What the heck; I'll review your story for you! (Part II)

[gunhilltrain]

Thank you very much! It's a bit of an homage to my favourite parts of London and how it's been sterilised in recent years, you're right. And written in a mock-Victorian wordy style.

I've been pondering a possible sequel and what direction that might take. It would probably involve BDSM clubs so not your thing - I suspect people appreciating sub/dom subtext would find this one more erotic, though I was aiming more for a growing creepy horror than erotic.

I'd forgotten I hadn't used any dialogue. Usually my dialogue is a strength (also dialects, which people love or hate!), but I think the lack of it helps the creepiness here. I'll have to experiment, with and without, if I do write more.

Thank you for your time and compliments.

This is perhaps a digression, but the sterilized parts of London (I've never been there): I guess you've heard Mark Knopfler's song "Silvertown Blues," which is about Canary Wharf although that name is not mentioned in the song.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

This is perhaps a digression, but the sterilized parts of London (I've never been there): I guess you've heard Mark Knopfler's song "Silvertown Blues," which is about Canary Wharf although that name is not mentioned in the song.

I hadn't, but have now. Nice. Silvertown and Canning Town are also in the Docklands, but east of Canary Wharf, across the River Lea, and he's talking about that area, which was a total wasteland in 2000 but you could see the new City Airport (only has a few flights to Europe and to JFK) and the Millennium Dome (now 02 Arena). Canning Town was a total shithole and now is an interface between Victorian streets, open empty unused brownfield land, and some modern places like Uni of East London, the new City Hall (controversial relocation which may not save that much money), and some modern blocks of flats and offices spreading from Canary Wharf.

I worked a conference there once and was amused by a couple Americans asking "Is this a typical English suburb?" The open space is very unusual for England, a bit reminiscent of the American Midwest, and I had to tell them, "No, this is a postwar apocalyptic wasteland thanks to WWII bombing..."

It's now a bit like Canary Wharf was in the 80s and 90s. The DLR and Tube helped a lot but nearby areas like Plaistow and Beckton were total slums in Victorian times and are still pretty grim.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I hadn't, but have now. Nice. Silvertown and Canning Town are also in the Docklands, but east of Canary Wharf, across the River Lea, and he's talking about that area, which was a total wasteland in 2000 but you could see the new City Airport (only has a few flights to Europe and to JFK) and the Millennium Dome (now 02 Arena). Canning Town was a total shithole and now is an interface between Victorian streets, open empty unused brownfield land, and some modern places like Uni of East London, the new City Hall (controversial relocation which may not save that much money), and some modern blocks of flats and offices spreading from Canary Wharf.

I worked a conference there once and was amused by a couple Americans asking "Is this a typical English suburb?" The open space is very unusual for England, a bit reminiscent of the American Midwest, and I had to tell them, "No, this is a postwar apocalyptic wasteland thanks to WWII bombing..."

It's now a bit like Canary Wharf was in the 80s and 90s. The DLR and Tube helped a lot but nearby areas like Plaistow and Beckton were total slums in Victorian times and are still pretty grim.

I don't know if you saw the version that has some video footage to go along with it (it's the one that shows, among things, planes taking off from London City Airport). I had to look up some of the references, such as I didn't know that Citizens' Advice is a real non-profit apparently. "They can't tell me anything I didn't already know."

Knopfler has had a pretty good solo career since he left Dire Straits.

 

[Carnevil9]

I'm always happy for some feedback.

All my "best" stories are longer. Actually all of them are three+ pages, except one. So here it is:

"Why We Fight"
https://literotica.com/s/why-we-fight
Erotic Couplings category

Thanks!

Even though this story is about war and death and seemingly random sex, I think the word that best describes it is sweet.

It is about four citizen-soldiers, pressed into service to defend their homeland which is under attack by unnamed enemies. Given the terminology and the date of its publication, I'm guessing it is inspired by, if not actually based on, the Ukraine war. But that isn't really important; the themes are universal.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

Of the four soldiers, one is female, and one is a young virgin male. The female soldier doesn't want him to die a virgin, and decides to deflower him. But it isn't in a wanton sexual manner; it is in a caring manner, a comradely manner. Eventually she has sex with all three of her compatriots, not just for their morale, but for her own as well. To remind them all just why life is worth fighting for.

The tone is sweet (or perhaps bittersweet) more than erotic, but it makes you feel compassion for these ordinary people thrust into an extraordinary situation. You get the feeling that you are spying on a microcosm of a much bigger story, and the humanity of the characters makes the war seem not quite so impossible a situation after all.

