A Twisted Desire

[BLACK BART]

Hotel she said...wishing me to be happy, words that told me to go away...the tone pained as she spoke them, refusing to look at me. I had disgusted her that much already...

"The nearest hotel is 20 miles away" I replied "You can't walk that far tonight..in the dark...alone"

She would get lost, turned around...it was easy to do when you were unfamiliar with the country and trying to move in the dark...



The red glow spread...illuminating her hair, playing tricks with it that made it twist and shine in the flickering light...I was tempted to reach out and touch it...my hand lifted...and then lowered.

"I promised you a ride, the offer still stands...and I have your belongings in the car yet"

 

[Sweetp4u]

Becca

Heart broken and a little edgy for some reason, I bit back a retort that I knew would only be lashing out in hurt and in unfair anger.
"Thank you Taylor, I guess I can't get there tonight.." I got up from the rock, pausing a moment to look up into his eyes. They seemed distant, uncaring. What had I done to bring this on? I did not know entirely what had happened, but I could only assume I repulsed him in some way.
I moved towards the car and climbed inside the passenger seat, silence was deafening at times like these. I felt the rift spreading further between us. Was it by my own doing? Was it his wish to make me feel this way? Were we both hurting? He got in and the car once again started forward.
I started several times to make conversation, but I wasn't fooling no one. I had nothing to say, only one question kept burning in my mind. One I was afraid to get the answer to, but still wanted. I hated these type of descisions. I curled against the door and into myself, unsure where to go from here, how to ask what I wanted to know. And did I dare ask before this car stopped and I was forever left wondering?
He pulled up infront of a motel and put the car into park. He said nothing, waiting I guess for me to get out of the car and leave him in peace. I did not want it to end here, but i felt so helpless to take it further. He had already proven to me he did not want me the way I wanted him.
Now what?
"Thank you for the ride..." I didnt move to open the door, something kept stopping me. Maybe the fact he would be gone forever if I stepped out of the car, or perhaps the fact a smaller part of me, to afraid to speak up, wanted him flaws and all. Too bad he didn't feel the same.
In a small voice I put into vocal cords what I dreaded to ask, Whispering softly I asked, "Why?"

 

[BLACK BART]

The drive was more uncomfortable than I had imagined...Several times Rebecca had begun to speak, then choked the first word off each time, her eyes refusing to meet mine...

I sat behind the wheel in the glow off the hotels vacancy sign, waiting for her words of scorn...abuse.... promises of vengeance perhaps even...

"Thank You for the ride" came the impersonal, polite reply and again the silence....

It was done...she would open the door and it was over, gone from me...forever.

I looked over at her and tried to put her face in my mind, to hold it there forever...to give me the sanity I would need to face tomorrow...and the next day.

Her hand went to her hair and I nearly smiled...a motion that I would never forget, an unknown part of her very being that I would never forget as well...

Her lips opened and a word came out that made my heart lurch...
"Why?"

It was a single word, a single question, but it was more than that...it was a plea to understand...to know if it was something wrong within her...or me.

I opened my door and stepped out, moving to hers and opening it, pushing a hand forward that she took with surprised eyes...

"I will rent you a room, and in return I want a few minutes before we say goodbye"

The words were spoken and she accepted with a nod...I rented the room and used the key to open her door, bringing her small bag with me...

Closing the door I locked it and faced her, telling her..."Turn Around"

A small smile flitted across her lips, uncertainty in her eyes and she turned...And I pulled the sweat and smoked stained shirt from my back...its stiff fabric dragging over the permanent scars, and my pants followed...

I turned my back to her...and spoke quietly, wanting her to see the ribbons that criss -crossed my back...and understand...

"This is.....why"

 

[Sweetp4u]

Becca

I turned around and looked at him, my breath lodging in my throat as I stared at his backside from shoulders to knees. I was digusted by what I saw. Not him nor the scars, but what they represented. What had been done to him. I felt a tear slide down my cheek and stepped forward. My hand tentively reached out and traced the scars running down his back.
"Who ... Never mind I understand now..." I did not know what to say. He was torn apart and healed only to be torn apart again. Skin could heal but the soul couldnt.
"This is why isn't it? Pain.." I bit my lip as my fingertips carefully traced another long gash across his back, all of them blending together, melding here and there. So many times he had been beaten.
"That is why I could never get a reaction from you.. isnt it?"

 

[BLACK BART]

The touch of her fingers moved down one scar, then up another...the first time a human being had ever put thier hands on me...without causing pain...or humiliation...

