used the safeword....and no, it was not foolish as I survived, he was aware how difficult some things were, and he was grateful and proud when I didn't because he has a wonderful quality of being able to be honest enough to admit that at times if I had safeworded it would have upset him, frustrated him, perhaps even pissed him off, but he would still have also been able to be concerned with my welfare enough to honour it....the 2 can work together...to listen and stop when the safeword is used does not automatically mean they should not have negative feelings about the outcome, it is natural and reality as opposed to sugar coated fantasy where the almighty Dom is more concerned with pleasing the sub than fulfilling his own desires. PYL's are just human like the rest of us and sometimes they also have spent hours fantasising how a particular scene/session/act will feel and go.

Catalina

 

[the captians wench]

Quite frankly, in the days when I did have a safeword, this line of thinking never entered my head. What it was about for me in terms of thinking about using it was that I was disappointing him, I was not able to fulfil his wishes, I was messing up his plans, I was letting him down by putting my needs first instead of his, I was failing. There are many ways of looking at things, depending on the mindset you have. Fortunately in those times though we played hard, I rarely used the safeword....and no, it was not foolish as I survived, he was aware how difficult some things were, and he was grateful and proud when I didn't because he has a wonderful quality of being able to be honest enough to admit that at times if I had safeworded it would have upset him, frustrated him, perhaps even pissed him off, but he would still have also been able to be concerned with my welfare enough to honour it....the 2 can work together...to listen and stop when the safeword is used does not automatically mean they should not have negative feelings about the outcome, it is natural and reality as opposed to sugar coated fantasy where the almighty Dom is more concerned with pleasing the sub than fulfilling his own desires. PYL's are just human like the rest of us and sometimes they also have spent hours fantasising how a particular scene/session/act will feel and go.

Catalina

You hit it right on cat.

any scene I walk into I know he has expectations of how it will go and what he wants out of it. I also know that he knows what I can take, and what I would like out of a session along with what I need. Still if I can't make it as far as he wants to take things, I am left with a since of failing him, because I know he didn't get out of it all he wanted to. Has he ever said such? No. He's usually very praising of what I am able to take, but I can't help but feel what I do. And this has been with any one I've played with.

I guess I do have one safeword still inplace that I use almost every session that doesn't have the same impact, "juice". I call "juice" when my sugar is getting too low to continue. We pause just long enough for me to get some oj in me and balance a little bit, then pick up where things left off. Some times I can make it thru with out, some times I can't. I've never really looked at this as a safeword, so maybe that's why it's never had the same impact which may be what suri is getting at.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I guess I do have one safeword still inplace that I use almost every session that doesn't have the same impact, "juice". I call "juice" when my sugar is getting too low to continue. We pause just long enough for me to get some oj in me and balance a little bit, then pick up where things left off. Some times I can make it thru with out, some times I can't. I've never really looked at this as a safeword, so maybe that's why it's never had the same impact which may be what suri is getting at.

An excellent idea! So simple. Thanks

 

[Netzach]

Although I have never had to use my safeword, I agree with the fact that it is just a stepping stone in the journey of communication. I have no qualms about using it and no fear. I think if you have a lot of fear about using it, there must be some sort of unresolved emotional issues of fear and abandonment (they'll leave me because I'm weak...etc) that should be discussed and dealt with before they cause any irreparable damage to the relationship.

Just my opinion.

My complete reluctance to use it was because I view bottoming as an agreement and a contract between me and me. Even though I tell other people that "red" can also be shorthand for "Ma'am the drapes behind you are on fire" For obvious reasons I prefer plain english and for obvious reasons I don't gravitate toward people who are soooo into their non-verbalness (or inability to signal!)

You know, H "goes quiet" but he's capable of telling me when he can't feel his wrist from the depths of his trip. I think a lot of people overstate their case (see bunny's post) about inability to speak etc. I think I probably share some qualities with F in that if you're too incapacitated to answer me, with verbal info or agreed to signs (the ol' thumbs up is great) you're probably too incapacitated to be useful to me.