I'm assuming that the title is a reference to the series of propaganda films made by Frank Capra during World War II. If you aren't familiar with those, do yourself a favor and Google it.

Nice, moving story! Good job.

 

[mirafrida]

Even though this story is about war and death and seemingly random sex, I think the word that best describes it is sweet.

...

Nice, moving story! Good job.

Much appreciated. I like what you say about tone. This was a weird and atypical one for me - the basic image/outline came from a really compelling "sleeping in on Sunday morning" dream, which I was unable to set aside until I'd written it. It sounds like I did manage to capture the feel. Thank you!

 

[Carnevil9]

Two weeks, and I've only had nine people submit stories for review? Frankly, I'm quite surprised and disappointed. C'mon, people, there must be more of you out there who are craving feedback, even if it is just from some random dildo like me. Hit me with your best shot! I don't bite!

 

[burgwad]

Ha! I got all hot and steamy about the possibility of a free review ... until you clarified that you only have time to review short stories. Perfectly understandable! But alas, I'm definitely proudest of Ingrid, my 20-page monster. (Link provided for convenience, not to trick you. Please don't click that link if you aren't ready to commit an afternoon.)

I do have one shorter (<2 page) story, but only if you're okay with nonconsensual incest therapy! Here she is: Mommy Therapist
Alternately, if that's not your thing, here's a fat wordy list of rules I compiled but that, being an essay, gets sadly little attention: The Complete Rules of Erotica

About the essay, I had the audacity to write it before penning any of my own erotica. I may someday have to write a companion piece after I've earned a little more clout.

 

[Carnevil9]

I do have one shorter (<2 page) story, but only if you're okay with nonconsensual incest therapy! Here she is: Mommy Therapist

OMFG! I had two completely opposite reactions to this story at the same time:

First of all, it is very well done. I have to respect the craftsmanship that went into this story, and it definitely achieves the goals that I assume the author set out to accomplish. But, on the other hand, the subject matter was so thoroughly off-putting and repulsive that I can't say I liked it! I'm sure there are people who are into such stuff, and they will probably find it very effective.

As the blurb and title imply, it is about a young man who has a mother who is a therapist. The mother insists on regular therapy sessions with him, which take the form of mental, physical, and sexual abuse. The young man is both repulsed and mesmerized by the sessions. I'm not sure if he likes them or not. I don't think it occurs to him that liking them is an option.

(I have to ask: is the title a pun for "Mommy the rapist"?)

The author does a very good job of utilizing the first person perspective. I had no trouble knowing who this person was from the get-go, and the running inner dialog really helped to tell the tale to the reader in all its excruciating details.

I didn't personally find it particularly erotic (no boner), but the naughty parts were sufficiently well told that if you are into such stories, it would probably get you pretty well worked up. Personally, I kept picturing Leonard Hofstadter and his mother from The Big Bang Theory.

If you are into this type of story, you should probably check this one out.

 

[Carnevil9]

Bump! Anybody looking for a review? I still have a few weeks of downtime before I turn into a pumpkin. But please read the caveats in the OP.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Here ya go, why not?

It's my latest, so shameless self promotion - but hey, a review, right?

I know you know my work, having commented at various times.

Isabella -Strangers in the Night

 

[Carnevil9]

Here ya go, why not?

It's my latest, so shameless self promotion - but hey, a review, right?

I know you know my work, having commented at various times.

Isabella -Strangers in the Night

This is a beautifully written story. Might not be everyone's cup of tea, as it is a slow starter, but the writing is impeccable.

As the title implies, it is a tale of a sexual encounter between two strangers. They happen to be at a business conference, and as I have attended many of those myself, it really titillated a lot of memories (and fantasies).

The most interesting thing about this story, for me, was the perspective. It was written in third person perspective, but it really laser focused on the inner dialog and thoughts and feelings of the woman character. So much so that in retrospect, I feel like it was a first-person story. In fact, I would say that the main theme of the story was the woman's emotions and introspections as the encounter unfolded. If that kind of inner psychological adventure sounds interesting, then this story is for you.

I should add that the sex was intense, inventive, and very saucy! Passed the boner test with flying colors. But the first half of the story was all antici.............pation. But you have all that sexual inner dialog to carry you along until the body fluids really start flowing.

Overall, good job! I'm glad I had the chance to read it.

 

[lovecraft68]

OMFG! I had two completely opposite reactions to this story at the same time:

First of all, it is very well done. I have to respect the craftsmanship that went into this story, and it definitely achieves the goals that I assume the author set out to accomplish. But, on the other hand, the subject matter was so thoroughly off-putting and repulsive that I can't say I liked it! I'm sure there are people who are into such stuff, and they will probably find it very effective.

