Widows and widowers 2

[Erodicus]

Fortunately my wife and I are still together. We remain best friends and still talk and joke about sex. But sex itself has disappeared from the menu. There are unavoidable reasons for it being that way. The upshot is that I am still as horny as ever and she is unable to reciprocate. She knows and tolerates me finding my sexual fun on the net. I prefer to intereact with frisky real people, so Lit has been a goldmine of fun for me. So far, I haven't chatted with someone who is alone after losing a partner.

 

[pagrampa]

The grieving process is different for everyone. I lost my wife in 2011 after a two year battle with her illness. It took over three years just to decide to try to date again and even then it felt awkward and a betrayal. Finally got to the point I knew I still had to live and enjoy life and she would want me to. Have no intention of getting married again, would feel awkward plus with estate, family, etc would be to complicated. Also I have gotten to independent over these 12 years. So I am embracing the single life and enjoying what comes around. Hopefully, you can all do that as well. No easy but I think all pf our spouses would have wanted us to still enjoy life.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

The grieving process is different for everyone. I lost my wife in 2011 after a two year battle with her illness. It took over three years just to decide to try to date again and even then it felt awkward and a betrayal. Finally got to the point I knew I still had to live and enjoy life and she would want me to. Have no intention of getting married again, would feel awkward plus with estate, family, etc would be to complicated. Also I have gotten to independent over these 12 years. So I am embracing the single life and enjoying what comes around. Hopefully, you can all do that as well. No easy but I think all pf our spouses would have wanted us to still enjoy life.

Very true. Thanks for sharing.

 

[pagrampa]

Time doesn't heal the grief but it does soften the blow and often allows us a better perspective.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

So, my late husband came from a family with lots of members on both maternal and paternal side. When we separated years before he passed, I lost contact/connection with most of his family.,
But, since his passing.. I've been getting "Happy Holidays" messages and yesterday I got a Xmas card from his step dad.
This is the 3rd Xmas without my spouse... My best friend.
But, it's a bit easier knowing I'm not a virus to his family..

I'm very festive this year. Almost like the sadness and loss never occurred.. but, I have guilt over the feeling too.

 

[Strixaluco]

I'm very festive this year. Almost like the sadness and loss never occurred.. but, I have guilt over the feeling too.

Life is supposed to move on, and you have all the right to feel festive

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Life is supposed to move on, and you have all the right to feel festive

Absolutely. Well said. I am not yet festive but I sure feel better about this year than last.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Now that one Holiday is over, how was it? Mine was good and perhaps surprisingly, better with my step children. We connected even more than expected.

Share as you wish - no pressure and no judgement.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

I watched the Netflix movie, "Good Grief" with Dan Levy.
I not only liked it, I could emphasize with it fully..
It's a story about a married couple, who one of the husbands die, and the other husband finds out about his spouses secret, after his death, that devastates him.

I found out a secret that my late husband kept hidden his whole life. After he passed.
I wouldn't say the secret devastated me in itself, but the fact he couldn't trust me with it was very, very rough..

Also, I enjoyed that the movie didn't make the character wait long to reconnect him with someone else after his husband's passing.
Everyone grieves different, right?

I joined Lit just 2½ months after my husband passed, and the distraction saved me mentally.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I watched the Netflix movie, "Good Grief" with Dan Levy.
I not only liked it, I could emphasize with it fully..
It's a story about a married couple, who one of the husbands die, and the other husband finds out about his spouses secret, after his death, that devastates him.

I found out a secret that my late husband kept hidden his whole life. After he passed.
I wouldn't say the secret devastated me in itself, but the fact he couldn't trust me with it was very, very rough..

Also, I enjoyed that the movie didn't make the character wait long to reconnect him with someone else after his husband's passing.
Everyone grieves different, right?

I joined Lit just 2½ months after my husband passed, and the distraction saved me mentally.

