Who has the Power?

[Pure]

Johny M said,

A D/s relationship is like driving a car...only one person can be in the driver's seat. That would be me.

That sounds right to me, with the following clarication: In a genuine D/S relation where dominance is actually occurring....etc/

I think a great many *other* connections labelled D/S or B/D etc. are situations of complementary roles beeing assumed to bring into being a kind of mini-drama. If one is being the daddy-like-disciplinarian, and the other, the young offender, no real power is involved, or they both have equal shares. This is because the roles, and the dramatic situation (scene) can be stopped at will by either (which forces the other to discontinue). Either can say, 'scene's'over.' of 'I'm going for coffee."

If dominating in like driving, then sure it depends on the car working, but in no way does the car have power or control (barring autopilots, of late) as an option to exercize, though its running out of gas does stop the driver. Its having tires prevents controls) one from driving up rocky cliffs.

(I'm assuming, based on the above, that Johnny does NOT mean that dominating is like being a driver, and submitting is like being the 'co-pilot' or 'navigator' or 'shotgun' or 'passenger in the back seat' or 'passenger being chauferred about town'; if I've read you wrong, sorry).

J.

 

[His Precious]

I used to think that I had the power. He couldn't play with out me and the power I gave to him.

Today it doesn't matter. We found a place where it works for us. I want Him to be in control. I want Him to have the power. I want Him to take me places I have yet to go. I want Him to push my limits.... and I let Him do all those things... because there is no growth without that exchange...

Thank you, cellis, for giving a voice to my own thoughts

 

[Netzach]

/My feelings are that *authenticity* might be overrated. I don't especially care if I *made* the bootblack lick my boots, more that I got very wet when he did. More that he's good at his craft and I'm good at mine. /

But consider this: You're standing there, in a crowd, waiting for the bus, many things for the day in mind and you notice a slobbering fellow has crawled up and is about to lick your boots.

Is there wetness? I think not, in that, if he grabs your ankle and started licking, *he's* taken power over you, and I bet that feels a little different.

Of course not. That's contextless and plain creepy. Of course it's also totally irrelevant in my mind to the subject of context-laden and consensual relationships, where both parties are aware of the relationship even existing. If I say "I like pain" you can always ask "do you like it when you have a root canal???" and I can say "no, only when I'm being spanked during sex" I think that's pretty well established.


I agree there's turn on, in cooperation, as in many kinks. If you want to be fucked from behind and I want to do that to you, it might be hot indeed if you're good at your craft and I'm good at mine. BUT, in saying 'bend over' i'm merely clueing you as to timing, *not exercizing or exhibiting power over you. Leaving aside 'inner power', there's no power on the scene.

Maybe, maybe not. If we both agree that there's to be a fuck and that sounds hot, but I control timing duration intensity place and placement and whether or not you get to have an orgasm or not that evening, well it's kind of a meeting of the minds coupled with some play with power dynamics. This is, for me, where reality (do the dishes have to be done, does he have a headache, am I depressed, is the rent paid?) gets a nod, while powerplay gets a stage. Most of my life is spent in a low-protocol state of vanilla functionality.

I don't see power exchange as a constant continual must. If it can be all about me for five minutes out of a whole year, I think I'm tasting domination more than most people will ever know.

The rest of the time, I'm happy to be a whacky scientist and find out just what makes the kiddies tick. I have the power, you have the power, we all have the power. Bend over.

 

[FungiUg]

I have the Power...

Thanks Shadowsdream. That's one of the best explanations of power I have read! It even made sense to me.

 

[Pure]

Hi Netsacrilege,


Pure said,
I agree there's turn on, in cooperation, as in many kinks. If you want to be fucked from behind and I want to do that to you, it might be hot indeed if you're good at your craft and I'm good at mine. BUT, in saying 'bend over' i'm merely clueing you as to timing, *not exercizing or exhibiting power over you. Leaving aside 'inner power', there's no power on the scene.


Netsacrilege:


Maybe, maybe not. If we both agree that there's to be a fuck and that sounds hot, but I control timing duration intensity place and placement and whether or not you get to have an orgasm or not that evening, well it's kind of a meeting of the minds coupled with some play with power dynamics. This is, for me, where reality (do the dishes have to be done, does he have a headache, am I depressed, is the rent paid?) gets a nod, while powerplay gets a stage. Most of my life is spent in a low-protocol state of vanilla functionality.

My response: Good point. You seem to be speaking of a kind of control. This is F U’s preferred term, perhaps for good reason**.

