22yo - Still Living with Parents

[Christopher2012]

Okay so here's the thing, How-To Counsel.

Now, I am 22-years-old. And I still live with my parents. The thing is, I feel like I have a good excuse. So just hear me out. School for me is going to cost over $150,000 total. Now, that's a lot to invest.

However, I never left the parent's house. I was fortunate enough to get into a program that's in my own city, and that's awesome considering there's only 3 schools in Ga that offer this program. Hell, I'm lucky I'm even in the state of Ga...

Well, wouldn't you agree that saving on living expenses is a good idea since tuition alone is running wild? I personally think so. And as long as I don't do stupid shit that most young adults do, my parents let me stay here with no restrictions and no rent/bills/etc. And it's not like they're rich or anything. We live in a very small house in middle class neighborhood. So, I'm not a rich brat or anything.

Now, with that being said, I oftentimes avoid meeting women because I highly doubt many of them understand my situation. I oftentimes feel like living at home is a burden, and that I should be ashamed of it. However, many of my friends from class tell me that it's not a bad thing and they would love the opportunity that I have. They even say I'm fortunate.

So, I guess my question is several. What are your opinions on the subject? Should I feel so ashamed of it? And when it comes to women, should I just wait it out until I graduate or what? Life is really a waiting game for me, atm.

 

[SweetErika]

Are you getting a doctorate? How many more years until you graduate and move out?

How many women have you given a chance to understand your situation? 5? 10? 100? Or are you just assuming no one would understand?

I'd say you are very fortunate and it's great that your parents are giving you this opportunity to graduate with no/not so much debt. Living at home during college is no biggie; now if you're 30 or 40 and still living with your parents by choice, you probably have issues.

A lot of women may not want to hang out at your parents house extensively, but the ones you actually want to date should understand your smart financial decision, so don't worry about it.

 

[fire_breeze]

Okay so here's the thing, How-To Counsel.

Now, I am 22-years-old. And I still live with my parents. The thing is, I feel like I have a good excuse. So just hear me out. School for me is going to cost over $150,000 total. Now, that's a lot to invest.

However, I never left the parent's house. I was fortunate enough to get into a program that's in my own city, and that's awesome considering there's only 3 schools in Ga that offer this program. Hell, I'm lucky I'm even in the state of Ga...

Well, wouldn't you agree that saving on living expenses is a good idea since tuition alone is running wild? I personally think so. And as long as I don't do stupid shit that most young adults do, my parents let me stay here with no restrictions and no rent/bills/etc. And it's not like they're rich or anything. We live in a very small house in middle class neighborhood. So, I'm not a rich brat or anything.

Now, with that being said, I oftentimes avoid meeting women because I highly doubt many of them understand my situation. I oftentimes feel like living at home
is a burden, and that I should be ashamed of it. However, many of my friends from class tell me that it's not a bad thing and they would love the opportunity that I have. They even say I'm fortunate.

So, I guess my question is several. What are your opinions on the subject? Should I feel so ashamed of it? And when it comes to women, should I just wait it out until I graduate or what? Life is really a waiting game for me, atm.

As SweetErika, living at home while you at university is really no biggie. A lot of students who are attending uni near where they grew up stay at home. studying full time is a financial investment, and in this case, it's not cheap. So, the most logical and wisest course of action would be to save money where you can and sweets, you are saving boatloads by not having to pay for your rent, food, electricity, water, etc. As it's been said before, both on here and by your friends, you are very lucky that your family has agreed to this. Not many would.

If you do work, you may wish to either pay some type of rent to your parents, or put that money aside that you would have spent on room and board, so when you start your post-university career, you have some money saved. This was the deal between my brother and my parents, for what it's worth. It worked out beautifully between the two of them, and he was dating, for what it's worth.

As for women, be honest. Explain the situation as you explained it to us: you're in a programme in your hometown, university is expensive, your family is fine with it, and that's it. Most college students do understand the need to save money. Yes, it can take a little planning if you chose to be intimate, but otherwise, it's really not a deal-breaker. If a woman mocks you because of it, she's not worth dating, in my humble opinion.


Also, depending your culture, it is completely acceptable to live at home until you have a steady job and/or get married. Just putting it out there.

