What's wrong with these women?

[shereads]

Re: Bridezillas

(Unless you live in Sweden, then you'll just have people look down upon you and think you're showing off).

We could use a little of that attitude over here. It would make us saner, I think.

It's their money and if their dream wedding requires all that cash, then it's their problem. As long as they get what they want; a memorable day. [/B]

It is their money, and it isn't. Parents of the bride and groom get lured into a sort of bidding war to show who is more devoted to their child. Will the rehearsal dinner (groom's family) be a pitiful little affair compared to the wedding reception (bride's family)?

It's not exclusively the women who get this wedding insanity, either. A young man I worked with got married shortly before the company closed, and had been obsessed with plans for his wedding for a year before the big day. I hope to God it was worth it, because at one point he was on the phone with his fiance demanding that they both stop speaking to her parents until they "came around" on the particular country club where he wanted the reception.

"It's our day," I heard him say to her and everyone else a half-dozen times. Eventually the decision he and his bride made was: humiliate her parents (a very traditional Cuban-American family, who felt that the wedding reception was their responsibility and should be within their limited means) by borrowing the money from his parents to "do it right."

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Re: Re: Bridezillas

We could use a little of that attitude over here. It would make us saner, I think.





It is their money, and it isn't. Parents of the bride and groom get lured into a sort of bidding war to show who is more devoted to their child. Will the rehearsal dinner (groom's family) be a pitiful little affair compared to the wedding reception (bride's family)?

It's not exclusively the women who get this wedding insanity, either. A young man I worked with got married shortly before the company closed, and had been obsessed with plans for his wedding for a year before the big day. I hope to God it was worth it, because at one point he was on the phone with his fiance demanding that they both stop speaking to her parents until they "came around" on the particular country club where he wanted the reception.

"It's our day," I heard him say to her and everyone else a half-dozen times. Eventually the decision he and his bride made was: humiliate her parents (a very traditional Cuban-American family, who felt that the wedding reception was their responsibility and should be within their limited means) by borrowing the money from his parents to "do it right."

The bad thing about having such a large wedding that parents have to get involved monetarily is that each has their own opinions on what will be nicer. "It's our day" becomes more common between the couple than "I love you" until eventually the day is the focus of everything. The couple and each set of parents begins doing things to spite one another and before long it's not about coming together. So the wedding goes down, most get their toes stepped on and then it's over. The honeymoon is super because you're both just so glad that there are only two points of view on how things are handled that it can't be anything but fun. And then you get home and look around, having been consumed by the madness of wedding planning and wonder when you stopped planning your life together.

Oh the joy, and how important those pictures are even though you probably paid for them well into the first year of marriage Bridezillas with mothers/mother-in-laws that want to turn the whole thing into a 3-ring circus have a little bit of room to bitch, imho.

-E

 

[Lovepotion69]

It's totally unrealistic that everything will ever be equal in this world. I'd love for it too, but there is no chance that will ever happen. Still, the chance of that happening is very minimal.

I've known my share of people who stem from rich families, some of the parents have earned the money form working their way up, others got it through (most likely) some more shady business and so on. There are a number of ways to get hold of money. And yes, I do admit to being a bit envious of the men and women who go to university, not giving a damn about their final grades, who buy papers off others and spend most of the time partying, because they'll know mommy and daddy will fix them a job. BUT, not everyone is like that, as we all know.

I belive that if the money you've acquired stems from hard work, then why should it be looked down upon? Others may not always see how hard the person, or his father/mother has worked to get there, but I'm just not keen on preconceptions. If you got it from shady business deals and bribes, well, that's a totally different subject.

Oh, and when it comes to weddings; I find it outrageous you'll spend the amount the Bridezillas do! For one day! But my reason for thinking this isn't 'cos I find them showing off. I just find it financially stupid...hehe

 

[sweetnpetite]

The Wedding (yes, capital letters) the "Princess for a Day" myth- that's how they trick women into getting married.

Think about it- if a guy could have Pam Anderson as a personal slave (lets say it's an alternate reality where slavery is legal and not considered wrong) What do you suppose he'd do with her?