As the blurb and title imply, it is about a young man who has a mother who is a therapist. The mother insists on regular therapy sessions with him, which take the form of mental, physical, and sexual abuse. The young man is both repulsed and mesmerized by the sessions. I'm not sure if he likes them or not. I don't think it occurs to him that liking them is an option.

(I have to ask: is the title a pun for "Mommy the rapist"?)

The author does a very good job of utilizing the first person perspective. I had no trouble knowing who this person was from the get-go, and the running inner dialog really helped to tell the tale to the reader in all its excruciating details.

I didn't personally find it particularly erotic (no boner), but the naughty parts were sufficiently well told that if you are into such stories, it would probably get you pretty well worked up. Personally, I kept picturing Leonard Hofstadter and his mother from The Big Bang Theory.

If you are into this type of story, you should probably check this one out.

Ha! I got all hot and steamy about the possibility of a free review ... until you clarified that you only have time to review short stories. Perfectly understandable! But alas, I'm definitely proudest of Ingrid, my 20-page monster. (Link provided for convenience, not to trick you. Please don't click that link if you aren't ready to commit an afternoon.)

I do have one shorter (<2 page) story, but only if you're okay with nonconsensual incest therapy! Here she is: Mommy Therapist
Alternately, if that's not your thing, here's a fat wordy list of rules I compiled but that, being an essay, gets sadly little attention: The Complete Rules of Erotica

About the essay, I had the audacity to write it before penning any of my own erotica. I may someday have to write a companion piece after I've earned a little more clout.

I know this is Carny's thread, but I felt compelled to breeze through that story because I always warm people non con and taboo don't generally go hand in hand. Like he said, very well done, but not likeable.

However....

Realistic in the sense that I have often thought over the years of writing parent/adult child incest that the reality would not be sexy, somewhere, something along the line was broken or the parent is depraved and twists the impressionable son or daughter. I'm a fan of sibcest because they are generally peers and that line could be crossed in a mutual manner....but parent/child is never an equal dynamic, you're raised to obey your parent and they can manipulate that, which is what goes on here.

I've written some darker pieces where all out hate fucks are involved at some point, but everything made nice in the end, but do have one outright train wreck along your lines, father/daughter and far more about sacrifice than lust. I also keep getting nagged at by the bunny of am alcoholic mother who seduces her shy son because she's neglected by the father, and twists him to be her secret lover and when he eventually leaves and gets married continues to show up and he can never refuse her....

Thanks for putting that back in my head with this.

Well written and thought provoking, but not hot. This is a comment I received on the story I mentioned that also sums up yours.

Anonymous over 8 years ago
Disturbing?
Yes, it was disturbing. It was more disturbing than erotic, but I have to give a 5 to writing that can disturb me that much! After all, Kafka did the same thing to me!

Pardon my intrusion Carny

 

[ElectricBlue]

Overall, good job! I'm glad I had the chance to read it.

Appreciated, thank you .

 

[Carnevil9]

I know this is Carny's thread, but I felt compelled to breeze through that story...

No problem! Like I said upthread, plenty of room in the pool. I welcome other assessments. Ongoing dialogs benefit everyone.

I'm a fan of sibcest because they are generally peers and that line could be crossed in a mutual manner....but parent/child is never an equal dynamic, you're raised to obey your parent and they can manipulate that, which is what goes on here.

I totally agree. I find sibling incest quite acceptable, and parent/child incest stories acceptable only if the child is the pursuer. I have written mother/son where the son is the pursuer, and father/daughter where the daughter is the pursuer. I could never begin to stomach writing them the other way around. That would just be too creeptastic!

 

[burgwad]

I know this is Carny's thread, but I felt compelled to breeze through that story because I always warm people non con and taboo don't generally go hand in hand. Like he said, very well done, but not likeable.

However....

Realistic in the sense that I have often thought over the years of writing parent/adult child incest that the reality would not be sexy, somewhere, something along the line was broken or the parent is depraved and twists the impressionable son or daughter. I'm a fan of sibcest because they are generally peers and that line could be crossed in a mutual manner....but parent/child is never an equal dynamic, you're raised to obey your parent and they can manipulate that, which is what goes on here.

I've written some darker pieces where all out hate fucks are involved at some point, but everything made nice in the end, but do have one outright train wreck along your lines, father/daughter and far more about sacrifice than lust. I also keep getting nagged at by the bunny of am alcoholic mother who seduces her shy son because she's neglected by the father, and twists him to be her secret lover and when he eventually leaves and gets married continues to show up and he can never refuse her....

