Transparency

[Netzach]

Bleh. I always do this. Start talking about something I really don't want to get into on the boards and give just enough information to confuse the hell out of people with, LOL.

It's complicated. I'll PM you if you like.

Duhhhh. It's not you, it's me.

sure, you always can.

 

[Kikori]

Sorry for the double post, but this just occurred to me, and I didn't want to edit my other post.

I don't know how to be open. I don't know how to let my guard down. I don't know how to lower my defenses. It's not a matter of not wanting to do these things. It's that I do not know how, and I'm scared to even try.

And that was way more than I wanted to reveal, but I'm trying to be better about this.

You're already making one step by talking to us about this. You're trusting other people to help you out with opening up.

You've said you want to, but don't know how to say it... Answer these. Can you type your problems and feelings? Could you say them on your own? Would you be able to just talk to yourself and blurt out your problems to the air or the computer screen?

Jumping from being independant to being an open book isn't easy. (Yeah, I'd know.) I keep my problems in when talking to people because I can't speak as well as I can type; I usually make the problem sound different from what it really is when I speak. It's not the same situation exactly, but it's similar... I want to open up and let people in but if something comes out wrong and I don't know how to vocalize it, it only causes trouble.

If you can do something like this, typing, to tell yourself the problems, or even other people, all you have to do is make sure that who you want to open up to sees or hears it. If you can pour your life into a printout, then do it. If you can take a recorder, a microphone, or something and listen to yourself blurting out what you keep private from other people, practice speaking. And if you have to read what you type to make sure it comes out right, then you can at least practice getting it off your chest.

Once you get used to putting your personal life into words like that, you can give them to who you want to see or hear them. Hand them the paper, or recite it. If it's a recording, let them hear it. As long as they know you want to open up but never knew how, if they do love you and care for you, it should be okay. It won't guarantee you being open on the first try, but once you find how you're comfortable opening up to someone, you can start using that to find new ways.

It's also a question of who. Of course you want to open up to a lover, but again, if it comes out wrong, it could cause trouble. But what risk is there blurting everything out to a complete stranger online? Where's the risk typing it up and ripping the paper until you get used to seeing your problems exposed? Or friends who you trust to keep secrets... well, secret. Practice being more open to them if you can, and once you get used to saying what's going on, it shouldn't be any problem saying it to the ones you care most about.

Hopefully this helps.

 

[BiBunny]

Ha, I forgot I posted this. No, I wasn't really drunk. I was just really tired.

Ah, anyway, I wasn't getting that he had shared anything. I am sure you are protective of him, and so not wanting to say too much, but I was envisioning a certain HetDouchebagDom type (some of my best friends are Het Doms, so no flaming! ) for a sec. My bad.

No problem.

He isn't a HetDouchebagDom type. I hate those types. Just a regular old kinky guy.

Duhhhh. It's not you, it's me.

sure, you always can.

Well, iffen you don't mind my rambling, I believe I will.

 

[MsToriJones]

Sorry for the double post, but this just occurred to me, and I didn't want to edit my other post.

I don't know how to be open. I don't know how to let my guard down. I don't know how to lower my defenses. It's not a matter of not wanting to do these things. It's that I do not know how, and I'm scared to even try.

And that was way more than I wanted to reveal, but I'm trying to be better about this.

ah something I do understand

I am on livejournal....as is G (the man I am in a relationship with ...yummy sadist)

I now write to an invisible person all my thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc. G is the only other person who can read those posts.

When writing I close my eyes, shut out everything around me and just write what is there, at that moment. sometimes it is a string of broken thoughts, sometimes it is the dream I had, sometimes it is just a bitchfest over something that has me upset. it doesn't matter WHAT I write, it matters that I write things I would not normally tell others (Even G). I have been able to open up in my writings that he reads.....as time has passed I am finding that I am able to open up to him more now verbally as well.

this is the method I use and it is working for me