A teeny tiny Writing Exercise

[AG31]

I had this idea that I wanted to turn into a sentence or two worthy of an author's notebook. But I just couldn't do it, even after tossing it around for two or three days. If any one out there can refine this idea and share it with us, you're welcome to it, in case it ever becomes useful in one of your stories. I certainly won't use it.

Here's the klutzy version. The context is when a relationship is breaking down.

There can come a time in a relationship when your(a) partner's quirks stop being occasions for you to smile in your mind and accept them and turn into simple annoyances.

 

[lovecraft68]

Carla felt it was a bad sign when she found Brad's quirks had gone from mildly endearing to far more annoying.

 

[Britva415]

Carla felt it was a bad sign when she found Brad's quirks had gone from mildly endearing to far more annoying.

Heh.

I like it for its cleverness, in this particular context.

Separately from context, I'd regard this as a nice example of "tell don't show." UNLESS one is choosing to tell this in order to show something else, something it's more important to show than to tell.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

To Carla, Brad’s once-endearing wonts had ripened into to a festering call for justifiable homicide.

 

[TheExperimentalist]

Could go the metaphor route:

Once, long ago, he'd put all her little quirks on a pedestal. They had since become dusty and tarnished with age, more eyesore than enticing these days.

 

[anthrodisiac]

There can come a time in a relationship when your(a) partner's quirks stop being occasions for you to smile in your mind and accept them and turn into simple annoyances.

If you just want to go pure abstraction or detached observation:
A partner's quirks, once beautiful, gradually warp into grating irritants.

 

[NotWise]

You might do it in dialog instead of narrative.

"Stop it. That amused me once, but it doesn't now. Just stop it."

 

[Tio_Narratore]

"All right, Annika," Olaf said with a sigh of resignation as he rose from the divan; "but hanging by your heels from the doorway has become a bit tiresome."

 

[SimonDoom]

Carla's humongous breasts, once delightful and titillating to Brad, eventually had a strange effect on his breathing when they embraced and went to bed together at night, and her breasts were mashed against his face, greatly exacerbating his problem with sleep apnea.

 

[StillStunned]

Carla didn't bother to suppress her sigh. Brad's habit of ending every sentence with "Hmm?" was starting to grate on her nerves. She used to laugh at it, make fun of him for it, and then kiss his crestfallen look away. Now it set her teeth on edge until all she wanted to do was rip his face off and stuff it down his throat.

 

[Erik293]

She looked at him and felt this magic between them both begin to dissolve more and more. His peculiarities, which used to cause her a mild smile and a shake of her head, had become one of them. Suddenly these many little things bothered her and she wondered how this could happen.

 

[BeechLeaf]

She began by smiling at his quirks, but the smile changed as he went on having them, through grinning and bearing into baring the teeth.

She began by smiling at his quirks, but the smile changed as he went on having them despite her pointing them out, through grinning and bearing into baring the teeth. [too wordy, not aphoristic enough]

She began by smiling at his quirks, but the smile changed as he went on having them despite having them pointed out, through grinning and bearing into baring the teeth. [GONG! Disbarred for excessive word play]

 

[XerXesXu]

Eccentricity palls. What once amused, now grates.

 

[TheExperimentalist]

Eccentricity palls. What once amused, now grates.

The syllable count isn't quite right, but the structure and style make it feel almost like a haiku.

 

[BeechLeaf]

She smiled at his quirks,
went through grinning and bearing,
now she bares her teeth.

 

[SimonDoom]

Brad and Carla hooked up on Tinder for their professed shared interest in furry sex, but they stuck it out and got married because they both loved the Friday night special at the local steakhouse.

 

[WaxPhilosophic]

Brad walked in the bedroom only to find Carla gathering up all the stuffed animals from atop their dresser. "Carla," he said, "what's going on?"

"I'm leaving, Brad. And I'm taking the kids."

 

[AG31]

What fun! Thanks to everyone. All were entertaining, and some struck me as borderline brilliant!!

 

[big_cane_sugar]

"Damn it, Carla," Brad sighed, "just because I have morning wood again doesn't mean I want to wake up with my dick in your mouth."

Later that day, a doctor showed Brad what a wide range of prosthetic penises he could choose from.

 

[SpicyBean99]

Lana bit her lip, her right forefinger anxiously rubbing the skin on her thumb, in a repetitive motion as Jerry droned on. She understood then that his peculiarities had not changed; only her affection had thinned, and in its absence they were laid bare, bereft of their former charm…

Something like that anyway

 

[redgarters]

Carla's knuckles whitened, her fists tightening around the cutlery as the tiny, once adorable sounds of Brads chewing thundered in her brain like infernal howls of rage.

 

[theWollstonecraftWoman]

Heh.

I like it for its cleverness, in this particular context.

Separately from context, I'd regard this as a nice example of "tell don't show." UNLESS one is choosing to tell this in order to show something else, something it's more important to show than to tell.

While the sentence...

Carla felt it was a bad sign when she found Brad's quirks had gone from mildly endearing to far more annoying.

is telling once you show one example, it turns into showing.

When he hummed that irritating tune from the worst sitcom ever, it was drillbit boring into her brain. Often, these days, she wanted to hit him over the head with a plate when he did.