 

[PertPerth]

Most of my friends didn't move out of home until their late 20's - and then I know several (including my older brother) who had their parents 'buy into' their first homes. Why? It's expensive to move out!
I stayed at home while I was studying (4 years of university), and moved out at 21 because I moved interstate for a job. There are pro's and con's for each - staying at home is cheap; but in return you lose your 'freedom' (their house, their rules). I feel that moving out of home was the best thing I ever did for me, as an adult.

I guess it depends on how long you're planning on staying there. If I was early 20's, I'd not have an issue with dating someone living at home still (as long as there was a good reason!). Now that I'm 31, however, I'd run in the other direction! A friend of mine had a long term boyfriend (about 10 years); they recently broke up, one reason being that he was still living at home....at 39! She'd moved out of home about the same age as me, but he didn't want to move in with her because he didn't feel that he could pay his way. IMHO, some things are more important that money, and there are many things money can't buy. In the end, the choice is yours.

 

[fuckmeat]

There's no shame in what you;re doing at all. Living with parents because you've flunked school despite being intelligent and have a seriously crappy job, that would be shame-worthy. Getting an education without racking up crippling debt, that's a once in a lifetime chance that millions would kill for. Any girl with half a brain should be able to respect your decision to stay at home while you're studying. Once you do finish studying you'll be able to carve a great career without loads of debt holding you back.

Personally, I'd say you're a catch. And never underestimate the power of a global recession to make your financial status look even better.

 

[Christopher2012]

Okay wow, I wasn't expecting so many responses this quickly! I appreciate all the advice, and I'm not going to be able to respond to everything, but I'll hit the hot spots...

1.) How long? Well, I graduate in 2012. So I guess that makes me 24 when I finally leave the house. And somebody asked if it was with a doctorate - yes, it is. Sometimes, I look back and wonder why I took such a risky move. If I didn't get into a school, I would be super screwed right now and have nothing to fall back on... Kind of scary.

2.) I'm glad to hear that there are other stories of people who live with their parents. Every single person that I know left the house to go to college, even the ones who stayed in-town. They were all excited to leave, which brings me to the next point.

3.) PertPerth mentioned "their house, their rules" but my parents don't really have that attitude. I've never really been the wild-type, so as long as no cops show up at the front door at 2am, I'm good. They don't hold any kind of rules whatsoever execpt that I keep my area of the house clean. And of course, the typical things like washing clothes and stuff... but that's nothing.

4.) Final thing that was mentioned... well, uhhh... intimacy. Yeah, that's a hard one. Hmm... I'll just have to cross that bridge when I get to it. haha

And never underestimate the power of a global recession to make your financial status look even better.

^That's a good point, fuckmeat. That'll be good to add to the explanation from now on. haha

 

[SweetErika]

.

1.) How long? Well, I graduate in 2012. So I guess that makes me 24 when I finally leave the house. And somebody asked if it was with a doctorate - yes, it is. Sometimes, I look back and wonder why I took such a risky move. If I didn't get into a school, I would be super screwed right now and have nothing to fall back on... Kind of scary.

On the really bright side, unless you're getting your degrees in something fairly useless, you should have a pretty good earning potential and job outlook when you're done, no? Not being a deadbeat is certainly a selling point for potential long-term mates.

And, yes, you're in a great position with the current economy (which is expected to be lousy through at least 2011). I think most people realize the majority have had to make hard decisions regarding finances, and it's not unusual at all for people to downsize, move in with family, go back to school, save, work extra jobs, etc., during this time. Again, women who aren't grounded regarding these issues are probably women you don't want to get involved with beyond simple acquaintanceship.

2.) I'm glad to hear that there are other stories of people who live with their parents. Every single person that I know left the house to go to college, even the ones who stayed in-town. They were all excited to leave, which brings me to the next point.

3.) PertPerth mentioned "their house, their rules" but my parents don't really have that attitude. I've never really been the wild-type, so as long as no cops show up at the front door at 2am, I'm good. They don't hold any kind of rules whatsoever execpt that I keep my area of the house clean. And of course, the typical things like washing clothes and stuff... but that's nothing.

So you're pretty independent and you don't rely on mommy and daddy to take care of you, right?

Would you be able to live on your own competently if you needed to? You know, could you take care of your home, cook and clean for yourself, manage your finances well, etc.? I think that knowledge is one of the major advantages of moving out. If you don't have everything you need to live well independently now, I'd suggest taking this time to learn it. Have your parents teach you how to run a household from top to bottom, if they haven't done so already, and make sure you're contributing as much as possible in non-monetary ways right now so you'll hit the ground running when you do move out.

