When did you realize you were in something 'different'

[wynnie]

Not only is that plain sexy ..... but a man who knows how to use tools!!..... wait.... I think I need some alone time... LOL.

 

[where]

getting fitted for a proper corset in agent provocateur.

 

[Black_Bunny]

I liked being tied up as a little kid, and rape scenes in movies turned me on, and my ex-husband and I played around with the fluffy handcuffs and a blindfold, but I didn't link it to a part of who I am, in fact I didn't think much of it at all. It was when I told a boyfriend (read: guy I was stupidly fucking who didn't want the commitment of a relationship) that a song quote I had read about a man 'lending' his wife to another man and him throat-fucking her was stuck in my head and it was turning me on... well he proceeded to yell at me and lecture me about how I was filthy, and he couldn't believe such a thing was coming out of my mouth and so on... It was then that I began seeing the sex counsellor, who assured me there was nothing wrong with me, I just had different tastes to him... it was then that I came to understand that I enjoyed something 'different' (and that there is nothing wrong with that!), and then I was lucky enough to find my current partner who is opening my eyes to the beauty of it all

 

[sweepthefloor]

When I showed up in high school, wearing three ring bondage bracelets, on my wrists and ankles, as jewelry......and they all laughed at me.

 

[Master_plus_1]

When I was a kid I'd make up stories in my head and they often involved kidnapped, humiliated, tied up and tortured women (think standard fairy tales with a BDSM twist). They didn't involve sex as I had no clue what that even was back then, but they had definite sexual aspect. At the time I didn't know that wasn't the norm.

I came to realize I was different somewhere in my mid-teen years when I came across BDSM porn and found it so much more exciting than anything else and than the very vanilla, chivalrous way I had learned to behave in relationships. I was quite disturbed by myself at the time because what I liked was completely contrary to the way I had been brought up to behave towards women. That was the starting point and over the years and relationships that followed I came to understand and accept my nature.

 

[Noira]

Oh, but I loved to read. Young and reading books meant for adults; I still remember my grandmother politely steering me away from reading those books with the words "you're too young to read those", fortunately she had quite a collection of Hardy Boys books which were an acceptable alternative... oh for the days when books had pen and ink illustrations, I quickly figured out which books were my "favorites" and thank goodness they were oh so normal books! Who would've questioned me, an adorable twelve year old intellectual, cooperative, every mother's dream child, reading away at Nancy Drew, and the Hardy Boys and Narnia...

...It wasn't MY fault my favorite scenes were when the bad guys captured the Hardy Boys, poor Nancy, or the friends of Narnia and tied them up. Even better when they were illustrated!

I eventually learned that my love of scenes where the characters were tied to chairs, trees, or each other was not quite normal...

Though from what I've heard it was pretty normal for me to tie up my Barbie dolls to make them escape from evil kidnapper/rapist/sorcerer/murderer/child stealing Ken dolls... right?

I realized I was in something different when I was chatting with an online flirty friend when I was 18, and he was prompting me to tell him what turned me on (he wanted to cyber, you see) and so we were discussing various things. By this point I was pretty well aware I had different fetishes, I'd joined Lit just a couple months before, and also aware that if I were to admit them it could ruin my online reputation... so I was being cautious. I liked roleplaying, had a bit of a thing for bondage, etc... maybe not so normal but I knew the guy was sexually open so he wasn't going to freak out too much if I was cautious about admitting to kinks... he was cool with that, thought the sexy nurse idea was cool, used to have a girlfriend who had fuzzy handcuffs... I'm sitting there thinking "yeah, you've got nothing on my kinks, I would scare the shit out of you if you had any idea..." Now, I'm a virgin, sexually inexperienced, I'm sure he was thinking I was some angelic darling for him to pervert. So he asks if I would want to give him head. And without thinking about it I started into a whole speech about "well, yeah, I mean, I'd have your dick in my mouth, you'd be completely under my control!"

Two seconds later it struck me that he was probably just trying to get a cyber sex opening and I was probably the only human being in existance who thought that oral sex given to a guy was not a submissive act.

