What should a Dom do when His slut has sex without His permission?

[Caitlynne]

Did anyone stop to think the Judge might have put her under a "no sex whatsoever" ban? Perhaps she masturbated in a moment of weakness? What if she had a sex dream, and came in her sleep?

Actually I did. My first thought was that she had masturbated without permission, but, it seemed irelevant to the thread in the end. The thread is about punishment, and I suppose we each bring our own interpretation of 'sex without permission' to our responses.

The only thing we actually know is that she had sex without permission. We don't even know if it falls into the 'cheating' catagory, which is why I never addressed that as an issue.

I actually wondered who else would catch that.

 

[Guest]

i agree each "crime" and "criminal" are different. i also believe Kayte's Judge will ultimately decide the best course of action. This exercise in humiliation might satisfy him for all we know. Then again, if really po'd, might serve as an appetizer for something else.

Actually, i find it rather hilarious everyone assumes she had sex with someone else.

Did anyone stop to think the Judge might have put her under a "no sex whatsoever" ban? Perhaps she masturbated in a moment of weakness? What if she had a sex dream, and came in her sleep?

My, my, my ...

Then again, perhaps the PYL's Du Jour, should stop sending their pyls to the boards to detail their infractions and ask about their punishments...

 

[h_i_s]

Trust being a major component of the base of our D/s relationship, i'm certain if it were i ... my Dom would be showing me the door and telling me to watch that it doesn't hit me too hard in the ass on my way out.

¸,ø¤º°sinn0cent1°º¤ø,¸ (proudly owned by, and devoted to INSIDEYOURMIND)

 

[catalina_francisco]

Actually, i find it rather hilarious everyone assumes she had sex with someone else.

Did anyone stop to think the Judge might have put her under a "no sex whatsoever" ban? Perhaps she masturbated in a moment of weakness? What if she had a sex dream, and came in her sleep?

My, my, my ...

Actually this thought touched my brain first, then I thought better of it as I figured it was fairly silly of him to send her here to divulge something like that...then again, different strokes for different folks but as EKVITKAR observes, it is becoming a common thing to send your pyl to the board with their sins instead of dealing with it on the spot, at home, with all the facts.

IMHO it is an abuse of the board in a way (and this is not aimed at Kayte as I see her as only a tool in this), especially when it is thrown to the board in a semi informed 'but no details or confirmations' state with orders to not reveal more than the teaser post. Who is seeking and getting off on the attention here, not Kayte I suspect?

Catalina

 

[Guest]

Actually this thought touched my brain first, then I thought better of it as I figured it was fairly silly of him to send her here to divulge something like that...then again, different strokes for different folks but as EKVITKAR observes, it is becoming a common thing to send your pyl to the board with their sins instead of dealing with it on the spot, at home, with all the facts.

IMHO it is an abuse of the board in a way (and this is not aimed at Kayte as I see her as only a tool in this), especially when it is thrown to the board in a semi informed 'but no details or confirmations' state with orders to not reveal more than the teaser post. Who is seeking and getting off on the attention here, not Kayte I suspect?

Catalina

Hmm....... Well we do have a couple of posters that have taken a professional tack with their BDSM...

Perhaps from now on we should let them have these...

And then they can send the PYL in question a bill.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Hmm....... Well we do have a couple of posters that have taken a professional tack with their BDSM...

Perhaps from now on we should let them have these...

And then they can send the PYL in question a bill.

LOL, I'm sure we could put the money collected to good use. Oh well, I guess we do encourage diversity, just not sure I feel very fresh and ready when we get a flood of D/s by proxy. Must be old age creeping up on me.

Catalina

 

[kayte]

I wish to thank everyone for their time, responses and input.

He and I are talking. And once things are more fully resolved more information will be forthcoming.

Thank you again.

 

[dolf]

I wish to thank everyone for their time, responses and input.

He and I are talking. And once things are more fully resolved more information will be forthcoming.