Now what is the generally accepted idea of what a 'wife' does?

ok, of course I'm going to be introuble around here now for being a 'marriage hater', but many women plan more for that one day than they do for what is supposed to be 'a lifetime together'

 

[shereads]

It's totally unrealistic that everything will ever be equal in this world. I'd love for it too, but there is no chance that will ever happen. Still, the chance of that happening is very minimal.

Wealth is not necessary to a Bridezilla. It's simply a matter of calculating what the family can afford and then exceeding it, plus lots of crying.

 

[shereads]

ok, of course I'm going to be introuble around here now for being a 'marriage hater', but many women plan more for that one day than they do for what is supposed to be 'a lifetime together'

A year after college, one of my roommates became engaged to a man her friends called "The Weasel," and spent months planning The Big Day. Six weeks before the wedding, she admitted that her groom-to-be had become abusive. Friends begged her to call off the wedding, but she said she couldn't "because the invitations have gone out."

It was a lovely ceremony, although the groom sobbed like a baby throughout - and despite the bride's refusal of my suggestion to have The Captain & Tennille's "Muskrat Love" sung for the couple's first dance.

 

[sweetnpetite]

If I *did* get married

If I was going to get married, rather than spend all that money (and go into debt) on stuff that will be all gone tomorrow- why not make a down payment on a house and have a simple ceremony in the back yard. The reception could be the best party you've ever had at your house and you don't have to worry too much because you have it *before* you move all your stuff into it.

 

[Icingsugar]

Re: If I *did* get married

If I was going to get married, rather than spend all that money (and go into debt) on stuff that will be all gone tomorrow- why not make a down payment on a house and have a simple ceremony in the back yard. The reception could be the best party you've ever had at your house and you don't have to worry too much because you have it *before* you move all your stuff into it.

When I do get married this summer, we're going to have the wedding on a large grassy field on this beautiful small coastal island where Lin's family has a summer house. A simple ceremony and a huge picnic summer party on a friend-based invitation. Fancy clothing forbidden, especially for the bride and groom, any and all toasters and other dumb wedding gifts will be ceremonially tossed into the ocean, and there will be enough willing 'feelgood agents' there to promply french kiss everyone who tries to make a pretenctios speech until they shut up.

 

[minsue]

Back home my little brothers had a crowd of buddies. These were all good ole boys, they chewed, fished, hunted and generally all raised hell together. When one of them chose to get maried he fell for a rich girl from the good side of town. Her daddy was a good ole boy too and while the wife, freinds and mother were in one room planning the wedding, daddy pulled Steven aside, cracked open a beer and offered him 50,000 dollars to elope.

His bride to be would hear none of that, and I think the final tab was twice what he offered. They really loved each other, but the marriage lasted less than a year. All of their fights were over money, he was working as a mechanic and she was used to a life style he couldn't support. I have always wondered how things might have been different if they began their marriage with fifty thousand in the bank rather than having to live on his 10.50 an hour.

-Colly

Colly -

Your story reminded me of the daughter of a woman I work with. When her daughter was married they offered her the choice of a down payment on a house or a big wedding. The daughter chose the big wedding. A few years later, she comes back to them asking for a loan of about $6,000 to get a house. I was so angry when she gave it to her. This woman makes less then I do and her husband works two blue collar jobs. She didn't start a 401k until she was over 50 even though she had been working with the company for over 5 years and they have a very generous matching program and her husband started his at the same time. These people will never be able to retire. They had to take out a loan to give the money to their daughter. The selfishness and lack of any view outside herself of that girl has colored the way I view brides with lavish weddings ever since. Not necessarily fair, but it's there.

- Mindy

 

[Dirty Slut]

To me the big "Princess day" is nothing less than getting in one last humongous mooch off of your parents before going out into the world to deal with it on your own. What a waste of good old fashioned greed. LOL

DS

 

[InnocentAngel81]

there is no way in hell i would be getting up at 6 am so i can fit into my dress by working out, I am sure there are other ways i can do it. sucking it in hehe

 

[destinie21]

um the lady could just get a dress that fit better right?

 

[The_old_man]

Just over 54 years ago, I helped my father in law to be patch and paint the living room for the reception. The church had already been decorated for Christmas, I gave the preacher $20, the cake and reception table totaled $50. My wife bought a good dinner dress, I wore my uniform, total $40 max. Her father paid the taxi and hotel for the night, another $50.

