What should a Dom do when His slut has sex without His permission?

[Pure]

Assuming he's serious, I'm with the marquis, here. Gang bang might be a remedy, or pimping her out to a dozen and contributing the money to tsunami relief. Assuming there's a breach of agreed rules.

I notice no one has mentioned that people who do this sort of thing (and who ask 'what should happen?') are sometimes angling for punishment/consequences. Hence to do so, is, in a way, doing what the 'offender' wants to happen.

 

[Marquis]

Dead serious.

 

[Hajar]

Ok first thing this a Kayte not some twit who doesn't understand the cause and effect of her actions.
Second he told her to post, it's not that she needs us to slam her even more than I'm sure she's doing herself.
This thread is for feedback, Marquis I doubt a gangbang is an answer, we are not talking about an habitual cheater, this was knowing her a one time action.
And I have an issue with all the STD's out there that you are soo fast to place a sub in this situation, condoms break, diseases take months to show up on test, this has to potential not only to break a sub but to hurt her emotionally for a long time, not the best idea.
I believe there is alot that we don't know and it's really between them, as it seems he has in the past given her permission to have sex with other's.

My 2 cents on this, what do you two want?
Is there a way to work thru it? Can he trust you again in his view? If this is what you both want then I'm sure you'll find ways to make it work.

 

[Betticus]

There was a topic a long time ago about the worst punishment for a sub. The one Dom had something like this happen and he made his sub whip him bloody.

I think that may be more appropriate than any other punishment. Being fucked isn't against her nature so a gang bang while humiliating is out. This also breaches trust to an extent where he might just walk away from her but she also betrayed him so he is bound to be very hurt.

He might as well grind the point home as to how much she hurt/disappointed him with a very interactive visual demonstration like being made to see his pain on his flesh.

That might just reach beyond her willfulness and plant a message deep in her psyche that will condition her to feel terrible if this situation ever comes up again. To associate the cheating with being made to hurt her Dom.

 

[Hajar]

There was a topic a long time ago about the worst punishment for a sub. The one Dom had something like this happen and he made his sub whip him bloody.

I think that may be more appropriate than any other punishment. Being fucked isn't against her nature so a gang bang while humiliating is out. This also breaches trust to an extent where he might just walk away from her but she also betrayed him so he is bound to be very hurt.

He might as well grind the point home as to how much she hurt/disappointed him with a very interactive visual demonstration like being made to see his pain on his flesh.

That might just reach beyond her willfulness and plant a message deep in her psyche that will condition her to feel terrible if this situation ever comes up again. To associate the cheating with being made to hurt her Dom.

Damn Betticus that would be horrid

 

[CutieMouse]

There was a topic a long time ago about the worst punishment for a sub. The one Dom had something like this happen and he made his sub whip him bloody.

I think that may be more appropriate than any other punishment. Being fucked isn't against her nature so a gang bang while humiliating is out. This also breaches trust to an extent where he might just walk away from her but she also betrayed him so he is bound to be very hurt.

He might as well grind the point home as to how much she hurt/disappointed him with a very interactive visual demonstration like being made to see his pain on his flesh.

That might just reach beyond her willfulness and plant a message deep in her psyche that will condition her to feel terrible if this situation ever comes up again. To associate the cheating with being made to hurt her Dom.

I'm not a cheating type of person. But wow. The idea of what you just wrote dear is... ouch... Tummy in knots over doing that to another kind of ouch. I think you proactivly cured me from ever ever wanting to cheat on anyone. Just. Wow.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I'd want to figure out why she did it. Could be a hell of a lot of very different reasons, each indicating a different course of action. Also, moments of extreme jealousy, such as this sort of thing inspires, are always good opportunities to look within ourselves. I think you really see the cut of a man's job when you see how he reacts to this situation-both internally and externally.

 

[dolf]

There was a topic a long time ago about the worst punishment for a sub. The one Dom had something like this happen and he made his sub whip him bloody.

I think that may be more appropriate than any other punishment. Being fucked isn't against her nature so a gang bang while humiliating is out. This also breaches trust to an extent where he might just walk away from her but she also betrayed him so he is bound to be very hurt.

He might as well grind the point home as to how much she hurt/disappointed him with a very interactive visual demonstration like being made to see his pain on his flesh.