Of course, then my prudish upbringing demanded I apologize for that and hastily sign off. NOW, I'd have followed up with an "and you LIKE that, don't you? Admit it!" Damnit, why did I have to go and apologize for wanting to tie him up and make him scream a little, beg for an orgasm, and then say no?

Oh yeah, right! Prude! Canadian!

Now I'm confidently different. I feel ridiculously more confident now that I've let myself apply the sadist label to myself... it's like for the first time ever I'm not pretending to be something I'm not. All that time thinking female submissive was the only way to go if I wanted to be kinky... fuck that, I'm different.

 

[RedPanties]

My attraction to BDSM also began before I ever knew what sex was. Even as a little girl I liked to play kidnapping and torture-type games. I can remember masterbating to a fantasy of being chased - before I even realized I was masterbating.

When I first got access to the internet in the mid-90's, I started looking into pornography and erotica and I was kind of ashamed to realize that the stories and themes I were most attracted to were of a NC/Bdsm nature.

I've still never played out a single bdsm fantasy in real life. Maybe I wouldn't even like it. But in my fantasy life - damn. I make a fucking awesome sub

 

[Kojote]

I think it started when I was about ten and read a book fom Zimmer-Bradley. Warrior Woman.
It's about a woman who is sexually inexperienced (for a reason) but a fighter.
Well she doesn't remain a virgin and begins to enjoy it. Some non-consent stuff and typical Zimmer-Bradley things...
But I liked it. And I found other books like that later.

I was pretty aware, that I was different from childhood on. But in my teens I was glad to get laid every once in a while. There was no room for this kind of experiments.
In my twens I started to get the picture of seduction and so on. And it was then when I finally started to explore my kinks.

Putting the finger on what I really like happend in the mid-twens when I met the first woman which matched my kinks.
So I knew I was different but I found out relatevily late how much different. And even now I sometimes have to fight my upbringing and the nice guy inside to do, what I like to do.

 

[SpiritRider]

When after sex a lover said "You scare me"
Evidently it was a good scare because while we were together she gladly took everything I did to her.

 

[Yourfriendsfriend]

Two seconds later it struck me that he was probably just trying to get a cyber sex opening and I was probably the only human being in existance who thought that oral sex given to a guy was not a submissive act.

Glad I'm not the only one who things having heir teeth and jaws around someone's sensitive genitalia is not a submissive position ^^. Nothing makes me feel more in control than having a lady's clit under my strong tongue, and knowing I have full control over her sensations.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

ah, so you are accross the Atlantic? and I am stuck in VA...

VA, huh? I don't suppose you're down around Martinsville/Danville area at all? I've been getting up to Martinsville for their munches the last couple of months, and they come down to LaFortress outside of Greensboro, NC now and then...

Just sayin'...

 

[kitten_candy]

the first time someone slapped me.

after the initial "what the fuck" and then "you can't do that..." i realized it was one of the most arousing things anyone had ever done to me. ever.

 

[rida]

Being used to be and feel different, the fact that my poly thinking made me once again different, did not phaze me at all. I was a late bloomer so did not think much about relationships or sex until college. Even the fact that the scene I found the hottest usually were forced sex did not gave me any pondering. That being said, I should have thought something about my kinky side when I had my first sexual feelings while viewing a comic as a kid with a woman being harassed and then tied up by the bad guy.

I don't think I fully appreciate how "different" my tastes are yet. Although I realize that feeling all giddy and happy to be covered in painful bruises does not really rate as normal.

 

[kitten_candy]

the first time someone slapped me.

after the initial "what the fuck" and then "you can't do that..." i realized it was one of the most arousing things anyone had ever done to me. ever.

i had to rethink this a little.. i have to qualify the statement with it was with someone i was having sex with (although when the slap occurred, we weren't having sex).

if someone i wasn't sexually involved with slapped me in the middle of an argument, i'm not sure if it would be erotic.

<snip>

I don't think I fully appreciate how "different" my tastes are yet. Although I realize that feeling all giddy and happy to be covered in painful bruises does not really rate as normal.

that seems to be the key...

 

[RuReal]

I knew I was different when a young lady came into the high school I went too to do a presentation on how rape hurts people. Half the things she was talking about I thought were exciting she said that people who thought that way needed help.

Makes me think the educational system should decide who comes in to do classes and explain things.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I don't really remember the first time, but I remember the last time...