Thank you for sharing. Grief is unique to each person. Hugs

 

[Strixaluco]

found out a secret that my late husband kept hidden his whole life. After he passed.
I wouldn't say the secret devastated me in itself, but the fact he couldn't trust me with it was very, very rough..

I found a secret he had kept for all those years. It didn't devastate me - but it changed my view on those 10-11 years years. Had I known it earlier, it would have ended our relationship, as it was not about him trusting me but betraying my trust.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Well I had a very vivid dream of having sex with my late wife as if she were in my bed. It was wonderful, a let down as she was not there, and puzzling as it came without a trigger. Anyone else have such dreams?

 

[oldermale2chat]

Hello all
I just came across this group and thought I could also learn from it.
I recently lost my wife of 26 years (it still seems like yesterday) only 78 days ago when she suddenly collapsed and died. She was healthy up until that day and it was very unexpected. It was both of our second marriages and we we were so happy together. We were planning how we were going to see the country and leave soon the day before she collapsed. I have had good and bad days and am working on trying to create my new life without her, keeping her in my memories, as that chapter of my life is now over. As I will be 70 in a couple of months and it is still fresh in my life, I am not sure what this next phase of my life will bring, and that is what I dread.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Hello all
I just came across this group and thought I could also learn from it.
I recently lost my wife of 26 years (it still seems like yesterday) only 78 days ago when she suddenly collapsed and died. She was healthy up until that day and it was very unexpected. It was both of our second marriages and we we were so happy together. We were planning how we were going to see the country and leave soon the day before she collapsed. I have had good and bad days and am working on trying to create my new life without her, keeping her in my memories, as that chapter of my life is now over. As I will be 70 in a couple of months and it is still fresh in my life, I am not sure what this next phase of my life will bring, and that is what I dread.

Everyone one of us has gone through this process and its unique to each person. You have our empathy and support. I can relate to your situation as I lost my wife to cancer 19 months ago. I miss her deeply. Life does go on. My only advice is take care of your health by excersing, getting out and getting a physical. My BP and heart rate were very elevated in the first 3 months after her passing and I could have had a stroke. I saw my doctor, he changed meds and that resolved the medical issues. I also suggest some grief therapy. I know others here may also make suggestions.

 

[Strixaluco]

Hello all
I just came across this group and thought I could also learn from it.
I recently lost my wife of 26 years (it still seems like yesterday) only 78 days ago when she suddenly collapsed and died. She was healthy up until that day and it was very unexpected. It was both of our second marriages and we we were so happy together. We were planning how we were going to see the country and leave soon the day before she collapsed. I have had good and bad days and am working on trying to create my new life without her, keeping her in my memories, as that chapter of my life is now over. As I will be 70 in a couple of months and it is still fresh in my life, I am not sure what this next phase of my life will bring, and that is what I dread.

I'm a widow since 2,5 years ago, though a lot younger than you, and it wasn't unexpected, just quicker than wished for.

The best advice I got was to arrange so that there's always something positive to be waiting for - however small or big. What that is depends totally on you. For me it was often something social, like a planned phone call with a friend, or someone visiting, or later on going to dancing - or a peer group meeting. But it could even be for example some pampering. For the first 7-8 months i noticed I needed something like that every single week, 2 weeks was too far away for me.

It doesn't change your sorrow, it just keeps you living and gives you strength to survive and move on.

And remember - people tend to go through the whole range of emotions when griefing. While some are not necessarily always wise to express to others, feeling them is normal. And some things, or their recurrence, may be best understood by other widows. Especially after the immediate phase.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

Hello all
I just came across this group and thought I could also learn from it.
I recently lost my wife of 26 years (it still seems like yesterday) only 78 days ago when she suddenly collapsed and died. She was healthy up until that day and it was very unexpected. It was both of our second marriages and we we were so happy together. We were planning how we were going to see the country and leave soon the day before she collapsed. I have had good and bad days and am working on trying to create my new life without her, keeping her in my memories, as that chapter of my life is now over. As I will be 70 in a couple of months and it is still fresh in my life, I am not sure what this next phase of my life will bring, and that is what I dread.

