A Twisted Desire

[Sweetp4u]

Becca

I flushed badly, turning bright red that he had read my files. I was at a loss for words here and did not know what to say.
"The-.. The Doctor would... Sit in the other room. Wa-watching through a two way mirror.. He said my predictions were wrong at first, and you.. you were lying to me. Telling me what I wanted to hear.." I gulped down the lump rising in my throat.
"That I was wrong, then i was right. And finally if I wanted my doctorate I had to trust his judgement. Th-that no one could be sane after what this mother did to her own child. And that your.. your temper outbursts were anger, because I was a wo-woman. And you would kill. He told me he seen it in your classical text book mannerisms and I was missing it be-because of your handsome face. I was a failure to you and to the masters I earned in Psychology." I flushed badly, admitting all this. That I was led around by a doctor who was later declared mentally insane and having Multiple personalities.I had screwed up, but was exonerated of all charges for aiding him in putting away people because he was my boss and I had no choices in the matter while in internship. But I did have choices, I could have done something but I was too afraid to.
"You are right Taylor, I failed you, myself and my profession.." I whispered softly, hanging my head in defeat. I could not justify what I had done, nor allowed to happen. I walked away from it, Taylor was released as was 40 others. But it still haunted me. That's why I practiced at home and only with marriage counseling. No more serious cases for me, just bickering spouses.

 

[BLACK BART]

Taylor Hayes

Her sudden confession stunned me, the realization of my fantasies suddenly confronting me head on...I had her humbled, shamed...and with a slight push I could force her to do what I had dreamed of...to abuse her the way I had been...repeatedly.

Still her words sounded true...the remorse in them unmistakable...she had been duped as I had, led to believe in a person...then deserted.

"It seems we have more in common then I had thought, we both followed a false leader and were left trying to put the peices together"

Shaking my head I knew the desire for revenge and to punish her were gone.

"I had thought once you understood me, I was wrong..and wrong in judging you"

Risning from the chair I looked at her as if for the first time, her abused backside creating a flush in her face as she sat there...the way she faced me bravely, her breasts bared...

"This is over" I announced and moved to the door, unlocking it and pulling it open.

"I'm going to pack and leave...we're a couple of miles north of town and.." I laughed...I was going to offer her a ride back...as if we were old friends and what had just happened was already forgotten between us...

"I'll stop at the garage and make arrangements for your car to be dropped off out here...it'll give me enough time to leave the country...and you the privacy of not having to explain to everyone what happened"

She would explain to the police no doubt...But that was a risk I had accepted in my mind..If you were going to plot revenge...be warned it might backfire...

I left her sitting in the chair, hunched over as I moved down the hall to the far bedroom...

 

[Sweetp4u]

Rebecca

"Wait a damned minute!" I got up though it hurt me to move and stalked after him. Really pissed off, I moved infront of him to halt his movements and poked him in the chest.
"You kidnap me! Feed me!? Then beat me... Get the one thing you wanted to hear the real hard way and you are just going to leave me out here?! I THINK NOT!" I poked him again in the chest, backing him up as I came forward.
"YOU will NOT leave me out in some god forsaken location all alone! I don't give a shit if you are done here or not! I am not finished by a long shot.." I was fuming mad, my eyes snapping in anger and a sense of abandonment. What the hell was wrong with me?! Why was I acting this way? It sure as shit wasn't dependence on him was it? I stopped for a moment with the poking and had to think. Why was I stopping him from leaving? This was absurd to say the least.
I stopped and looked him over, There wasn't much difference between our ages, none at all. No wonder I had done such a lousey job at this whole thing.. I was barely able to stand on my own, but yet not quite ready neither.
"You.... You just cant..." What was I wanting to say here? I felt a little lost, this was completely different than I thought it would be entirely.
Throwing up my hands in utter confusion I walked into the main room and looked around.
"How long were you planning on holding me here Taylor?"

 

[BLACK BART]

Taylor Hayes

Her words amazed me...her actions???

I moved to the cupboards that lined the room and yanked each door open...revealing shelf after shelf of food..clothing..medical supplies...Every small item a man or woman might want...or need.

"I would have held you as long as it took!" I replied angrily "But you would have left here alive...on your own power, NOT as you feared"

I was an animal...yes, But an animal only killed for food, not uselessly...

Aain she came at me poking me in the chest...ANd this time I stopped her, my hands under her arms as I lifted her, her breasts rubbing me as I held her aloft and looked into her eyes.

"It's over" I told her again..the hate was gone...what was left scared the hell out of me...