Today, I had an elastic band around my fingers, and I was fiddling with it. I stretched it too far and it slipped, and snapped against my wrist. I said out loud 'ow, fuck, that hurt' and then promptly did it again.

And yes, I thought I was mental. But in a good way.

 

[CollarMeRedhead]

I think I can explain it as clearly as this:

I'd known that even as a little girl I wasn't like the others, but one day while watching a film called '9 1/2 Weeks' I noticed that I was a lot like Kim Bassinger, even as a pre-teen! I started researching it and found chatrooms, erotica, pornography; I knew I was in heaven!

My first sexual act with a man at age 16 was oral sex where he choked and gagged me on his cock, making me cry and my makeup run everywhere while he cooed things to me about being a dirty girl and naughty slut.

From there, my sex life hasn't progressed into much more than that though (other than the ocassional, rare fuck) and it's god awful -- I need so much more.

 

[Dr_James]

Until about 10 months ago I was very vanilla. Then I met someone who started talking about her desire to be submissive and her previous experience with it.

We started on line and I had a very "fake it until you make it" approach. Then it started becoming more natural and I began to realize just how much I began to want it.

Now I am trying to learn as much as I can about the lifestyle and add to my tool kit so to speak.

 

[Miss Sixxy]

Until about 10 months ago I was very vanilla. Then I met someone who started talking about her desire to be submissive and her previous experience with it.

We started on line and I had a very "fake it until you make it" approach. Then it started becoming more natural and I began to realize just how much I began to want it.

Now I am trying to learn as much as I can about the lifestyle and add to my tool kit so to speak.

Someone?? Good evening Dr J.

I've always known I have had a strong attraction to and for sex. But I think when I first had an inkling of enjoying the bdsm lifestyle was in college when my phone rang and it was a man asking for someone who didn't live there - wrong number. He started talking to me and before I even knew what was happening we were having phone sex. It became a once a week thing with him - I never knew his name, he didn't know mine and we never met.

 

[Dr_James]

Someone?? Good evening Dr J.

I've always known I have had a strong attraction to and for sex. But I think when I first had an inkling of enjoying the bdsm lifestyle was in college when my phone rang and it was a man asking for someone who didn't live there - wrong number. He started talking to me and before I even knew what was happening we were having phone sex. It became a once a week thing with him - I never knew his name, he didn't know mine and we never met.

Good evening, Ms. S.

I did not want to spill the beans on who that someone was just yet.

 

[Miss Sixxy]

Good evening, Ms. S.

I did not want to spill the beans on who that someone was just yet.

consider them spilled.

 

[Dr_James]

consider them spilled.

They are now, Ms. S. They are now.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I learned in weird ways, I think.
I remember absolutely loving Simon Says, ordering or being ordered around.
I remember playing superheroes and always making a point of tying someone up, or getting tied up.
I remember I was like 10 years old and had a friend sleep over and while she was sleeping, I tied her to the bed, and blindfolded her. Her...fear...was exciting.

so, in a way, I've always known SOMETHING was a bit off

I love the Simon Says memory. I had similar play experiences as a kid. Locked closets. Tied prisoners. "If you want out of this fortress, Batgirl, you'll have to do some convoluted begging."

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I'm involved in something different??? OMG!

Seriously, though... I've told the story before of one of my earliest memories being spanking the bare bottom of the little girl next door. Didn't know it was "different" then, just *bad* in the sight of my mother, lol. Always knew I liked spanking, learned in my early teens that it was trés arousing to me, and to certain girls and *not* to others. I guess that's when I sort of figured out that those others felt and acted differently than I did. Didn't - and doesn't - make a difference to me, though. I knew - and know - what I like, and that I can find others who also like it.

"Different?" Hmmm... if as many people as I believe like *some* form of BDSM, whether it be light bedroom-only spanks, full-on 24/7 Master/slave, or any point in that spectrum, I'm not really sure that what we do is really different, except in degree, regardless of what some folks call "normal."

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

EXACTLY! and my dolls were always getting into weird situations

Um...so were my action figures. (Not dolls, dammit.)

And I did some drawings that would probably have put me in mandatory counseling had they been discovered.