 

[serijules]

the 2 can work together...to listen and stop when the safeword is used does not automatically mean they should not have negative feelings about the outcome, it is natural and reality as opposed to sugar coated fantasy where the almighty Dom is more concerned with pleasing the sub than fulfilling his own desires. PYL's are just human like the rest of us and sometimes they also have spent hours fantasising how a particular scene/session/act will feel and go.

Catalina

I have a really hard time reading your replies because of the big paragraphs :/ Maybe consider breaking your replies up a bit more? I often skip your posts because my eyes can't handle the big chunk of text.

Anyhow...I'm not saying the dom won't feel whatever they feel nor am I saying those feelings are not important or valid. However, what would you rather have; a dom that is disappointed because a scene didn't go as he wanted, or a dom that is disappointed because he can't trust you to communicate with him over vital issues of safety? One isn't...SHOULDN'T....do damage to the relationship, the other very likely will.

The first issue is one that some slaves and submissives would take very close to heart...I understand that, you know I do. I try to push and take as much as I can, sometimes even past what I think I can take. It's not just for Ma'am, it's for me too, as I love to please her and its difficult to handle when I don't.

However, I draw the line at putting myself in danger to please her, and frankly, so does she. She would be LIVID beyound belief if I didn't safeword when I truly needed to out of fear of displeasing her. And THAT is what I'm talking about cat.

 

[serijules]

You know, H "goes quiet" but he's capable of telling me when he can't feel his wrist from the depths of his trip. I think a lot of people overstate their case (see bunny's post) about inability to speak etc. I think I probably share some qualities with F in that if you're too incapacitated to answer me, with verbal info or agreed to signs (the ol' thumbs up is great) you're probably too incapacitated to be useful to me.

Despite my participation and spewness in this thread, I don't even have a safeword in my relationship heh. Ma'am and I prefer plain old english to random words. If I can't feel my wrist, I say "Ma'am, I can't feel my wrist" and trust her to deal with it as necessary from there. If we are entering an emotional depth that frightens me and I'm wary of how I'll react, I say "Ma'am, I'm feeling upset/scared/whathaveyou". Even when I am in very quiet mode, I know better than to space out to the point where i am unable to communicate. She knows me well enough to understand what those statements mean and to guage how serious they are and I know better than to allow myself to sink into a depth where I am no longer able to focus on pleasing her.

When playing with others, the years of learning and being together are not there nor is the trust that they do know how much I can really handle, so I can't depend on them to take simple comments and judge what they need to do with them. So the safeword stops the scene so that more in depth evaluation of the problem can be discussed. Chances of subspace being a part of the scene when playing with others is higher too, so shorter communication methods are easier.

 

[JMohegan]

The first issue is one that some slaves and submissives would take very close to heart...I understand that, you know I do. I try to push and take as much as I can, sometimes even past what I think I can take. It's not just for Ma'am, it's for me too, as I love to please her and its difficult to handle when I don't.

However, I draw the line at putting myself in danger to please her, and frankly, so does she. She would be LIVID beyound belief if I didn't safeword when I truly needed to out of fear of displeasing her. And THAT is what I'm talking about cat.

I'm not so sure that the line between:

a - God this is agony but I'll keep taking it because I desperately want to please him

and

b - If I don't stop now I'll suffer detrimental physical and/or emotional consequences

is always so easy for the submissive or bottom to see.

As with so many things, that line can be shifting, unsteady, and quite grey at times.

Sooner or later, most kinksters face an unexpected need to deal with unintended physical and/or emotional consequences post-play. Not because either party behaved irresponsibly, but simply because of the nature of the beast.

 

[the captians wench]

My complete reluctance to use it was because I view bottoming as an agreement and a contract between me and me. Even though I tell other people that "red" can also be shorthand for "Ma'am the drapes behind you are on fire" For obvious reasons I prefer plain english and for obvious reasons I don't gravitate toward people who are soooo into their non-verbalness (or inability to signal!)

You know, H "goes quiet" but he's capable of telling me when he can't feel his wrist from the depths of his trip. I think a lot of people overstate their case (see bunny's post) about inability to speak etc. I think I probably share some qualities with F in that if you're too incapacitated to answer me, with verbal info or agreed to signs (the ol' thumbs up is great) you're probably too incapacitated to be useful to me.