 

[Sweetp4u]

Rebecca

I watched as he threw open cupboard after cupboard and revealed all the stocked shelves. He had planned on keeping me here as long as it took. What was odd, is he just could have asked me instead of going this violent route.

I started to protest and poke him again when he lifted me off of my feet and held me aloft.

"It's over." was all he had to say.


"That's fine with me! Its over, good.. But you can't just leave me here alone!" I protested again, feeling him holding my body against him was a little unsettling.
"My back hurts.. is there some where I can shower?" I whispered softly, the stinging returning. He set me down, my body brushing against his all the way to the floor. He pointed down a hall way and I nodded. Turning away I glanced back at him, "Please dont leave me out here alone.. Just.. wait. Ok?" I was terrified of being left here and not knowing how to get home.

I walked down the hallway and peered into the old dusty rooms until I found a very clean bathroom. Stripping down was very hard to do with the pain in my back, but I got the clothes off, used the bathroom and started a very very ice cold shower. Stepping inside the spray hit my tender back and I bit my lips to stop from crying out in pain again.

Shivering from the cold, I started to relax a little as the cold water took some of the sting away and numbed the pain. Goose bumps rose over the surface of my skin, even my nipples perked up in protest of the cold. Teeth chattering, I stood there and prayed Taylor didn't take off on me while in here.

 

[BLACK BART]

It was odd, I reflected as I stood outside of the bathroom door...

I hated her when I brought her here...intending to humiliate her and punish her the way I had been punished...

But a few words from her lips and the hate had vanished...all the "plans" I had made going with it.

Now I stood outside the door not to "peep", but concerned that she would make it thru her shower without further harm...the lashes I gave her were not permanent, but extremely painful...

"Please dont leave me out here alone.. Just.. wait. Ok?" She had said in a small, frightened voice...one I had often heard in my own head...And somehow I responded to it, telling myself I was crazy...

 

[Sweetp4u]

Becca

I could finally not take anymore of the cold water spraying on me. My teeth chattered nonstop and I was feeling numb in places. But also numb in places that stung terribly. Tired and worn out, I shut off the water and numbly stepped out onto the bathroom rug. Picking up the towel, it shook as did my hands. Not caring how frozen I was, only that I was numbed now, I wrapped the towel some what around me and slowly walked out of the bathroom. Coming to the doorway I bumped into Taylor.
"Th-thank-k you for not-t leaving m-me" I smiled awkwardly for I could not stop the chattering teeth at all.
"J-just-t tell me wh-where some clothes-s are?" I would get dressed and get out of there as soon as possible.
I glanced up at his eyes, they looked differently now. Haunted but still different. I was too scared he would change his mind to ask what all he had planned for me. I was afraid I did not want to know.
Perhaps I had been wrong? I didn't know but something made me say, "Y-you can go if y-you like tay-taylor.. You dont-t have t-to stay here with me.." It was a way out for him, I hated seeing him look guilty and frightened. I knew he wanted to bolt from the tense way he held his body and the distance he kept from me.
I wandered down the hallway, slowly and carefully, peeking into rooms until I found the one I woke up in. walking inside, I let the towel drop and crawled on the bed. Curling into the blankets, I shuddered slightly, tired and wanting sleep, this was my only option right now. Just to sleep and feel at rest for once in many many years. If he stayed I would be amazed, I knew he wanted away from me and the reminder I was to his past. I wished before I couldn't think anymore that things could have gone differently, and that I hadn't failed. And perhaps that he would look at me with something more in those eyes of his.

 

[BLACK BART]

"Y-you can go if y-you like tay-taylor.. You dont-t have t-to stay here with me.."

They were the last words I heard as she moved into the room, half closing the door and collapsing on the bed...

I moved back to the bags I had finished packing and pulled a small handwritten book from it, flipping the familiar pages until I came to where I had stopped reading.

She had asked me to stay...then told me to go...her words as confusing as her actions...And I began to read the book in front of me seriously...studying it, word for word...

I walked the hall, the office...the hall again and then found myself sitting beside her in "her" room, reading the journal that had belonged to her four years ago...reading as she slept...her nude form exposed for me to see....But I only glanced at it and pulled the sheet over it...returning to the same page I had read over...and over.

The motion of the sheet must have disturbed her somehow...in the pale moonlight her body gleamed erotic qualities as she moaned and brought my eyes to her body again...then to her eyes, now open.

"Rebecca...Tell me what these words mean....please?"

