You don't need a Dom, You need a vacation!

[Richard49]

Re: You Don't Need a Sub, You Need a Maid

I just reread the original post and almost verbatim, I have found some Dominants who feel that being Dominant means LESS responsibility, not more.

perhaps it is because they confuse D/s
with the sensuality of BDSM

 

[Richard49]

This is one of the best threads ever posted to this board.

IMHO it should be made a sticky.

thank you

 

[catalina_francisco]

This is one of the best threads ever posted to this board.

IMHO it should be made a sticky.

Have to agree on it being a great thread....shame it had so short a shelf life at the time of it's first viewing.

Catalina

 

[Richard49]

bumped

 

[catalina_francisco]

Another good bump?

 

[Richard49]

Wow
a thread that I started
said what I have been saying
and did not get flamed

thank you catalina_francisco
for the bump

 

[catalina_francisco]

Wow
a thread that I started
said what I have been saying
and did not get flamed

thank you catalina_francisco
for the bump

Your welcome.

 

[BeachGurl2]

Very interesting thread. I have encountered women who seem to believe that all their troubles will end when they find a Dom to take care of them. There's always that rude awakening when life doesn't work out as fairy tale perfectly as that, isn't there? But there are also the men who think that being a Dom ends all their troubles, as well. They think, I'll just get me a sub/slave to do my bidding - life will be perfect.

And that's different from the vanilla world how? It's really not. There are vanilla men who want women at home to do their bidding, just like there are vanilla women who want to find their knight in shining armour to rescue them from real life.

So what's my point? Get educated and ask really good questions. The only way to truly know if this life is what you truly need is to educate yourself, and then learn how to ask the right questions of prospective mates. (And of course, ultimately to physically experience it, because, let's face it, you can only spank yourself so hard, right? )

 

[catalina_francisco]

Always an interesting bump...

 

[SubKekiLee]

Carrying your load in a D/s relationship is hard work, there is no doubt about it. Like any other relationship, there are sacrifices and times that we don't get what we want for a variety of reasons. I wish it were as simple as sitting at His feet waiting for a directive.

Personally, I could use a vacation, but, for me, that's another issue.

Yes I agree with you, You do not always get what you want.. I am collared to an incredible dom who controls me like no other has in my life.... Ive known my most of life I was submissive and it shows about how I wish to serve those around me. I am always very very giving and love to make another smile. We dont always get to spend the kind of time we want and I so wish it was as simple as kneeling at his feet waiting for him...

 

[Nameless_Rose]

hurray for bumps! I'm glad I got to see this post. It's very interesting for me to see that some people would not only be willing to hand over their lives to someone else, but they positively crave to be a mere passenger in the car of their life (*wince* sorry about the bad metaphor). I can understand why this is attractive to some people, but being my own person is incredibly important to me. I think maybe some people might think that's a rather un-subbish desire, but I believe that you can be someone's sub and still be yourself as well as His/Hers. For me, being a sub is being myself. I feel bad for people who are just so bogged down by life that they feel the only solution is to give over everything to another person and I feel bad for the person who feels compelled to take the life of another onto his or her shoulders. I know I'm a noob, and maybe I'm off base on all this, but those are my thoughts. I like life and I don't want a vacation from it.

 

[catalina_francisco]

hurray for bumps! I'm glad I got to see this post. It's very interesting for me to see that some people would not only be willing to hand over their lives to someone else, but they positively crave to be a mere passenger in the car of their life (*wince* sorry about the bad metaphor). I can understand why this is attractive to some people, but being my own person is incredibly important to me. I think maybe some people might think that's a rather un-subbish desire, but I believe that you can be someone's sub and still be yourself as well as His/Hers. For me, being a sub is being myself. I feel bad for people who are just so bogged down by life that they feel the only solution is to give over everything to another person and I feel bad for the person who feels compelled to take the life of another onto his or her shoulders. I know I'm a noob, and maybe I'm off base on all this, but those are my thoughts. I like life and I don't want a vacation from it.

I think it is very important for a sub to have been their own person, run their own life, proved to themselves they can, before they have anything worth handing over to another. If you have never done those things and felt your own power, often it is a case of looking for someone else to take control because you fear or question your own ability to do so. I am at a point in my life where I have survived against more than a few incredible odds, so I know I have something to offer as opposed to looking for someone to take over my life for me, and I also know my motivation is not the need for someone to take over for me. That lends me a lot of security in the choice I have made and the power I have surrendered...I cannot imagine doing or feeling the same if I were very young with my life ahead of me, experiences to live, my own self to form and know.

