X marks the Dominant

[Netzach]

Castagnus quoted kinkyknickers, who said that s/he wants to love, but does not need it. I agree with this as a premis for the rest of what I have to say.

I think Ayn Rand nails the image of submission in her female heros. They are assertive, independent and complete, but with their respective men, they are subserviant and willing.

Before I go further, let me say first that I am new to this whole scene, hence the name I chose. I do not mean to offend, and I only ask that you be patient while I figure these things out. I apologize if I test your patience too far. If you feel the need to respond to something I say, PLEASE read my whole post before responding. Don't latch on to a mis-worded sentence and attack me from there without reading the rest of my post.

I have known I am submissive for about a month or two now. I have had the desires, characteristics, qualifications, whatever, since before I knew what sex was. I have yet to find a Dom that trips the triggers in me. I have always freely given anything asked of me (provided I could rationally give it), and it has opened me up to a lot of misuse. I am not sorry for being where I am, I am most definitly NOT sorry for what I am. I came to this site through an ex of mine, and I have found this thread in hopes that it would clarify some questions on what a Dom really is. Instead, I found a whole bunch of useless information about energy, electricity and whatnot. Don't get offended if you were talking about it, I just don't believe in anything more than personality and first impressions. If you do, then rock on, I don't really care.

The biggest thing I want to know is, how is Dominance ascribed? How do you recognize it? What is it in the Dom that makes me recognize him as such?

I want to be told how to please someone and the best way to do it. When I am in a relationship, I do the things I do because I know that it will make him happy. The thought of making him happy makes me happy. I want to know that if I falter, or I disappoint, that I am held accountable for it. Most of all, I want to know that I am taken care of because, when all is said and done, I don't care for myself the way I care for others. This is what submission is on the non-sexual level for me.

Is Dominance the opposite? Does it overlap? Is it the same, only with a little more agression? I think that if I could understand what a Dominant is, I would be better able to choose partners that are not abusive. I'm sick of being lied to, even if it IS through omission. How can I trust someone, when I am tied and immobile, if I know that they have not been fully honest with me? I don't mean to sound needy, but if I am going to place myself in a situation where I must depend on soemone else, I have to know that they didn't omit the part where they really don't care about me.

Where is the line between arrogance, ignorance and abusiveness and Dominance? Obviously, a Dom must be assertive, otherwise, how would he be confident in telling me what he wants? He must be able to listen, otherwise, how would he be able to understand my limits enough to push them? I'm not talking about primal instinct here, or energy, or charisma, or charm, I am talking about the skills to listen and assert. These things go beyond the bedroom, as all good relationships do.

This is really the first time I've actually written out my questions and thoughts, so I'm sorry if I inturrupted your discussion on credibility and mashed potatoes, it was a little off-topic anyway.

I believe you're pretty much on the money about things other than first impressions and personality - I'm not so sure that's where it is.

But as to "how can I tell" I've never seen anything I consider non-mystical on this subject. "How do I tell it's DOM vs. ABUSER" etc. etc.

The sad truth is, you are on your own with that one. You don't have Ayn Rand narration in your head like some outtake scene from "Stranger than Fiction" just the same misfiring little series of red flags that people are equipped with, sometimes right, sometimes wrong sometimes ignored at your peril.

Paired with the fact that someone can be it, just not at all it for you.
If you have decided you need to be taken care of, well - you need to watch that for all the reasons Ayn bothered writing books, yes? Those relationships are subservient ones, but the real thing, the one both of them are willing to lie down and die for is that dollar traced in the air. Dagny would do anything John wished, but John would never wish anything that wasn't in Dagny's interests and would urge her to fight even him over that. It's a subservience of recognition, not an answer to Dominance of any kind. That's the appeal of those men, it's not that they're leaders so much as the effortlessness and lightness of leadership.

 

[unfoundiamond]

Netz

So when you think up your own ideas we can mark them distinctly by the bitterness and misery that they drip of?

I am responding to something you called my attention to.

But then again,

Misery loves company.

You little instigator you...

Ill gladly watch you two extreme wrestle each other in hope of gaining my forgiveness... now go on... don't be a total waste...

LOL!

 

[Netzach]

I can't say the ability to narrate makes a good Dictator...

Look at some actual Dictators and powerful people. Look at the time money and energy put into narratives. Narratives like "we were great and powerful once, and the inferior races stripped us of out mystical Aryan greatness" or "The soft intellectuals have stripped the rural proles of their power, we must find and re-educate them"

It's almost all narrative, backed with some impressive killing. Narrative is the difference between a Dictator and a random psycho with a gun.

 

[Primalex]

Nicely noticed..

Netzach is paired with Hod and comprises the third group of sephirot, the "tactical" sefirot, meaning that their purpose is not inherent in themselves, but rather as a means for something else.

[...]

You shall not copy the work of other people without proper reference - especially not on a forum for authors.

 

[Netzach]

You shall not copy the work of other people without proper reference - especially not on a forum for authors.

I think it's Wiki, but citation is good.

 

[unfoundiamond]

Wow...

This thread is full of useless information....

But you not understanding me trying to put a word to a feeling I cannot explain...

And maybe you don't understand what it feels like to be compelled to serve someone, because no ones ever "tripped your triggers" I believe you said....
Having never had this expirience makes me wonder what gives you the right to act like you can say my posts contained useless information...

(Your whole life story and admitted lack of expirience is useless being posted in this thread)

But I didn't jump your ass,

Maybe you are just one of those people who wants attention and if you don't get it, youlle do something rude to get it.

Well.

*(Sincerely!)

Since you're new welcome. I hope you have fun here...