 

[Sweetp4u]

Becca

I glanced at the journal, confused slightly by his question.
"What words?"
He handed me the journal that held his name on the front and I read the passage.

Twisted desires haunt the mind.
Taking all I have to give, has to be left behind.
Wicked thoughts shadow the day,
Laying in my bed,
the night gives way
making room for my twisted desires.

Then written below it was random thoughts.

Lust. Desire. Forbidden. Longing. All these thoughts urge me to help him, cure him. Heal him with something unethical, thoughts I would never act upon nor speak aloud.

I blushed furiously and held the book.
"They are just some things... from. I was thinking about poetry that day. These words just came to mind.. I.." I did not know what to say here? That I had wanted him, he was forbidden to me. He was a client and off limits. He was hurting and every fiber of my being was aching to make him smile and feel good? That I lusted after a guy I should never have feelings for?
I did not know how to answer him here, I did not know what to say or how to say it.
"It's just silly random thoughts Taylor.." I whispered softly, wishing I could hide my face away.

 

[BLACK BART]

silly random thoughts...she said, and deep down I knew she lied...the words written four years ago were from the "log" as she treated me....

But still it was four years ago...and people changed...stopped caring, love died slowly...quietly....the scream of pain heard only by it's owner....

"I've packed your things" I choked out, wanting to tell her she was a liar...and wanting to hear her admit it....

"I'll take you to town with me" I told her, standing and leaving the room...a piece of me dying as I walked out of the room...and out of her life...

"What did you expect?" I asked the image in the faded and fly stained mirror...and then drawing my fist back and slamming it into the eyes that stared back at me...

The glass shattered and fell quietly to the floor....and I stood beside it waiting for her to dress, sucking on the cuts...waiting for her to walk out so we could leave...

 

[Sweetp4u]

Becca

I laid there for a moment, my heart pounding in my chest as I thought about the lie I just spoke. I felt terrible, torn in two. I wanted so many things once upon a time, when I certainly could not have it. And now here he was again, alone with me. This time he was an adult and he was not off limits to me any longer.
And yet I laid curled here and lied outright to him. And for what purpose? What would it get me? No where was where. Home alone again, with no one.
I laid there a little longer, hearing a dull thumping sound.
"Taylor? Are you alright?" I got no answer and got up from the bed. Walking out of the room and down the hall, I stopped short at the bathroom. He stood there, fist in mouth, suckling the blood off of his knuckles. I glanced down, the floor was littered with glass. Broken glass.
"Here, let me see that." he glared at me and then sighed, resigned he handed over his fist. His eyes traveling my still naked body as I glanced over his knuckles.
"Go get the first aid kit and come back to my room."
I turned and walked back the way I had come, waiting for him to comply with my wishes.
He came in a few minutes later, carrying the first aid kit and trying desperatly not to look at me.
"Come sit beside me so I can clean that." I patted the bed and waited. He sat down beside me but averted his eyes.
After a few minutes and dabbing at his cut, my head bowed, for I could not look him in the eyes, I whispered my confession.
"I lied Taylor.. Those aren't random thoughts in the sense I spoke them to be. They were thoughts alright......." I inhaled deeply and let it out slowly. My heart pounding in my chest as this confession would surely shock him and make me feel even more stupid than I did before.
"They were thoughts about you Taylor.. And.." God this was so embarassing! "You."

 

[BLACK BART]

I sat and watched the tender way she cared for my hand...the result of an explosion of anger....And then my eyes moved to her bare back and the welts that still were there....

Back again to my hand and then to the pained expression on her face as she admitted what the words had meant...

"It's OK" I told her softly "I know you don't feel that way any longer...You were confused...misled by your mentor and the emotions he played with in you"

The bandage was neatly wrapped and I looked at it, then her back again...

"Thank You"

It was impossible...she needed to be free of me once and for all, and anything I had imagined was just that...

"Turn around" I told her, picking the cream up she had used on my cuts..."I'll put this on and then you can get dressed"

 

[Sweetp4u]

Becca

I tended his hand and he mentioned me not feeling the same way I did then, now. Thats where he was wrong. I still felt this way about him even if he did hurt me. But after all the pain and humiliation he went through I could understand his need for vengence. Even if it was directed at the wrong person. I rolled over, presenting my back and held still.
"Thank you for helping.." it sounded lame even to my own ears, but I still said it.
"who said I did not feel anything now Taylor?" I whispered into the pillow.

 

[BLACK BART]

"Feelings of disgust....of being used, raped, abused" I suggested, the cream going into her skin as I rubbed in in small circles... "After how I treated you they are only natural"

It was what I felt...When I was released it was the only thing that drove me...and now they were gone as well.

