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What mindset does a dom really need?

Happily_Variant said:
Velvet has made some very good points. The dynamic between the two of you is a subjective experience that is not bound by social/genre rules, but one that evolves through the experience.
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Another very good point, well put.

I feel very privileged to have a happy relationship that's based in M/s. It is a relationship that functions on all levels. There has to be conversation and reasons to be together once the flogger goes back in the cupboard.

I'm still a die hard romantic at heart too. Without the tender moments we share and the times when we do dissemble and laugh together, our kinkplay wouldn't be quite so intense.

:cathappy: Gotta have pleasure in order to crave the pain. :catroar:

Wonder where the OP went?
 
To me? Laughing is good (I'll laugh with you). Blushing at being out-spoken (presumed or otherwise) is good.

Nothing is carved in stone. Whether it's 24/7 or merely for spice, it must be what you each want.

For the new relationship? Learning what each other wants/needs is worth it all.



And mmmm, and have I over-stepped my bounds?
 
misturbond said:
There are situations where I have a hard time maintaining my role as a dom. Example: I'm about to say something to her that's supposed to be serious and I abort because if I do, I'll bust a stich laughing and that will kill the mood and everything else. Do I need to put myself in the mindset of a DI?
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For me, it's not so much the mindset as the "presence." He doesn't have to be in "Dom Mode" all the time. In fact I prefer that he be comfortable in showing all sides of himself, not just the serious side. If someone has that presence however, that shines through even if he is in a silly mood or feeling down. There's nothing sexy or commanding about being a robot Dom. Feeling like you should say a certain line but if you did you would laugh just shows that you are trying to play a role rather than express what you desire. Chances are if you went ahead with what you were going to say she would either laugh as well or at the very least sense that you were forcing it. It borders on role playing IMO. For me at least, the effort to keep in character is too cerebral for where I want to be at that time. I want to let the inner side of me out, the part that my mind keeps in check. If he's holding his own back, I'm certainly going to do the same.
 
madetotakeit said:
For me, it's not so much the mindset as the "presence." He doesn't have to be in "Dom Mode" all the time. In fact I prefer that he be comfortable in showing all sides of himself, not just the serious side. If someone has that presence however, that shines through even if he is in a silly mood or feeling down. There's nothing sexy or commanding about being a robot Dom. Feeling like you should say a certain line but if you did you would laugh just shows that you are trying to play a role rather than express what you desire. Chances are if you went ahead with what you were going to say she would either laugh as well or at the very least sense that you were forcing it. It borders on role playing IMO. For me at least, the effort to keep in character is too cerebral for where I want to be at that time. I want to let the inner side of me out, the part that my mind keeps in check. If he's holding his own back, I'm certainly going to do the same.
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Agreed. A lot of time I'm feeling dommy, sometimes I'm feeling goofy, sometimes quiet. Ideally, you want to be able to share all that with the same person.

J
 
madetotakeit said:
For me, it's not so much the mindset as the "presence." He doesn't have to be in "Dom Mode" all the time. In fact I prefer that he be comfortable in showing all sides of himself, not just the serious side. If someone has that presence however, that shines through even if he is in a silly mood or feeling down. There's nothing sexy or commanding about being a robot Dom. Feeling like you should say a certain line but if you did you would laugh just shows that you are trying to play a role rather than express what you desire. Chances are if you went ahead with what you were going to say she would either laugh as well or at the very least sense that you were forcing it. It borders on role playing IMO. For me at least, the effort to keep in character is too cerebral for where I want to be at that time. I want to let the inner side of me out, the part that my mind keeps in check. If he's holding his own back, I'm certainly going to do the same.
Click to expand...

Well said, and I agree.
 
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