"I'm busy building a new shed in our backyard," also sounds better than, "I have to clean my room this weekend," to the ladies.

4.) Final thing that was mentioned... well, uhhh... intimacy. Yeah, that's a hard one. Hmm... I'll just have to cross that bridge when I get to it. haha

Have you talked to your parents about how they'd feel about bringing a girlfriend home, any rules regarding sleepovers, etc., yet?

 

[ravi64]

lively discussion

 

[Experiencedguy]

Sweet Erika always has good points. Do you know how to cook? Doesn't matter if you are male or female, this is one of life's necessities (unless you want to eat TV dinners or McDonald's for your entire life). If not, have your mother teach you, then do the complete dinner for the family a few times a week. That means all the prep, cooking, washing etc. It will better prepare you for when you move out, and eventually have a companion (children?), your mother will certainly appreciate it.

Can you do home repairs? If not, learn them. Even, when something breaks and you don't have a clue, sit and watch the professionals, question them, and learn. Will save you a ton of money over your lifetime.

And do the work for your parents -- your mother will appreciate you dusting, vacuuming, changing all the beds. If your father has a shop or does his own auto work, help and learn.

None of these things cost much - and you will all appreciate each other even more as you mature.

Good luck, and let us know in two years how it all worked out.

 

[PertPerth]

"I'm busy building a new shed in our backyard," also sounds better than, "I have to clean my room this weekend," to the ladies.

Too true!

Have you talked to your parents about how they'd feel about bringing a girlfriend home, any rules regarding sleepovers, etc., yet?

That's exactly what I was meaning about "their house, their rules". In my experience, even when parents who are okay with it, it still causes some issues.

Anyway, as long as you're not planning on living at home until you're 40, I'd not worry too much about what people think. Just remember that there are just some things in life you only learn once you're on your own, under your own roof, in the big wide world.

 

[Labe_Lover]

When I was in my late 30s both parents experienced health problems. They didn't need full time care, just some help. Both sisters were married or lived out of town; I'm single. I sold my place and moved back in to help out. When I explained the situation to a date or potential date, they were very understanding, even sympathetic to my situation. The vast majority thought it was the noble thing to do, and I might have experienced a mercyfuck or two.
Be upfront, but creative when you tell of your situation. Use humor. It will work better than you think.

 

[SubNebGuy]

While there is some ...stigma (lack of a better word) with being a grown adult living with your parents, you do have valid reasons. Also, there's a lot of college graduates moving back in with mom n' dad because they can't find jobs to afford to move out.

It sounds like your chosen field of study might lend itself to a good paying career in the long run, so any women put off by your current situation would have that to look forward to, if they were that shallow to start with.

 

[TypicalDeviant]

Explain it how I did (or similarly) when I still lived with my parents at 25 while working full time: "The gf doesn't want to live together until we're married, which I respect, and I can't move closer to work without paying TONS of money. So by living with my parents I can save money and I have a shorter commute to work. It doesn't make sense to do anything else"

 

[dollface007]

I don't really have much to add here other than I think it's great that you can get along with your parents so well. I moved back with my parents the summer after my freshman year of college and that was enough to make me vow never to live with them again! Good people...just not people I want to live with

You're not paying rent, so even being student, you should be willing to pop for a night at a hotel or a special weekend away every once in a while. I think as long as you don't have a girlfriend who lives with her parents too, it should all work out okay.

 

[DarkBee]

I was 18 when I moved out, but not to a home I bought or rented myself and not because I wanted to leave my parents' house; Dutch students either rent a room or stay with their parents while going to college/university. I did the first.
Now, at age 27, I finally bought my own tiny apartment; however, I lent money from my parents because of my really low income.
My brothers, 25 and almost 22, still live with my parents.

 

[Mac98]

I'm second year college and I still live at home... I'm a couple of years younger, but it's ridiculous to think it's something to be ashamed of. If you're 30, lazy, jobless and your main hobbie is playing Grand Theft Auto on your PS2, then I'd say it's time to start feeling a bit of shame. But you're 22, studying and saving up money...

You have the greatest excuse of all. There's seriously NOTHING to be ashamed of in that...

