Who has the Power?

[WriterDom]

Hi Anelize,

//We haven't talked much about that old "the sub can walk out any old time" BS. I'm surprised no-one's brought it up. Sure...the sub can walk out anytime--a supposed display of all her so-called power. Yeah, she's powerful alright--and DOMLESS. I never got the whole point of that exercise. Exercise all your power in a D/s relationship and end up OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP. That is just plain DUMB.//

If I may comment on the 'old' statement. Yes, I think your criticism is valid, in one way. If there's power--in the hands of one person-- in ending some relationship with another, it's the power to walk away and do OK, or at least survive.

So, following your point, it's 'dumb' to say a 10 year old kid has 'power' in a dispute with her parents, because she can walk out. Her parents have power over her to the extent that leaving is not possible. If, however, she has a secret friend in Tibet who can pick her up and take her there, upon getting a cellphone call, then she does have some power in the possibility of leaving.

saving before pure edits. Just for the historians.

 

[cellis]

I used to think that I had the power. He couldn't play with out me and the power I gave to him.

Today it doesn't matter. We found a place where it works for us. I want Him to be in control. I want Him to have the power. I want Him to take me places I have yet to go. I want Him to push my limits.... and I let Him do all those things... because there is no growth without that exchange...

Too I can see where He grows when He pushes me further... I can see His confidence grow when He lifts me to a higher level.

It is rather symbiotic...

 

[FungiUg]

It is rather symbiotic...

Completely. Let's face it... a Dom/me without a sub or a sub without a Dom/me -- without someone to exchange with, it doesn't matter who has "the power".

Me, I've never worried about power. Control I am interested in, power is kind of, um, like who cares?

 

[Pure]

//Control I am interested in, power is kind of, um, like who cares?//

OK, FU, don't keep us in suspense, who's in _control_ then?

 

[FungiUg]

OK, FU, don't keep us in suspense, who's in _control_ then?

Me. Was there ever any doubt?

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Hi Anelize,

//We haven't talked much about that old "the sub can walk out any old time" BS. I'm surprised no-one's brought it up. Sure...the sub can walk out anytime--a supposed display of all her so-called power. Yeah, she's powerful alright--and DOMLESS. I never got the whole point of that exercise. Exercise all your power in a D/s relationship and end up OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP. That is just plain DUMB.//

If I may comment on the 'old' statement. Yes, I think your criticism is valid, in one way. If there's power--in the hands of one person-- in ending some relationship with another, it's the power to walk away and do OK, or at least survive.

So, following your point, it's 'dumb' to say a 10 year old kid has 'power' in a dispute with her parents, because she can walk out. Her parents have power over her to the extent that leaving is not possible. If, however, she has a secret friend in Tibet who can pick her up and take her there, upon getting a cellphone call, then she does have some power in the possibility of leaving.

Pure,

*sigh* I will not get into silly-ass circular arguments with you over tibetan cellphone calls and 10 year old kids. You very well know we are discussing submissive WOMEN here, over the age of CONSENT. I'm not interested in your bullshit. Have a nice day.

~anelize

 

[Desdemona]

I am sure you have plenty left! Thanks, Des.

Of course I do. Snooze wants me to be strong. I have the power I need when I need it. But, like cellis said, the power really doesn't matter to me.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Snip...On the other hand, i relished in my feelings of independent thought. It is the small part of you that you can't give away and it was a necessity in order to maintain my sense of self. To me, the real power resides in venturing down the D/s path period. You empower yourself when going against the grain. Heady.

lara, I know you may think I do not appreciate your thoughts, but I do. In this instance, I believe you have gotten to the heart of the matter, and My purpose in discussing this subject one more time.

The power exchange does not have to mean relinquishing your independent thought.

The power exchange does not require the sub lose his or her sense of self.

There is no need to be less than what you are. I would hope that no sub would have a relationship with a dominant who tried to diminish them in any way.

Power does reside in venturing down he D/s path- whether that path be dominant or submissive.

