Tihmmnmmish's Very Laid-Back Summery Poolside Threadcast

[LadynStFreknBed]

damn it.
damn it.
damn it, damn it, damn it.

sigh.
have not been doing well. It has gotten to the point that my front door terrifies me and I am afraid to check my mail during the day. (right outside my front door)
Apparently, my therapist was clueless as to the extent of my symptoms. I know I tend to downplay my symptoms, but I know I told her that I was spending all my time in my bedroom. I guess since I did not stress "ALL my time" she took it to mean I am spending a lot of time in my room. Well, I spoke to her and my case manager today. The word "hospitalization" came up with both of them. I have compromised and conceded to the outpatient hospitalization program. sigh. Three days a week- from 8 AM- 3 PM- for typically about 5-6 months. damn it. Oh, and you aren't even allowed to smoke on the property even though your day is spent in therapy groups. fun.

They are checking on that, and though I am not thrilled, I would rather do that than be hospitalized and then have to do that.

and the REALLY wonderful thing is that the sexual assault therapy appointment with a new sexual assault counselor is today. so, hopefully, I can hold it together and keep my outpatient status.

damn it.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

(((((((huggles))))))

 

[EroticOrogeny]

damn it.
damn it.
damn it, damn it, damn it.

sigh.
have not been doing well. It has gotten to the point that my front door terrifies me and I am afraid to check my mail during the day. (right outside my front door)
Apparently, my therapist was clueless as to the extent of my symptoms. I know I tend to downplay my symptoms, but I know I told her that I was spending all my time in my bedroom. I guess since I did not stress "ALL my time" she took it to mean I am spending a lot of time in my room. Well, I spoke to her and my case manager today. The word "hospitalization" came up with both of them. I have compromised and conceded to the outpatient hospitalization program. sigh. Three days a week- from 8 AM- 3 PM- for typically about 5-6 months. damn it. Oh, and you aren't even allowed to smoke on the property even though your day is spent in therapy groups. fun.

They are checking on that, and though I am not thrilled, I would rather do that than be hospitalized and then have to do that.

and the REALLY wonderful thing is that the sexual assault therapy appointment with a new sexual assault counselor is today. so, hopefully, I can hold it together and keep my outpatient status.

damn it.

I think I'd go nuts if I couldn't smoke from 8-3 many days.
If travelling I then put up with it, but not for something that's supposed to help me!
Look around - I'm sure ther are smokers someplace 'cheating'.
In addition to dealing with whatever else, you now have to deal with not smoking!
Hang in there - I went thru a paranoid period a while back, but not as bad as what you're describing. And mine was likely due, at least in part, to drugs (speed).

 

[miss_trust]

damn it.
damn it.
damn it, damn it, damn it.
sigh.
have not been doing well. It has gotten to the point that my front door terrifies me and I am afraid to check my mail during the day. (right outside my front door)
Apparently, my therapist was clueless as to the extent of my symptoms. I know I tend to downplay my symptoms, but I know I told her that I was spending all my time in my bedroom. I guess since I did not stress "ALL my time" she took it to mean I am spending a lot of time in my room. Well, I spoke to her and my case manager today. The word "hospitalization" came up with both of them. I have compromised and conceded to the outpatient hospitalization program. sigh. Three days a week- from 8 AM- 3 PM- for typically about 5-6 months. damn it. Oh, and you aren't even allowed to smoke on the property even though your day is spent in therapy groups. fun.
They are checking on that, and though I am not thrilled, I would rather do that than be hospitalized and then have to do that.
and the REALLY wonderful thing is that the sexual assault therapy appointment with a new sexual assault counselor is today. so, hopefully, I can hold it together and keep my outpatient status.
damn it.

i'm familiar with the terror associated with an object or area (windows, cars and forests) and i feel for you. there are other 'doors' in your home, one of which leads to us and you know you can damn anything here and still be left with people who see your strength, beauty and talent... it's rare that someone can use what they see as a weakness in a way that makes them stronger - while i don't know you, you do seem to do this quite well.

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

i'm familiar with the terror associated with an object or area (windows, cars and forests) and i feel for you. there are other 'doors' in your home, one of which leads to us and you know you can damn anything here and still be left with people who see your strength, beauty and talent... it's rare that someone can use what they see as a weakness in a way that makes them stronger - while i don't know you, you do seem to do this quite well.

aw.. thank you. And thank you all.
Last time that I was in the day program about two years ago, there was a group of us who would smoke in the bushes near the edge of the hospital property. The way I feel right now, I will probably light up right outside the hospital doors and DARE someone to say something to me. Well, I guess I better not. I'd probably go off on someone and they would end up locking me up on the inpatient unit. I'm just glad that my regular pdoc is the one who does the med checks for the day program, or at least he used to. I hope he still does.

Well, I have to go finish my final projects for school..