However would you agree that the control you speak of, in the example, would be questionable, if you choose the dildo, but you, by agreement make that ‘choice’ among items on a list (“preferred”) furnished by the sub? (and the same for your other ‘choices’)



I don't see power exchange as a constant continual must. If it can be all about me for five minutes out of a whole year, I think I'm tasting domination more than most people will ever know.

I reply: (we’re all agreed on the ‘no 24-7’ thing).

Best,
J.

**What the ideas of 'power' and 'control' (of A over B) have in common is the notion that A has or makes things happen, in respect of B, or both of them, on A's terms.

 

[zipman]

I agree with those who say that both sub and dom have power.

The sub has the power to set limits, use safewords and ultimately, to leave if they are not happy with the relationship.

The dom has the the power to do whatever they want within the limits set and also, has the power to leave if they are not happy with the relationship.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I agree with those who say that both sub and dom have power.

The sub has the power to set limits, use safewords and ultimately, to leave if they are not happy with the relationship.

The dom has the the power to do whatever they want within the limits set and also, has the power to leave if they are not happy with the relationship.

Hi zip, where ya been hiding?

 

[ownedsubgal]

i think this is yet another one of those things that entirely depends on the individuals in question. there is no one set answer. in my relationship, my Master has always held all the power. there wasn't really a power "exchange" either, since i never had it to give. i was never capable of taking care of myself, of growing/maturing and molding myself into a well-rounded, fully functioning adult. and i've never had the power/ability to say no or refuse anyone. i gave my Master myself...all of myself, willingly...but i did not give him power over me. i never had power over me, so how could i hand it over to another? so, the power is his, because of the way we are. me, born powerless...He, born strong and Dominant, with a need to be someone's whole world, their sole support, for everything. this is a unique dynamic in today's world, even in the M/s world, but it is who we are and we accept it and because we have found each other, it works for us.

i don't have the power to set limits. i'm not talking about the right to set limits (obviously as a slave, i have no rights), but simply the power...i'm not capable of setting limits. sure, i can say i will not do x, y, and z. but will i refuse or fight off someone who wishes to subject me to those things? no. that's not my nature. my nature is to submit. power to leave? i don't have that power. my Master is my everything...i literally need him to survive, be healthy happy and sane. besides, by leaving i would be saying that i basically call the shots, and can walk when i want. i don't, and i can't. not simply out of respect for my Master, but because i am a submissive.

my Master knows he can do absolutely whatever he desires with me and to me....not just because i love him and wish to please him regardless, but because he knows that even if he were a complete stranger, someone i had no feelings for at all, he knows i do not have it within me to stop someone from doing what they will to me. sometimes this reality has frightened us both. but there's a dark side of my Master that is very, very aroused by that knowledge.

who holds the power? Daddy. who gave him that power? He did, he took it. no power exchange necessary.

 

[Ebonyfire]

i think this is yet another one of those things that entirely depends on the individuals in question. there is no one set answer. in my relationship, my Master has always held all the power. there wasn't really a power "exchange" either, since i never had it to give. i was never capable of ta++++ care of myself, of growing/maturing and molding myself into a well-rounded, fully functioning adult. and i've never had the power/ability to say no or refuse anyone. i gave my Master myself...all of myself, willingly...but i did not give him power over me. i never had power over me, so how could i hand it over to another? so, the power is his, because of the way we are. me, born powerless...He, born strong and Dominant, with a need to be someone's whole world, their sole support, for everything. this is a unique dynamic in today's world, even in the M/s world, but it is who we are and we accept it and because we have found each other, it works for us.

i don't have the power to set limits. i'm not tal++++ about the right to set limits (obviously as a slave, i have no rights), but simply the power...i'm not capable of setting limits. sure, i can say i will not do x, y, and z. but will i refuse or fight off someone who wishes to subject me to those things? no. that's not my nature. my nature is to submit. power to leave? i don't have that power. my Master is my everything...i literally need him to survive, be healthy happy and sane. besides, by leaving i would be saying that i basically call the shots, and can walk when i want. i don't, and i can't. not simply out of respect for my Master, but because i am a submissive.

my Master knows he can do absolutely whatever he desires with me and to me....not just because i love him and wish to please him regardless, but because he knows that even if he were a complete stranger, someone i had no feelings for at all, he knows i do not have it within me to stop someone from doing what they will to me. sometimes this reality has frightened us both. but there's a dark side of my Master that is very, very aroused by that knowledge.

who holds the power? Daddy. who gave him that power? He did, he took it. no power exchange necessary.

Thanks for adding your own unique perspective to this intrguing topic!