A question for the ladies from a newbie

[sventastic]

So this is probably a rehash of the whole "what women want" situation, but please read on.

I am new to literotica and I am looking at having some fun conversation with the ladies here. (Guys too, if its about sharing trade secrets and the like that will make the ladies happier)

But before I dive in, I wanted to test the waters by checking out what it is that ladies look for when they are approached by, say a random 26 year old Danish man via a PM?

The idea is to minimize the odds of goofing up. Any help will be appreciated though I know this is not a "one size fits all" answer.

Thank you

 

[Aussie_grits]

If it feels right, do it

 

[Sensualdreamer]

Please keep in mind these are my thoughts and I'm not speaking for every woman on this forum.
It's not per se the PM that I focus on when choosing to speak to someone. I focus on quite a few things

1. I look at how active the guy is on Lit. If he's been a member of Lit for any length of time, and he has fewer than 100 posts that says that he would be difficult to get to know b/c I rarely give out my non-Lit info w/o substantial Lit interaction.

2. I look at the QUALITY of the posts a guy makes. If the posts are repetitious in nature, or are only about masturbation, wanting to cam, etc., it does relatively little to set him apart as to what makes him any more worthy than the other guys who are posting similar crap.

3. If his most recent posts relates that he's "bored." I'll overlook his PM b/c that tells me that I'll be bored talking to him. It goes back to what I mentioned in point 2 - it does nothing to set him apart from the other masses of desperate one handed typists.

4. I read the guys profile. A profile in Lit is much like a resume. Give me a reason to be intrigued. Say something that will make me take notice of you. Nothing is quite like the proverbial "ask me what you want to know, and I'll tell you." phrase. That catch phrase is overused, sterile, and generic. Further it opens a guy up to any number of absurd questions like "What's your bank account number, mothers maiden name, etc.,"

FYI I have done that to guys - just b/c getting to know someone shouldn't be a chore - conversation should be fluid on both sides.

5. When PMing women don't use a "form letter" PM and mass send it, women on lit have received them plenty of times and we know how to spot them.

6. Read the profile of the person you plan on PMing, she may not want your PM. Understand some women prefer interaction in the threads and we don't want our Lit time to be consumed w/ replying to PMs.

7. If you choose to PM someone and don't get an immediate reply don't keep sending a PM

8. Try to avoid IM speak when PMing.

 

[sventastic]

Please keep in mind these are my thoughts and I'm not speaking for every woman on this forum.
It's not per se the PM that I focus on when choosing to speak to someone. I focus on quite a few things

1. I look at how active the guy is on Lit. If he's been a member of Lit for any length of time, and he has fewer than 100 posts that says that he would be difficult to get to know b/c I rarely give out my non-Lit info w/o substantial Lit interaction.

2. I look at the QUALITY of the posts a guy makes. If the posts are repetitious in nature, or are only about masturbation, wanting to cam, etc., it does relatively little to set him apart as to what makes him any more worthy than the other guys who are posting similar crap.

3. If his most recent posts relates that he's "bored." I'll overlook his PM b/c that tells me that I'll be bored talking to him. It goes back to what I mentioned in point 2 - it does nothing to set him apart from the other masses of desperate one handed typists.

4. I read the guys profile. A profile in Lit is much like a resume. Give me a reason to be intrigued. Say something that will make me take notice of you. Nothing is quite like the proverbial "ask me what you want to know, and I'll tell you." phrase. That catch phrase is overused, sterile, and generic. Further it opens a guy up to any number of absurd questions like "What's your bank account number, mothers maiden name, etc.,"

FYI I have done that to guys - just b/c getting to know someone shouldn't be a chore - conversation should be fluid on both sides.

5. When PMing women don't use a "form letter" PM and mass send it, women on lit have received them plenty of times and we know how to spot them.

6. Read the profile of the person you plan on PMing, she may not want your PM. Understand some women prefer interaction in the threads and we don't want our Lit time to be consumed w/ replying to PMs.

7. If you choose to PM someone and don't get an immediate reply don't keep sending a PM

8. Try to avoid IM speak when PMing.

Pertinent advice, I am grateful. Thank you. Some of what you said does sound like you're stating the obvious. But then again, I guess you've been through enough pains-in-the-ass to feel the need to put it out there.

