What do you struggle most with about your position?

[kiwi_submissive]

Sharing my thoughts and feelings. When I am told to tell him how I feel my answers are usually short and to the point. I have no interest in expanding on that and talking for hours.

 

[where]

my knees. I think it's my age or something...

 

[J D Danger]

Sharing my thoughts and feelings. When I am told to tell him how I feel my answers are usually short and to the point. I have no interest in expanding on that and talking for hours.

my sub is like this and I like to talk everything out...we are working on it...I make her journal...it has helped some

 

[WrongVerb]

I'm new to this, having a D/s relationship in real life. The biggest problem I'm having right now is trying to be myself, rather than conform to the image of a Dominant I have in my head.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I'm new to this, having a D/s relationship in real life. The biggest problem I'm having right now is trying to be myself, rather than conform to the image of a Dominant I have in my head.

Good on you for knowing the difference!

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I used to struggle with the fact that my personality is generally empathetic and good-natured, while my sexuality is extremely aggressive and dominant.

I don't struggle with that anymore, because there is no satisfactory answer, and it doesn't matter anyway.

 

[strapon_tales]

This may come off as a bit of a ramble, but I think my biggest struggle is my inability to guard my own safety. On those rare occasions where I submit my addiction to the dark side pushes me beyond what is safe. And I in turn push my partners to exceed what they would normally consider a stopping point. I always want my play more extreme, more pain, more sensation, just more. Where possible I have found that I need to have a non-involved person present to be a living safe word as I am not only incapable of uttering it I seem to push normally very sensible dominants way beyond what they think is reasonable, even those Doms/Dommes that I have played with many times and are aware of the problem.

I wish I knew you in real life. I, too, don't know where to draw the line. If such a thing as "the line" even exists ...

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I used to struggle with the fact that my personality is generally empathetic and good-natured, while my sexuality is extremely aggressive and dominant.

I don't struggle with that anymore, because there is no satisfactory answer, and it doesn't matter anyway.

Two halves of the same whole, and all that.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Two halves of the same whole, and all that.

I suppose so. I guess most candy bars are chocolate on the outside and nuts inside.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I suppose so. I guess most candy bars are chocolate on the outside and nuts inside.

Upon further reflection, it's actually a darn good combo.

I can understand the struggle, but dayum.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Upon further reflection, it's actually a darn good combo.

I can understand the struggle, but dayum.

I was just going to say that those are the best ones, so good choice of metaphore.

 

[Teaser_Girl]

Today, the hardest thing is to not pick a fight.
sigh... i just need a little attention.

 

[seela]

Asking for help. From the smallest things to the big, scary stuff, I just do not know how to ask him to help me and it's driving us both insane.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Daddy having another little girl.

Turns out this is a limit for me. i tried but i couldn't hack it. Tried for a couple of months actually. i mean i was never going to leave him over it but i was never able to surrender to it. He has since released her.

Had she been a slave or mommy type i would not have had this problem. i've not had this problem with fuck buddies either. In fact we have sort of looked for someone else to play with i would be able to top.

It was her insistence she was his little girl and desire to call him Daddy i could not handle. Everytime she upped the stakes i threw another tantrum.

 

[YourCaptor]

Turns out this is a limit for me. i tried but i couldn't hack it. Tried for a couple of months actually. i mean i was never going to leave him over it but i was never able to surrender to it. He has since released her.

Had she been a slave or mommy type i would not have had this problem. i've not had this problem with fuck buddies either. In fact we have sort of looked for someone else to play with i would be able to top.

It was her insistence she was his little girl and desire to call him Daddy i could not handle. Everytime she upped the stakes i threw another tantrum.

Awww, looks like he really likes you. Ditching the fresh meat and all.

 

[kiwi_submissive]

Oh and turning of my work "personality". I need to be very dominant sometimes at work with customers so it can be difficult to put myself back into sub mode.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Turns out this is a limit for me. i tried but i couldn't hack it. Tried for a couple of months actually. i mean i was never going to leave him over it but i was never able to surrender to it. He has since released her.

Had she been a slave or mommy type i would not have had this problem. i've not had this problem with fuck buddies either. In fact we have sort of looked for someone else to play with i would be able to top.

It was her insistence she was his little girl and desire to call him Daddy i could not handle. Everytime she upped the stakes i threw another tantrum.

This I can understand.

I'm exceptionally possessive of our dynamic, because I'm his secondary relationship. I need for what I give him to be special between us and us alone, I need to know that I fulfil a certain aspect of his life that's been missing. Just me, nobody else. It's what gets me through.

 

[subish2009]

I used to struggle with the fact that my personality is generally empathetic and good-natured, while my sexuality is extremely aggressive and dominant.

I don't struggle with that anymore, because there is no satisfactory answer, and it doesn't matter anyway.

I think that's an AMAZING dichotomy and I hope you come to embrace it.

I'd be so tempted to poke that sleeping bear.

This I can understand.

I'm exceptionally possessive of our dynamic, because I'm his secondary relationship. I need for what I give him to be special between us and us alone, I need to know that I fulfil a certain aspect of his life that's been missing. Just me, nobody else. It's what gets me through.

Yeah, I get that, too. In my primary relationship, almost nothing makes me jealous because I know I'm his primary, too. But I'm MUCH more susceptible to these feelings in my secondary relationship because I'm secondary for him, too. And, for us at least, secondary doesn't have to mean the emotions are less intense; it's merely a hierarchy of responsibility. And when you only get to HAVE so much of a person, I think it's natural to be more protective of the parts of them that are yours.

