Why did you divorce?

[Buffalogurl]

After 12-13 years of marriage, she was sleeping with one of our truck drivers. I was devastated. I want no part in "sharing" my wife, that said I wanted so badly to work it out. She just wanted out. No, I wasn't the best husband nor was I the worst.
Thing is I loved her so much it hurt to be away from her. During the break up, during time after the divorce I believed I was dieing. Even today, years later I miss her. A part of my soul died when she left.....

 

[Buffalogurl]

We grew apart, I felt that she became old, boring and no fun, she resented the amount of time I spent building a business to provide for the family. She lost all interest in intimacy and sex, probably all related to us growing apart etc. Now 16 years on, she lives a very little life and I'm out enjoying life, I'm a lot happier but she doesn't seem to be; a few years ago she told me "I thought that you were the problem with my life but now I realise you weren't"

Do, just go do life , go enjoy your full life because it can all change in a heart beat....

 

[NightL]

I met a pretend person. They were the opposite of how they first portrayed themselves.

 

[HampshireBoy]

Do, just go do life , go enjoy your full life because it can all change in a heart beat....

Exactly, I know too many people who either died early or were struck down by illness and therefore were never able to live their dreams. It was hard living through the divorce but I'm so much happier and living a far better life now.

 

[Petereater]

He came home one evening and announced “I no longer want to be married to you,” no reason, he left that night and only return to move out. He never ever said why. Unknown to me at the time… it was the best thing that could happen to me. The worst thing for him… he made me sign a prenup, I made him sign the same prenup … he and his lawyer laughed about it. I laugh now all the way to the bank.

 

[saintcero]

He came home one evening and announced “I no longer want to be married to you,” no reason, he left that night and only return to move out. He never ever said why. Unknown to me at the time… it was the best thing that could happen to me. The worst thing for him… he made me sign a prenup, I made him sign the same prenup … he and his lawyer laughed about it. I laugh now all the way to the bank.

That must have felt good even with the side order of rejection.

 

[Twistedkink]

I divorced because my wife was to controlling. Not in a sexual way, but in our day to day lives. She didn’t like me seeing friends on my own, playing golf or a poker night here or there. I felt all I did was work and then take care of our home with the endless to do lists and projects. And if I did do something with friends it always turn out to be a stress filled time before and after between us. I was existing, not living. Further our sex life was very vanilla and infrequent. She came from a very conservative upbringing. After going to counseling I realized and respected who she was and that her changing was not going to happen. So I made the choice to divorce.

 

[Petereater]

That must have felt good even with the side order of rejection.

Being single again has it’s ups and downs… the thing I miss the most is the sex, we always had that, even up to the end. Now, not so much, I have managed to have sex with 3 women, which brought back a part of my pre marriage life, but one night stands are not as much fun as a loving relationship. I may happen upon a man that is intriguing enough to fool around with… but, only time will tell.

 

[Deleted member 1655181]

Being single again has it’s ups and downs… the thing I miss the most is the sex, we always had that, even up to the end. Now, not so much, I have managed to have sex with 3 women, which brought back a part of my pre marriage life, but one night stands are not as much fun as a loving relationship. I may happen upon a man that is intriguing enough to fool around with… but, only time will tell.

The right intimacy is hard to find, but you will find it. The key is to be happy doing your thing and just let it happen, not look for it. Like so many things in life, the harder we try the more frustrating the outcomes can be!!!

 

[PapaRomantic]

Bumping this up to the front.

 

[EStaccato]

First marriage was just… we were apathetic toward each other. Sex was vanilla, but that wasn’t even important at that point. As that divorce was kicking off, I went two years without sex and didn’t care. (I’m very selective). Anyway, we just fell out of love and wanted a shot at getting it right with someone else. (We both failed, btw).