That might just reach beyond her willfulness and plant a message deep in her psyche that will condition her to feel terrible if this situation ever comes up again. To associate the cheating with being made to hurt her Dom.

that's why i love you!
no gang bang, no yelling, no venting anger...
true parenting skills
xx

 

[Betticus]

I have to point out that this is not my idea, it was already posted by another.

 

[Marquis]

Still, that's a pretty sharp idea I must admit.

 

[dolf]

I have to point out that this is not my idea, it was already posted by another.

there's no such thing as a new idea these days...wisdom is knowing the right way to use the old ideas
xx

 

[Caitlynne]

There was a topic a long time ago about the worst punishment for a sub. The one Dom had something like this happen and he made his sub whip him bloody.

I think that may be more appropriate than any other punishment. Being fucked isn't against her nature so a gang bang while humiliating is out. This also breaches trust to an extent where he might just walk away from her but she also betrayed him so he is bound to be very hurt.

He might as well grind the point home as to how much she hurt/disappointed him with a very interactive visual demonstration like being made to see his pain on his flesh.

That might just reach beyond her willfulness and plant a message deep in her psyche that will condition her to feel terrible if this situation ever comes up again. To associate the cheating with being made to hurt her Dom.

OMG! The sheer power of that is frightening. It is brilliant in conception and the effectiveness of it is pure genius.

 

[Pure]

ok, so who's the pure genius?

 

[Kajira Callista]

Betcha AA knows...where is he when we need him?

 

[grinner666]

Yup, same as with a vanilla relationship. Some things you just don't do.

But if he doesn't want to do that, the punishment should be . . . extreme. But I really can't say what I'd suggest, because I, personally, would kick you to the curb in about the time it took me to find out about it.

Looking back at my original post, I realize I came off a bit . . . well, a lot . . . harsher than I meant to be.

I just have no patience with cheating, or Cheaters. Of course, that's probably because my marriage ended with my discovering that the little girl I thought was my daughter was actually no relation of mine at all. Even after five years, it still makes me insane to think about . . . and I still miss my little girl. But that's my problem, not yours

I still feel basically the same way, but I probably should've been more polite about saying it. My apologies about that. Anyway, you and your Dom need to spend some serious time talking about why you did what you did, and how he feels about it, before any talk about punishment can be seriously considered.

Enough of this maudlin shit.

 

[s'lara]

Kayte, however this works out, i hope you learned from your actions and don't carry it into your future service. Obedience is what we're expected to provide and i am quite sure this situation has made you question and reevaluate exactly what your place is in your current relationship.

i have to go on record and say that dismissal is what i would have expected had i done something similar.

lara

 

[s'lara]

Damn Betticus that would be horrid

But absolutely effective.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Smiles ...

I have to point out that this is not my idea, it was already posted by another.

and glides away.

 

[NCShin]

I know absolutely nothing about the relationship so saying anything is doing so making a whole lot of assumptions.

Here is what i will say.

When i was young, and cheating meant the girl you hung out with most, kissed another boy, I forgave her for doing so. She swore up and down that she'd never "cheat" on me again.

She did.

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

This isn't D/s related for me. You don't dominate a woman into remaining faithful. She just is, or isn't.

If there was an expectation that you'd not cheat, and you went out and did it anyway, then I'd have no choice but to help you pack your things.

 

[Marquis]

I often wonder if that fact is really true. I think there are vast differences between cheaters and cheating situations, and I believe there are people who would or have cheated on isolated incidents but is not habitual or compulsive.

 

[Pure]

I'm with NC Shin. 'Once, always' is the rule (occasional exceptions for a single youthful indiscretion).

That said, I don't think the BDSM implications are any different from the ordinary implications. Many humans, esp. males, aren't particularly 'exclusive'. Though it's not talked of, there is some 'forgiving' and lots of ignoring, out there.

And there are break ups, as well as re-coming together. So BDSM 'relationships' have to deal with that; they don't become 'impossible', but just require the same forgivenesses and avoidance of the vanilla world (don't ask; don't tell).

I realize this goes against the 'we're on a higher moral plane' beliefs of a certain contingent on this forum, but it's my 2 cents.

I might add, that, imo, whenever a *male* dom is involved, I'd expect *more* tendency than in a normal situation, to stray. That is the self-assumed privilege of the self-said 'alpha male.'

The 'straying' of a female sub, in general, is according to my speculation and reading of a zillion postings, just like the straying of the average Church-married housewife; she feels unloved, ignored, or (occasionally) lacking in sexual fulfillment.

