What makes a good sub
- Thread starter Richard49
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MissTaken
Biker Chick
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Re: Good matches
While communication is perhaps, more paramount for a D/s relationship, when this level of openess takes place in a non BDSM relationship, it is evident. So many pieces of D/s are actually templates for all healthy relationships....of any kind.
* Originally posted by Richard*
Speaking of smart ass with spice.......
Me thinks Miss T qualifies.....
To the rack with you wench........ *
Then I like lots of lettuce as well!
pierced_boy said:
While communication is perhaps, more paramount for a D/s relationship, when this level of openess takes place in a non BDSM relationship, it is evident. So many pieces of D/s are actually templates for all healthy relationships....of any kind.
* Originally posted by Richard*
Speaking of smart ass with spice.......
Me thinks Miss T qualifies.....
To the rack with you wench........ *
Then I like lots of lettuce as well!
Richard49
The Gentleman Dom
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lettuce
60 strokes with a wet noddle to you
MissTaken said:
* Originally posted by Richard*
Speaking of smart ass with spice.......
Me thinks Miss T qualifies.....
To the rack with you wench........ *
Then I like lots of lettuce as well!
60 strokes with a wet noddle to you
Merelan
Lady's Love
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Oh like that's going to make her keep the bad jokes in.
Yes, you, we, must be more honest and open. For we are not just trusting them with our hearts, but our lives, in some cases. Our sanity at times too.
Honest, openess, communication, feedback. As a submissive person, I tend to hold things in. Not let it out and tell someon, anyone, when things bother me. Till I get sick, or explode at a friend. Isn't that the silliest thing? And here I am telling people that you cannot fix something if you don't know it is broken.
In other words, if we don't tell our Dominat what is bothering us, hurting us (not sensation here, real pain) or maybe an action they do that hurts you emotionally, they can't know. They aren't built with esp. They are human. Shhh...... Don't tell anyone I said that. And yes, at times she too needs a cuddle, to let go and relax. Let me serve her, love her, make the decisions, though only the snall ones.
I know I ramble, forgive me. But on this subject I feel strongly that we need to talk.
Yes, you, we, must be more honest and open. For we are not just trusting them with our hearts, but our lives, in some cases. Our sanity at times too.
Honest, openess, communication, feedback. As a submissive person, I tend to hold things in. Not let it out and tell someon, anyone, when things bother me. Till I get sick, or explode at a friend. Isn't that the silliest thing? And here I am telling people that you cannot fix something if you don't know it is broken.
In other words, if we don't tell our Dominat what is bothering us, hurting us (not sensation here, real pain) or maybe an action they do that hurts you emotionally, they can't know. They aren't built with esp. They are human. Shhh...... Don't tell anyone I said that. And yes, at times she too needs a cuddle, to let go and relax. Let me serve her, love her, make the decisions, though only the snall ones.
I know I ramble, forgive me. But on this subject I feel strongly that we need to talk.
Richard49
The Gentleman Dom
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Communications
I am told I over quote and I am sorry...I am still learning the mechincs of this board.....in this case I am not.....
Since coming ot this board I have been rethinking and processing my life as a Dom.....and how I related and did not relate to the submissives in my life......
I still believe that the 3 princples of any relationship are
honesty
open mindedness
willingness
and yes us Doms do not read minds
When a submissive is not one of the three the relationship is domed
and someone is going to get hurt....at lest emotionally
Merelan said:
I am told I over quote and I am sorry...I am still learning the mechincs of this board.....in this case I am not.....
Since coming ot this board I have been rethinking and processing my life as a Dom.....and how I related and did not relate to the submissives in my life......
I still believe that the 3 princples of any relationship are
honesty
open mindedness
willingness
and yes us Doms do not read minds
When a submissive is not one of the three the relationship is domed
and someone is going to get hurt....at lest emotionally
Merelan
Lady's Love
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Bravo Richard. Your words are exact on. It works both ways. There are things a Mistress won't do either, and if she doesn't say so, it causes the same pain.
(Hell, I don't have the foggiest idea how to quote, and look how long I have been here.)
(Hell, I don't have the foggiest idea how to quote, and look how long I have been here.)
lovetoread
hello daddy
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Ahhh I read this thread and thought to myself that although I am a "good" sub to my dom,I would probably not be a "good" one to another.
I see no reason to label myself. To be a sub is something that should not be graded.
If you are not wanting what I have to offer than move on and find another. It doesnt make me bad,just different than that dom wanted.
I see no reason to label myself. To be a sub is something that should not be graded.
