❓ Inquiring Minds Want To Know - Discussion Thread

[JJonah]

I’d be so good at that job.

It’s very intimate and yet very impersonal. It’s a weird experience.

 

[AlwaysFara]

It’s very intimate and yet very impersonal. It’s a weird experience.

Like being a nurse.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Guys... I’m not really gonna kick anyone’s ass.
I’m 5’2”!!!

I've known too many short women to feel reassured by that

 

[AlwaysFara]

I've known too many short women to feel reassured by that

We are kinda feisty.

 

[Apple_of_Eden]

Hello All,
I pop in here every now and again to see what the topic of discussion is or to just catch up on the thread. After reading the last few pages, I thought I'd tell you all how wonderful and lovely you are as individuals.

bfg, you know I have a fond place for you. cassie, you are always one of my favorite people. Fara, Honey, and PLP, and others, I love reading your thoughts and shares here. I just wanted to take a moment and to say you are all unique and special women. I'm happy to "know you" if only through Lit exchanges or posts.

For our Lit men who have been so honest and open with their shares and perspectives on the topics and...off topic...thank you also. I do enjoy reading your thoughts and feelings on the subjects.

Merry Christmas, Happy holidays, and a Happy and healthy New Year to all.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Can I interrupt for a sec? Yeah. I lurk here. But tonight I'm just sitting here shaking my head. Where do you all work that you can just go around touching people all the time? Part of my job is to teach classes to people like you on why that's a really bad idea. Lawsuits, misunderstandings, firings. "Hostile work environments". All of it. And don't you even THINK about dating a coworker.

It's interesting how much these norms vary from place to place.

When I was in college, the Master of the college used to stroke people's arms while he was talking to them. It was creepy AF, and I have no idea where he got it from - is there anywhere in the world where that's a usual thing to do?

At my current work, apart from stuff like handshakes, we're pretty much no-touch. It's not banned but it's way outside the social norms and we have plenty of training on harassment. In ten years there, I think I've hugged two co-workers; both times, because one of us was in tears. And when it was me comforting somebody else, I asked for permission first.

But dating co-workers is NBD, as long as it's outside your line of management. We're required to disclose it, along with anything else that could create problems with real or perceived conflicts of interest, but I'm aware of several married couples at my work.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Hello All,
I pop in here every now and again to see what the topic of discussion is or to just catch up on the thread. After reading the last few pages, I thought I'd tell you all how wonderful and lovely you are as individuals.

bfg, you know I have a fond place for you. cassie, you are always one of my favorite people. Fara, Honey, and PLP, and others, I love reading your thoughts and shares here. I just wanted to take a moment and to say you are all unique and special women. I'm happy to "know you" if only through Lit exchanges or posts.

For our Lit men who have been so honest and open with their shares and perspectives on the topics and...off topic...thank you also. I do enjoy reading your thoughts and feelings on the subjects.

Merry Christmas, Happy holidays, and a Happy and healthy New Year to all.

Apple, what a lovely post!

I'm not surprised, though. You're always saying such nice things, and I have loved our chats and posting with you.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, lovely lady.

 

[cascadiabound]

"Don't dip your pen in the company ink..." is another expression I've heard. I find it quite perplexing as well. Fraternization happens a lot, but it's a major "no, no" where I come from as well. Depending on the situation, it could be a career ending event.

Just to clarify.
I wasn't only talking about work. I'm pretty clear on those boundaries.

Good. Because I've seen too many people dismissed on just an accusation. And usually, it's the people who say "oh, it's ok. Everyone knows I'm just being nice. " And it's sad.

I love you, beachbaby.

I love you all too. And my work place has very clear rules about fraternization and dipping ink in the company well has gotten an owner forced out without being able to take his stake with him.

And there are certainly people I work with who are like Fara and do not want to be touched. And I am not an idiot - I respect boundaries. However, it is rare that I do not end a meeting with my boss without hugging her. I love her and she is one of my best friends. It is also a workplace that is neither military or corporate. The culture of that work place cultivates a high degree of awareness of individual needs and boundaries. Issues are easily raised and addressed and pot stirring is not tolerated.

 

[Paul_Chance]

Personally, I’m all about the embrace. An embrace encompasses many things. Among lovers, intimacy. Among family, love. Among friends, affection. Among rivals, admiration. Among new acquaintances, acceptance.

The world would be a better place if more people embraced. In our hyper-sexualized modernity, it can be fraught with subtext, context and every other thing, but it’s still just a great thing.

I came from a family of huggers, hand-holders and kissers, I hugged through sports, and I certainly learned a wide variety of physical expressions of love, friendship and affection through living and working abroad and through moving through a complex multi-cultural world.