I remember the first few scenes with this playmate. He scared the shit out of me, and while I loved it on one hand, I was literally scared to talk to him on the other which put me in an unsafe situation and one he was not willing to continue. I had to learn that even in the middle of a scene, he is aproachable and I can talk to him.

we had to get past that and get me comfortable speaking to him when he scared me. Past using just a single word and talking to him, telling him exactly what I need. I'm not fully there yet, but I don't fear asking for what I need anymore.

 

[serijules]

I'm not so sure that the line between:

a - God this is agony but I'll keep taking it because I desperately want to please him

and

b - If I don't stop now I'll suffer detrimental physical and/or emotional consequences

is always so easy for the submissive or bottom to see.

As with so many things, that line can be shifting, unsteady, and quite grey at times.

Sooner or later, most kinksters face an unexpected need to deal with unintended physical and/or emotional consequences post-play. Not because either party behaved irresponsibly, but simply because of the nature of the beast.

Right, but it doesn't matter, the sub still has the responsibility (in my opinion) to communicate that without fear of disappointment rather than taking the pleasure of the dominant into their own hands and make the decision for them what will or will not be disappointing.

If you are in distress and feel you really need to safeword, for goodness sakes, do so. Emotionally, physically...it makes no difference. Disappointment is a lot easier to deal with and move on from than emotional and physical harm.

 

[Netzach]

I'm with seri on this - safety is the proverbial two way street. I think what wenchie said about her top shows a lot of good thinking and responsible thinking on both their parts - he recognizes it's important to make himself approachable, and she recognizes that while it's hard for her to do, it's important for her to do for both their benefit.

A lot of tops wouldn't care. A lot of bottoms would be annoyed if the top wanted communication over mystique.

 

[Netzach]

I'm not so sure that the line between:

a - God this is agony but I'll keep taking it because I desperately want to please him

and

b - If I don't stop now I'll suffer detrimental physical and/or emotional consequences

is always so easy for the submissive or bottom to see.

As with so many things, that line can be shifting, unsteady, and quite grey at times.

Sooner or later, most kinksters face an unexpected need to deal with unintended physical and/or emotional consequences post-play. Not because either party behaved irresponsibly, but simply because of the nature of the beast.

Maybe for a lot of people it's mysterious or whatnot, but I always felt a clean clear "this is my boundary" sensibility, like if someone came along and switched from Bach to Britney in the middle of my scene, something was suddenly, terribly, and irrevocably wrongo. Not universal, but I'm sure I'm not alone there.

 

[catalina_francisco]

However, I draw the line at putting myself in danger to please her, and frankly, so does she. She would be LIVID beyound belief if I didn't safeword when I truly needed to out of fear of displeasing her. And THAT is what I'm talking about cat.

I get where you both come from, but it isn't the same place as we do. He doesn't particularly want harm to come to me either, but there are times when he was happier if I pushed myself that extra inch for his pleasure. And as JM says, sometimes it is difficult to differentiate whether you have reached your absolute limit. These days it isn't an issue because I no longer have a safe word, but even when I did it just didn't feel right to rely on it too much. I know that despite his care for me, there are times when he would derive extreme pleasure in knowing we had crossed that line between usually acceptable and too far and I had accepted it as his right to do so.

Catalina

 

[Linyari]

We don't have a safe word, in the traditional sense. He knows that when I say his name I've had enough of that particular play. Otherwise, he knows that I can withstand whatever he's doing. I've only had to do it twice in years and years. (Last night being one of them. Going for months without any pain play at all and then all of a sudden going into full pain play and then adding hot wax into the mix is a bit more than I can bear.)

I think it's important to have something that does give you a little measure of control. Everyone has limits. Part of the fun of BDSM is testing those limits. But by virtue of the fact that it's is your body and the average partners has yet to develop the ability to be in your body and experiencing exactly what you are feeling at that moment, we need to have a way to let our partners know that we have reached that limit.

A good sub knows not to abuse the safe word. A sub that routinely abuses the safe word isn't really much of a sub or has much interest in that sort of play in the first place. If you are repeatedly using your safe word with your partner or in a scene, then it's time for some serious discussion and communication. Either the sub doesn't enjoy that particular play all that much or the Dom needs to learn to read their body better.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Right, but it doesn't matter, the sub still has the responsibility (in my opinion) to communicate that without fear of disappointment rather than taking the pleasure of the dominant into their own hands and make the decision for them what will or will not be disappointing.

