You don't need a Dom, You need a vacation!

[GentleSub_Ivy]

I am in almost exactly the same situation. We have been married 5 years come September and together for 7. I have ALWAYS known that I wanted to serve, but because of bad relationships in the past I had to become a straight up hard core self controlling bitch. I didn't trust any man to make decisions for me because I knew they just wanted to hurt me or use me (in a bad way lol). Anyhow I have not been happy in these relationships that I have had to be in complete control. Sex had been nearly nonexistant.

We had almost always involved some form of SM in our sex lives (pulling hair, light bondage) but nothing too intense. About 2 months ago I started doing more research on BDSM and started talking to my husband about it. He was game to try something new and it was amazing!!! It is like the thing that I had been searching for my entire life had finally been found!

For him at this point it is about the sex. Tying me up and beating my ass with a flogger is foreplay and he is still really concerned about hurting me, and if I let him push a limit (as in doing something I had been unable or unwilling to do before ie. anal) he is SOOOOO appreciative. Even though I feel that it is just part of what I should be doing for him and what gives me joy in serving.

However, now that I have had a taste of this lifestyle I am finding that I all of my life prior to this was my just settling for what was accepted by society. I want to experience more of this lifestyle, but I will accept all that he is willing and feels comfortable giving to me.

I hope that things continue to develop in the way that you and your spouse want them to. I have found that it is a learning experience and that things will continue as long as you are both willing to learn and enjoy yourselves. Good luck!

Part of the problem is that he wants me to make the decision in our relationship. He has always been like this. He brought that particular baggage from his first marriage and I have definitely brought my own baggage. Now we are finally really starting to ask each other for what we want. We have been together 5 years too (married for 2). That seems a bit sad but I guess better late than never.

So I do wonder if I really want to serve someone who needs me to be the decision maker. It just feels backwards. I'm hoping that it just will take time for him to trust I am not his ex especially now that we are communicating a little better.

Thanks for your well wishes and I'm happy things are working out for you.

Sorry if this is a hijack Richard.