What Does The Average Woman Look For In A Guy?

[BigM]

In a girl-talk session Jessica Lange's character tells Tootise (Dustin Hoffman) that she says she wants an honest guy and wishes a guy would just come up to her and say, "I like you, your attractive. Let's fuck."

So, out of drag, Dustin Hoffman's characer does exactly that. Wham. Slapped across the face.

I don't believe anything women say when they're telling about their ideal man. It all changes in the blink of an eye. Given the right mixture of looks/ money/ pheromones and all bets are off.

I had to laugh at this, Strokin. I used to have a roommate who was a very handsome guy but a bit thick in the head. Conversation? Witty banter? Not this man, but he had the eyes and bod that women loved.

When we'd go to the bars it was comical to watch women -- complete strangers -- approach him and say, "Let's go to the parking lot." I watched a woman (a swimsuit model, for god's sake!) climb a tree to knock on his window and get into his room. True story! That lucky bastard.

So, yeah, while I agree with what a lot of women have said here about the importance of character and humor and intelligence, let's not forget there's a big legion of women who go for looks, looks and more looks.

I know what our women of Lit will say: "Those are just shallow sluts!" Maybe, but remember this, guys, there are a lot of 'em out there. And they could care less about how well you can carry a conversation.

 

[SweetErika]

I had to laugh at this, Strokin. I used to have a roommate who was a very handsome guy but a bit thick in the head. Conversation? Witty banter? Not this man, but he had the eyes and bod that women loved.

When we'd go to the bars it was comical to watch women -- complete strangers -- approach him and say, "Let's go to the parking lot." I watched a woman (a swimsuit model, for god's sake!) climb a tree to knock on his window and get into his room. True story! That lucky bastard.

So, yeah, while I agree with what a lot of women have said here about the importance of character and humor and intelligence, let's not forget there's a big legion of women who go for looks, looks and more looks.

I know what our women of Lit will say: "Those are just shallow sluts!" Maybe, but remember this, guys, there are a lot of 'em out there. And they could care less about how well you can carry a conversation.

Women who go for looks, looks, and more looks are usually not "average" or interested in a real relationship though. They generally want sex, to impress others, to feel better about themselves, or a material gain of some kind. And I'm not going to call them shallow sluts or any other name as long as they're not hurting others.

 

[smy3th]

As a fellow shy person, one way to feel more confident is to not put so much importance on it. Don't put yourself under pressure by feeling that you have to impress this particular girl at this particular moment. Keep telling yourself that she's not the only girl out there, and this is not the only time you will ever approach a girl. It's just a casual: "Hello, how are you, passing the time of day, you look like an interesting person to talk to." It's not: "Hello, you are my one true love, I want you to have my baby." You don't even know whether you will like her.

A technique I use in job interviews (not exactly the same, but a lot of similar pressure) is to view it as me interviewing them to decide whether I really want that job. I ask them questions. I try to find out about them. I think that works with women too. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. Don't try to impress her with how wonderful you are. Just try to find out about her without being too personal or intrusive. Get her to do the talking. Reflective listening is amazingly effective. Be a good listener first, and a talker later.

Remember that she is a person too, and is aprehensive and probably shy too. She is just as worried about it as you are. She isn't standing there evaluating you. She's thinking: "I wonder if I look fat. I hope I don't have something in my teeth. I wonder if my makeup is still on right. My hair is such a mess. This guy probably thinks I sound dumb." If you can make her feel at ease and more comfortable talking to you, you are more than half way there.

The Caltech physicist Richard Feynman found that simply asking a woman straight out almost immediately to go to bed with him worked every time. I've never actually tried it, and it sounds ridiculous, but he swore it was true. Try reading his book "Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman." It's really funny, whether it will help you with women or not.

 

[dcraz]

One Man's Ignorant Perspective Take Two

First some quick comments

This is a great topic and I have to say these are great answers. And DC's answer was WONDERFUL.

JG, you are the sweetest darling

The Caltech physicist Richard Feynman found that simply asking a woman straight out almost immediately to go to bed with him worked every time. I've never actually tried it, and it sounds ridiculous, but he swore it was true. Try reading his book "Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman." It's really funny, whether it will help you with women or not.

Not sure I could honestly recommend his technique, but I will recommend his book. Although it is about one of our life time's greatest physicist, this is one of the funniest, most entertaining books I have ever read. About a brilliant man who has the kind of ever day man's perspective and razor sharp wit we rarely associate with geeks. An absolute must read!

