Too submissive?

[@}-}rebecca----]

A finger in the drink doesn't sound TOO disgusting.

Depends where the finger was first though, having said so, I doubt anywhere manky : chuckles :

OMG I am baaaaaaaad, blame Jack Nicholson, he is hawt when he loses it. I am being distracted here !

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Oh, yes, Miss Rebecca, and I am, in fact, a heck of a lot better than I used to be about being shy. I'm still not exactly the life of the party, but I'm getting to the point where I can make small talk with strangers without an audible tremor in my voice. It just bugs me when people say, "Oh, well, just stop being shy" like it's as easy as changing your socks or something.

Well you are making reasonable gains by your own standards ( which I consider the most important part ) Bunny, Bravo. The spotlight can be very over rated. Telling someone simply not to be shy is as ridiculous as telling someone having a panic attack to get over it, shape up, whatever. It's also cruel in some situations.

There are tools though, practice, rinse, repeat.

 

[NoLeafClover7]

......

 

[graceanne]

Oh, yes, Miss Rebecca, and I am, in fact, a heck of a lot better than I used to be about being shy. I'm still not exactly the life of the party, but I'm getting to the point where I can make small talk with strangers without an audible tremor in my voice. It just bugs me when people say, "Oh, well, just stop being shy" like it's as easy as changing your socks or something.

Stop being shy and go change your socks. Pronto!

I hear ya, though. That's why I said it sounds to me just like the way her personality is. Telling you to not be shy would be like telling me (when I was kid) to not be loud. Easier said than done.

 

[EmpressFi]

I'm the same way, although Malin and my Master are trying.. and I must say.. I did get over some of my shyness. For me, I dont like to make waves, I dont like confrontation. I might grumble about it to my men... but I'll let people cut in front of me, sometimes literally pushing me out of the way or eating something I dont like or didnt order..etc.

I was once told by a nursing instructor that I couldnt be an RN because I wasnt assertive enough. While I agree, nothing is more frustrating than to hear, "Well just stop <xyz>", it was what I needed to teach myself to do - and I'm still struggling with it.

 

[Etoile]

I notice you attribute your social attitude
To how you are sexually, I believe those to be seprate parts of my personaility, but as I read I kept thinking....

Are you a people pleaser?

I ask because I am one of these people, I hate when people don't like me, If I have a enemy... I eventually have to win them over, though I most often go about it the hardest way...

I am a people pleaser, but, I have to say, I have food allergies and if I order something without cheese for example, and they make it wrong, I have to send it back... or I will be sick. I send food back politely and remind them I can't eat the ingredient, and people don't have to ruin my food...

I am EXACTLY the same way. I hate the possibility that somebody out there doesn't like me. I am a longtime member (10+ yrs) of a certain chat group that allows you to see who's put you on ignore, and I take pride in the fact that I have almost never had someone do that with me...it makes me feel good to know that I am not aggressive enough or controversial enough that they would do that. (I'd love to know who's ignoring me on Lit...my ignore list here is empty but I wonder about others!) But same as you, I have to win them over.

I am a longtime vegetarian (14+ yrs) and I do send food back if it turns out to have meat in it. One time I was dining alone and a salad said it had prosciutto in it, and I didn't know what that was when I ordered it. When it arrived and it turned out prosciutto was meat, I sent it back. So I do send food back for having meat but that's about it.

 

[Etoile]

Ha ha, this could be a personal!

This has always been and I suspect will always be an extremely foreign topic to me. I come from an extremely assertive family and have always been very extroverted myself.

When I say I come from an extremely assertive family, I think I should elaborate to give you guys some idea what I'm talking about. I mean, like comically assertive. My father and grandmother (more and more becoming essentially the same person) seem to define their every interaction with everyone they encounter as a competition. The supermarket cashier, the restaurant waiter, the parking lot attendant, the customer service rep.... these are all members of the opposing team that must be bested by any means necessary.

So just for shits and giggles, think about my issues for a second.

I can't keep my mouth shut. My gravitational pull keeps conflict in constant orbit, regardless of my surroundings. Keeping my cool in situation where I REALLY know I should is a harrowing and anxiety ridden experience.

The spaced out waiter that brought the wrong order.....

I'm already sweating, thinking about how the fuck I'm going to get the food I want without getting spit in it. My need to feel vindicated in this situation waiting to fuck my whole shit up.

My girl squeezes my arm, says "let it go" with her eyes. She offers me her food instead, I totally want it, but its -you know- the principle.

I clear my throat and say "excuse me" as politely as I can. Waiter turns around, so far so good.

"Any chance I can get what I actually ordered?"

I smile, try to make it sound funny. It doesn't.

Scowling waiter returns with different plate. Other diners are no longer interested in sampling my meal.

Thank you for sharing this, Marquis. I have long known you were an assertive person, but I didn't realize what came behind that. Thank you again.