My husband and I were together a total of 25 years, and he passed away suddenly from an OD in 2021.
Sudden loss, or expected loss is all loss and it's still very hard..
we all grieve different... I joined Lit just a couple months after his passing and for me, escaping into fantasy with erotica helped..
I hope posting here helps you in your process, too.

 

[oldermale2chat]

I want to thank everyone for your kind words and support. I still have some bad days and good days, but I have had more good days lately. We had a great life together and I have many happy memories.
I know it will be difficult as I have buried my parents, brother, sister, and son so I am not unfamiliar with grieving, but I am finding losing a spouse is the hardest thing I have ever experienced.
I will be following this group and will be responding to posts.

 

[Lady2020]

It's been my experience that widowers need more time to process grief before they get into another relationship.

 

[Strixaluco]

I want to thank everyone for your kind words and support. I still have some bad days and good days, but I have had more good days lately. We had a great life together and I have many happy memories.
I know it will be difficult as I have buried my parents, brother, sister, and son so I am not unfamiliar with grieving, but I am finding losing a spouse is the hardest thing I have ever experienced.
I will be following this group and will be responding to posts.

According to experts losing your spouse is generally the most stressful normal life event there is. (War etc not accounted for.)

And grief takes time. Around here some weekend events for widows only accept those who have more than 6 months since spouses death and the grief isn't too raw anymore.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

It's been my experience that widowers need more time to process grief before they get into another relationship.

I read somewhere that men tend to want to "fix" the relationship which ended so they engage quicker into the dating scene. As an extrovert, I was more inclined to proceed with dating early. In hindsight, I started too early.

I know of many widows and widowers that are not dating and may never. The reason varies and I am not sure its a gender issue.

Your observation is interesting and I would like to hear from others experience and observaion.

 

[Strixaluco]

I decided to save the first year for griefing, before going on - in the old fashioned way. I think it was mostly a wise decision.

Well, stuff happened and I ended up having an online relationship after just 8,5 months. It was clearly a healing process for me in many ways. Not from grief necessarily, but from a lot of of stuff that I had experienced earlier, and the depression I had had in addition to the grief. It would not had made any good for a relationship that was meant to long - but in this it was clear to both parties that it would not last that long. And it didn't, it was about 2,5 months.

Then I moved to the city 11 months into being a widow, and met a man less than a week after that... And I was luckily ready for lasting love at that point - unlike just a couple of months earlier.

 

[oldermale2chat]

I know for me I am not looking to start dating and it is too early to say I will never date, but at my age it looks like I will remain single. I would like to find a distraction where I might meet others and socialize to break the times of loneliness, just to talk and not feel like a "fifth wheel" and maybe make new friends.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

I have zero plans to date IRL now or in the future. I have an intense phobia of getting pregnant again, especially at almost 50.. so he would have to be sterile, snipped or whatnot for me to feel comfortable sexually.
I'm very much into being open to an emotional connection. I jumped into a friendship very very quickly once I joined lit after my spouse passed. He was a widower and I think we trauma bonded more than anything.
I just don't see myself with someone physically again.. but you never know, right?

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I know for me I am not looking to start dating and it is too early to say I will never date, but at my age it looks like I will remain single. I would like to find a distraction where I might meet others and socialize to break the times of loneliness, just to talk and not feel like a "fifth wheel" and maybe make new friends.

I found a "meetup" group of active widows and widowers. We get together for walks, dinners and brunches. Maybe you can find some group like that near you.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I have zero plans to date IRL now or in the future. I have an intense phobia of getting pregnant again, especially at almost 50.. so he would have to be sterile, snipped or whatnot for me to feel comfortable sexually.
I'm very much into being open to an emotional connection. I jumped into a friendship very very quickly once I joined lit after my spouse passed. He was a widower and I think we trauma bonded more than anything.
I just don't see myself with someone physically again.. but you never know, right?

You never know as life is unpredictable. You have boundaries which is good if you do date.