Ok back to the subject at hand. The problem of course is how to start. If in fact you are shy, it is difficult to come across as confident. Confidence after all comes from being successful at not being shy. A frustrating catch 22. I too was shy when I was younger (ok all those that know me can pick themselves up off the floor now and quit laughing). I often had women ask me why I did not ask out the woman that was flirting with me. I told them they were crazy, because I did not notice. Why? Becuase I never assumed a woman would flirt with someone like me. But I digress.

So how do you learn confidence? With others, but especially with women when you feel insecure or intimidated for fear of rejection? The easiest way is to practice. Now this does not sound as selfish or shallow as you might think. We are not talking about using women you have no real interest in. We are talking about practicing the art of aproaching people and opening yourself up to being aproachable.

Remember the line from American Pie? Oz: All that you gotta do is ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit.
Stifler: I dunno, man, that sounds like a lot of work!

Is it really a lot of work? No. In fact once you get comfortable, you will find women are actually, almost universally interesting. And quite easy to get to know and converse with. But you need to learn to do this. And we learn by practice. Every woman you interract with is an opportunity to practice. The woman at the grocery store, the waitress, a woman where you work. No come on or pick up lines needed. Just look them in the eye and offer them a friendly hello. Followed by a question that solicits a response. Nothing too personal (are those real?) or prying (do you have a boy friend?) Something light and easy. How was your weekend? Don't you hate all this rain? Do you think traffic was little light today? Anything. But there is one more vital step. The really hard part. Look them in the eye and ACTUALLY LISTEN to what they say in response to your question. There is always an opportunity for a follow up question.

One of the best ways to interest a woman is to show some interest in her. Not by staring at her ass. But by actually making an effort to learn something about her and then remembering it! What is her name? If she wears a name tag (i.e. waitress), refer to her by her name. Why? Becuase you are already elevating her about 'the help'. You have dignified her by making her a person. It also demonstrates you have thought enough or her or shown enough interest to actually try. So few people do this, I guarantee you will illicit a smile. She will not be able to help it. so few address women by their naes, it throws them off and immediately flatters them that you know who they are. Men are the same way by the way. If she does not wear a name tag, ask her. Hy, I see you here all the time. My name is Jim, what's yours? Easy, direct, sincere, not overly agressive. Just a simple hello and aninitial greeting. If you can actually REMEMBER her name next time you see her, you will score MAJOR points. Trust me on this one.

The great things about this kind of practice are many. If you stutter and fall on your face, so what? You may never see here again. Since it is not the primary woman of your affection, you are actually less likely to press. There is no real pressure here.

Just practice. And practice often. With different women. You will learn how well this works. Why does this work? Because women are as insecure about men as we are about them. Maybe more so. Is he looking at my tits? I bet my ass is bigger than his girl friends. He won't even talk to me because he is not intereted in me. etc. etc.

Good luck. And remember. Practice! Practice!

 

[krazeekat]

Wow dc, I'm impressed! Wonderful post ... really.

 

[SweetErika]

Not sure I could honestly recommend his technique, but I will recommend his book. Although it is about one of our life time's greatest physicist, this is one of the funniest, most entertaining books I have ever read. About a brilliant man who has the kind of ever day man's perspective and razor sharp wit we rarely associate with geeks. An absolute must read!

Ok back to the subject at hand. The problem of course is how to start. If in fact you are shy, it is difficult to come across as confident. Confidence after all comes from being successful at not being shy. A frustrating catch 22. I too was shy when I was younger (ok all those that know me can pick themselves up off the floor now and quit laughing). I often had women ask me why I did not ask out the woman that was flirting with me. I told them they were crazy, because I did not notice. Why? Becuase I never assumed a woman would flirt with someone like me. But I digress.

So how do you learn confidence? With others, but especially with women when you feel insecure or intimidated for fear of rejection? The easiest way is to practice. Now this does not sound as selfish or shallow as you might think. We are not talking about using women you have no real interest in. We are talking about practicing the art of aproaching people and opening yourself up to being aproachable.

Remember the line from American Pie? Oz: All that you gotta do is ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit.
Stifler: I dunno, man, that sounds like a lot of work!