Thank you again.

good luck sweetie
xx

 

[shy slave]

Actually this thought touched my brain first, then I thought better of it as I figured it was fairly silly of him to send her here to divulge something like that...then again, different strokes for different folks but as EKVITKAR observes, it is becoming a common thing to send your pyl to the board with their sins instead of dealing with it on the spot, at home, with all the facts.

IMHO it is an abuse of the board in a way (and this is not aimed at Kayte as I see her as only a tool in this), especially when it is thrown to the board in a semi informed 'but no details or confirmations' state with orders to not reveal more than the teaser post. Who is seeking and getting off on the attention here, not Kayte I suspect?

Catalina

I agree no-one should be the sacraficial lamb in this but perhaps it is part of the humiliation process for a sub to post mis demeanors. Maybe we should agree a place to post them. As we have for other topics: new people, calender thoughts for the day, Things a sub should never say etc.

On the other hand maybe its a case of lazy or ineffective Doms looking for inspiration.
Oops we already have that thread too lol

 

[Marquis]

I for one have found suggestions made in this thread very insightful and useful in their heuristic value.

I'd love to hear more, so I'm down with such a thread.

 

[32199]

it sounds like maybe having sex with others is allowed in the relationship, if permission is given?

If this is the case, it would seem like the only punishment for a slut that has sex without her masters permission is for her master to make her has sex without her permission.

Being tied to a bed, blindfolded and taken by a 20-30 dicks would be appropricate.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I agree no-one should be the sacraficial lamb in this but perhaps it is part of the humiliation process for a sub to post mis demeanors. Maybe we should agree a place to post them. As we have for other topics: new people, calender thoughts for the day, Things a sub should never say etc.

+

I have actually seen this done on a site...a place specifically designed to humiliate the sub/slave by publicly posting the incident in question at the time.

Catalina

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... designed to humiliate the sub/slave by publicly posting the incident in question at the time.

Catalina

Well, unless she boinked, had cybersex with one of us, or diddled to one of our posts, i don't see the purpose.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Well, unless she boinked, had cybersex with one of us, or diddled to one of our posts, i don't see the purpose.

Exactly, and the site was not a forum oriented one.

C

 

[FungiUg]

I'm not sure that any kind of public humiliation of this kind is at all productive in rebuilding the trust within a relationship.

Certainly, if my own partner were cheating, I wouldn't ask her to go confess up to the world. Other than revenge, I can only see that having destructive consequences.

If I needed guidance, I'd seek a relationship counsellor. BDSM relationships are still relationships -- they are still two (or more) humans dealing with issues of love, trust, honour.

Someone who cheats is breaking a trust. But equally, someone who exposes their partner to the world for a failure is just as guilty for breaking a trust. And tit-for-tat is never a good way to deal with a real issue.

So if anything, I recommend he get his head out of his arse, deal with the issue constructively, and for fucks sake, don't air private issues like this again. Go see a relationship counsellor. Do some one-on-one talking and soul searching. Find out why it happened, and whether you can deal with it between yourselves. But don't include the general public!

 

[Marquis]

Agreed. I can speak from experience that while public humiliation is a tempting punishment, it is not long term beneficial.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Click me.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm not sure that any kind of public humiliation of this kind is at all productive in rebuilding the trust within a relationship.

Certainly, if my own partner were cheating, I wouldn't ask her to go confess up to the world. Other than revenge, I can only see that having destructive consequences.

If I needed guidance, I'd seek a relationship counsellor. BDSM relationships are still relationships -- they are still two (or more) humans dealing with issues of love, trust, honour.

Someone who cheats is breaking a trust. But equally, someone who exposes their partner to the world for a failure is just as guilty for breaking a trust. And tit-for-tat is never a good way to deal with a real issue.

So if anything, I recommend he get his head out of his arse, deal with the issue constructively, and for fucks sake, don't air private issues like this again. Go see a relationship counsellor. Do some one-on-one talking and soul searching. Find out why it happened, and whether you can deal with it between yourselves. But don't include the general public!