I turned...and raised my own hand, wiping the single tear away on her cheek...looking at her eyes, wondering...

"Reaction?" I choked..."You were the only person who treated me halfways like a human...I thought my mother was accomplished in how to beat me senseless...But the asylum proved to me the "artform" that she never quite reached..."

I reached for the stinking shirt, twisting it inside out as I looked at her....considered my next words....

"When you sent me away...when the beatings and humiliations began again, I blamed you...until when you told me you never knew...and I believed you...But all I know is pain...the scars on my back have healed...but whats inside never will...I tried to make love once to a prostitute...and nearly killed her when she insulted me..."

The words hung there...her eyes unreadable as I raised the shirt to pull it on...

 

[Sweetp4u]

Becca

"So.. you can't just make love with someone can you?" I gripped his shirt, holding it in midhair, keeping him from putting it on.
"Normal things do not turn you on do they?" I was hurting for him and for me both. This was a cruel twist that was just almost too hard to bare.


ooc: making dinner but will be on soon

 

[BLACK BART]

Dropping my arms I let the shirt slide off them, into her hands and then onto the floor...

My head hung down, it was my turn to avert my eyes, not wanting to face my failure...

"No, I start...and something inside of me...it just..doesn't work"

I had just confessed to the only woman I adored I was less than normal...couldnt function as any other male took for granted each night in bed with thier wives...

"I'm sorry, Rebecca...It was never you...always me."

 

[Sweetp4u]

Becca

I sat down on the bed, my hand holding his and refusing to let go.
"Sit and tell me about it. Tell me all you remember of the incident? Did you look away? Close your eyes and let other thoughts invade? Have you tried, truely tried with someone you cared about Taylor?" I had so many questions inside and perhaps I could help him this time?
"Sit and talk to me Taylor, like you used to. Hold nothing back. This time it is you and I. No one here to interfere and no one to tell us what to do. No one to judge or harm us. Talk to me, Tell me please? I want to understand and help. If you let me I know i will give it my best.." I fell silent keeping his eyes on mine, not letting him look away. If he tried I followed him until he had no choice but to meet my eyes.

 

[BLACK BART]

Rebecca held on to my hands, refusing to let go as she moved her face in front of me..insisting I talk to her...tell her, she repeated over and over.

"It can't be as it once was, Becca" I told her, using her name in an intimate form that I had dreamed off "I am no longer the patient, nor you the doctor..That is gone...I'm a man who wants you, desires you...You a very erotic and caring woman..One that would be repelled at what I might ask you to do"

It was the truth...I cared for her...the crush I had as her patient had gone years ago...But the way I wanted her was one that she would cringe at....and ask me to leave...

I was in hell at that moment...and the flames were growing higher...and hotter

 

[Sweetp4u]

Becca

"You are right, those times have passed haven't they?" I sat and thought over his words, their meaning twisting and churning inside my mind. Wondering if I could ever do as he would ask of me to reach his own desired state of arousal. Hurting him was the last thing I wanted to do, but would it hurt? I was afraid I did not understand this in the least.
"What would be asked of me Taylor?" I whispered, my hand gripping his insistantly.

 

[BLACK BART]

It wasn't something I could tell her...or describe so much so....

"Rebecca, it isnt written in a book" I tried to explain, my face flushing in embarressment. "I get aroused by taking a woman....roughly...."

I couldn't do it...the words fled me as she held my hands and looked at me so innocent and concerned...

But I tried again..."I like to be in control..To have a woman helpless as we....It involves bondage....sex...and trust"

I gave up, looking at her eyes and then down again...I needed to leave...she must hate me....

 

[Sweetp4u]

Becca

"B-Bondage? And control? Wow.." I fell silent unsure what to say to all of this. He liked being in control over the woman and rough sex? Never having been submitted to that type of thing I was a little confused. Was he meaning like he did to me?
"Well explain this to me please? I would like to understand this Taylor. Don't be embarrassed to say what you want, not with me." I watched his face, he was uncomfortable in this discussion, that made two of us. But I had to know, have some Idea of what he wanted.
"How can I make you happy if you won't help me find the key?" There I said it, aloud. My wish to please him, to please the both of us.

 

[BLACK BART]

"its not rape..." I told her quietly, then gathered courage "It is you giving up control to me....completely, and how your body responds to mine when pleasure and pain are both introduced at the same time....As when you used the electro therapy on me and stood watching it"

I was aroused then...the sight of her, her eyes on mine as the current moved thru me...