We both have power and we both have choicse in how to use that power.

Thanks, lara

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: I Think

That the power is available to both parties just as Writerdom says so well.
If the relationship is to grow and flourish trust and understanding of desires and needs must be establised The power may and hopefully will oscillate as the dominant moves the submissive to new experinces and likewise as the submissive finds new respones and offers feedback on how the experience unfolded. A dominant feels very powerful when a submissive shows appreciation and positve feedback on how the relationship or experience is working. The submissive has the power here but passes it to the dominant. And of course vica versa.

To me it is a growing thing, to use a metaphor
An acorn is not an Oak until.......

H

Very well put, H. Thanks for posting.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I think holding power over another is a dynamic that undergoes continual evolution, regardless of which stage the relationship is in. I may be wrong, but I'm going to guess that even the most experienced submissives/ slaves continue to hand over power as they grow within their respective relationships.

Ah but that was not what I asked. I am not asking about the concept of "holding power over another" or wielding power.

My question has to do with who has power in the power exchange. How is power exchanged within D/s? The dynamics, if you will.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I used to think that I had the power. He couldn't play with out me and the power I gave to him.

Today it doesn't matter. We found a place where it works for us. I want Him to be in control. I want Him to have the power. I want Him to take me places I have yet to go. I want Him to push my limits.... and I let Him do all those things... because there is no growth without that exchange...

Too I can see where He grows when He pushes me further... I can see His confidence grow when He lifts me to a higher level.

It is rather symbiotic...

But you do admit that the dynamics of the exhcange could change over time, right?

What I am saying is that power can be exchanged and re-exchanges as the relationships changes, it is fluid.

 

[cellis]

But you do admit that the dynamics of the exhcange could change over time, right?

What I am saying is that power can be exchanged and re-exchanges as the relationships changes, it is fluid.

Of course Eb... there is a fluidity to the relationship... because of the nature of our relationship and other issues involved there has to be give and take... It is never the same from one day to the next...

 

[Ebonyfire]

Of course Eb... there is a fluidity to the relationship... because of the nature of our relationship and other issues involved there has to be give and take... It is never the same from one day to the next...

Thanks for posting your views, cellis.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

A D/s relationship is like driving a car...only one person can be in the driver's seat. That would be me.

 

[Ebonyfire]

A D/s relationship is like driving a car...only one person can be in the driver's seat. That would be me.

But everyone knows there is always someone riding shotgun!

 

[kayte]

Here is a topic that has gone around the block once or twice. I think it is worth a second look.

It has been posted here and in other venues that the submissive has all of the power. It as also been posted here and other places that the Dominant has all the power.

I just read an article in the Backroom that said this:

The giver of submission has the power.
The receiver of submission has the power.


That resonated in Me. I believe that both the submissive and the dominant are powerful beings.

It is not a matter of who has the most power.

It is more a matter of a power exchange. The exchange of powere between submissive and dominant is very powerful, and is the foundation of a successful D/s relationship.

Any thoughts?

Wonderful thread Eb, thank you for starting it.

Reading all of the responses has me doing more thinking. I do need to be careful when I do that.

Waving @ Des Hi there.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

But everyone knows there is always someone riding shotgun!

At least one riding shotgun...but she(or they) had better shut up, let me drive, and not fuck with the radio!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Who has the Power?

Wonderful thread Eb, thank you for starting it.

Reading all of the responses has me doing more thinking. I do need to be careful when I do that.

Waving @ Des Hi there.

Thinking is good.

 

[FungiUg]

Okay, it's time to confess.

I admit, my lover has the power.

She has the remotes to my TV, video, DVD player, and stereo. Worse than that, she HAS my TV, vide, DVD player and stereo.

Most of the discussions in our relationship about "power" centre around who has the remote control.

I have the remote to my car, but no car. (It's still in the panel beaters -- they got the wrong part delivered, but with any luck I'll have it back tomorrow.)