 

[Firebrain]

If I was looking to date you, I'd think it pretty cool that you were comfortable at home and didn't feel the need to "escape," as so many do at eighteen. Man with fewer issues = man with more brainspace to fuck me properly.

I know...I almost sounded deep there, for a moment [sigh]

 

[Christopher2012]

On the really bright side, unless you're getting your degrees in something fairly useless, you should have a pretty good earning potential and job outlook when you're done, no? Not being a deadbeat is certainly a selling point for potential long-term mates.

Wow... I'm getting a little overwhelmed here with all the responses. haha

Uhh let's see here. Yes, it's a good paycheck - six figures. I definitely wouldn't spend six figures if I wasn't going to get six in the end. haha

So you're pretty independent and you don't rely on mommy and daddy to take care of you, right?

Would you be able to live on your own competently if you needed to? You know, could you take care of your home, cook and clean for yourself, manage your finances well, etc.? I think that knowledge is one of the major advantages of moving out. If you don't have everything you need to live well independently now, I'd suggest taking this time to learn it. Have your parents teach you how to run a household from top to bottom, if they haven't done so already, and make sure you're contributing as much as possible in non-monetary ways right now so you'll hit the ground running when you do move out.

Well, no. Not really, at least. I could but it would definitely be a struggle, especially financially.

The only thing I can't do is cook. My dad cooks every night and I don't really ever need to. So... yeah, I can't cook.

"I'm busy building a new shed in our backyard," also sounds better than, "I have to clean my room this weekend," to the ladies.

Have you talked to your parents about how they'd feel about bringing a girlfriend home, any rules regarding sleepovers, etc., yet?

Ah.... no. I wouldn't bring a girl home for sleepovers, even if I were living by myself. At least not for a really really long time. I'm not really the take-it-fast kind of guy.

But I doubt they'd be cool about it. haha So yeah, I see your point.

 

[Christopher2012]

I'm second year college and I still live at home... I'm a couple of years younger, but it's ridiculous to think it's something to be ashamed of. If you're 30, lazy, jobless and your main hobbie is playing Grand Theft Auto on your PS2, then I'd say it's time to start feeling a bit of shame. But you're 22, studying and saving up money...

You have the greatest excuse of all. There's seriously NOTHING to be ashamed of in that...

Hey, don't hate. I love my Playstation.

 

[Christopher2012]

If I was looking to date you, I'd think it pretty cool that you were comfortable at home and didn't feel the need to "escape," as so many do at eighteen. Man with fewer issues = man with more brainspace to fuck me properly.

I know...I almost sounded deep there, for a moment [sigh]

I'm pretty sure it'd be more like this:

Man with fewer issues = More boring man.

haha... *sigh*

 

[Christopher2012]

I don't really have much to add here other than I think it's great that you can get along with your parents so well. I moved back with my parents the summer after my freshman year of college and that was enough to make me vow never to live with them again! Good people...just not people I want to live with

You're not paying rent, so even being student, you should be willing to pop for a night at a hotel or a special weekend away every once in a while. I think as long as you don't have a girlfriend who lives with her parents too, it should all work out okay.

Yeah, it seems that guys have it easier when it comes to living with the parents. I don't know if it's just that women need their space or what... but yeah, the parents stay out of my way and I stay out of theirs.

I did vow that I would never go anywhere with them again, though. Free food is great, but it's pretty embarrasssing when you see people you know out at a restaurant with the rents.

 

[Christopher2012]

Oh and I wanted to emphasize...

I am 22, NOT 30.

 

[Reba67]

"Still living with your parents" is a good thing or a bad thing, depending on the person. My boyfriend still does, but he is independent, pays rent, helps out etc. It's a convenient financial situation for him.

Another guy I know is a complete loser. He doesn't have a job, he doesn't know how to do his laundry, can't cook, he "makes toys", but he doesn't earn enough to even buy his supplies, let alone earn a living.

 

[bailadora]

FWIW - both my spouse and I lived with our parents until we graduated from college. We were aware of each others living arrangements and had no issues with it aside from where to go when we wanted to be intimate (we'd rent a room for the evening, btw). Living with the 'rents helped us finish our schooling quicker and shore up our finances for our future, so IMO, you should feel no shame at all about your current situation. Any girl who's going to give you shit over something like that probably isn't worth your time.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[RockiesFan74]

Nothing to be ashamed of! You're fine, people might think it's a little weird but once you explain it I'm sure they'll understand.