Vibrator of the Month Club

[Miles Long]

You know, if there's one thing I can't stand, it's a fake tease, offering fake products to fake an orgasm! You, fine sir, are evil incarnate!

Shhh, you'll give away my secret!

He even promised fake international shipping, suggesting that penetration in the southern hemisphere markets was necessary.

Market research indicates the southern hemisphere is a market that is ripe for some deep and expansive penetration. Step 3: profit.

FUCKER! Fuckety fuck fuck fucker!

See above.

Yippee! Here's my fake address:
Sign me up!

*adds you to non-existent mailing list*

 

[Miles Long]

I have a great idea for a rabbit vibrator name...

I call it the Cunny Bunny.

That one sounds like it could win vibrator of the year!

This is a VERY good idea for an actual business.

Time it to her ovulation cycle?

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that trying to time anything on women's cycles is probably not a great idea.

Is that when the eggs go out?

Love it.

 

[Emerson40]

Mr. Long,

It is nice to see so much interest in your fake business.

Perhaps it is time to start accepting fake applications for sex toy testers. I believe virgins (fake or otherwise) could even apply.

Applicants may vary, and to have good mix of fake testers employed, I suggest you keep and eye out for those who show real enthusiasm (vs. fake), and though experience is always welcomed, in order to not limit your pool of potential fake candidates, do not make it a mandatory condition of artificial employment.

 

[StrayKat]

I nominate DEEPFREEZE.

I dont think I even want to start imagining.

 

[NotHisLady]

I dont think I even want to start imagining.

As the August special? I'd go for it. But then maybe there needs to be a specialty line.

 

[StrayKat]

As the August special? I'd go for it. But then maybe there needs to be a specialty line.

I could go for Snowy or even Icy. But Deepfreeze? No way

 

[MeekMe]

Sweet! Can't wait for my first fake vibrator from my fake subscription! I'm going to give a thorough fake review. The fake orgasm should be worth it.

 

[unregistered]

 

[Emerson40]

I volunteer to give a fake review! We inaugural faux members should be given preference for these jobs, Mr. Long. I believe there's some talk in some other thread about a group of us getting together for some reason or other. Sounds like the perfect opportunity to collaboratively conduct a thorough test.

I could host.

*prepares shopping list*

 

[NotHisLady]

Didn't you mention virgins earlier?
You better add Cherry Coke to that list.

 

[Privates1stClass]

Originally Posted by pmann View Post
I have a great idea for a rabbit vibrator name...

I call it the Cunny Bunny.

That's a good one for August. I suggest the Hitachi Magic Wand for September, and then the Sybian for October. It doesn't get any better than that.

 

[MeekMe]

Thank god Emerson40 is bringing the laxatives!

 

[unregistered]

 

[Miles Long]

This completely fake enterprise is really coming not-at-all together. And I couldn't have not done it without all of you. Thanks for all you haven't done and will never do, everyone. The business is fake, but my gratitude is as real as the need for a vibrator of the month club. That throbbing, ache of a need that pulses deep within each of you.

 

[NotHisLady]

This completely fake enterprise is really coming not-at-all together. And I couldn't have not done it without all of you. Thanks for all you haven't done and will never do, everyone. The business is fake, but my gratitude is as real as the need for a vibrator of the month club. That throbbing, ache of a need that pulses deep within each of you.

There needs to be a label for the 'blonde friendly' threads. I'm confused again.

I thought the (phony) mission statement of your (sham) business was all about the (fake) filling of the void in the lives of your (pretend) customers.
Isn't the (bogus) idea to (on paper) send to their (fantasy) mailboxes a wealth of state of the art (imaginary) products to relieve their (illusory) frustrations?

Maybe I should go back and read the whole thing again.
Sigh

 

[Miles Long]

There needs to be a label for the 'blonde friendly' threads. I'm confused again.

I thought the (phony) mission statement of your (sham) business was all about the (fake) filling of the void in the lives of your (pretend) customers.
Isn't the (bogus) idea to (on paper) send to their (fantasy) mailboxes a wealth of state of the art (imaginary) products to relieve their (illusory) frustrations?

Maybe I should go back and read the whole thing again.
Sigh

Nailed it!

 

[NotHisLady]

Uhh.... I've been pretending to check my mailbox for days now.

You missed it?
I got my fake shipment days ago! I've been pretending to enjoy it immensely.
There wasn't even an imaginary letter from the not really president of the company!!

 

[Miles Long]

*packages up the next shipments and takes them to FedEx*

 

[Cathleen]

Well, thank goodness. I was about to file a complaint with the BBB -- even if they would tell me to shove it.

Then I'd say, that's the damn problem, there is NOTHING to shove.

 

[NippleMuncher]

*pretended to package up the next fake shipments and takes them to FauxEx*

Fixed it for ya!

 

[cumcumcum555]

xxxxxxx

 

[positivetension]

Dr. Crotchwell's Therapeutic Massagers by Mail

It doesn't roll off the tongue, but the hipster craft-beer crowd will eat it up. Imagine the t-shirts!

 

[Emerson40]

 

[glynndah]

May I suggest a slogan? "The Yum Hum".

 

[Miles Long]

And we can set up a side business for second-hand vibrators. My shadow investors (Lady Tittywank Vandersnatch and Vaginald T. Cuntsnipple, the archduke and archduchess of Crotchengruben) have given us enough seed money to open up

Miles Long's Gently Used Sex Toy Emporium!

Second hand prices, first hand orgasms!