If you are not wanting what I have to offer than move on and find another. It doesnt make me bad,just different than that dom wanted.
I speak
When talking about personality earlier . . . I was trying to make the point that I do like a sub with a personality whether it be bratty or serious. You work with what you have and not make somebody into someone they are not. However, who really wants a person with very little personality or a lack of a sense of humor? Who wants to be around someone who is ALWAYS serious?? Sometimes, a good Master will recognize something deep inside the subbie (whoops, I mean sub) that is a positive and will want to bring it to the surface.
When talking about personality earlier . . . I was trying to make the point that I do like a sub with a personality whether it be bratty or serious. You work with what you have and not make somebody into someone they are not. However, who really wants a person with very little personality or a lack of a sense of humor? Who wants to be around someone who is ALWAYS serious?? Sometimes, a good Master will recognize something deep inside the subbie (whoops, I mean sub) that is a positive and will want to bring it to the surface.
I hope
I hope he is reading these posts and disciplines you! *weg*
Seriously, this is what I am talking about folks. A sub with a personality . . . whether it being bratty, sweetness or whatever is important to the intelligence and/or the senses of both people involved.
I hope he is reading these posts and disciplines you! *weg*
Seriously, this is what I am talking about folks. A sub with a personality . . . whether it being bratty, sweetness or whatever is important to the intelligence and/or the senses of both people involved.
MissTaken
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Actually, a thought that just occurred to me,
a sub who knows her Dom will know when to be bratty and when to be sweet, sensual and submissive.
Together, they will know what she is looking for and what He desires. Moving in tandem, reading one another's moods and meeting one another's needs.
How? Time and communication.
a sub who knows her Dom will know when to be bratty and when to be sweet, sensual and submissive.
Together, they will know what she is looking for and what He desires. Moving in tandem, reading one another's moods and meeting one another's needs.
How? Time and communication.
monster666
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Re: I speak
Show me someone without a personality and I'll show you a misunderstood personality. To suggest someone doesn't have one is not very nice at best. Perhaps such people are simply wired differently enough that you have a hard time communicating. There are a number of reasons people might seem blank - but I'd venture to say that unless a person is on life support awaiting a surgical team to harvest organs, he/she is not without personality.
Show me someone without a personality and I'll show you a misunderstood personality. To suggest someone doesn't have one is not very nice at best. Perhaps such people are simply wired differently enough that you have a hard time communicating. There are a number of reasons people might seem blank - but I'd venture to say that unless a person is on life support awaiting a surgical team to harvest organs, he/she is not without personality.
fallon2 said:
James Blandings
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Re: Re: Good matches
heres something I see a lot. A person with BDSM inclinations stifles that desire and tries to succeed in vanilla relationships. After this fails, they get up the nerve to accept their interests and get involved in a BDSM relationship. And lo and behold, it feels more intense or more open or whatever then their previous relationships. But instead of figuring that the new feelings are the reult of finally getting into a relationship that fits them, they project onto BDSM that is in some ways better, more intense, etc, than vanilla.
I've been involved in different kinds of relationships for over 30 years, some DS, some vanilla, and I have to say that I dont believe for a minute that ther eis anything inherently better about BDSM than vanilla in general, it is better for people who need it, just like a gay rlationship is better for a gay person than trying to make themselves straight would be.
(And I am not saying that Miss T or anyone else was saying BDSM is superior to vanilla, Im just musing here off her comment)
MissTaken said:
heres something I see a lot. A person with BDSM inclinations stifles that desire and tries to succeed in vanilla relationships. After this fails, they get up the nerve to accept their interests and get involved in a BDSM relationship. And lo and behold, it feels more intense or more open or whatever then their previous relationships. But instead of figuring that the new feelings are the reult of finally getting into a relationship that fits them, they project onto BDSM that is in some ways better, more intense, etc, than vanilla.
I've been involved in different kinds of relationships for over 30 years, some DS, some vanilla, and I have to say that I dont believe for a minute that ther eis anything inherently better about BDSM than vanilla in general, it is better for people who need it, just like a gay rlationship is better for a gay person than trying to make themselves straight would be.
(And I am not saying that Miss T or anyone else was saying BDSM is superior to vanilla, Im just musing here off her comment)
MissTaken
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I believe that the D/s relationsihp appears more intense and more special to those who need it, as they have found what they need.