I follow some simple rules. Pay attention to context. Pay attention to body language. When in doubt, ask and explain. Don’t be a creepy hugger. The power of physical contact, the power of the embrace or the kiss (even air kisses) is pretty awesome.

Usually, after that first potentially awkward embrace, I’ve never met anyone who didn’t lean into it, and if they spend time in my inner circle, either personal or professional, they come to embrace the embrace once they’ve worked through their personal or cultural challenges and found the proper form.

(In a strict BDSM context, embracing Dom’s at munchs and events always gave me a kick in the pants, because a high percentage of them were one “boo” away from a total freak out.)

 

[cascadiabound]

Personally, I’m all about the embrace. An embrace encompasses many things. Among lovers, intimacy. Among family, love. Among friends, affection. Among rivals, admiration. Among new acquaintances, acceptance.

The world would be a better place if more people embraced. In our hyper-sexualized modernity, it can be fraught with subtext, context and every other thing, but it’s still just a great thing.

I came from a family of huggers, hand-holders and kissers, I hugged through sports, and I certainly learned a wide variety of physical expressions of love, friendship and affection through living and working abroad and through moving through a complex multi-cultural world.

I follow some simple rules. Pay attention to context. Pay attention to body language. When in doubt, ask and explain. Don’t be a creepy hugger. The power of physical contact, the power of the embrace or the kiss (even air kisses) is pretty awesome.

Usually, after that first potentially awkward embrace, I’ve never met anyone who didn’t lean into it, and if they spend time in my inner circle, either personal or professional, they come to embrace the embrace once they’ve worked through their personal or cultural challenges and found the proper form.

THIS. YES. YES. YES.

 

[John_Q_Public]

I love you all too. And my work place has very clear rules about fraternization and dipping ink in the company well has gotten an owner forced out without being able to take his stake with him.

And there are certainly people I work with who are like Fara and do not want to be touched. And I am not an idiot - I respect boundaries. However, it is rare that I do not end a meeting with my boss without hugging her. I love her and she is one of my best friends. It is also a workplace that is neither military or corporate. The culture of that work place cultivates a high degree of awareness of individual needs and boundaries. Issues are easily raised and addressed and pot stirring is not tolerated.

Wait... what? Did you say you love me? Really? That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me on this site in a very, very long time. Thank you.

So... yeah... uh-um... Let's see... oh yes, I was going to say...

It just takes one person to feel threatened and take action. I wish the world were different, but these days we must pander to the lowest common denominator. It's exhausting really.

I think TSA is the last bastion for compliant groping. Talk about your uncomfortable and awkward experiences...

 

[Bramblethorn]

It just takes one person to feel threatened and take action. I wish the world were different, but these days we must pander to the lowest common denominator. It's exhausting really.

I think the biggest reason for being cautious here is not so much "somebody might feel threatened and take action" as "somebody might feel threatened". We shouldn't need the fear of getting sued/fired to respect the fact that not everybody is comfortable with being touched.

I think TSA is the last bastion for compliant groping. Talk about your uncomfortable and awkward experiences...

Too right. My ex was sexually groped by some TSA fucker a few years back. They were quite traumatised by it, and there's effectively no recourse :-(

 

[AveryElle]

Re: the military.....I have considerable experience in this environment at the highest levels and I’ve never worked somewhere with so much blatant sexual harassment in my life, and I’ve been working since I was 14. What (obviously not all) uniformed personnel say when they think no on is listening is absolutely degrading. And not in a hot way. It’s almost worse than overt touching because at least then, everyone KNOWS it. This is why reporting sexual assault in the military is so fucking difficult and can be career ending for the accuser.

There may be rules and ritual, but in an office, rubber gloves come off, I guess.

 

[John_Q_Public]

I think the biggest reason for being cautious here is not so much "somebody might feel threatened and take action" as "somebody might feel threatened". We shouldn't need the fear of getting sued/fired to respect the fact that not everybody is comfortable with being touched.

Yes, of course. Thank you.

 

[John_Q_Public]

Re: the military.....I have considerable experience in this environment at the highest levels and I’ve never worked somewhere with so much blatant sexual harassment in my life, and I’ve been working since I was 14. What (obviously not all) uniformed personnel say when they think no on is listening is absolutely degrading. And not in a hot way. It’s almost worse than overt touching because at least then, everyone KNOWS it. This is why reporting sexual assault in the military is so fucking difficult and can be career ending for the accuser.

There may be rules and ritual, but in an office, rubber gloves come off, I guess.