 

[WrongVerb]

I used to struggle with the fact that my personality is generally empathetic and good-natured, while my sexuality is extremely aggressive and dominant.

I don't struggle with that anymore, because there is no satisfactory answer, and it doesn't matter anyway.

I'm generally the same way. In fact, if one wants to get technical about it I wouldn't consider myself a Dom so much as a Top, though I do like being in control out of the bedroom, too.

But I am very empathetic and good-natured, like you. Where I run into problems is the Ideal Dom in my head is cold and stern. I have a hard time maintaining my warmth and good-natured-ness when my sub and I are playing (which lately we've gone to basically a 24/7 thing).

 

[Stella_Omega]

I used to struggle with the fact that my personality is generally empathetic and good-natured, while my sexuality is extremely aggressive and dominant.

I don't struggle with that anymore, because there is no satisfactory answer, and it doesn't matter anyway.

You're my kind of PYL.

 

[Keroin]

I used to struggle with the fact that my personality is generally empathetic and good-natured, while my sexuality is extremely aggressive and dominant.

I don't struggle with that anymore, because there is no satisfactory answer, and it doesn't matter anyway.

You're my kind of PYL.

Agreed.

Honestly, I wouldn't want to be with someone who wasn't wired this way and hadn't, at some point, struggled with the dichotomy.

I have a dichotomy of my own that I struggled with until a good friend put it into perspective for me. "K, you want to be on a very, very long leash. Long enough that you can even forget it's there. But you want the person holding that leash to know when to tug sharply and bring you to heel."

Yup.

 

[JamieJ424]

Never really struggled with a dichotomy, but my dominance is more about control and less about aggression. I like to consider myself generally a kind and sensitive person, and you'd think that wouldn't play into a dominant sexuality, but it does for me. I take the responsibility of managing someone else in a sexual context quite seriously, and those characteristics become assets.

So I guess the hardest thing for me was figuring it out and putting a name to what I am...that took a few years.

J

 

[BrightlyGo]

No matter how you participate in BDSM, what is the hardest part for you?

The 'most important' part: communication. I find it very hard to talk about what I want/need.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Upon further reflection, it's actually a darn good combo.

I can understand the struggle, but dayum.

It's just me. So I just finally gave up asking "why?"

Oh yes. My brain will ask "why?" Over and over and over.



And over.

I think that's an AMAZING dichotomy and I hope you come to embrace it.

I'd be so tempted to poke that sleeping bear.

It's Jekyll/Hyde, werewolf, Transformers. The wiring isn't going to change. I do dearly love to have that change provoked, sparked, teased, initiated. Like a match held to dry tinder. I used to worry that that was topping from the bottom, or whatever. But fuck it. Who cares. I like it.

I did confront a bear while hiking a few months back. I did not inquire into his struggles with his BDSM nature, if he has one. And he did not seem particularly intimidated by my scary erotic aggression.

I'm generally the same way. In fact, if one wants to get technical about it I wouldn't consider myself a Dom so much as a Top, though I do like being in control out of the bedroom, too.

But I am very empathetic and good-natured, like you. Where I run into problems is the Ideal Dom in my head is cold and stern. I have a hard time maintaining my warmth and good-natured-ness when my sub and I are playing (which lately we've gone to basically a 24/7 thing).

Completely get this.

But do you maintain your warmth and good-naturedness while playing? And you're saying that now that it's 24/7, you're not feeling the Dommy for that extended time?

I could never do that. I move in and out of it, depending on the dynamic. If it's in any way sexual, the hair starts to grow, and claws start to sprout, and I want to run through the foggy moors.

You're my kind of PYL.

Thank you.

Agreed.

Honestly, I wouldn't want to be with someone who wasn't wired this way and hadn't, at some point, struggled with the dichotomy.

I have a dichotomy of my own that I struggled with until a good friend put it into perspective for me. "K, you want to be on a very, very long leash. Long enough that you can even forget it's there. But you want the person holding that leash to know when to tug sharply and bring you to heel."

Yup.

Keroin. I've seen enough photos of you that I can now officially envision you with one of those giant-sized extendo-leashes you buy at the pet store.

Sorry. Image is there. Can't get rid of it. Nope. Burned into corneas.

Gotta be dangerous when skiing, though.

 

[subish2009]

<snip>It's Jekyll/Hyde, werewolf, Transformers. The wiring isn't going to change. I do dearly love to have that change provoked, sparked, teased, initiated. Like a match held to dry tinder. I used to worry that that was topping from the bottom, or whatever. But fuck it. Who cares. I like it.

I did confront a bear while hiking a few months back. I did not inquire into his struggles with his BDSM nature, if he has one. And he did not seem particularly intimidated by my scary erotic aggression.




Completely get this.

But do you maintain your warmth and good-naturedness while playing? And you're saying that now that it's 24/7, you're not feeling the Dommy for that extended time?

I could never do that. I move in and out of it, depending on the dynamic. If it's in any way sexual, the hair starts to grow, and claws start to sprout, and I want to run through the foggy moors.<snip>

I could never do 24/7 either. Actually, we've tried, but it just doesn't work for us. I have to PARENT, for chrissakes. I can't be all subspacey while I'm doing that.

But, yes, I get that...the minute there's a sexual vibe, I start exposing my neck and dropping my eyes to the floor...