Catalina

 

[northwoods_sub]

Wow, this thread really speaks to the heart of things doesn't it. For myself I was submissive before I knew what submissive was. I have always in day to day life and in the bedroom wanted someone else to lead.
What does that mean, well it means that their needs come first, if I want time to or for myself I make sure that Sirs needs, then the kids needs are met, then me. I have always gone to my Sir for his opinion, I don't always follow it nor in our relationship am I expected to as that he expects me to have my own individual thought and ideas and does not want an atomiton (sp?).
I take care of the dogs, cats, kids (we have 4) my school work (finishing my BS in biochemistry this year) and my research work. Sometimes it seems like too much but, I always remember that in the end this is what makes me happy. I have always dreamed of this life. Unfortunately not that many people understand that, my family included, but they don't have to live my life, I do, and it makes me happy to serve Him in the day to day things as well as in the bedroom. Though if I was completely honest the bedroom stuff is much more fun!

 

[EmpressFi]

Although it wasnt to the end of the spectrum as posted here, but when I first started exploring living as a sub, I wasnt sure what it was about except being tied up and spanked/flogged during sex. Then I met Master and through him have learned that it's about pleasing him in everything I do. Keeping the house clean so that when he comes to visit me, I'm not exhausted from rushing around trying to do it then. Taking care of my husband and keeping my temper in check so that there's not tension in my marriage. It's in thinking before every word that's spoken and every action taken, would Master approve of this, would this please Him. He might be 1000 miles away, but I still live as his sub 24/7.

 

[Richard49]

Although it wasnt to the end of the spectrum as posted here, but when I first started exploring living as a sub, I wasnt sure what it was about except being tied up and spanked/flogged during sex. Then I met Master and through him have learned that it's about pleasing him in everything I do. Keeping the house clean so that when he comes to visit me, I'm not exhausted from rushing around trying to do it then. Taking care of my husband and keeping my temper in check so that there's not tension in my marriage. It's in thinking before every word that's spoken and every action taken, would Master approve of this, would this please Him. He might be 1000 miles away, but I still live as his sub 24/7.

That is the difference between a submissive
(I hate the term sub ... that is something I get at SubWay)
and a bottom ...

I will not get on my soap box

 

[EmpressFi]

That is the difference between a submissive
(I hate the term sub ... that is something I get at SubWay)
and a bottom ...

I will not get on my soap box

what do you see as the difference between a bottom and a submissive?

 

[Richard49]

what do you see as the difference between a bottom and a submissive?

a bottom has to do with bdsm
a submissive has to do with D/s

one can be a submissve and not a bottom
one can be a bottom and not a submissive

in fact a Dom can be a bottom

one can be a dom or submissive without being a top or a bottom

 

[wicked woman]

a bottom has to do with bdsm
a submissive has to do with D/s

one can be a submissve and not a bottom
one can be a bottom and not a submissive

in fact a Dom can be a bottom

one can be a dom or submissive without being a top or a bottom

Interesting ...your comments tie into an experience I had at my first munch. I identify as a submissive. At the munch I was asked if I was a top or a bottom...perhaps because my Dom wasn't with me and I made no mention of his existence..perhaps not. I was taken aback at the question. I answered bottom...but it didn't quite fit. I don't play. I'm not a bottom...next time I'll answer submissive.

 

[intothewoods]

Great thread, and so timely for me. I definitely think part of what drew me to D/s was in fact that I needed a vacation! And so I am still sorting out where I fit into the lifestyle.

I'm very much a bottom, although sometimes I do think maybe I'm a switch. But as of yet, whatever Toppy tendencies I have tend to peter out when I play.

I definitely have strong submissive urges. But I don't know how far it goes for me.

I suspect that for me it's a very subtle thing. I hate pomp and circumstance, but when exerted in a very subtle way, that power can be soooo right.

I don't know. I've put off big decisions for the moment. We'll just have to see.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

now that touched me...

interesting......... I try really hard to make things right while being a mum, wife and online submissive as well, but i must admit what you have wrote Richard still made me feel quilty, cuz of my lil girl the most.

 

[Richard49]

interesting......... I try really hard to make things right while being a mum, wife and online submissive as well, but i must admit what you have wrote Richard still made me feel quilty, cuz of my lil girl the most.

What exactly did I write that made you feel quilty?

 

[GentleSub_Ivy]

This is a great thread for me now. Like others who have responded I am trying to figure out where I fit in this lifestyle. I'm in a vanilla marriage that we are trying to transition into D/s. Sometimes I wonder if I am just a bottom but then there is something missing on a deep level when it is just about sex. My husband at this time sees just the sexual level. But then I am unsure if I am cut out for service 24/7. I don't know if I could put another's needs completely above my own. Maybe because I have to coax my husband's desires out of him. I don't know. It just feels like I'm doing the topping and bottoming. (Oh, and I need a vacation... ). I also understand that submission isn't about being taken care of and I would be expected to be the best I can be in my ideal D/s relationship. That isn't expected of me now. I'm still figuring out if that is what I want or not.