Thanks again!

 

[LadyVer]

Sven, SensualDreamer gave you lots of good advice. I'm new to Lit, but I found that even though I had a complete profile I was getting pm's mostly from guys who either had no profiles or just the bare minimum like age and location. It's hard to start a conversation with anyone when the other person doesn't want to take the time to complete a profile. The other issue with pm's is that most of the guys wanted to either cum asap, or they would cum and run. They would cum, and they were gone without even a goodbye. I deleted my profile recently because I decided that I'd rather read posts and make comments there. And I no longer reply to pm's. Anyway, I think the bottom line is that just because this is a sex forum, it doesn't mean courtesy doesn't count. And, I'm in my 50's and I've learned the more time that is taken with anything, the more enjoyable it is. Happy hunting.

 

[sventastic]

The other issue with pm's is that most of the guys wanted to either cum asap, or they would cum and run. They would cum, and they were gone without even a goodbye.

What if a man is more keen on doing the opposite? That is to focus on the lady and ensure that she cums as many times as possible?

The Jewish sabbath has laws that say that a man has to pleasure her woman on the night of the sabbath - we Danes* have taken that rule, turned it over its head and replaced the "night of the sabbath" with "every damn time".

(*and by Danes I mean everyone named Sventastic on literotica)

 

[persephone82]

What if a man is more keen on doing the opposite? That is to focus on the lady and ensure that she cums as many times as possible?

The Jewish sabbath has laws that say that a man has to pleasure her woman on the night of the sabbath - we Danes* have taken that rule, turned it over its head and replaced the "night of the sabbath" with "every damn time".

(*and by Danes I mean everyone named Sventastic on literotica)

This is a good rule that i think more men should apply

 

[LadyVer]

What if a man is more keen on doing the opposite? That is to focus on the lady and ensure that she cums as many times as possible?

The Jewish sabbath has laws that say that a man has to pleasure her woman on the night of the sabbath - we Danes* have taken that rule, turned it over its head and replaced the "night of the sabbath" with "every damn time".

(*and by Danes I mean everyone named Sventastic on literotica)

I would say that's a good attitude to have.

 

[sventastic]

This is a good rule that i think more men should apply

Would it be a bad idea to pm the one(s) who follow this rule and have them put their money where their mouth is?

Just saying!

 

[DashingRogue]

Sven, SensualDreamer gave you lots of good advice. I'm new to Lit, but I found that even though I had a complete profile I was getting pm's mostly from guys who either had no profiles or just the bare minimum like age and location. It's hard to start a conversation with anyone when the other person doesn't want to take the time to complete a profile. The other issue with pm's is that most of the guys wanted to either cum asap, or they would cum and run. They would cum, and they were gone without even a goodbye. I deleted my profile recently because I decided that I'd rather read posts and make comments there. And I no longer reply to pm's. Anyway, I think the bottom line is that just because this is a sex forum, it doesn't mean courtesy doesn't count. And, I'm in my 50's and I've learned the more time that is taken with anything, the more enjoyable it is. Happy hunting.

My problem is that I'm never sure what to put in my profile. I always seem to end up with just the basics.

Do you have any suggestions? What would you like to see?

 

[LadyVer]

My problem is that I'm never sure what to put in my profile. I always seem to end up with just the basics.

Do you have any suggestions? What would you like to see?

What are your interests, especially sexual interests? I mean if you have a thing for BBW, this is an example (I'm not a BBW), but aren't into lean women, defining what one likes helps your potential audience. I think everyone knows that men like breasts. That's basically a given.

State what you're looking for from women on Lit. Sex chats, etc. Role play, etc. Being specific as you can without giving identifiable info away and without being crude is very helpful. What do you like to do in your spare time? Personally, the more honest the better. Marital status is helpful. I'm one of those who doesn't want to have anything to do with married men. I'm not criticizing those who do though.

Anyway, I'm new to Lit, and me trying to give here on Lit is probably like Minnie Mouse walking into Hustler and telling them how to run their business. ..

 

[DashingRogue]

What are your interests, especially sexual interests? I mean if you have a thing for BBW, this is an example (I'm not a BBW), but aren't into lean women, defining what one likes helps your potential audience. I think everyone knows that men like breasts. That's basically a given.