Is it really a lot of work? No. In fact once you get comfortable, you will find women are actually, almost universally interesting. And quite easy to get to know and converse with. But you need to learn to do this. And we learn by practice. Every woman you interract with is an opportunity to practice. The woman at the grocery store, the waitress, a woman where you work. No come on or pick up lines needed. Just look them in the eye and offer them a friendly hello. Followed by a question that solicits a response. Nothing too personal (are those real?) or prying (do you have a boy friend?) Something light and easy. How was your weekend? Don't you hate all this rain? Do you think traffic was little light today? Anything. But there is one more vital step. The really hard part. Look them in the eye and ACTUALLY LISTEN to what they say in response to your question. There is always an opportunity for a follow up question.

One of the best ways to interest a woman is to show some interest in her. Not by staring at her ass. But by actually making an effort to learn something about her and then remembering it! What is her name? If she wears a name tag (i.e. waitress), refer to her by her name. Why? Becuase you are already elevating her about 'the help'. You have dignified her by making her a person. It also demonstrates you have thought enough or her or shown enough interest to actually try. So few people do this, I guarantee you will illicit a smile. She will not be able to help it. so few address women by their naes, it throws them off and immediately flatters them that you know who they are. Men are the same way by the way. If she does not wear a name tag, ask her. Hy, I see you here all the time. My name is Jim, what's yours? Easy, direct, sincere, not overly agressive. Just a simple hello and aninitial greeting. If you can actually REMEMBER her name next time you see her, you will score MAJOR points. Trust me on this one.

The great things about this kind of practice are many. If you stutter and fall on your face, so what? You may never see here again. Since it is not the primary woman of your affection, you are actually less likely to press. There is no real pressure here.

Just practice. And practice often. With different women. You will learn how well this works. Why does this work? Because women are as insecure about men as we are about them. Maybe more so. Is he looking at my tits? I bet my ass is bigger than his girl friends. He won't even talk to me because he is not intereted in me. etc. etc.

Good luck. And remember. Practice! Practice!

That is some of the best, common sense, well-put advice I've ever read, Dcraz! You're absolutely right, and it works for everyone. I often forget the confidence basics myself, so thanks for the reminder!

*wonders when Dcraz's book will hit the shelves*

 

[Cathleen]

I haven't read the entire thread but the first thing that popped into my mind was the wording 'average woman'. I'm not picking a fight but there really isn't an answer to the question as there is no 'average woman'. We're all different - men and women - the priorities and wants are different for each.

I find that as I've matured my interests have changed and therefore the type of man I might be attracted to changed (es). In response to how to approach a woman..... ok, nervousness is a given most of the time - accept that. Also accept that women get nervous too. Be yourself, I tend to be upfront and say right out 'I'm nervous', most of the time he is too. I use laughter a lot, I find an area we both have an interest in or something he is interested in and ask questions.

I find that asking questions of the other person helps diffuse the nerves and actually bring life to the experience. It can be fun to just let it out - proves you're human and real..... I prefer that over anything.

 

[Leeleigh]

As usual DC, very well put.. I salute you...

 

[jacuzzigal]

JG, you are the sweetest darling

DC, it's easy to be sweet with a wonderful man like you.

Not sure I could honestly recommend his technique, but I will recommend his book. Although it is about one of our life time's greatest physicist, this is one of the funniest, most entertaining books I have ever read. About a brilliant man who has the kind of ever day man's perspective and razor sharp wit we rarely associate with geeks. An absolute must read!

Ok back to the subject at hand. The problem of course is how to start. If in fact you are shy, it is difficult to come across as confident. Confidence after all comes from being successful at not being shy. A frustrating catch 22. I too was shy when I was younger (ok all those that know me can pick themselves up off the floor now and quit laughing). I often had women ask me why I did not ask out the woman that was flirting with me. I told them they were crazy, because I did not notice. Why? Becuase I never assumed a woman would flirt with someone like me. But I digress.

So how do you learn confidence? With others, but especially with women when you feel insecure or intimidated for fear of rejection? The easiest way is to practice. Now this does not sound as selfish or shallow as you might think. We are not talking about using women you have no real interest in. We are talking about practicing the art of aproaching people and opening yourself up to being aproachable.

Remember the line from American Pie? Oz: All that you gotta do is ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit.
Stifler: I dunno, man, that sounds like a lot of work!

Is it really a lot of work? No. In fact once you get comfortable, you will find women are actually, almost universally interesting. And quite easy to get to know and converse with. But you need to learn to do this. And we learn by practice. Every woman you interract with is an opportunity to practice. The woman at the grocery store, the waitress, a woman where you work. No come on or pick up lines needed. Just look them in the eye and offer them a friendly hello. Followed by a question that solicits a response. Nothing too personal (are those real?) or prying (do you have a boy friend?) Something light and easy. How was your weekend? Don't you hate all this rain? Do you think traffic was little light today? Anything. But there is one more vital step. The really hard part. Look them in the eye and ACTUALLY LISTEN to what they say in response to your question. There is always an opportunity for a follow up question.