My current marriage is ending because my husband and I thought we married someone different. I needed a top performer than understood being a workaholic, someone that would give an introvert like me the space I need to create and invent. He needed a top performer that would do everything with him, someone he could also control so that we were the perfect power couple by his design. When the sex fell off the menu (he has a legit, non-libido reason for this), we both realized we wanted the same attributes for completely different reasons. Add to that, I probably prefer girls, if I’m honest, and would have zero remorse if I never fucked another man. (Cock is great. I love it love it love it… but I don’t NEEEEED it). I’m at the point where I need to feel seen and wanted more than drilled within an inch of my life, and I feel with every fiber of my being that my best match is female. (Though I do have a transfemme friend hmmmm - jk I do have a girlfriend already).

So, not divorced yet. Got kids and complexities, but we’re beginning to divest.

 

[npanxx]

After our first child was born it was 6 months until we were intimate again. After that sex occurred once a month or every other month.
There was never enough money, no matter how I much moved up professionally.
She complained constantly, and (like someone posted earlier) I never cracked the top 5 of important things in her life.
She cut me off for the last two years of our marriage in hopes that I would cheat and she would have Biblical grounds to divorce me.
In the end the explanation she gave our pastor was she wasn't happy.
Her decision to divorce me destroyed the church we attended too. I laugh about that a lot now. I warned them it would happen if they failed to respond appropriately.
I am very happily remarried.
I haven't spoken to her sincce the divorce was final, and I will never speak to her again. She disgusts me.

 

[penshockey1983]

We grew apart as a couple and sexually. Hearing that she only had sex with me twice a year because she felt bad was enough. She's re-married, I'm in a relationship now.

 

[cdstefi]

For me/us it was simply growing into different people who were not as into each other as at the start. And we didn't start as youngsters, we were well into our late twenties when we got married. But you never stop growing even through your thirties and forties.

I feel lucky that we were mature enough to hold things together while our four kids were growing up and that they had a conventional two parent family life till they were old enough to understand adulthood. And I don't feel any animosity towards my ex. We're not besties or anything now but we also don't hate each other. Last time I saw her was at our second daughter's university graduation and while it seemed hard to believe I'd once had this woman as the centre of my life, we had a sort of detached, amiable catch-up chat and were able to at least appreciate the wonderful young human (among three others) we'd created together. Whatever else happens, those ties last.

I don't often analyse things that deeply, but on reflection a big part of it was our musical divergence. We got together in large part due to a shared love of music; she sang, I accompanied (and bloody well too; being a natural empath when I played the guitar to her singing I felt exactly how to fit around her singer's timing rather than forcing her to sing around mine). As we grew older our ideas diverged and my approach became more anarchic (I was always at heart a punk or hard rocker) while she wanted more control. May seem an odd thing to divorce over but our harmony had been such an important part of our getting together, it felt like something had broken when we moved apart like that.

 

[PapaRomantic]

For me/us it was simply growing into different people who were not as into each other as at the start. And we didn't start as youngsters, we were well into our late twenties when we got married. But you never stop growing even through your thirties and forties.

I feel lucky that we were mature enough to hold things together while our four kids were growing up and that they had a conventional two parent family life till they were old enough to understand adulthood. And I don't feel any animosity towards my ex. We're not besties or anything now but we also don't hate each other. Last time I saw her was at our second daughter's university graduation and while it seemed hard to believe I'd once had this woman as the centre of my life, we had a sort of detached, amiable catch-up chat and were able to at least appreciate the wonderful young human (among three others) we'd created together. Whatever else happens, those ties last.

I don't often analyse things that deeply, but on reflection a big part of it was our musical divergence. We got together in large part due to a shared love of music; she sang, I accompanied (and bloody well too; being a natural empath when I played the guitar to her singing I felt exactly how to fit around her singer's timing rather than forcing her to sing around mine). As we grew older our ideas diverged and my approach became more anarchic (I was always at heart a punk or hard rocker) while she wanted more control. May seem an odd thing to divorce over but our harmony had been such an important part of our getting together, it felt like something had broken when we moved apart like that.