My point is that by nature of the physical risks and the safety issues involved, there is and needs to be amny discussions concerning limits, parameters, wants and needs. Let us say, that prior to marrying my husband, we talked about the same issues in terms of the non BDSM relationship. Perhaps, had I explained to him that I needed oral sex, I needed time free from children, needed respect and help with the finances, and that I would settle for nothing less, AND he answered openly and honestly, things would hav been different. In fact, I am sure they would have been....I wouldn't have married him. (There were other issues, but too much personal info isn't my way. )
My exploration into BDSM has taught me how to communicate more openly, express my needs and expect they be met.
As my thoughts meander, no, BDSM is not a more intense relationship than non, it is merely different in SOME respects. I have seen non BDSM relationship that are equally intense, based upon mutual need, openess, communication, trust and loyalty.
That was my point.....not that BDSM is different, but that many aspects promote healthiness in any relationship.
James, you have posted your opinion on this in several places and I had intended to reply earlier. Looks like today is the day!
*smiles* Thank you for bringing your experience and wisdom to the boards. Many of us new to the lifestyle can and will continue to benefit from that.
My point is that by nature of the physical risks and the safety issues involved, there is and needs to be amny discussions concerning limits, parameters, wants and needs. Let us say, that prior to marrying my husband, we talked about the same issues in terms of the non BDSM relationship. Perhaps, had I explained to him that I needed oral sex, I needed time free from children, needed respect and help with the finances, and that I would settle for nothing less, AND he answered openly and honestly, things would hav been different. In fact, I am sure they would have been....I wouldn't have married him.
(There were other issues, but too much personal info isn't my way. ) My exploration into BDSM has taught me how to communicate more openly, express my needs and expect they be met.
As my thoughts meander, no, BDSM is not a more intense relationship than non, it is merely different in SOME respects. I have seen non BDSM relationship that are equally intense, based upon mutual need, openess, communication, trust and loyalty.
That was my point.....not that BDSM is different, but that many aspects promote healthiness in any relationship.
James, you have posted your opinion on this in several places and I had intended to reply earlier. Looks like today is the day!
*smiles* Thank you for bringing your experience and wisdom to the boards. Many of us new to the lifestyle can and will continue to benefit from that.
In the past . . .
In the past we have talked about communication and trust being important but now I have to add what misstaken included and that is time. Time to talk, time to listen, time to understand the needs of the other person and time to think of the other person in terms of liking the other person. Finally, time to make sure that the other has what one needs and finally time together to see if two can become one emotionally, mentally and physically.
In the past we have talked about communication and trust being important but now I have to add what misstaken included and that is time. Time to talk, time to listen, time to understand the needs of the other person and time to think of the other person in terms of liking the other person. Finally, time to make sure that the other has what one needs and finally time together to see if two can become one emotionally, mentally and physically.
James Blandings
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Miss Taken,
Your point about how BDSM has taught you to be more communicative in your relationships is well taken, and I apologize if you felt my comments sold your view short.
For my part, I have been quite impressed by your insights. I am honored that you feel my comments are of value.
Your point about how BDSM has taught you to be more communicative in your relationships is well taken, and I apologize if you felt my comments sold your view short.
For my part, I have been quite impressed by your insights. I am honored that you feel my comments are of value.
pierced_boy
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Communication
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pierced_boy
Really Really Experienced
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Er
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Re: Re: I speak
Thank you, Monster. I agree completely with your statement, and this is precisely the point I have tried to make regarding the term *doormat*.
People are different. Because one type doesn't suit you, doesn't mean that this type has no value or worth, it simply means she doesn't suit you.
One man's junk is another man's treasure.
One woman's doormat is another woman's pleasure.
One man's bad sub is another man's joy.
One woman's brat is another woman's toy.
*sheesh that was pretty bad, huh...lol*
Don't try to change your basic personality to fit anyone; it simply will not work. Find someone who suits you, who complements you, whose values match yours. Then you will feel accepted and safe enough to allow your desire for submission to express itself.
monster666 said:
Thank you, Monster. I agree completely with your statement, and this is precisely the point I have tried to make regarding the term *doormat*.
People are different. Because one type doesn't suit you, doesn't mean that this type has no value or worth, it simply means she doesn't suit you.
One man's junk is another man's treasure.
One woman's doormat is another woman's pleasure.
One man's bad sub is another man's joy.
One woman's brat is another woman's toy.
*sheesh that was pretty bad, huh...lol*
Don't try to change your basic personality to fit anyone; it simply will not work. Find someone who suits you, who complements you, whose values match yours. Then you will feel accepted and safe enough to allow your desire for submission to express itself.
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