The welts had almost disappeared completely...I traced the remaining with the white cream and rubbed it into her skin, following the final one to her shoulderblade and around....

"There, does that feel better?"

 

[Sweetp4u]

Becca

Moaning softly the cream made me feel alot better. The sting was gone, i think the cold shower did help some.
"Things happen for reasons, and I guess it helped you heal right? It also did something to me, made me let go a little of all that guilt inside me building. We both healed a little with this weird outcome.." I fell silent, unsure of how to go on from here. Where to go from here?
I rolled over and glanced up at him, thinking for a moment. Did I still feel the same as I did before? Something inside me said fuck him, he is a shit for hurting you. And the other side said heal him, make him whole again.
Only the selfish side wanted to be part of him, feel him. A gentle touch, perhaps he wasn't capable of such a thing? I wasn't too sure but I was trembling all over from fear. Fear he would get up and leave me here alone.
"Taylor, do you know how to show caring? Do you know how to touch without hurting? Have you ever felt it before?" I softly asked him.

 

[BLACK BART]

"Noooo, No I don't" I confessed "Once maybe, but not now..."


It was true...I had been used as a toy...to amuse the guards in the asylum...to pass the time of day with until they went home...and before that...a punching bag for my enraged mother...

"No...not ever, I had hopes..."

I knew what she asked...her nakedness and the look on her face telling me in a way even I couldn't miss...

"I'm good at hurting those near me" I told her honestly "I would only hurt you"

 

[Sweetp4u]

Becca

"You would not hurt me, Taylor.. If you were shown how to give pleasure and recieve it from someone you trusted. But you have to trust someone, and want that as much as that person would want to make you feel good.." I flushed a little, heat surfacing on my face.
"Touch me Taylor, try it. Just a caress.. you did it earlier." I encouraged him for my own selfish reasons, I wanted to feel his caress again. This time not fighting it, but basking in it.

 

[BLACK BART]

taylor

I pulled the shirt off me I wore...the motion exposing my chest, shoulders and scarred back. Scars that had built up in four years of pain...Pain and scars that I wanted to be rid of so badly.

The shirt tossed aside I cupped my hand and pressed it to the back of Rebeccas neck, rubbing it as I moved forward and kissed her lips...

A kiss that grew in warmth and passion as she moved into my arms, her cool flesh touching my warmer skin...My hand cupping her full breast and stroking it's silky surface...

"Rebecca, I don't want to hurt you..." I spoke softly into her ear as I broke the kiss and nuzzled her neck. "You are my dream...my friend....my..."

I couldn't finish..not wanting to put too much hope into one promised moment of passion...not daring to...and I lowered my lips to her breast...licking at the nipple as it hardened from my touch...

 

[Sweetp4u]

Becca

I watched as he pulled of his shirt, his mouth descending to mine. Moaning out in pleasure of his hands cupped my breasts.
"No Taylor, you wont hurt me.. Please dont stop!" I panted out, groaning with pleasure once again. My skin tingled and my nipples tingled to life, hardening under his lips. My hands came down and caressed his back, arching slightly, pressing closer.
I felt the heat spreading through me, the wetness between my thighs a proof he was making me ache for more.
Moaning, I did not try and stop my reactions this time, instead I encouraged them. I felt a little nervous that he would find me lacking in his own pleasure department, but I was ready to try. I wanted to make him feel good too. My nails lightly traced on his back and up into his hair, cradling him to my breast.

 

[BLACK BART]

taylor

I kissed and suckled her breast, my hands gentle....touching, carressing her, wanting with all my being to give her pleasure...

Resting against her magnificent breasts I closed my eyes and held still...it was no use, my mind ruled my body...the years of deliberate torture in the asylum had done thier job...

"I'm sorry" I told her, still pressed to her bosum, the words husky with the grief I felt "I can't"

I lifted myself from her body, looking at her face then trailing down her body, appreciating its hollows...its curves...the very unique quality of a womans body that made it so desirable...

"Rebecca, you are so very lovely...any man in his right mind would want you, worship your body with his...make love to you...But I can't"

Reaching for the disacrded shirt I turned from her and slid it back on, not knowing what else to say...not able to face the hurt in her eyes that came at my "rejection"...

