What I have learned at Lit/BDSM

[Desdemona]

Well, I should have included sig lines in the AV lesson. It's the same thing. It's advertising and even more so, in some cases, than an AV is.

I won't ridicule people who use the monster sigs... (well, maybe I will..... LMAO) but I agree that none of that stuff is neccessary. It reminds me of someone compensating for a small dick or something... except it's mostly women and sub-women, at that. Go figure... (LMAO again.)

Who you are is in the words you post... not in all the flowery shit that you can possibly put at the end of your post. And if someone really cares to know about *you*, they won't be reading and looking at all the annoying shit in a sig line, at least not people of character and depth.

I love it when we think alike. Nicely put.

 

[A Desert Rose]

First, I learned that no one else can define my kink for me... I have to do that myself. I learned that I don't fit neatly into someone else's labels, but that it is ok that I don't. I am not a "sub" by the general definition that we usually see here, though I have submissive tendencies.

Amen to that, no one knows what fits in your life and what does not. I am like you, not a sub in the strict sense of the word. There is someone here who would call me a pillow princess, I'm sure, but my submission is almost all sexual.


I have learned all kinds of kinky sexual tricks

Me too. One trick I learned was the chain thingy... I still want to try that.... *sigh* someday, perhaps.

I when I finally admitted to myself that I was interested in BDSM, I spent a lot of time feeling disgusted with myself for wanting to be "weak." Strength is very important to me, for a variety of reasons, and I feel much more at ease with myself now that I realize I can be the way I am and still be strong.

Great post!
Thank you for taking the time to post on my thread.

 

[MissTaken]

Another lit lesson that EK touched upon.

Men lose their common sense when it comes to breasts!



One more lit lesson: I don't mean to sound negative, but here it is. Just because you think someone is going to keep your personal info secret, doesn't mean they actually will. And an additional point would be that one can get a false sense of security in the comaradery among the posters and post personal info about themselves. Never forget there are hundreds more people lurking than posting and your info could be misused.

Lit is a special online community, but has it's bad apples as well as any community.

There is nothing passive aggressive about this post. It was spurred on by a similar thread on the GB.

Always use caution.
You would in your own village or city, wouldn't you?

 

[RisiaSkye]

This is just for me, okay?

This is what I have learned here.

#1 Most people are full of shit at least part of the time. Many are that way all of the time.

#2 People who spend a lot of energy defending the "real life-ness" of their experience are usually complete novices.

#3 Long distance relationships are very hard to maintain.

#4 Taking fledgling relationships public usually results in a round of public humiliation for the sharers.

#5 Some people really and truly cannot spell, and do not understand the most basic rules of grammar. Nothing anyone can do will change this. Resistance is futile.

#6 Never is usually right.

#7 So is Lance, though he's also an asshole, which tends to undermine his points.

#8 Taking what people say personally when you've never even seen them in person is silly and leads nowhere.

#9 Most people don't require moderation, and those that do will fight it every inch of the way.

#10 I'm better at dishing it out than taking it.

#11 KillerMuffin is like me with regards to #10, only even more so.

#12 Written expressions of giggling annoy me to no end. *giggle*

#13 Some people shine up their "I'm smart" merit badges even more often than I do.

#14 No one is irreplaceable.

#15 Memories are very short.

#16 Fetish auctioneer is actually pretty cool.

#17 Debates over definitions never yield productive results.

#18 Copyrighted images are here to stay.

#19 90% of any given debate can be traced back to a basic google search.