Since no one has presented the facts of this case, the above remarks are meant for general application only.

---
PS. the 'punish the dom' approach, while creative, does seem to assume something like a Catholic conscience, capable of being afflicted. in fact, behind some 'cheating' is an *indifference* to the partner's well being.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

PS. the 'punish the dom' approach, while creative, does seem to assume something like a Catholic conscience, capable of being afflicted. in fact, behind some 'cheating' is an *indifference* to the partner's well being.

Trust me on this. i knew whom i had to discipline, and the transgression didn't involve cheating. When someone spontaneously vomits, you know you've reached visceral. She never approached wisp distance of that malodorous area again.

 

[Pure]

AA, I have no reason to doubt that you correctly assessed her degree of conscience, capacity for regret, and figured a means to trigger these. As several posters besides myself have pointed out, however, each incident or 'crime' is different, so your beat-the-dom is not a general formula or rule of thumb-- and perhaps you'd be the first to admit that. Nor is it clear that it would suit the present case.

 

[Caitlynne]

Trust me on this. i knew whom i had to discipline, and the transgression didn't involve cheating. When someone spontaneously vomits, you know you've reached visceral. She never approached wisp distance of that malodorous area again.

Yes, this is why it is so effective on the right submissive. Each punishment, training routine and/or discipline is tailor made to fit the sensibilities/desires of the Dominant, and the knowledge he has of his submissive as to what will 'work' to achieve the desired results.

Each idea we share here in this forum should be taken in this light. We can share ideas, but then, hopefully, they will be modified, tweaked, etc., to fit the people involved and the circumstances.

This particular punishment hit a number of us right where we lived because (I suppose) it would work so effectively. I have to admit, vomiting at having to do what was suggested seemed completely within the realm of my responses. It hit me right where I lived.

I was horrified at the mere thought, and I was horrified because I saw it's purpose immediately. I'd have to see and own what I had done to my Master. Not think about it, not feel some kind of self-pitying guilt, but actually see what I'd done in all it's unvarnished cruelty and selfishness. Each stroke would be hell as I had to 'act' and 'hurt' repeatedly. It'a all EXTERNALIZED, and that is where it needs to be.

There can be a tendency to dismiss the internal pain of others. We can't see it, and unless they tell us or dramatize it for us, we can't know the degree of pain being suffered. Oftentimes, as in a case of cheating or other major transgression, there is often anger. Anger can mask pain. Anger also can take away from the real lesson.

In Kayte's situation, I'd expect anger from my Dominant. I'd be frightened by it, but I'd expect it. I might be so tied into the anger, and that expectation, that I miss the pain I have caused. Because I can't see it, I see the anger and am seeing it through my own guilt. But in this case, guilt is a self-indulgence on the part of the submissive, not an act of service or repentance to the Dominant.

This particular punishment puts everything in it's place. The anger is there, the pain is visible and I would 'see' it all. See all I have done, all I had created through my disobedience. It is horrifying in its reach into someone like me.

I think I'd rather be beaten than see the real pain I had caused, AND that was the point of the punishment. All things being equal, (that it is a viable D/s relationship that seeks to be made whole and continue) I'd never recover from that kind of lesson. It would be driven home so effectively that I doubt I could ever willingly disobey again.

Hell, it caused me to think the past few days and I had to have a long talk about it. I had to sort out internally, what the *thought* of this punishment did to me. It took me to some strange places, and I'd not disobeyed. It brought up so many different issues that I needed to sort out. AND that was only from thinking about that punishment, I can't even imagine the internal changes should I ever have to face it in real life.

If a Dominant knows his sub, he can pick the right punishment and get the desired results. There's just no one size fits all.

~ cait

 

[AngelicAssassin]

As several posters besides myself have pointed out, however, each incident or 'crime' is different, so your beat-the-dom is not a general formula or rule of thumb-- and perhaps you'd be the first to admit that. Nor is it clear that it would suit the present case.

i agree each "crime" and "criminal" are different. i also believe Kayte's Judge will ultimately decide the best course of action. This exercise in humiliation might satisfy him for all we know. Then again, if really po'd, might serve as an appetizer for something else.

Actually, i find it rather hilarious everyone assumes she had sex with someone else.

Did anyone stop to think the Judge might have put her under a "no sex whatsoever" ban? Perhaps she masturbated in a moment of weakness? What if she had a sex dream, and came in her sleep?

My, my, my ...