Including the driving mileage for my parents, the best man, and the two extra hotel rooms, the total wedding expense was under $300.

54 years later we still say please and thank you to each other, cuddle under the covers at night, and, in general, behave more like newly weds than most newly weds.

The wedding just finalized what we had already determined, WE wanted to live together.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

um the lady could just get a dress that fit better right?

*gasp!*

Blasphemy!!!

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Re: Re: If I *did* get married

When I do get married this summer, we're going to have the wedding on a large grassy field on this beautiful small coastal island where Lin's family has a summer house. A simple ceremony and a huge picnic summer party on a friend-based invitation. Fancy clothing forbidden, especially for the bride and groom, any and all toasters and other dumb wedding gifts will be ceremonially tossed into the ocean, and there will be enough willing 'feelgood agents' there to promply french kiss everyone who tries to make a pretenctios speech until they shut up.

Sounds like a fun party to me.

When my friend M got married, her in-laws did most of the planning. M and her husband only got to choose food, clothes, church, and music. The in-laws took care of the wedding party itself - it was like an extra bachelorette party!

Everyone had fun. Especially when they played the game of "Which one is the bride?" when the blindfolded groom had to find his bride in a line of people, men and women, just by touching their calves.
He finally said that even though he knew the one he was holding wasn't the right one, he'd much rather choose that one over his bride, because the one he was holding had much better legs. The one who he was talking to - his older brother - didn't join in the laughter.

 

[Guest]

Re: Bridesmaids' Purgatory

I've posted this before but some may not have seen it:

http://www.uglydress.com/index.html

How to annoy your bridesmaids - easily.

This site helps bridesmaids get their revenge.

Og

Oh my God I am still laughing!

Thank you, Og!

(Have you checked out the "Maxi-Pad Shoes"?????)



Our wedding was about average cost, I suppose. We've made it work 16 years so far!

My sister got married a year ago, however, and of course she paid a great deal more for everything - wow! Time does fly.

And sad to say, I located a pair of shoes on Og's site verrrry similar to the ones (dyed a different color of course) my sister made us wear.

Matron of Honor??? What kind of bullshit is that???

 

[Guest]

I forgot to add that my hubby and I paid for most of our wedding.

His parents paid for the rehearsal dinner (which was a very modest cost) and my parents paid for the reception (which was at the Officer's Club - the only cost was food - even the band was free).

I was glad we could pay for most of it - that way I didn't feel guilty choosing the things I wanted, and we were forced to stay within our specific budget.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

ROFL!

Now I know what to do next time I'm having a boring evening. I think I'll have to bookmark this Ugly-site. It's hilarious!

 

[Guest]

I would love to send the link to my sister because I think she'd enjoy it too -

BUT - those ugly shoes look so similar to her choice I just can't!

(But I'm bookmarking that link for me!)

 

[Svenskaflicka]

This one CLEARLY didn't get up at 6am to work out.

http://www.uglydress.com/pregpromdres.html

 

[Lovepotion69]

I would never get up earlier than 7am unless I have a plane to catch!

Icing, sounds like a nice wedding. I like cosy things. If I ever get married I'd probably have it small/medium sized. Preferably out in some garden. No DJ, just own CD compilations, have friends take the pictures including running around trying to take pics myself, invitations would probably be handmade by myself and the dress probably would be bought around May when the shops have heaps of white dresses in store. Then just redesign it and have someone sew on the extra bits.

Like my friend who's getting married next April said; who cares about the ceremony, it's the party that matters! She's just wants people to dance and sing etc. That's the way it should be.