#20 Once cynicism sets in, it's tough to roll it back.

~~~
Hope you're all well.

RS

 

[catalina_francisco]

Sorry to hear about the swollen ankles etc. with the new job but I am sure you will find a way to alleviate it in time. As to our AV choice. Have to say we decided it would have to be a Luis Royo as we both have been admirers of his art for years, and his being Spanish like Master added to the appeal We both then put together each of our favourites and Master made the final selection. Someday I hope to be able to at least be close to Royo's artistic perfction. On anothr board I use one of my own sketches, but overall an AV to me is more a thing of beauty and quality than an outright expression of who I am, though I am sure there are comparisons that could be made easily......shame it isn't the figure but that will return in time I'm sure.

Catalina

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

What i have learned here

1. Those that you consider important to you (both in r/l and from the boards) will eventually leave. How YOU handle it is the only thing that counts. If one cries and screams, rages and vents at every opportunity, one risks not ever getting that important relationship back...in any form.

2. That i am not strange, deluded, misguided, or any of the other things i have heard about my masochistic, subbie/slave tendencies and that i have a right to validate my feelings with others of like minds.

3. Someone, somewhere at sometime will offend me. I know this in advance. Why be pissy about it later??

4. That i am a natural flirt. I will flirt with anybody for any reason at all. Not because i crave attention, but because i LIKE relating to people in a nonsensical way, sometimes. My life is too hectic and filled with too much daily drama to come to the boards and be a stick in the mud.

5. That not all debates are good.

6. I guess the biggest lesson of all, though, is simply this: when one can come in, sit down and automatically find something interesting to read or some nice people to talk to...well then it makes this place a community. And i enjoy every moment and every experience i have ever shared, had or thought about in this arena.

7. Oh and av's are only as good as the thought put into them.
(as you can see...i don't really put much thought into mine!!!)

great thread BTW

pet

 

[A Desert Rose]

One more lit lesson: I don't mean to sound negative, but here it is. Just because you think someone is going to keep your personal info secret, doesn't mean they actually will. And an additional point would be that one can get a false sense of security in the comaradery among the posters and post personal info about themselves. Never forget there are hundreds more people lurking than posting and your info could be misused.

Lit is a special online community, but has it's bad apples as well as any community.

Always use caution.
You would in your own village or city, wouldn't you?

To this point, I have seen nothing passive/aggressive in anyone's posts and that is a major plus!

I have to agree with you, MissT. The less you tell of a personal nature about yourself on a public board, the better. People are not always as they appear and not always as kind as we would like. For the most part and I know you will agree with me, I do believe that most people post their true feelings and beliefs.

This is just for me, okay?
This is what I have learned here.

#1.....

#20 Once cynicism sets in, it's tough to roll it back.

~~~
Hope you're all well.

RS

Sorry for the snipping, but your post is great! Thank you for it.

1....

7. Oh and av's are only as good as the thought put into them.
(as you can see...i don't really put much thought into mine!!!)

great thread BTW

pet

Again, sorry for snipping. Another excellent post!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You all have given me sooo many things to think about. And I am sure many others are silently thanking you, too.

It reinforces what I have always thought; there are a lot of really bright and good people here. I am thankful that I can count many of you as my friends.

But please, don't stop with the wonderful lessons.... everyone gains from all this insight.

A HUGE THANK YOU from me to all of you.


Oh yea and I got a hair cut and make over today.... wanna see? If you do, look real quick because this picture won't be up long.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Sorry to hear about the swollen ankles etc. with the new job but I am sure you will find a way to alleviate it in time. As to our AV choice. Have to say we decided it would have to be a Luis Royo as we both have been admirers of his art for years, and his being Spanish like Master added to the appeal We both then put together each of our favourites and Master made the final selection. Someday I hope to be able to at least be close to Royo's artistic perfction. On anothr board I use one of my own sketches, but overall an AV to me is more a thing of beauty and quality than an outright expression of who I am, though I am sure there are comparisons that could be made easily......shame it isn't the figure but that will return in time I'm sure.

Catalina

A little off topic...

I consider myself an artist who happens to feed herself as a nurse. (And both careers, I love.)

I have found an artist named Jack Vettriano who speaks to me... in a major way. I have 3 of his framed prints on my living room walls and hope to eventually own 2 more that I just love.

http://www.allposters.com/gallery.asp?aid=17783

Take a look and tell me what you think of him.

(edited to add: the ones I own are Billy Boys, Amateur Philosopers and Very Dangerous Beach. I want to get Somebody Else's Baby and Back Where You Belong.)

 

[MissTaken]

Revisiting something said earlier on

Okay, I am hormonal tonight and expect some latitude!



However, this is not the first time I have posted these thoughts.

I have learned not to take internet interaction too seriously and in particular, public interaction on the forum.

Now, some will use the internet to escape loneliness, unhappiness or frustration in their real life. They may come here to hide from problems or lick their wounds. OThers will use the internet to build up their self image when they can't seem to achieve this in their immediate, real time surroundings. Unfortunately, doing so doesn't solve a problem, make things better or save anyone. In fact, the internet can exacerbate the problems leading to immersion into online communities. So, when lit isn't fun, a break is in order. Get out, fix what is broken, find strength and happiness away from the pc and then come back and visit.