 

[EroticOrogeny]

aw.. thank you. And thank you all.
Last time that I was in the day program about two years ago, there was a group of us who would smoke in the bushes near the edge of the hospital property. The way I feel right now, I will probably light up right outside the hospital doors and DARE someone to say something to me. Well, I guess I better not. I'd probably go off on someone and they would end up locking me up on the inpatient unit. I'm just glad that my regular pdoc is the one who does the med checks for the day program, or at least he used to. I hope he still does.

Well, I have to go finish my final projects for school..

Yea, I think I'd continue to play it safe on the smoking. If they have one, a remote corner of the parking garage would be good for rain and sun. ANd one can't really complain about 2nd had smoke there. Last time I was hospitalized (inpatient, 5 years ago) they had a nice covered area for smokers, but that may well have changed since, given the militancy of anti-smokers these days.
I'm glad I no longer drink, cuz bars could really be a pain with non-smoking - I do get slightly annoyed at attending a part where others drink, but smoking is forbidden - speaking for myself, I think drinking is worse than smoking - never missed a day of work due to smoking.

Again, hope things are on the up-and-up for you and you're able to take care of both yourself and your daughter as well as work and school.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Is it just me or are posts not showing up again?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

grrrrrrrr just to prove me a liar that one did

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

Yea, I think I'd continue to play it safe on the smoking. If they have one, a remote corner of the parking garage would be good for rain and sun. ANd one can't really complain about 2nd had smoke there. Last time I was hospitalized (inpatient, 5 years ago) they had a nice covered area for smokers, but that may well have changed since, given the militancy of anti-smokers these days.
I'm glad I no longer drink, cuz bars could really be a pain with non-smoking - I do get slightly annoyed at attending a part where others drink, but smoking is forbidden - speaking for myself, I think drinking is worse than smoking - never missed a day of work due to smoking.

Again, hope things are on the up-and-up for you and you're able to take care of both yourself and your daughter as well as work and school.

Parking garage? That's funny. No, there's not a single parking garage in my county.

When I was last hospitalized at this hospital, they did allow smoking, even for inpatients. In fact, I have watched the whole smoking set up change drastically at this hospital. In my early hospitalizations there, they had a smoking room. Patients could stand in line and three patients were allowed in the room at a time. It was a small room with a glass front that faced (and was only about 3' away from the nurses' station. You obviously can not have lighters or matches. There was a lighter installed on the wall, similar to a cigarette lighter with a metal frame and screen over it to prevent patients from sticking their fingers in it. You had to hold down this little, black button and suck like crazy to get it to light. We called it "sucking the wall."

There were three chairs and two commercial ashtrays. The ventilation system would occasionally give off a loud pop or snap sound which would make everyone jump in the room. LOL We were pretty jittery as it is. The smoking room used to be open any time there was not a scheduled group. Then, they started decreasing the hours.

Years later, the hospital built a courtyard, a locked one, accessible to the patients when staff took them there. They only took us like four times a day and you had about enough time to hurry smoke two cigs each time. No one was allowed to go to the courtyard for at least the first 24 hours they are hospitalized. You had to earn a level first by attending the groups. They'd give us the patch or nicotine gum for the first 24 hours.

I think they only had that courtyard for about a year (two at most) before they banned smoking on the property completely.

The patients in the outpatient program used to be able to smoke in an atrium or in their cars (if they had one). We were able to go to the atrium between each group, which was very helpful many times.


Anyway, I just finished my last assignment for this semester of classes. Now, I have like a week off from school until my next class begins. It will give me a chance to get caught up on my writing work, hopefully. Between their technical problems and my lack of motivation, I am a few days behind.

ETA:
I meant to explain that it's not the door itself that is scary to me, it is the people beyond the door (especially my neighbor across the street). I don't even want to be seen right now.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

The airport is Las Vegas used to have a smoking room. Last year it was gone. Just like all the other airports - no smoking after you've gone through the security line. At least at our office they have a decent area in the garage, with some tables and chairs. They recently moved us - new spot has les breeze - good for those few wintery days, not so good for the many summery ones. They should know that smokers will smoke and by having aplace for that there are fewer butts on the property.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

The airport is Las Vegas used to have a smoking room. Last year it was gone. Just like all the other airports - no smoking after you've gone through the security line. At least at our office they have a decent area in the garage, with some tables and chairs. They recently moved us - new spot has les breeze - good for those few wintery days, not so good for the many summery ones. They should know that smokers will smoke and by having aplace for that there are fewer butts on the property.

That's a bugger to know about Vegas as we hope to make the trip next year after having to cancel this year

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

I miss vegas. I haven't been there in years. I think I need to go again after I get over this whole agoraphobia thing.

Last night, I had hives for the first time in my life. It was very weird. The inside of my right arm from my wrist to my elbow was covered in bumps and welts. I was sitting at my computer and my arm just started itching like crazy. Within about three hours it was gone. I had called my mom to ask if she thought they were hives. My mom has had hives so bad that she has had them in her throat and had to go to the emergency room. So, I figured she would know. LOL

I'm not sure what caused it. The only thing I can think of is that I had washed out clothes in my bathtub a couple hours earlier. But I always do my laundry that way, since my washer broke. I don't know. It was just weird.