Thanks for the bump of this thread folks.

 

[SubKekiLee]

Hmmm

This is a great thread for me now. Like others who have responded I am trying to figure out where I fit in this lifestyle. I'm in a vanilla marriage that we are trying to transition into D/s. Sometimes I wonder if I am just a bottom but then there is something missing on a deep level when it is just about sex. My husband at this time sees just the sexual level. But then I am unsure if I am cut out for service 24/7. I don't know if I could put another's needs completely above my own. Maybe because I have to coax my husband's desires out of him. I don't know. It just feels like I'm doing the topping and bottoming. (Oh, and I need a vacation... ). I also understand that submission isn't about being taken care of and I would be expected to be the best I can be in my ideal D/s relationship. That isn't expected of me now. I'm still figuring out if that is what I want or not.

Thanks for the bump of this thread folks.

Ivy
I know how you feel to a certain point I am married to a VERY nilla guy who wont even seek out the ideas I like but I am to accept his kinky ideas.. It is very hard I know where I fit in this at cause Id like to be able to live 24/7 but my dom lives with his Nilla wife as well.. although at one point in time she was his SUB as well.. she just doesnt like the dynamics of it outside the bedroom and he does.. My ideal would be to live in a 24/7 but since I cant I am accepting what I can get at this moment in time.. maybe thats what you might have to do as well..

 

[GentleSub_Ivy]

Ivy
I know how you feel to a certain point I am married to a VERY nilla guy who wont even seek out the ideas I like but I am to accept his kinky ideas.. It is very hard I know where I fit in this at cause Id like to be able to live 24/7 but my dom lives with his Nilla wife as well.. although at one point in time she was his SUB as well.. she just doesnt like the dynamics of it outside the bedroom and he does.. My ideal would be to live in a 24/7 but since I cant I am accepting what I can get at this moment in time.. maybe thats what you might have to do as well..

I know we don't always get what we want. I am truly trying to do my best in the situation and give hubby a chance. These ideas are new to us both but more so for him. I'm just trying to give him the space to see if he can accept these things. I'm just a bit exhausted, hence the vacation idea is very appealing.

 

[northwoods_sub]

This is a great thread for me now. Like others who have responded I am trying to figure out where I fit in this lifestyle. I'm in a vanilla marriage that we are trying to transition into D/s. Sometimes I wonder if I am just a bottom but then there is something missing on a deep level when it is just about sex. My husband at this time sees just the sexual level. But then I am unsure if I am cut out for service 24/7. I don't know if I could put another's needs completely above my own. Maybe because I have to coax my husband's desires out of him. I don't know. It just feels like I'm doing the topping and bottoming. (Oh, and I need a vacation... ). I also understand that submission isn't about being taken care of and I would be expected to be the best I can be in my ideal D/s relationship. That isn't expected of me now. I'm still figuring out if that is what I want or not.

Thanks for the bump of this thread folks.

I am in almost exactly the same situation. We have been married 5 years come September and together for 7. I have ALWAYS known that I wanted to serve, but because of bad relationships in the past I had to become a straight up hard core self controlling bitch. I didn't trust any man to make decisions for me because I knew they just wanted to hurt me or use me (in a bad way lol). Anyhow I have not been happy in these relationships that I have had to be in complete control. Sex had been nearly nonexistant.

We had almost always involved some form of SM in our sex lives (pulling hair, light bondage) but nothing too intense. About 2 months ago I started doing more research on BDSM and started talking to my husband about it. He was game to try something new and it was amazing!!! It is like the thing that I had been searching for my entire life had finally been found!

For him at this point it is about the sex. Tying me up and beating my ass with a flogger is foreplay and he is still really concerned about hurting me, and if I let him push a limit (as in doing something I had been unable or unwilling to do before ie. anal) he is SOOOOO appreciative. Even though I feel that it is just part of what I should be doing for him and what gives me joy in serving.

However, now that I have had a taste of this lifestyle I am finding that I all of my life prior to this was my just settling for what was accepted by society. I want to experience more of this lifestyle, but I will accept all that he is willing and feels comfortable giving to me.

I hope that things continue to develop in the way that you and your spouse want them to. I have found that it is a learning experience and that things will continue as long as you are both willing to learn and enjoy yourselves. Good luck!