I have observed the results in other posters and yes, saw my way clear to gaining perspective and placing lit in a proper place on my list of daily priorities. Those who know me, have seen my posting habits change and evolve with time.

Lit rocks, no doubt.
This forum is still my home on the net and I believe in all the good stuff it offers, but maintain that it is no substitute for living life on two feet, rather than on your bottom in front of technicolor graphics and miles of bandwidth.


You guys are a great bunch of pervs and some of you have snuck your way into my heart and mind, but truth be told, I would much rather be out hiking in the mountains or playing in the leaves with my children.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I learned that alot of people are deeply troubled individuals who need therapy alot more than they need my anger or scorn.

 

[WillowPuss]

Re: Re: Re: The Death of THIS Salesman

First, thank you Willow about my job.

Second, it takes reading one post by you to know you are not empty-headed. You were one of the first people I met at bdsm and you are still as kind as you were then. Empty-headed and fluffy are two adjectives I would never use to describe you.

You are gentle, kind and knowledgable in many areas. I see you as a genuine lady in every sense of the word.

Thank you Rose
After the day I have had, I really need that!

(Boss from hell wanted 'a quick word' which is to continue tomorrow! Ho hum)

 

[A Desert Rose]

I learned that alot of people are deeply troubled individuals who need therapy alot more than they need my anger or scorn.

Boy Howdy, is that the truth. And those people rarely see they need help, too.

 

[pierced_boy]

I have learned

never to post to threads like this um oops

Seriously though we all take ourselves too seriously and hence take others too seriously as well. Guilty guilty guilty, off for some self flagellation. You bad bad bad pierced boy#####

ooo got to go Dr Who is on the box, with the Daleks now there is some serious attitude for you Daleks muttering exterminate exterminate

Harry

PS Risia guilty of the spelling and grammar and not sorry it is just there is no OL spell check and I am lazy with the speellliiinnng
H

 

[A Desert Rose]

What, me, stir up shit?

Lesson #7 There is a lot of passive/aggressive behavior at Lit. Someone asked me one time to define p/a behavior and my response was that it's hard to define but you know it when you see it. ;-)

I see much more of it on the GB than I see at BDSM. (I never go to the Playground, so I can't speak to that.) And it's almost always the same people... over and over, again. But I think there are some reasons it's rarely seen in this forum.

For one thing this is a relatively small community and bullshit doesn't last long here. People eventually see through p/a behaviors. And those people who engage in it are usually ignored into oblivion.

I also think that most bdsm posters have a pretty good image of who they are and what they want out of their lives and kinks. P/a behavior begs for attention and usually that goes hand in hand with low self-esteem. For the most part, the posters I read in this forum have a very good self-image and post in a confident manner.

I hate p/a behavior. It's about self pity and I have no time for that in public. Go fill the bathtub with bubbles and cry yourself a river, but for God's sake, do it privately.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: I have learned

never to post to threads like this um oops

LMAO... it's always good to see you, Harry!!!!!

 

[MissTaken]

Another lesson?

The post count does not make the poster. What the poster says is what makes the poster.

As an aside, I am going to make an observation.

In this thread, I am noticing a pattern. Those of us with a more cautious and skeptical outlook on lit are posters who have posted regularly to other forums. Those whose lessons involve support, friendship and community seem to be all posters who have not posted outside the BDSM forum.

I don't know what that means, but it is my observation.

 

[catalina_francisco]

In this thread, I am noticing a pattern. Those of us with a more cautious and skeptical outlook on lit are posters who have posted regularly to other forums. Those whose lessons involve support, friendship and community seem to be all posters who have not posted outside the BDSM forum.

I don't know what that means, but it is my observation.

Have to blow your observations, though only partially...and presuming we fit in the second group. We have posted elsewhere, but only in miniscule proportion as we have not found the same level of interest in open and friendly dialogue, not to mention topics worth discussing to death like found on the BDSM board. Sorry Miss T, I am sure we do not seriosly upset your observations as we do not make a habit of straying too far from the warmth here.

Catalina

 

[A Desert Rose]

Another lesson?
The post count does not make the poster. What the poster says is what makes the poster.

Boy, is that the truth. So many think that having a kazillion posts somehow makes someone an authority or a mentor. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I have seen people who have as many posts in a couple months as I have after a year of posting.

