A confused straight man

[Missouribiguy]

I find it funny that you guys are saying that you are only attracted to cock. I call bullshit to this. Would you guys suck some really fugly looking guy then? Bull, you would probably go for the average or semi-good looking ones.

 

[Shankara20]

I find it funny that you guys are saying that you are only attracted to cock. I call bullshit to this. Would you guys suck some really fugly looking guy then? Bull, you would probably go for the average or semi-good looking ones.

Wrong at least as far as I'm concerned
I have sucked off plenty of old fat guys. Clean is a must but, friendly is a must - looks not so much.

Oh, BBW girls are great fuckers - FYI for those here that are bi.

 

[Missouribiguy]

Sorry, I just find it weird that people can only be attracted to a part of the body then the whole.

 

[Shankara20]

Sorry, I just find it weird that people can only be attracted to a part of the body then the whole.

I understand, and if I were looking for a relationship my criteria would be much more expansive.

I must admit that at times I'm just a cock-hungry slut.

 

[ars_amatoria]

I've gone through much the same journey-- I wasn't attracted to men per se, but wanted to have sex with them, primarily to be a bottom to them. I was very fortunate to find a gay man who found me attractive and was willing to help me explore my desires. I told him the truth from the beginning-- I wasn't attracted to him for his body (he was substantially overweight), I did truly enjoy his cock, which was thick and quick to arouse, which was very gratifying to me. He wasn't much of a top, though, so we would suck each other off and wind up jerking each other off to cum. After the first time or so, I was comfortable lying close to him and holding him. His vulnerable qualities brought out the protective aspect of me. I couldn't just have him be a fuck buddy-- he became a person, and a friend.

By comparison, I was always very attracted to women in the world, on the street, at work, etc. I responded in what I considered a normal way to their obvious female visual markers, i.e., breasts, long legs, long hair. I was always more attracted sexually to women closer to my age than young women because there was more of a chance of actually having sex with them, but I have always thought the bodies of women to be gloriously beautiful and attractive and arousing. I still feel that way.

Back to my gay lover. Like some who posted upthread, I didn't want to kiss him for a while. One day, though, he simply kissed me. It was shocking, and finally in a good way. I kissed him back. We had both cum, but both of us quickly aroused to diamond-cutter hardons again-- no small feat for a couple of guys around 50. That seemed to tell me that we were, indeed, lovers, not just fuck buddies (I am arousing as I write this, just from the memory). What's interesting is that he has risen to the demand and has gotten more in touch with his dominant side. He used to fuck me and let me suck him as a favor to me, but now he wants me. I should say that I will top him too, and swapping sides is a regular part of our lovemaking, and I've grown in that way too. I think for both of us, we took a page from AA and faked it until we made it, or acted as if we wanted a slut bitch to fuck-- and eventually, that's what we wanted, and we're well-matched that way.

I don't know if I would respond to another man this way. Part of me wants to know and part of me feels like my erotic life is complicated enough for a man who's nearing social security age-- a wife, a woman I see regularly, and my male lover. But regardless, I am grateful to have learned this about me.

I apologize for writing at length, but I read what others have written here and I feel a lot in common with them. When gay sex was only a fantasy for me, it was primarily about being a bottom to a man. I think I know where this came from for me. Like most sexual feelings, it has several sources, including some that I have a hard time accepting. Part of it comes from wanting to be desired. A lover's hard cock is the best evidence that he desires you-- it cannot lie. Another part comes from a sexualization of feelings of low self-esteem. We now know that we sexualize a lot of things. It's not uncommon for a woman to sexualize her low self-esteem in various sexual ways, so there's no reason why a man in a similar situation wouldn't do it as well. There may be some actualizing of the feminine inside me that's mixed in, a want to be penetrated by the lover.

I do know that in my fantasy, I don't care if being fucked hurts my ass, whether I'm too tight to be comfortably fucked, pretty much like a rape. But in real life, I really want to be filled when fucked, but there's no turnon in being hurt. Fortunately, my lover's cock is pretty thick, so filling me is never a problem. I always require a fair amount of foreplay before I can take him-- what works best is for him to use his fingers, then I work up through a couple of dildos less thick than him, then I can take him comfortably, yet he swears I'm still the best ass he's ever fucked. I believe it and it pleases me that I am.

As we've grown closer, I've entertained the thought of choosing him as a life partner to the exclusion of my two women. Of the three, I am closest to him, and he has gone through a real journey in his feelings for me-- he loved me at first, then cut me off for a year out of frustration, then we negotiated our way to where we are now. He has another man that he considers his soul mate, but will not give sexual pleasure to this man, on grounds that he's not attracted to him. He lets the other man provide him with sexual pleasure, a state of affairs I find fascinating.

But my bottom line is, I can admire other men's bodies but I have no desire, just by looking at them, to have sex with them. As for others, I've met several gay-curious straight men who were terrified to actually try it, several others who tried it and found it didn't match their fantasies, and a few like me, who are truly on the edge of affairs.

 

[ars_amatoria]

I find it funny that you guys are saying that you are only attracted to cock. I call bullshit to this. Would you guys suck some really fugly looking guy then? Bull, you would probably go for the average or semi-good looking ones.

hey there fellow Missourian. My prior post pretty much substantiates what these other guys are saying. My male lover isn't at all conventionally attractive, and it doesn't matter to me. I, on the other hand, am pretty fucking hot-- at least for a guy in his 50s. But no, his looks didn't matter.

Our sexmaps are all unique.

 

[none2_none2]

Our sexmaps are all unique.

That is so true...

I do understand where Missouribiguy is coming from. These kind of statements of craving cock, but not men sometimes comes across as a guy's way of convincing himself that he still isn't becomming "gay" from his man2man encounters. Such an attitude used to bother me a lot, but because I love someone I have little time or energy to even worry about someone else's own sexual attitude. After all what matters is that my guy and I want each other.

To your past, I thought it was a very moving account of caring for someone. That does make a big difference. We are each individually wired sexually, but when strong emotions get added to the mix, things aren't quite as clear cut as our wires would tend to move us.

 

[ars_amatoria]

A book that really helped me generally was "The Erotic Mind" by Jack Morin. I don't know if it's still in print, but for anyone wrestling with their sexuality, it's superb for explaining, in a scientific but still approachable way, how complex (yet understandable) is the interaction between mind and sexuality.

I fully agree that a lot of men who will indulge in gay sex, but not admit to being attracted to men, may be having trouble admitting their gayness to themselves. But I know that there really are a few people like myself, who really are bisexual, as shown by the fact that we arouse to a roughly equal degree to men and women--but only the right men and women, and in the right situation.

I'd suggest that a man who wants to sexualize another man's cock (or a dildo) but not really interact sexually with the man as a whole is acting out a desire to be fucked-- not necessarily in the ass, but I refer you to the thread above about sucking off a dildo. If that's not acting out, then what is? Now, while a dildo or a cock may well hit your prostate and feel good in that regard, I submit that there's a lot else going on. I used a dildo on several occasions and pretended it was a man, and it was a necessary step, but obviously one I don't need any more. Teh real thing is much, much better...when you're ready for it. And if you're never ready for it, then that's ok too. I think most men aren't like me, who was intensely curious as to why I felt these desires, but I was on a larger voyage of self-discovery, so it was appropriate to ask about this too.

But for my lover, I probably would have wound up as one of the (I submit) millions of men who fantasize about gay sex but never do it.