I do.

 

[Netzach]

Wow...

This thread is full of useless information....

But you not understanding me trying to put a word to a feeling I cannot explain...

And maybe you don't understand what it feels like to be compelled to serve someone, because no ones ever "tripped your triggers" I believe you said....
Having never had this expirience makes me wonder what gives you the right to act like you can say my posts contained useless information...

(Your whole life story and admitted lack of expirience is useless being posted in this thread)

But I didn't jump your ass,

Maybe you are just one of those people who wants attention and if you don't get it, youlle do something rude to get it.

Well.

*(Sincerely!)

Since you're new welcome. I hope you have fun here...

I do.

Oh, I get it. If anyone says anything that doesn't validate your inscrutable poorly articulated feeeeeeeeeelings they're an asshole wasting everyone's time.

 

[unfoundiamond]

Whenever you're ready...

I am waiting for you to come post...

(And if you bi*ches are finished with the pissing contest, maybe youlle stop scaring off the malesubs who don't want their posts lost in your bitchy psychobabble)

Id like them to stop telling me they're waiting to post for your droning to end. . .

Gosh... Be considerate you poorly trained housepets.

*sits quietly and waits for anyone else to post, somebody, anybody*

Id rather listen to DreamSensualist than you people...
And... well... that's saying something.

 

[unfoundiamond]

So when you think up your own ideas we can mark them distinctly by the bitterness and misery that they drip of?

I am responding to something you called my attention to.

But then again,

Misery loves company.

You little instigator you...

Ill gladly watch you two extreme wrestle each other in hope of gaining my forgiveness... now go on... don't be a total waste...

LOL!

That's extreme surrender wrestling "ladies", (or so you say)

Some how my posts got out of order, but...

This was lost up there and should be down here more...

 

[curiousalice]

FIRST. I apologize for offending you. That was not my intent.

I did not name you, I referred to the people who believe in "electricity", "energy" and "auras". These things have no meaning for me. If you do, all the power to you. Since you read that I like Ayn Rand, it should not surprise you that I don't believe in those things.

My life story would have been a little longer.

I shared the little bit about me so that I could use it as an example/contrast for my further questions about Dominance. I believe I asked if being Dominant meant that you were completely the opposite of how I define my submissiveness, or is it the same, only with a slightly different personality?

What is it like to see things through the eyes of a Dominant when in a scene? What sorts of emotions motivate a Dominant's actions? Do they get pleasure by telling their sub how to please them, be it cleaning the house, buying groceries, touching them in a certain way? Do they have the desire to know that there is someone who will do almost anything to please them?

As for tripping triggers, my ex did and still does. We went our seperate ways a few months ago because we just didn't work well as a couple. I am inexperienced in calling my submission what it is, I didn't have the words for it until a few months ago. I am by far not inexperienced in the way of submission. Now that I know what it is that drives me, I want to know what the other half of it is so that I won't make the mistakes that I have before.

Again, I am sorry to offend you. I'm still learning the words to describe what I want to know. My last post took me nearly two hours to write because I was trying to choose words that fit what I was trying to ask.

As to the attention bit, all I did was ask a question that I would think all new subs would want to ask (What does Dominance mean? How submissive am I really?). I did not mean to be rude and I am sorry for that as well if I was.

 

[BiBunny]

I did not mean to be rude and I am sorry for that as well if I was.

If I were going to call someone in this thread rude, it wouldn't be you. Don't worry about it. This kind of shit happens with certain people fairly regularly. Hang around awhile, and you'll figure it out.

 

[YourCaptor]

I did not name you, I referred to the people who believe in "electricity", "energy" and "auras". These things have no meaning for me.

Lets give em some meaning then.

You have heard the word "chemistry" used before right? It's kind of like that, when two people just click. When they get along and just love each other, it doesn't happen with just anyone.

Thats energy, except instead of love, the leader/follower relationship just clicks.

Energy is really just a million little things. When you look at them you can just tell, when you see how they move, how they react, expressions, laughter, etc. It all builds up, and if enough of it triggers your dom radar, then you got yourself a dom.

It's not love though, its d/s

Make sense?

 

[unfoundiamond]

This was just intended to discuss some ideas i had read,

they arent my ideas... so everyone declaring shit is unecesarry.

I looked around and noticed the world alot while thinking about this thread. Not everyones super hot... or young... or even has control of their whole body I mean, Theres a whole lifestyle full of generations people...

ProDommes everyday top men they dont love, or even touch sometimes... How does that fit into the idea it all about love? Love is a selfish feeling... Its how the person makes you feel, like a endorphne high even... people who say they love people just like the way those people make them feel... love doesnt come from outside.... yes someone can SHOW you they love you, but its the feeling the showing gives you, its not a magical fairy dust you can go about sprinkling...

I am sure there are every kind of couple for every kind of thing, but my point is,

Is the only (because there are so many other ones, but only one common) common trait the ability to gather people under you, or is everyone so diffrent, that we are gonna say there is not one common "sejensequa" for doms in general?

Because as everyone has said you either have it or you dont, and i can feel, (as i have heard others say they can also) when the "chemistry" and adrenaline run in sequence and you FEEL another persons energy... that oh so hard to explain feeling I have seen plenty of threads mentioning, i dont know why you all wanna pretend like i am all alone in feeling someones presence heavy on you, and anticipation... its... capable of happening anywhere really, its not sexual...

it just happens sometimes with people with chemistry like you said, but how can it be so coinscedental its not in vanilla interactions for me, maybe its my preffrences that effect it but

it just seems like doms have this


thing.....

i cant fully articulate it,

someone, anyone, know what i mean>?