 

[steve w]

I've been a Best Man (technical term only and a long way from an accurate description) and a guest. My own (probably jaundiced) views on weddings are -

1 What a preposterous waste of money. I mean EVERYTHING costs about a zillion times more than normal, in the way that a cup of coffee multiplies its price the nearer you get to a Parisian street or a square in Venice (but it's still an itsy cup of espresso)

2 People who pay over the odds for stuff at weddings (especially the flowers and clothes) deserve everything they get because they are, by definition, adults (if not always rational ones)

3 If the bride and groom had to pay for it all themselves, instead of using the "tradition" of parental assistance, perhaps we'd see a modicum of common sense

4 Why do you have to pay for the church? How "Christian" is that?

5 I was Best Man 15 years ago and was sober throughout. I can remember splinters adding up to about three minutes, and I'm damn sure both the bride and groom can't really recall more than that without a hint from the photos (I'm related to the groom so I can still verify this)

6 My theory is that both parties should bloat out before the wedding, gain weight and let their skin go completely. That way, they can always "fit into their wedding dress" (surely the most pointless badge of honour ever) and will always look better now than they did all those years ago.

7 Finally (I promise!) surely the point of getting hitched is to stand before people you love, and have them witness your commitment to someone you want to be with until you (or they) pass away. This beautiful moment is all about emotion, and the warmth of people who care about you. Anything else is just spending money, and we're all doing that all the time, so there's nothing special about it. Have no more than fifteen guests, locate yourself somewhere that means something to you both, and declare your passion in front of people you cherish. That's all there is to it.

Sorry, that's how I call it. And yes, I'm not married! Surprise!

 

[Svenskaflicka]

"Hey, guys! Yeah, you! Ehhmmm... I just wanted to take this opportunity to tell all of you that... ehmmmm... I'm nuts about this cutie here... so much, in fact, that I want to spend the rest of my life watching my sweety grow fat and stop going to the hairdresser, so that we can chill out in front of the TV with bags of chips and Diet Coke, dressed in matching polyester jump suits, wen we're not paying bills, vacuum cleaning, washing the dishes, wiping our kids' butts clean of poop, or fucking. Ehmmm... well, yeah... that's all I wanted to say... now, let's get wasted!"

 

[Guest]

. . . Finally (I promise!) surely the point of getting hitched is to stand before people you love, and have them witness your commitment to someone you want to be with until you (or they) pass away. This beautiful moment is all about emotion, and the warmth of people who care about you. Anything else is just spending money, and we're all doing that all the time, so there's nothing special about it. Have no more than fifteen guests, locate yourself somewhere that means something to you both, and declare your passion in front of people you cherish. That's all there is to it.

Sorry, that's how I call it. And yes, I'm not married! Surprise!

LOL! (a couple of comments, though)

Yes - everything costs too damn much - no argument there. (You should look at what the bastards charge for funeral expenses - so much worse than for weddings - and what are we saying with that???)

You can pay whatever you wish, however. A friend of mine made all her flowers with materials from Hobby Lobby - they were gorgeous. Another friend addressed her own invitations with caligraphy because she is skilled in that way. Another friend's mom did all of the cooking, including the cake. It was beautiful with fresh flowers on and around it.

Creative people can always find a way around some of the major costs.

Some things we did?

I couldn't find a wedding dress I liked - and when you try the ones on in the bridal shops sequins and pearls fall off because they are glued on instead of sewn. Can you imagine? You pay $900 for a dress and it is glued together??? SO - I found a pattern of a gorgeous wedding dress I liked (complete with long-ass train!!) and hired a lovely retired home economics teacher to sew all the dresses - me, the bridesmaids, my mother. Beautiful dresses, well-made, and much cheaper.

ALSO - I hate white wedding cake. Ick. The wonderful ladies doing our cake made sheet cakes in all sorts of flavors - banana nut, red velvet, lemon, etc. SO - we paid $50 for them to make a "fake" tiered wedding cake. They decorated styrofoam pieces and arranged them with stairs, fountains, flowers and all that other nonsense. They made one of the layers real cake for us to cut into for pictures. Honestly. It looked terrific, and no one would have known (except we told everybody because we thought it was so funny) and we all ate wedding cake in different flavors. (I should get a pic of our wedding cake to post - let me see if our scanner is cooperating this evening!)

Weddings are really more for your family, don't you think? The ceremony, the actual exchange of vows is obviously for the bride and groom. But everything else is a time for family to get together, parents to be proud, grandparents to see grandkids, etc.

If weddings and funerals tend to be the only time families get together these days, it is certainly worth the cost to see those long-lost relatives at a wedding!



And Svenska?

Very, very scary!

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I'm scary?