State what you're looking for from women on Lit. Sex chats, etc. Role play, etc. Being specific as you can without giving identifiable info away and without being crude is very helpful. What do you like to do in your spare time? Personally, the more honest the better. Marital status is helpful. I'm one of those who doesn't want to have anything to do with married men. I'm not criticizing those who do though.

Anyway, I'm new to Lit, and me trying to give here on Lit is probably like Minnie Mouse walking into Hustler and telling them how to run their business. ..

Even if you are new, this is very good advise. Since you are new it is also important to know what you are looking for from the site.

 

[DarkPleasures]

"How To" may be a great board for receiving advice. Good luck with your search.

 

[lothwen]

I agree with everything that SensualDreamer said, but I'd like to add in my .02 cents as well


If you are going to PM somebody make sure you read their profile and some of their posts beforehand. If the person has made a statement regarding their feelings on certain fetishes, or cybering, or cam play, then be aware of that while drafting your PM.

 

[sventastic]

I agree with everything that SensualDreamer said, but I'd like to add in my .02 cents as well


If you are going to PM somebody make sure you read their profile and some of their posts beforehand. If the person has made a statement regarding their feelings on certain fetishes, or cybering, or cam play, then be aware of that while drafting your PM.

You mean .02 dollars. .02 cents are a billion Zimbabwean dollars.

 

[lothwen]

You mean .02 dollars. .02 cents are a billion Zimbabwean dollars.

^I'm going to plead severe tiredness with that post, as it was past midnight here when I wrote it

 

[MoonlessNight]

Please please please, do not abbreviate like you are talking in texting language "U R" "OMG" ect. Also, please please keep in mind that we are women, so don't expect us to jump into a sexual conversation with you, or cybering, automatically.
Just my two cents

 

[LucyN]

Some good advice up there. Like the others said, if I see a guy is into BBW/mature women/anything that I am not I try to be polite and reply that I am not their type.

It seems to be a fair rule to say how would you be comfortable being approached in a pub. It also seems fair to say no profile and no posts = no reply necessary.

Some guys get abusive if girls stick to those rules, which just goes to show that those rules work.

Oh yes, and if a guy approached me in a pub and said tell me about yourself, I would ask why should I?

 

[LadyVer]

Some good advice up there. Like the others said, if I see a guy is into BBW/mature women/anything that I am not I try to be polite and reply that I am not their type.

It seems to be a fair rule to say how would you be comfortable being approached in a pub. It also seems fair to say no profile and no posts = no reply necessary.

Some guys get abusive if girls stick to those rules, which just goes to show that those rules work.

Oh yes, and if a guy approached me in a pub and said tell me about yourself, I would ask why should I?

Good advice, Lucy. Yes, nothing like getting a pm from someone with no or little profile that says only, "want ta fuck?" or "can I smell your panties?" Which to me means someone is in damn hurry to cum asap. How many men approach women in a bar and ask them to smell their panties as a conversation starter? Don't imagine it gets a good response usually. A little courtesy and thoughtfulness is part of a good negotiation strategy. Great advice from the other comments as well.

 

[LucyN]

Thanks LadyVer but they were not my idea originally. I think they work though

 

[sventastic]

Thanks LadyVer but they were not my idea originally. I think they work though

Would I be too greedy if I were to expect a PM if I were to guarantee being on my best behaviour?

 

[LucyN]

someone will, I'm sure

 

[sventastic]

someone will, I'm sure

How about someone in the sky with diamonds?

 

[LucyN]

this has just got me thinking about some of the recent PMs

"hi", how can a girl resist an approach like that?

"fancy a fuck" - of course, with a total stranger who says nothing about themselves on the profile, besides, I have always wanted HIV

"wanna play?" I have my chess set out already for you

"I have a question for you" - I can't guess, is it going to be "fancy a fuck" ot "want to play?"

"can we do a sexy rp", errr hello any introductions? no? then of course I do!!!!!!!!!!!

we are spoiled for choice

 

[LadyVer]

How about someone in the sky with diamonds?

Sven seems to have a positive attitude and sense of humor, Lucy, which are good things.

Sven, I'd like to see your profile filled in. I haven't seen too many good, filled in profiles of men. I wonder if Lit has ever had any profile contests. I might be interested in filling out mybprofile again myself if there were a contest.