I think the humiliation issue depends on the people involved, the situation at the time, and what the purpose of the public humiliation is. I don't think a forum is the place for it, but the site I saw it on was more orientated to fit the purpose. I didn't get the impression that it was like here, coming to publicly humiliate and ask for ideas to be thrown in without offering much information....that is more a teaser to sit back and enjoy the fallout which doesn't overly thrill me personally, but that is just IMO.

It was more about people who deal with the issue privately, but also enjoy on some level the public humiliation factor, and in that situation it can have a very positive outcome. The postings were also not made by slave/subs being directed by some invisible Dom/me....they were placed with full details by the Dom/me, though not to the extent to be for shock or tease factor, just the facts. And there was no request for input from those outside the relationship, just a single posting by the Dominant and that was it.

And yes, I agree FU, anything which is seen as negative to the relationship should be dealt with privately first and foremost, not used for entertainment value, then dealing with it later, but each to their own. As we already know, we all have different ways of handling things which don't always appeal or make sense to everyone.

Catalina

 

[Miss Diva]

Would this be our version of a "reality show"?

 

[morninggirl5]

Would this be our version of a "reality show"?

Definitely the train wreck type of reality show.

 

[brokenhallelujah]

sorry katye

again, I don't think anyone can really advise you effectively until more is known about the exact boundaries of the relationship you are in.

is this primarily a d/s involvement? is this a full time, 24-7, or a weekend thing? is there a collaring in effect, or is this somewhat more casual?

is this (as it sounds) an "open" relationship, or mutually exclusive?

I could think of a response for any and all of these options, but until we know what boundaries the two of you have set for yourselves, anything said is just a shot in the dark.

responders to this post have been pretty harsh, and my first reaction was very much along the same lines. that may or may not be appropriate.

so my two cents worth is: we need to know more specifics about context.

my best to you both. whatever the circumstances, I know it's not easy.

 

[Etoile]

let's pretend I'm normal for like a minute.

Do we have to? I do so love you the way you are.

 

[Etoile]

Since He has not given me permission to respond to your questions, I cannot.

Okay, that kind of doesn't jive with your first post. You said "He directed me to start a thread, and get feedback...." How are we supposed to give you feedback without the answers to these questions? You have provided virtually no information about the situation. Does he think we will be able to give qualified responses with no background information? That's a little unreasonable. Are you sure his permission for interactive discussion wasn't implicit in his order that you start a thread here?

 

[Etoile]

Okay, now that I've read the whole thread, I do want to say a few things.

Like other posters, I object to being used in this manner. Granted, I don't have to read these or any other threads, but I consider myself a member of the community that is being presented with the question. We are not a part of kayte's relationship with her dominant; issues that should be resolved between them are not appropriate to bring to a public forum. I too do not blame kayte for this, unless she has suggested to her dominant that consulting Lit is a good forum. It is my hope that she at least gains some personal insight from all of our speculating.

As for the specific incident, for the sake of argument I'm going to assume that the transgression was cheating (sexual, though not necessarily intercourse) outside the relationship. In other words, sleeping around. Now, if this were me, I'd expect to be dismissed for this, as s'lara and others mentioned. Obviously I would hope for that not to be the case, but it would certainly be what I would expect. If there were to be any forgiveness, I would know that trust had been completely eroded by my actions. I've had to rebuild trust from the ground up before (in a similar incident to this, actually), and it is no picnic. A gangbang or something like that would be superfluous; rebuilding that trust is strong punishment as it is.

 

[Guest]

Would this be our version of a "reality show"?

As close as we get it seems...
So, not only do we drug into a manifestly sexual relationship..Without getting to enjoy any of the sex...But we pretty much never get to find out what happens in the end.
Sort of like missing the second part of a two part episode...

I stand by my previous idea..Send em a bill and donate the money to a worthy cause... Graceanne comes to mind.