If you are in distress and feel you really need to safeword, for goodness sakes, do so. Emotionally, physically...it makes no difference. Disappointment is a lot easier to deal with and move on from than emotional and physical harm.

This is another situation of differing styles and expectations, different viewpoints, not right and wrong, better or worse. If I did have a safeword, and I used it and he was disappointed, I would much prefer to deal with that disappointment openly than have him cover it from me and reassure me he didn't really care as long as I was alright. We operate on a different set of expectations where hopefully there can be some balance, but at the end of the day, his needs do come first, and his disappointment is just as real and valid as my pain or difficulty and as such should also be able to be communicated without him feeling he has put an unecessary burden on me.

I am aware of his hunger, I know what and when he desperately needs to release it, so it is not so much my taking it into my own hands whether he receives pleasure as much as knowing how he receives pleasure and doing my best to not interfere with it. Of course if it were a situation of serious harm coming to me I am always welcome to let him know, but it is not a safeword and it is his decision whether to take my concerns into account or whether to carry on. As I said, I have not always felt capable, but I am stilll here and alive and in one piece so he must know something about what he is doing

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

It has nothing to do with severity and pushing in my relationship and more to do with intent and guarding my intent.

I realize that this is second-guessing the master, but I know that harvey is ordered, with a standing order that he MUST inform me, if he believes that he's being harmed in some way in a scene that I don't intend. It does depend on him knowing me as well as I do, but it's a measure of him being the steward of a very important piece of property of mine. He knows the difference between the kind of agony that I want to put him through and potential nerve damage, which is not my kink, personally.

Is he going to abuse that responsibility? We're talking about a man who confesses when he does anything remotely confession worthy, I'm not worried about it.


we communicate this through check in, observation, and plain english.

I think it's also an issue of styles and priorities. Some owners are more interested in the vulnerability provided by total candor at any and all times, and some aren't and prefer a lot of internal struggle being overcome for service. Most people fall between the cracks on that, I know I do, but those two things are often at odds, let's face it.

 

[serijules]

I realize that this is second-guessing the master, but I know that harvey is ordered, with a standing order that he MUST inform me, if he believes that he's being harmed in some way in a scene that I don't intend.

Yes, exactly. This is how it works for Ma'am and I as well. I know her well enough to know what kind of harm she intends. I'm hurting and crying and sobbing and really cannot take anymore, but too bad, that's what she intends. She wants me to suffer.

I'm hurting bad and feel like if we keep going, my arm is going to pull out of my socket and I'll be out of work for a month and be unable to do chores for her to boot.

Not her kink.

 

[graceanne]

I have never used my safeword because I have never needed to. K and I discuss anything new before we have sex, and he pays attention to my body language. Frankly I'm vocal. If I'm not making noise I'm not enjoying myself.

That said, my limits would be VASTLY different with a play partner than with K. With K their's trust, with a play partner their wouldn't be - at least not to the level I have with K. Plus, if I was playing with someone else I would just be bottoming to him, because I only sub to K. There is not the level of committment that I have with K.

 

[JMohegan]

Right, but it doesn't matter, the sub still has the responsibility (in my opinion) to communicate that without fear of disappointment rather than taking the pleasure of the dominant into their own hands and make the decision for them what will or will not be disappointing.

If you are in distress and feel you really need to safeword, for goodness sakes, do so. Emotionally, physically...it makes no difference. Disappointment is a lot easier to deal with and move on from than emotional and physical harm.

It matters because she may take her responsibility very seriously.... but still make an error in judgment.

As an athlete who frequently likes to push himself hard, I have made similar errors and been hobbled or otherwise incapacitated for days or, occasionally, longer. Did I want this to happen? Of course not.

Maybe for a lot of people it's mysterious or whatnot, but I always felt a clean clear "this is my boundary" sensibility, like if someone came along and switched from Bach to Britney in the middle of my scene, something was suddenly, terribly, and irrevocably wrongo. Not universal, but I'm sure I'm not alone there.

I'm sure you aren't alone when it comes to the physical.

But what about this sort of thing?