Gee, I wonder why am I feeling powerless? At least I still have my PC! *gives it a hug*

Okay, silliness over. But for me this whole issue is, um, indeterminate. I can point to control and say "that's control." Power on the other hand... who has it? When? It's way more indeterminate for me, and not my motivation.

Back to pining for my missing car...

 

[ExistentialLuv]

Here is a topic that has gone around the block once or twice. I think it is worth a second look.

It has been posted here and in other venues that the submissive has all of the power. It as also been posted here and other places that the Dominant has all the power.

I just read an article in the Backroom that said this:

The giver of submission has the power.
The receiver of submission has the power.


That resonated in Me. I believe that both the submissive and the dominant are powerful beings.

It is not a matter of who has the most power.

It is more a matter of a power exchange. The exchange of powere between submissive and dominant is very powerful, and is the foundation of a successful D/s relationship.

Any thoughts?

Since my lady and I met it has been a very physical relationship. Biting ( hard enough to draw blood), scratching, ELECTRICUTION, hair pulling, a little bondage, hot wax, licking my blood trail off her arm in the cemetary, and spankings. Receiving power and exchanging power between the two of us... I feel our love for one another and the feelings we have are stronger when we share the power and control... I expieriancing the pleasure she is recieving, and her the energy I am giving. Last night we shared the most powerful universal moment of all in our relationship.... We spiritualy made love to eachother and swore commitment to one another through an infinate eternity of time, exchaging our souls and pledging life by one anothers side..... This was more exilarating and magical than any plesurable pain or power play could give me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you Pollyjean

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Who has the Power?

Since my lady and I met it has been a very physical relationship. Biting ( hard enough to draw blood), scratching, ELECTRICUTION, hair pulling, a little bondage, hot wax, lic++++ my blood trail off her arm in the cemetary, and span++++s. Receiving power and exchanging power between the two of us... I feel our love for one another and the feelings we have are stronger when we share the power and control... I expieriancing the pleasure she is recieving, and her the energy I am giving. Last night we shared the most powerful universal moment of all in our relationship.... We spiritualy made love to eachother and swore commitment to one another through an infinate eternity of time, exchaging our souls and pledging life by one anothers side..... This was more exilarating and magical than any plesurable pain or power play could give me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you Pollyjean

Finding one's magic is what it is all about! Thanks for sharing your journey in this thread.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Okay, it's time to confess.

I admit, my lover has the power.

She has the remotes to my TV, video, DVD player, and stereo. Worse than that, she HAS my TV, vide, DVD player and stereo.

Most of the discussions in our relationship about "power" centre around who has the remote control.

I have the remote to my car, but no car. (It's still in the panel beaters -- they got the wrong part delivered, but with any luck I'll have it back tomorrow.)

Gee, I wonder why am I feeling powerless? At least I still have my PC! *gives it a hug*

Okay, silliness over. But for me this whole issue is, um, indeterminate. I can point to control and say "that's control." Power on the other hand... who has it? When? It's way more indeterminate for me, and not my motivation.

Back to pining for my missing car...

Different strokes, Fungi. Thanks for posting.

 

[Shadowsdream]

I have the Power...

To place My finger on his shoulder and send him to his knees. To place that same single finger under his chin and lift him back to his feet.
I have the Power to caress him with My eyes until he can no longer hold his head up without blushing. I have the Power to strip him of his privacy with one look.
he has the Power to be strong enough to be Mine. he has the Power to hand his control to Me willingly or to endure My boredom if he thinks I will fight him for it.
W/we both have the Power...

 

[niteshade]

That was really nice shadowsdream.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I have the Power...

To place My finger on his shoulder and send him to his knees. To place that same single finger under his chin and lift him back to his feet.
I have the Power to caress him with My eyes until he can no longer hold his head up without blushing. I have the Power to strip him of his privacy with one look.
he has the Power to be strong enough to be Mine. he has the Power to hand his control to Me willingly or to endure My boredom if he thinks I will fight him for it.
W/we both have the Power...

Whew! That just about says it all doesn't it?

Thanks SD.