Undefinable D/s relationships.

[EmpressFi]

I was involved with a woman who cried when she was naked because she lost a sense of who she is. When she dates a banker she dresses in suits and attends Barry Manilow concerts. When she dates a biker she gets more tattoos, wears boy-shorts, talks like a Marine, and goes to the Roller-Derby to watch the girls fight.

Actually.. that sounds like a former roommate of ours. When she moved in she wanted to be submissive to us both..but we both told her no thanks (gently). But she was like that... even to the point that when she met the current boyfriend she suddenly gave up metal music, tarot cards, incense and all of her pagan books because he wouldnt approve.

 

[Betticus]

Here ya go MARIA

I feel pretty
Oh so pretty
I feel pretty and witty and gay
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me today
I feel charming
Oh so charming
It's alarming how charming I feel
And so pretty
That I hardly can believe I'm real
See the pretty girl in that mirror there?
Who can that attractive girl be?
Such a pretty face
Such a pretty dress
Such a pretty smile
Such a pretty me!
I feel stunning
And entrancing
Feel like running
And dancing for joy
For I'm loved
By a pretty wonderful boy

I sing that in the shower sometimes! I sometimes go with showtunes. Singin' in the rain is good for the shower.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

EMPRESS

They really have no sense of self. And they need someone around, 24/7, to provide them with some stability. Its amazing to see close-up.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

BETTICUS

I love SINGIN IN THE RAIN.

 

[Betticus]

BETTICUS

I love SINGIN IN THE RAIN.

I fondly recall that scene from the movie where he's going down the street singing and dancing.

 

[RJMasters]

This question comes up from time to time, and I always wonder where the idea that M/s D/s relationships are supposed to fit into a rigid definition came from, because the concern seems pretty prevalant (across multiple message boards).

Top five reasons

1. Result of misrepresentation to some degree. People who say they are a dominant/master or submissive/slave, but later it is found out not to be true.

2. So that like minded people can get together and discuss and share (chuckles).

3. A way for some people to be able to control others

4. Its what people learned online or from others and accepted it without question or thought of their own.

5. Validation and acceptance

Not saying that I agree or disagree with the above, just stating 5 reasons off the top of my head as to why this phenomenon occurs.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

It still think the variety has more to do with posers and chameleons and dilettantes.

I'm reading an interesting book about gangsters. The book is filled with observations gangsters make about each other. How behavior gets interpreted within the criminal community. Behavior is how they sort out the posers from the real wiseguys.

 

[Homburg]

I was involved with a woman who cried when she was naked because she lost a sense of who she is. When she dates a banker she dresses in suits and attends Barry Manilow concerts. When she dates a biker she gets more tattoos, wears boy-shorts, talks like a Marine, and goes to the Roller-Derby to watch the girls fight.

This makes perfect sense. It's sort of a situational awareness in relation to identity. She constructs herself based on current circumstances, and cannot hold her own center when she is stripped of identifiers.

Something in me finds that concept really hot. Did you test the lengths to which her external identifiers controlled her outlook? I don't know that I could've avoided it personally. Someone like that would just scream out to be dressed various ways to see how those modes of dress would modify her behaviour. Sure, most people will act differenty based on how they are dressed, but someone with that poor a sense of self? Very intriguing.

Personally, my core identity stays the same, I just adjust the levels of various aspects of my personality to fit the situation. I would use the analogy of an equaliser on a stereo system adjusting each range to better suit a given type of music. I dial back my sarcasm when I am working, and bring tolerance for stupidity up a smuch as possible. But I remain the same person.

 

[FurryFury]

Very few people live squarely at the precise intersection of "ass" and "hole".

You are indeed fortunate.

Great post Homburg.

 

[FurryFury]

So then, it's fair to say that d/s relationships are boundless and very deep and the people in them no matter what predominant personality trait rules them, they are free to feel and be without real fear of losing themselves.

Sweet.

I think so. Why people are always worried about who is TRULY this or that, I'll never understand.

 

[Homburg]

Great post Homburg.

Thank you =)

 

[nh23]

Very few people live squarely at the precise intersection of "ass" and "hole".

You are indeed fortunate.

*giggles* Thanks Homburg that just made my day..