So, how are you all doing? I have to get to work, but I'm going to take a break to watch the Falcons game today. I'm usually stuck watching the play-by-play on the computer, but today's game is actually on tv in my area.

 

[hmmnmm]

oh man I had hives once, back in '82, California, long story, freaked fuckin out for sure; the fix was quick and simple, but yeah, them hives are freaky.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I'm allergic to detergent and if any accidentally touches my skin I itch like hell and get really sore and have to have steroid cream from the doc

 

[EroticOrogeny]

We use an unscented/perfumed detergent. Probably better, plus its a cheap brand. Furutnately (so far) have never had a really bad itch - if I get bit by ants its just a few minutes and mosquitos generally avoid me (cats often follow me, so nice animals like me).

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

I'm allergic to detergent and if any accidentally touches my skin I itch like hell and get really sore and have to have steroid cream from the doc

I assume that is what happened to me, though it has never happened before. I also heard that when you are emotionally stressed, you are more susceptible to hives, so that may explain my mysterious incident. Of course, from my extensive writing on allergies thanks to my one client, I realize these can start at any time, especially if you have a family history of allergies, eczema, or asthma (of which I have all three in my family).

I just spent HOURS reading this forum thread:

http://www.thescambaiter.com/forum/showthread.php?t=109

My daughter had showed this forum to me. It's by a man who baits scammers. I'm warning you-- I laughed so hard, I threw up twice. (Which is not quite as bad as it sounds considering my stomach issues, but still!)

 

[EroticOrogeny]

I miss vegas. I haven't been there in years. I think I need to go again after I get over this whole agoraphobia thing.

So, how are you all doing? I have to get to work, but I'm going to take a break to watch the Falcons game today. I'm usually stuck watching the play-by-play on the computer, but today's game is actually on tv in my area.

Sorry to see your Falcons lost today. I'm tired of Brady and New England. I'll be glad to cheer for the Falcons. unless they're playing the Bears, Packers, Broncos or Texans.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I've just done The purity test and got 51% !!! which must mean that half of me is verrrrrrrrry bad the other half is good lol

 

[EroticOrogeny]

I guess I'm not too wild and wicked - got a 77%

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Underneath this aging exterior lies a wild and wicked past proving that todays youth didn't invent sex like they are inclined to think!

 

[EroticOrogeny]

We thought our generation did, and of course we were wrong, too.

 

[hmmnmm]

well since several have asked: thinking of the hives made a long-dormant memory come alive. The hives happened in California (long story); before that I had been in Mexico (another long story). Fell in love many times (another long story). The long-dormant memory was of flirting with a girl whose family had some kind of store (I don't remember what); well, she was the flirtatious one, which I was of course powerless to do other than flirt back, however her mother did not appreciate me coming around... anyway, I recalled that the flirtatious one (and the flirtatious one's mother) bore features that suggested recent Far East lineage, which I found an intoxicatingly irresistible blend of beauty ingredients.

It was written in one go, and out of habit I almost began to edit it, but something didn't feel right, so I left it as it was, and plopped it into the submission box... memory is a fascinating phenomenon...

 

[hmmnmm]

Underneath this aging exterior lies a wild and wicked past proving that todays youth didn't invent sex like they are inclined to think!

that reminds me of a story idea I began back in March but did not pursue... you've inspired me to go and look at it again, maybe tinker with it. Thank you.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

well since several have asked: thinking of the hives made a long-dormant memory come alive. The hives happened in California (long story); before that I had been in Mexico (another long story). Fell in love many times (another long story). The long-dormant memory was of flirting with a girl whose family had some kind of store (I don't remember what); well, she was the flirtatious one, which I was of course powerless to do other than flirt back, however her mother did not appreciate me coming around... anyway, I recalled that the flirtatious one (and the flirtatious one's mother) bore features that suggested recent Far East lineage, which I found an intoxicatingly irresistible blend of beauty ingredients.

It was written in one go, and out of habit I almost began to edit it, but something didn't feel right, so I left it as it was, and plopped it into the submission box... memory is a fascinating phenomenon...

Is that the one about the teacher where everyone is asking what the last stanza means? If so it seems I was right which makes a nice change lol

that reminds me of a story idea I began back in March but did not pursue... you've inspired me to go and look at it again, maybe tinker with it. Thank you.

You're very welcome my dear

On a different part of the board someone replied to me and mentioned 'Bloody Brits' now I don't suppose he knows where I come from but I did feel it was my duty to point out the error of his ways! You're not all Americans on this board you know and I don't go around yelling 'Bloody Americans'!!

 

[hmmnmm]

yeah well the teacher is made up, but, it's the idea of a forgotten memory coming alive, then it leads to other memories, which leads back to the present, wondering where the fire went, if there's a spark that with a little attention could resurrect into the wild fires of yore... stuff like that...