One of the best ways to interest a woman is to show some interest in her. Not by staring at her ass. But by actually making an effort to learn something about her and then remembering it! What is her name? If she wears a name tag (i.e. waitress), refer to her by her name. Why? Becuase you are already elevating her about 'the help'. You have dignified her by making her a person. It also demonstrates you have thought enough or her or shown enough interest to actually try. So few people do this, I guarantee you will illicit a smile. She will not be able to help it. so few address women by their naes, it throws them off and immediately flatters them that you know who they are. Men are the same way by the way. If she does not wear a name tag, ask her. Hy, I see you here all the time. My name is Jim, what's yours? Easy, direct, sincere, not overly agressive. Just a simple hello and aninitial greeting. If you can actually REMEMBER her name next time you see her, you will score MAJOR points. Trust me on this one.

The great things about this kind of practice are many. If you stutter and fall on your face, so what? You may never see here again. Since it is not the primary woman of your affection, you are actually less likely to press. There is no real pressure here.

Just practice. And practice often. With different women. You will learn how well this works. Why does this work? Because women are as insecure about men as we are about them. Maybe more so. Is he looking at my tits? I bet my ass is bigger than his girl friends. He won't even talk to me because he is not intereted in me. etc. etc.

Good luck. And remember. Practice! Practice!

Great points, DC. It's true that we can't learn anything if we never try...

 

[muddpuppy]

This is a question that I've yet to find the answer to anywhere. It boggles my mind and it's the most confusing and complicated question that I've ever asked myself or others. Perhaps this is the place to find the answer.

So, just what does the average woman look for in guys regarding personality, looks, social status, etc. I've been told a number of times by a number of different women that I would make a great boyfriend for somebody. I happen to agree with them (not to sound cocky) but yet they themselves are not interested but they assure me that there's "lots of girls" who would love to be with a person like me. Where and who exactly are these women?

How important is money to the average woman? Does the guy need his own car? What kind of job is he expected to have?

Personality:
Has to make me laugh, thoughtfull, honest, aint afraid to look stupid, aint afraid to make ME look stupid, clever, agressive, passionate...

Looks:
Im not gonna lie and say looks dont matter, they do. I have to be sexually attracted to something even if its just their eyes... voice... smile...

Social habits:
Gotta be a people person

Money:
Money is not that big a deal to me... A guy could pick me up alot quicker in an old pickup rather than a fancy new sports car... As long as he can take care of himself and has his own place, it works for me... Im just a simple person.

Vehicle:
Yes, he has to have his own ride... Even if its a piece of sh*t.

Job:
As long as he makes enough to get by and he is happy with his job, i could care less...

 

[smy3th]

dcraz, you should write a book on this. I think it would be a best seller: How to Win Friends and Influence Women, or something. I think you've got a great line. I'll bet it gets you laid a lot.

 

[ozbloke1980]

Yeah it seems most of them are looking for friendship first. It seems to go no further with me though. The real irony about my life is that my best friend is a woman.

 

[Succulent-one]

By the way.....this is a great thread and a lot of superb answers. We might change our answers slightly if we knew which kind of gal blows wind in your sails.
Do you like Goth Chics? with tatoos and piercings?, do you like Barbie dolls ( women that look like dolls), you want them out door types to go hunting and fishing with you?... now the only reason I ask you this, is that women are women and we all want most of the things talked about in this thread, but what kind of woman are you trying to appeal to? The things that they value and enjoy are the things that you need your behavior to exhibit. Does this make any sense?

 

[dcraz]

You ladies are so sweet...

Wow dc, I'm impressed! Wonderful post ... really.

Wow! Thanks krazeekat. Just a few observations from a former shy one...

That is some of the best, common sense, well-put advice I've ever read, Dcraz! You're absolutely right, and it works for everyone. I often forget the confidence basics myself, so thanks for the reminder!

*wonders when Dcraz's book will hit the shelves*

SweetErika, I often forget some of these basic principals myself. Thanks for the kind words my dear. You offer some wonderful advice yourself!

As usual DC, very well put.. I salute you...

Leeleigh, always a pleasure to see you and your own words of wisdom.

DC, it's easy to be sweet with a wonderful man like you.

Great points, DC. It's true that we can't learn anything if we never try...