I had said it...and now I pushed it all the way...She was curious, wanting to please....

"Rebecca, it isnt something you read about and decide if you will like" I told her "You need to try it...let yourself go...and give in to the mixed sensations. You have to do it..."

 

[Sweetp4u]

Becca

"I see.. You have to try it before knowing? And this instills trust right? That if neither likes it they stop?" I was a little worried this sounded so sinister to my ears, but his pleading look in his eyes told me a different story altogether.
"Well, how does this work? A little information would help. Perhaps you can demonstrate a little?"

 

[BLACK BART]

"Demonstrate, Rebecca?" I asked curiously "You want me to show you?"

I couldn't believe it, but she had just said it...and a small smile and a nod confirmed it again...

"Take off your clothes, Becca" I told her huskily "Take them all off and turn around, not moving...not doing anything until I tell you"

Eyes...eyes looked at me in half fear...and half curiousity...then her hands began to move and the clothing fell from her....

"Like this?" Rebecca asked in a trembling voice as she stepped out of the panties, then turned before I could reply...

"Now what do you wish me to do?"

Stepping close behind her I cupped her breast in my left hand...the right patting her ass as she gasped...

"Put your arms behind your back, Becca, I'm going to tie you" I whispered into her ear....wondering...was this a beginning...or the end?

 

[Sweetp4u]

Becca

Placing my hands behind my back, I waited for what he would ask of me next. My heart pounded in my chest as the erotic sensations of doing this forbidden thing came into my mind. Here I was submitting to his wishes, doing as I was told. This was very different.
Something I had never done before. At first I was a little scared, infact at this moment I still was. But also in that fear of the unknown was a heightened awareness of the sexuality in this.

"Alright Taylor. As you wish." it was what popped into my mind to respond with. My mind went over how I had failed him the first time I tried to help him. How he had suffered because of my failure and now he was reduced to this type of life. I wanted desperately to help him, cure him some how and give him back a normal life. The guilt alone weight heavily on my consciousness. That feeling wouldn't go away. He had placed his trust in me as I psychologist and look what he got? I felt horrible for my failures in this and come hell or high water I would find a way to make things right. And the only way I could conceivably see to gaining this goal was to show him real love.

 

[BLACK BART]

A figure eight wrap of my belt around her wrists and Rebecca was securely bound...the wide leather holding her wrists firmly but not chafing or cutting her tender flesh...

"You'll be able to feel, but not touch...and will have to learn how to respond with something else then your hands" I warned gently, my hands roaming her body as she stood trembling...

"Spread your legs, love" I told her, seeing the trembling increase despite the warmth of the room...

"All you have to say is stop and it is over" I told her, trying to aleve her nervousness as I slid my hand between her legs, surprised to feel her lower lips damp already...

Perhaps it wasn't nervousness at all? I wondered...

Sliding a finger into her rapidly moistening slit I toyed with her button, watching her face as I stood beside her, my cock pressed against her thigh...

Rebecca's head leaned backwards, her eyes closing as she was slowly consumed by the sensations emanating from her velvet lined hole...and I timed the slap of my free hand to her ass perfectly...The crack echoing off the wall. Her head snapping forward and her lips forming into an O...

"If you concentrate on just the pain all you will feel is the hurt" I told her softly, my finger still toying with her clit...it's interior growing wetter by the second. "Think of both things that are happening to your body...let them wash over you...mixing....then tell me if you want more?"

And so it went...My right hand toying with her clit...feeling the wetness growing into a flood, her chest heaving as her orgasm came so close...And then my left hand descending on her trim buttocks, a single blow that snapped her eyes open and brought her to her tip toes...

Four, Five, Six times I repeated the maneuver...till Rebecca leaned against my bare chest...Her body sweating. Her face flushed.... as she neared that teasing, taunting peak...

"Tell me?" I asked her breathlessly...for I felt the emotions that tore thru her as well..."Tell me to go on...or stop?"