I'm not making light of your divorce, since divorce is a serious thing. But I will admit that musical divergence creating an issue is a new one for me. But I get it. If you did something you loved doing together, and one then moves on to something else and it doesn't go well with the other, I can certainly see a problem. It's not that much different than loving having sex with your partner, and then your partner decides they either want a different type of sex you can't give, or just stop sex altogether.

I'm glad you got great kids out of it. Hopefully most people can find blessings that come from a time together before you couldn't be together anymore.

 

[STRC]

Which time...................?

 

[cdstefi]

I'm not making light of your divorce, since divorce is a serious thing. But I will admit that musical divergence creating an issue is a new one for me. But I get it. If you did something you loved doing together, and one then moves on to something else and it doesn't go well with the other, I can certainly see a problem. It's not that much different than loving having sex with your partner, and then your partner decides they either want a different type of sex you can't give, or just stop sex altogether.

I'm glad you got great kids out of it. Hopefully most people can find blessings that come from a time together before you couldn't be together anymore.

Yeah, my approach to everything has always been "Regret nothing, value what you've had". I'm one of those who's able to move on, not dwell on things but also not discount my past because those experiences made me who I am now. I don't hold on to what's gone but also don't denigrate it because it's not still here and present. I've always light-footed my way through life. It feels like a rare gift when I encounter the people around me who struggle.

 

[AchtungNight]

The best answer I ever got was “I love you but I’m no longer _in love_ with you”. This was after seven years together in which we had a lot of ups and downs, bought a house and fixed it up, traveled together a lot, had and resolved a few arguments, sex was rare but always good and then declined. I tried to get back with her last summer after a few years of absence following our divorce. She told me she’s not interested in romance with anyone despite an obvious caring interest in me. I had to admit I was no longer in love with her either.

For the record, though, I’m still Love’s Bitch. And the next time it comes along, I hope to recognize it and enjoy.

 

[cdstefi]

The best answer I ever got was “I love you but I’m no longer _in love_ with you”. This was after seven years together in which we had a lot of ups and downs, bought a house and fixed it up, traveled together a lot, had and resolved a few arguments, sex was rare but always good and then declined. I tried to get back with her last summer after a few years of absence following our divorce. She told me she’s not interested in romance with anyone despite an obvious caring interest in me. I had to admit I was no longer in love with her either.

For the record, though, I’m still Love’s Bitch. And the next time it comes along, I hope to recognize it and enjoy.

I like the caring part of what you said. Part of the fact that my ex is the mother of our children means that regardless that we're not together any more, if she genuinely needs my help with anything, that will happen.

 

[AchtungNight]

I like the caring part of what you said. Part of the fact that my ex is the mother of our children means that regardless that we're not together any more, if she genuinely needs my help with anything, that will happen.

No children here, but we do feel similar regarding our cat.

 

[cdstefi]

No children here, but we do feel similar regarding our cat.

Cats are humans too. Or, wait. No, they're more than human.

 

[Krigirl1233]

Money problems

 

[PapaRomantic]

Money problems

Supposedly this is the number one cause of divorce. I suspect some divorces are blamed on this where there is really other things going on. But I can certainly see how finances can get in two people's way.

 

[PapaRomantic]

Yeah, my approach to everything has always been "Regret nothing, value what you've had". I'm one of those who's able to move on, not dwell on things but also not discount my past because those experiences made me who I am now. I don't hold on to what's gone but also don't denigrate it because it's not still here and present. I've always light-footed my way through life. It feels like a rare gift when I encounter the people around me who struggle.

There's too many divorces where the two involved go all "scorched earth" on each other. It's refreshing to see that you do value the relationship you had, remembering the good times and what came out of it. Well done, my friend.

 

[Krigirl1233]

Supposedly this is the number one cause of divorce. I suspect some divorces are blamed on this where there is really other things going on. But I can certainly see how finances can get in two people's way.

Nope no other things going on. In fact we still get along well, just no more intimacy. But your point is well taken.