JG, practice makes perfect. Want to help me practice???

 

[jacuzzigal]

JG, practice makes perfect. Want to help me practice???

oh yeah!

 

[Leeleigh]

Leeleigh, always a pleasure to see you and your own words of wisdom.

you are welcome... now I need some of yours..

 

[dcraz]

you are welcome... now I need some of yours..

You know how to get in touch with me if you need to talk.

 

[Leeleigh]

You know how to get in touch with me if you need to talk.

Thank you sweetman..

 

[niceguys1st]

Man, DC, I wish I could go to the pub with you sometime. I bet if I had you around giving me pointers before approaching Woman A or Woman B that I'd have confidence coming out my ass. Great stuff and I think I'll try that....mind you my heart will probably be wanting to beat out of my chest when I do, I clam up at the mere thought of approaching a stranger.

Thanks everybody for the help, I know I sound like a broken record saying that but I mean it. Hopefully I can at least get some more friends out of this, I could always use more friends.

What is everyone's opinion on meeting/talking with people online (ie - dating sites and stuff?)

 

[Leeleigh]

Man, DC, I wish I could go to the pub with you sometime. I bet if I had you around giving me pointers before approaching Woman A or Woman B that I'd have confidence coming out my ass. Great stuff and I think I'll try that....mind you my heart will probably be wanting to beat out of my chest when I do, I clam up at the mere thought of approaching a stranger.

Thanks everybody for the help, I know I sound like a broken record saying that but I mean it. Hopefully I can at least get some more friends out of this, I could always use more friends.

What is everyone's opinion on meeting/talking with people online (ie - dating sites and stuff?)

Would be good having a woman with you too.. IMHO

I think you will find out that alot of us already do talk online to various people. If you come across someone that you want to talk to, look at their profile and see if they have any type of instant messanger type of services, and if they don't show it, ask them in a PM.. What is the worst that can happen.. you get told no. You keep on posting and meet more people..

 

[niceguys1st]

Would be good having a woman with you too.. IMHO

Sounds like somebody is just fishing for some free drinks.

 

[SweetErika]

Man, DC, I wish I could go to the pub with you sometime. I bet if I had you around giving me pointers before approaching Woman A or Woman B that I'd have confidence coming out my ass. Great stuff and I think I'll try that....mind you my heart will probably be wanting to beat out of my chest when I do, I clam up at the mere thought of approaching a stranger.

Thanks everybody for the help, I know I sound like a broken record saying that but I mean it. Hopefully I can at least get some more friends out of this, I could always use more friends.

What is everyone's opinion on meeting/talking with people online (ie - dating sites and stuff?)

I'm not sure if you'd be willing to try something like this, but whenever I'm in nerve-wracking situations, I imagine myself gathering up all of that energy from my entire body, and putting it into my core. Then, I take a deep breath, smile, and think about how it's fueling a strong, calm, confident voice. Google things like public speaking tips and nervousness...you might get some other techniques that will also help you not clam up.

With some precautions, realistic expectations, and common sense, I think meeting and talking to people online is a great way to go. You can meet tons of people, really be yourself, and get to know others without so much pressure or time. You might as well give it a try...if nothing else, maybe it'll give you the confidence to put yourself out there more in real life.

 

[Eilan]

What is everyone's opinion on meeting/talking with people online (ie - dating sites and stuff?)

I think it's a good idea. I met my husband through Yahoo! Personals back in 2001, and he's not an ax-murdering perv. Well, he's not an ax-murderer, anyway.

Something to keep in mind if you go this route, though, is that on some dating sites, the men significantly outnumber the women. If you want to get noticed, you have to create a profile that stands out.

Good luck!

 

[Seduce]

For almost 17 yrs i have been married to tall, dark, slender and polite highly educated man. He was my best friend as well as my husband.

All those years I felt something missing..... and I was secretly on the street observing short and heavily build men of rough dominant type. I like men to be wild and uncontrollable....... and gentle to me just occasionally (only to me of course )...... sort of tiger type.

Now I am married to a dominant truck driver of body type that turns me on..... and I love it (however my domestic life is not so peaceful anymore, I am spoiled and used to have everything my way and he is stubborn as hell).

Those "nice" guys were never any good to me, sooner or later I would simply walk over them.

 

[Leeleigh]

Sounds like somebody is just fishing for some free drinks.

lol, except I don't drink.. I am a cheap date. I might have a drink, but then I switch to cokes. I ahhhhhh don't handle alcohol to well and it does not take much to get me a little to happy..