Hello there AveryElle.

 

[AveryElle]

Hello there AveryElle.

Hey stranger

 

[AlwaysFara]

I think the biggest reason for being cautious here is not so much "somebody might feel threatened and take action" as "somebody might feel threatened". We shouldn't need the fear of getting sued/fired to respect the fact that not everybody is comfortable with being touched.



Too right. My ex was sexually groped by some TSA fucker a few years back. They were quite traumatised by it, and there's effectively no recourse :-(

 

[philos]

Interesting thread

 

[JJonah]

Re: the military.....I have considerable experience in this environment at the highest levels and I’ve never worked somewhere with so much blatant sexual harassment in my life, and I’ve been working since I was 14. What (obviously not all) uniformed personnel say when they think no on is listening is absolutely degrading. And not in a hot way. It’s almost worse than overt touching because at least then, everyone KNOWS it. This is why reporting sexual assault in the military is so fucking difficult and can be career ending for the accuser.

There may be rules and ritual, but in an office, rubber gloves come off, I guess.

Well, naturally.

I was just talking about on-the-job touching. The attitudes and vocabulary are demeaning and ought to change too, but I wasn’t addressing that.

I read a great deal about the systemic abuse that appears to be the norm in the US military, especially at service academies, and in a way I’m relieved that I was in an all-male environment. We had enough disciplinary headaches to deal with.

 

[AveryElle]

Well, naturally.

I was just talking about on-the-job touching. The attitudes and vocabulary are demeaning and ought to change too, but I wasn’t addressing that.

I read a great deal about the systemic abuse that appears to be the norm in the US military, especially at service academies, and in a way I’m relieved that I was in an all-male environment. We had enough disciplinary headaches to deal with.

But the world isn’t all men. Or all people kowtowing around ranks. That’s how we end of where we are with traitors like Flynn. Who is a misogynist on top of a traitor.

But that’s a digression!

 

[base10]

But the world isn’t all men. Or all people kowtowing around ranks. That’s how we end of where we are with traitors like Flynn. Who is a misogynist on top of a traitor.

But that’s a digression!

From an outsider from a military perspective, it's disheartening to hear about the organization that seems to preach discipline above all have this level of problems. Things like this would never go on in my office. Someone comments a bit over the line go on of course, but anything threatening would lead to someone getting fired instantly. I'm not sure if it's the deferring to rank, or that people is certain positions are almost untouchable.

As for Flynn and his like, I stopped reading at traitor; the rest is just details.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Personally, I’m all about the embrace. An embrace encompasses many things. Among lovers, intimacy. Among family, love. Among friends, affection. Among rivals, admiration. Among new acquaintances, acceptance.

The world would be a better place if more people embraced. In our hyper-sexualized modernity, it can be fraught with subtext, context and every other thing, but it’s still just a great thing.

I came from a family of huggers, hand-holders and kissers, I hugged through sports, and I certainly learned a wide variety of physical expressions of love, friendship and affection through living and working abroad and through moving through a complex multi-cultural world.

I follow some simple rules. Pay attention to context. Pay attention to body language. When in doubt, ask and explain. Don’t be a creepy hugger. The power of physical contact, the power of the embrace or the kiss (even air kisses) is pretty awesome.

Usually, after that first potentially awkward embrace, I’ve never met anyone who didn’t lean into it, and if they spend time in my inner circle, either personal or professional, they come to embrace the embrace once they’ve worked through their personal or cultural challenges and found the proper form.

(In a strict BDSM context, embracing Dom’s at munchs and events always gave me a kick in the pants, because a high percentage of them were one “boo” away from a total freak out.)

That last part made me laugh.

I love this post. I'm a big hugger with friends and family when greeting them or leaving. I think it was something they didn't expect when I lived in Michigan, but it's just something that seems normal to me.

 

[base10]

I love this post. I'm a big hugger with friends and family when greeting them or leaving. I think it was something they didn't expect when I lived in Michigan, but it's just something that seems normal to me.

The geographical differences that come with greetings and embraces is extremely interesting. Even within different parts of the same country, much less around the world.

In the NY area, most people in my social circle are greeted with a cheek kiss. I know that doesn't fly everywhere.

 

[barefootgirl69]

The geographical differences that come with greetings and embraces is extremely interesting. Even within different parts of the same country, much less around the world.

In the NY area, most people in my social circle are greeted with a cheek kiss. I know that doesn't fly everywhere.

You know what annoys me? The fake air kisses near my cheek.

 

[Jakevillines]

You know what annoys me? The fake air kisses near my cheek.

I have made lip contact with my grandmother in law because of that shot.