 

[Shoty98]

Becca

I did not understand this and felt hurt for some reason.
"Cant?" I did not know what to say here, or how I should feel. I rose up from the cot and grabbed some clothes. Pulling them on in jerking movements, I understood in a way. He could not be turned on by me, can't say that I didn't blame him for it.
I got up, slipped on the shirt and pants and walked out. Walking down the long hallway, I opened doors until I found one that went outside. From there I just kept walking, no use and no more. I did not want to feel this anymore.
Perhaps to him it was life, but to me it was death. The cold feeling I had inside just felt like utter rejection to me.
So fuck it, I would leave him alone.


ooc: This is SP, I am using Shoty's Computer *shrugs* forgot to log in lmao

 

[BLACK BART]

So it was over...The revenge I dreamed of turned sour, the woman I fantasized of slipped thru my hands...Plans I had carefully made extended no further than this...

I had packed, clothes, food, money....A couple of trips and I moved it all to the sedan outside, tossing it into the roomy trunk...the same trunk I had brought Rebecca here in.

Moving thru the old house I knew this was no longer my home, the walls held no special meaning to me..memories of pain, hurting were all I felt for it...And I began to move thru it with a purpose...piling kindling, paper, anything that would burn in corners...and lighting them before I walked out of it...

It was no use...no good...I had my chance...lived the fantasy that had kept me living and breathing for years...and now that it was done...

Pulling the headlights on I pulled away from the house, its windows billowing smoke, colored red from the flames behind them.

The gravel crunched beneath the tires as I drove...heading towards the closest highway..and nowhere

 

[Sweetp4u]

Becca

I dont know how far I walked or even where I was, I felt lost and this dirt road was leading me no where. But once decided I never looked back, I kept walking. Too bad I forgot some damned shoes before I stormed out. Shaking my head, feeling hopelessly lost and alone, I just kept my chin up and kept walking.
A car drove by and I could only assume it was Taylor leaving as he said he would. I felt a little dissapointed in the whole situation, but there was little I could do about it now.
I had wished so many times in the past fifteen minute walk that things had gone differently.
Sitting down on a large boulder, I pulled my knees up to my chest and sat with my head resting on my bent knees. What would I do now? I felt the need to escape this place this whole damned state and start over somewhere where it wasnt so painful to breath.
He had gone, and I had failed him once again. Healing him should have been easily done, I should have made an effort instead of just walking out. I could kick myself over the past, but as we all knew it could not be changed. I seen a faint glowing and glanced up back the way I came. A fire, a rather large fire was burning. I knew what it was too. He had burned down the house, killing his memories with it. But not healing his soul or his heart.
Why should I care? That I couldn't answer anyone, after all that had transpired here.. Shaking my head, i went back to resting my forehead on my bent knees. Solutions escaped me recently, and I just had no idea why?! I wanted to call him back to me, give me that feeling I had not so long ago.. And part of me wanted him far away, never to darken my door again.
Shivering, I sat there in silence, knowing I would have prefered to remain with him, even though it looked purely stupid to do so.

 

[BLACK BART]

I drove past her...anger in each barefoot step she took making it obvious how she felt...

Cursing myself I let the car coast...then stop and waited.

How could I tell her...Tell her of the nights that I lay thinking of her, imagining the smell of the perfume she wore...the way she brushed her hair away when nervous, the tiny smile that came to her lips when she was startled?

It was what kept me dreaming...dreaming as the sadistic bastards used my body, twisted my mind so I responded to pain...Pain that became a way of life until it was all I expected...or could be aroused by...the sight of another person in pain had become my aphrodisiac...

I stepped out of the car, not thinking, letting the pain in my chest tell me what to do...and opened the trunk until I found them.

The fire had grown. Illuminating the rode as I walked back the way I had come...and seeing her figure, knees clasped together, head bent...

"You need these" I offered softly, extending my hand and the shoes clasp in them...

 

[Sweetp4u]

Becca

I glanced up as I heard his voice, A little confused by the sound breaking the peaceful night. He held out my shoes, taking them I quietly thanked him.
Slipping them on, I still did not know what to say to him. What wouldn't send him off in anger or pain. I was a little lost myself and felt hopelessly lost in the confusion.
"where is the nearest Hotel? I need sleep, I feel very tired.." At least he could give me directions before he took off again. And I bet I was making things worse, but confused as I was I always managed to say the wrong things.
I wanted to ask him why? but not even I could voice that question. So there we stood, inches but miles apart. A deep dark abyss seperating the both of us, and neither knew how to breach it?
I couldn't even bring myself to look up at him, the embarrasment eating at me. This was so awkward and strange.
I finally looked up at him, the hurt still there but I meant the words, "I wish you well Taylor, and I do sincerely hope so day you can be happy."