Thanks for putting that back in my head with this.

Well written and thought provoking, but not hot. This is a comment I received on the story I mentioned that also sums up yours.

Anonymous over 8 years ago
Disturbing?
Yes, it was disturbing. It was more disturbing than erotic, but I have to give a 5 to writing that can disturb me that much! After all, Kafka did the same thing to me!

Pardon my intrusion Carny

By jove, it's lovecraft68! Longtime fan, sir/ma'am. You could spit in my face and call it a critique and I would thank you for it. Indeed, you call my story "not likeable." Mmm, thank you. Alas, you also spoil me with kind words and meaningful reflections, and I am stricken with unworthiness.

... I do honestly appreciate your feedback. I never thought I'd write non-con, period, much less mother-son non-con. Is there such thing as likeable non-con? I'm open to suggestions! (Oh I'm aware of Sweet Reluctance. Might seem like a silly question, but do you suggest I read it?)

My follow-up to Mommy Therapist is finished and at time of writing this has been in Pending limbo for 17 days. At 80k words, it's not quite as breezable as part one, but if you had half a mind to read it and serve me up another slice of humble pie whenever it does finally see the light of day, then lovecraft68, I would be so, so into that.

 

[lovecraft68]

By jove, it's lovecraft68! Longtime fan, sir/ma'am. You could spit in my face and call it a critique and I would thank you for it. Indeed, you call my story "not likeable." Mmm, thank you. Alas, you also spoil me with kind words and meaningful reflections, and I am stricken with unworthiness.

... I do honestly appreciate your feedback. I never thought I'd write non-con, period, much less mother-son non-con. Is there such thing as likeable non-con? I'm open to suggestions! (Oh I'm aware of Sweet Reluctance. Might seem like a silly question, but do you suggest I read it?)

My follow-up to Mommy Therapist is finished and at time of writing this has been in Pending limbo for 17 days. At 80k words, it's not quite as breezable as part one, but if you had half a mind to read it and serve me up another slice of humble pie whenever it does finally see the light of day, then lovecraft68, I would be so, so into that.

I need to hire you for my hype team....heh
There's likeable non con if you enjoy non con. The taboo crowd really doesn't like it, a reminder that in real life ur fun fantasies are usually unsexy abuse. But one doesn't have to actually like a story to think it was still well written and the subject matter gets a reaction and that's what we hope for, to strike a note in someone.

Sweet Reluctance sucks, it was my first attempt in non con-but its dub con/reluctance and I feel I missed the mark. "Josh" came across as way to unlikeable and it was a hard line to stay on and I think I fell off. My newer for sale efforts in that genre came out better.

If you did want to read something, here's the link to the father daughter piece I wrote that I compared to yours in the reaction of it, good, but did they really enjoy it? It has some reluctance elements, but the daughter is making all of her decisions, its just uncomfortable. But it is long, 8 pages.


https://literotica.com/s/that-damn-red-dress

 

[thebobber326]

I'd love to get any feedback on my story here. It's a spin off of my "Grace Breaks Caitlin" series but all you really need to know is that Caitlin's Grace's sex slave.

https://literotica.com/s/grace-breaks-caitlin-cam-show

 

[Carnevil9]

I'd love to get any feedback on my story here. It's a spin off of my "Grace Breaks Caitlin" series but all you really need to know is that Caitlin's Grace's sex slave.

https://literotica.com/s/grace-breaks-caitlin-cam-show

I'm sorry, but I couldn't get through it. It is well written and everything, but it just made me too uncomfortable. It's posted in non-consent, but I think BDSM might have been more appropriate. It's the story of one girl anally punishing another girl on live web cam, while viewers make donations and suggestions. If someone is into that sort of thing, you might want to check this one out.

Also, my business has entered its busy season, so I'm going to have to stop this little project for now. Thanks for all the submissions and suggestions! Maybe next Summer I'll start it up again.

 

[thebobber326]

I'm sorry, but I couldn't get through it. It is well written and everything, but it just made me too uncomfortable. It's posted in non-consent, but I think BDSM might have been more appropriate. It's the story of one girl anally punishing another girl on live web cam, while viewers make donations and suggestions. If someone is into that sort of thing, you might want to check this one out.

Also, my business has entered its busy season, so I'm going to have to stop this little project for now. Thanks for all the submissions and suggestions! Maybe next Summer I'll start it up again.

No problem! I know these are not for everyone. Thank you for taking a look anyway!

 

[SudoGentleman]

Are you still reviewing work? Here's my first and only. Recently written over the course of a C19 isolation.

Hopefully not too over the top...

https://www.literotica.com/s/dans-hammer