 

[Sweetp4u]

Katie

I listened to his words, his fingertips driving me higher and higher towards orgasming. The light slaps on the ass stopped stinging as much, not as painful. When I did as he instructed and didn't concentrate on just one thing, it added to the tingling nerves and awareness within myself.
I flushed, panting and moaning as he toyed with me, I was actually enjoying this at the moment, and he assured me he would stop if I didn't like anything.
Gasping for air, somewhere in there I started to lean against him, my hips rolling as his fingers probed me.
"Oh god Taylor! Don't stop now.. I'm s-so close.." I rocked against his hands, my legs feeling weak and my ass hot. Where I touched him, my skin tingled and rippled with shivers. Sweat broke out on my body and I could feel it running down between my breasts and the center of my back. I moaned again, louder this time. And then came another light slap on my ass from his hand. Clenching up tightly for a second, I hissed out a pleasured moan. I was wet, i could feel how easily his fingers slid in and out of me.
"I-I cant stand m-much lonnnnnnger. oooooooh yesssss!" I shook harder and tried to press down faster and harder on his fingers.

 

[BLACK BART]

taylor

Rebecca was ready, her body grinding against mine as her hips swayed...trying to take more than I could give her with my finger...My cock swollen and throbbing, chafing at her thigh...

Her reply came...not a refusal but telling me to go on and I moved from her side to face her, my hand guiding the head of my swoolen cock, rubbing it in her juices...then burying it with a hard thrust...

It had turned me on allright...The way she moved to my finger...But more so the way she jerked when my hand met the smooth skin of her ass...

It was pain...some people ran from it...others thrived on it...and I was one of those "freaks"....

My hands on her ass I pumped into her..Each thrust grinding our hips together as I thrust into her, her eyes open..glazed..trying to fix themselves on my face.

It didn't take long...My heart racing in overdrive as the rush of adenalin hit me...and I growled as I came...

"RaaaaBehhhhhhcaaaaa"

 

[Sweetp4u]

Becca

I cried out, my body shaking with a tension and desire to orgasm. He gripped my hips into his hands and shoved inside, hard and fast he rammed in and out of me. Taking me, but a small part of it felt like giving too.
A little confused, but highly turned on by my bound hands I arched slightly to give him better access. When he cried out my name I felt a tightening down deep inside in answer to his groaned out words. My body clenched around his and errupted into a million pieces as my orgasm ripped through me.
"Taaaaaaylor!!!!" I cried out, wishing I could hold onto him as my knees were giving out, but unable to I had to try and lock my legs in place. Whimpering with the pleasure and pain ripping through my tormented limbs, I exploded hard and deep.
Panting out, I rode the waves along with him as he slowly slowed down his thrusting and finally halted. His hands on my hips holding me upright enough I did not buckle.
My forehead resting against his chest, my eyes closed the sweat beaded and rolled down various parts of my senstive body.
Groaning out softly, I concentrated on breathing in and out for now.

 

[BLACK BART]

I felt myself slide from inside her wet thighs.... Her flushed face calming as I held her to me...her breath calming as I released her hands and massaged her wrists...

"That is my life. That is "WHY"

Her face lifted and she nodded.... spent, satisfied...But it wasn't ...enough.

I kissed her, gently...Her face what I wanted to remember...The way she smiled softly when she wasn't sure...and spoke the words for her.

"But it's not you.... is it?"

Tears flooded her eyes.... tears of pain...not from our "Love making" But from reality setting in. The goddamn unfairness of it all...

My own eyes were misty as I reached for the shirt and pants I came in with, dressing quickly...wanting to leave before I hurt her...or myself any further...

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

OOC: A final note as this is my last post to this thread...

Reality is someplace I escape when I come here to post. I never claim to be a writer...Never attempt to compete with others, or raise or lower myself to thier standards...I peck away at the keyboard to titillate my partner and myself, enjoying myself because in SRP there are no boundaries...and having fun because of it.

Sweetp, I want to thank you for that...Accepting how I post...and letting me have my fun...rose:

 

[Sweetp4u]

Becca

I shook my head, "No this isn't me." Tears streamed down my face, wishing oh so much I could be what he wanted me to be. Wanting to please him but now knowing I couldn't. I wanted to make love nightly with a husband and have children. I did not want to be bound nightly and roughly fucked.
As much as I wanted him and 'us' to be, I knew I was lying to myself that I could do this nightly or even weekly to satisfy us both.
"I will always care for you Taylor, and I wish it could be different." Sniffling I pulled on my clothes and picked up my handbag. Turning to him, watching him a moment, trying to burn his image into my mind for a lifetime ahead of me, I blew him a wet kiss good bye.
Walking outside, I talked to the owner about a ride into down town where I could hail a cab. The sobbing didn't stop that night, nor many nights after that.
Retiring from psychology altogether, I went into editing romance novels in my home so I wouldn't have to go out and face the world alone.
My thoughts now and then on Taylor and how I wished it had been different.


ooc: A pleasure as always BB