And people can regurgitate a lot of bullshit to make themselves appear to know something they really do not. (Another thing I don't often see at the bdsm forum, but do see elsewhere.)

 

[James G 5]

Boy, is that the truth. So many think that having a kazillion posts somehow makes someone an authority or a mentor. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I have seen people who have as many posts in a couple months as I have after a year of posting.

And people can regurgitate a lot of bullshit to make themselves appear to know something they really do not. (Another thing I don't often see at the bdsm forum, but do see elsewhere.)

Drat, they're on to me

 

[Desdemona]

Uh oh, I've been thinking......

Rule #1. Master is always right. If Snooze is wrong, see rule #1. <grin> Seriously, it's ok to disagree with your dominant, but you have to do it in a respectful fashion. Sometimes, the hardest thing in the world is to tell your beloved dominant something you know will be upsetting.


Next, dominants are people too. They have feelings, they can be hurt just like everybody else. They aren't scary psychopaths, unless of course they're in a scene where they want you to believe that. Then, a dominant can be scary as hell! I know that seems like a no brainer, but lots of people have serious misconceptions about this. At first, I did too.


When I first came to Lit and saw all these people involved in online relationships and LDRs, I thought it was romantic beyond belief. I found early on that I am not suited for anything other than real life. My hat is off to those of you who can successfully conduct a relationship over distance. I don't know how you do it.


Events at Lit seem to be cyclic. Flamewars come in cycles and our collective mood here at BDSM seems to be cyclic as well. We have periods where everyone seems serious and introspective, then suddenly we all go off on a tangent of frivolity, flirting and fluff. I think that maybe having the cafe is allowing us to find more of a middle ground between the two extremes.

I learned here at BDSM that I'm not just a freak. I'm a freak among freaks; and that's a good thing. When I first started lurking and reading, I was appalled by my desires. I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. Over time, I found a community of people who understood and who helped me to understand myself and my needs. Self acceptance has been a blessing. I found my way to that here among you good people.


MissT, I don't know what to think about your observation about posting on other forums. I did for a long time and I still occasionally do. Mostly, I find them boring. This is home for me.

OK, I'm through with my introspection for the day. It's time to go heal the sick and the afflicted in my small town.

 

[James G 5]

Re: Uh oh, I've been thinking......

Next, dominants are people too. They have feelings, they can be hurt just like everybody else. They aren't scary psychopaths, unless of course they're in a scene where they want you to believe that. Then, a dominant can be scary as hell! I know that seems like a no brainer, but lots of people have serious misconceptions about this. At first, I did too.

*in best Mr. Burns voice
We have her fooled. Exxxxcelent

OK, I'm through with my introspection for the day. It's time to go heal the sick and the afflicted in my small town.

Time for me to go afflict people & make them ill *sigh*

 

[Desdemona]

Re: Re: Uh oh, I've been thinking......

*in best Mr. Burns voice
We have her fooled. Exxxxcelent


Time for me to go afflict people & make them ill *sigh*

Note to self. Under no circumstances, allow Snooze and James to meet in real life. Danger, danger, danger.


LMAO

 

[James G 5]

Re: Re: Re: Uh oh, I've been thinking......

Note to self. Under no circumstances, allow Snooze and James to meet in real life. Danger, danger, danger.


LMAO

Now now, I am HARMLESS
*muffles the shouting coming from Red's jar*
Why could it POSSIBLY be bad for Snooze & I to meet?

 

[Desdemona]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Uh oh, I've been thinking......

Now now, I am HARMLESS
*muffles the shouting coming from Red's jar*
Why could it POSSIBLY be bad for Snooze & I to meet?

Now, James, did I say it would be bad? I only said there was danger. I have this mental image of you two off in a corner whispering with the occasional evil laugh coming to my ears followed by "exxxxcellent".

*Hides bat behind back. Waits for James to look the other way so I can bust Red out of that jar. Maybe there's safety in numbers.*

 

[BrightFlower]

Re: Uh oh, I've been thinking......

I learned here at BDSM that I'm not just a freak. I'm a freak among freaks; and that's a good thing. When I first started lurking and reading, I was appalled by my desires. I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. Over time, I found a community of people who understood and who helped me to understand myself and my needs. Self acceptance has been a blessing. I found my way to that here among you good people.

DITTO!!
Thanks for saying it for me Des...