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

HUMBUG

While we were together she was very interested in writing and philosophy and conservative issues. Then we split up, but remained friends. Her next boyfriend was a biker with maybe 40 other women. Her dress changed from casual wear to skimpy ass-breast exposing garments. She got tattoos on her tits and did a photo spread of them on MySpace (until they deleted them), she started drinking heavily, then cussing on-line like a Marine (she was brawling with his other girlfriends). Then he dumped her and she met a retired army vet. She transformed into Carol Brady and Tammy Wynette. He was a widower with 2 kids. Her blogs went from I'M GONNA KICK YOUR SKANKY ASS to HOW TO LOVE YOUR MAN AND MAKE HIM A GOOD HOME.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

HUMBUG

Yeah, but whatever you are, fundamentally speaking, you remain. The trees outside change. Once a year they flower. The leaves change color. The leaves drop. But theyre the same trees.

 

[doveofserenity]

Reading all this pish-posh, it seems to me most folks here are clueless about what & who they are. It reminds me of kiddies playing house and doctor and school and whatever. Does anyone here, besides me, know for sure who in hell they are?

Oh? And what is that? A jackass who thinks he is God. Wrong!!

This is a forum of friends speaking to others about things in their lives and relationships.

Not a place for you to come in, and start putting people down.

Lemme see if I can articulate my point better. I believe many posters here are lost at sea as to who they are. They assume the traits of whatever costume they put on.

And yes, i know what i am; and that is a sub. But that does not mean i am your sub, and have the right to speak out when i wish.

So you have no right to tell me or anyone else here what they are or are not.

Just because we don't kiss your ass, doesn't mean you have the right to judge us.


We are all HUMAN BEINGS, and human beings change as they grow older.

Some just change into grumpy old geezers that complain too much!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

lovey-dovey

What are you so angry about?

 

[doveofserenity]

lovey-dovey

What are you so angry about?

Dont "lovey-dovey" me. i wouldn't be your lovey if i was paid to be.

You come in here judging people and calling them names, and then wonder why i am mad?

Look in your own closet before putting people down that you know nothing about personally.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Dear Lovey Dovey

If the money were enough, you would.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[catalina_francisco]

That's interesting to me... I am no fan of Mr.Johnson's postings, but I went back and double checked his contributions to the thread, and didn't see anywhere that he called people names, or judged any specific members of this forum. He gave his opinion that (paraphrasing here) there are some people on the forum who don't understand themselves/BDSM very well, and that he's known people in real life who have an under developed sense of self, and he made a very casual connection between the two.

I'm not a fan of his delivery, but if you can push past all the sarcastic grumpy old asshole BS, and read his posts with utter neutrality, he his arguments [occasionally] have a grain of truth to them.

Perhaps the 'come in here judging people and calling them names' refers to JBJ's posts on the forum as a whole, not this particular thread...and yes, it is accurate in many instances CM. Personally, with people like this, I don't bother wasting my precious time pushing past their BS to try and find gold or supposed truth....I sort of think the approach they use indicates how much worth will usually be found in their words overall...maybe I am just not that fond of gold I find it necessary to dig in shit to find some.

Catalina

 

[nh23]

That's interesting to me... I am no fan of Mr.Johnson's postings, but I went back and double checked his contributions to the thread, and didn't see anywhere that he called people names, or judged any specific members of this forum. He gave his opinion that (paraphrasing here) there are some people on the forum who don't understand themselves/BDSM very well, and that he's known people in real life who have an under developed sense of self, and he made a very casual connection between the two.

I'm not a fan of his delivery, but if you can push past all the sarcastic grumpy old asshole BS, and read his posts with utter neutrality, he his arguments [occasionally] have a grain of truth to them.

*shrugs* I know I need to get a life, but I think he's entertaining...lol. I have also noticed that in some of his posts he is putting people down, but in others he does make valid points.

 

[Betticus]

I think he's one of the regular members alts.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

CATALINA

People react because my comments touch their secret sore spots. If I dress up like a tree for a school play I dont believe I'm a real tree. But I'll bet there are people on this board who will think theyre real trees or flowers or subs. They'll think they ARE whatever costume theyre in.

 

[the captians wench]

CATALINA

People react because my comments touch their secret sore spots. If I dress up like a tree for a school play I dont believe I'm a real tree. But I'll bet there are people on this board who will think theyre real trees or flowers or subs. They'll think they ARE whatever costume theyre in.

If I think I'm a tree, and my loved ones think I'm a tree, who the fuck are you to tell me I'm not a tree?


but I'm in a pissy mood so what ever.

 

[Betticus]

CATALINA

People react because my comments touch their secret sore spots. If I dress up like a tree for a school play I dont believe I'm a real tree. But I'll bet there are people on this board who will think theyre real trees or flowers or subs. They'll think they ARE whatever costume theyre in.

That's correct. For example, my outfit with the pink assless chaps and lavender booty shorts with matching vest, boots and cowboy hat don't make me any less a man. Just a damn pretty one with awesome fashion sense.

Also, nipple rings in cobalt blue!