Hi everyone, I’ve been an avid reader of the Literotica forum for years now and have posted a couple of things under a different username but never really got much beyond lurking. I’ve seen a lot of good advice from posters on here and I’m looking for a bit of my own. My dilemma concerns my relationship and for various reasons I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it in my social, family or work circles. I wouldn’t want to put anyone in an awkward position. I can’t get my head around the decision I have to make and some objective opinions are needed.
Sorry if this goes on a bit but I’ll try and give as much information as possible.
I’ve been with my girlfriend for 9 years now and this was my first relationship to last beyond a few months. I’m now in my early 30s, she’s in her late 20s. She’s beautiful, smart and absolutely dotes on me. Our sex life is good and recently she’s taken over the housework and pretty much looks after me in every way. Despite the fact she seems like everything a man could want it still appears that I’m dissatisfied. I’ve never cheated on her but have been tempted a couple of times during our relationship and I developed a liking for pornography, taking every opportunity to watch it on my phone or laptop when she wasn’t around. At the outset of our relationship neither of us was much interested in having children and I always maintained that marriage wasn’t something I saw as particularly important. Until recently we shared the same view on these issues, but now I get comments about marriage and I’ve begun to realise I’d want to have a child some day. She says the thought of having a baby doesn’t appeal to her but she’d have a child for me. That’s not really what I want. It has to be because we both want to do it, not to please me.
Although I described our sex life as good, this isn’t the full story. We have sex at least 5 days per week but there seems to be something missing. We rarely both lose our inhibitions enough to get fully immersed in the experience and occasionally I feel awkward and lose my erection, particularly in positions with her on top. I think eye contact is the problem and it surely shouldn’t be that way. This doesn't happen very often but is always awkward when it does, and I usually pass it off as stress or being tired from work.
Despite the issues I’ve described, we always get along well and I always assumed we’d stay together. We’ve bought a house and talked about things we’d like to do in the future. I guess I always thought I was lucky to have someone like her.
Recently, several things have happened that have made me develop concerns about our relationship. The realization that our next anniversary would be number 10 and I’d be under serious pressure to “make it official” with a proposal, my younger brother has had his first child, a little boy, and started me thinking about wanting my own family and most importantly, I think I’ve fallen in love with someone at work.
She joined my company about a year ago and I instantly fancied her, however I’ve fancied other women before but never felt any concern about it. Once I got to know her my feelings got stronger, and for the last 6 months we’ve been working in close proximity and I’m now completely smitten with her. The problem is, she’s in a long term relationship as well (but never talks about her boyfriend when I’m around), is quite a bit younger than me (early 20s) and although I’m not her immediate manager, I am in a senior position and obviously have responsibilities to the company and staff. I think about her all the time now and I’m sure my girlfriend has noticed something is bothering me despite my attempts to try and hide it. I think it’s probably clear to the other woman that I have feelings for her (I blushed every time we talked for the first few months) and I think there is some reciprocation but have nothing conclusive – just little signs and looks. I always try to behave professionally around her because she’s a great employee and the last thing I want to do is make her feel uncomfortable.
What really made me understand I had a problem was realizing I’d marry her tomorrow given half a chance. I’ve never believed in love, preferring the logical reasoning that if you find someone you like and get along with, that’s as good as it gets, however I now think differently. It definitely isn’t lust that inspires my feelings (alright, perhaps a little!); I just want to be with her and learn everything about her. I seem to have lost all interest in pornography and now I prefer to look at some pictures of her I have on my phone, downloaded from her Facebook page.
Given the lack of confirmation that my feelings would be reciprocated, it would seem the most sensible thing to do would be to find out how she felt about me before making any decisions. Apart from the difficulties it could cause with our working relationship, it would seem so wrong to do this to my girlfriend. If she didn’t have any interest in me and I “settled” for my current partner it wouldn’t be fair on either of us. I’ve been thinking I should leave my girlfriend and then see what happens, since even if nothing developed with the new woman I should find someone else who I can feel so strongly about.
I feel so guilty towards my partner of 9 years, who’s supported me through thick and thin. We’ve now reached a position where my income is enough to support us both so she has been able to focus on starting a career she always wanted. I get upset when I think about how she would handle a break-up and I’m not sure I could bring myself to do that to her. I do love her and wish I could always be there for her but if we split up that wouldn’t be possible. I think the strength of her feelings towards me would make it impossible. On the other hand, I’ve seen how much my head can be turned and I worry I’d end up cheating on her or splitting up further down the line. I would need to buy her out of the house and I’ve worked out I could afford to pay her enough each month to cover her rent and bills if she moved out. It would take at least a couple of years so I’d assuage some of my guilt by allowing her to continue trying to achieve her dream, but I don’t know how she’d handle being on her own. Not very well, I think.
Well if you’re still here, thanks for reading my ramble. It’s been quite therapeutic! What should I do - stop being stupid, appreciate the amazing woman I’m with and not break her heart, or finish the relationship to pursue the woman I think I’m in love with who may or may not feel the same, or someone else entirely.
Anyone who has been in a similar position or even if you just have an opinion, please post. I’ll try to answer any questions and all advice gratefully received!
Sorry if this goes on a bit but I’ll try and give as much information as possible.
I’ve been with my girlfriend for 9 years now and this was my first relationship to last beyond a few months. I’m now in my early 30s, she’s in her late 20s. She’s beautiful, smart and absolutely dotes on me. Our sex life is good and recently she’s taken over the housework and pretty much looks after me in every way. Despite the fact she seems like everything a man could want it still appears that I’m dissatisfied. I’ve never cheated on her but have been tempted a couple of times during our relationship and I developed a liking for pornography, taking every opportunity to watch it on my phone or laptop when she wasn’t around. At the outset of our relationship neither of us was much interested in having children and I always maintained that marriage wasn’t something I saw as particularly important. Until recently we shared the same view on these issues, but now I get comments about marriage and I’ve begun to realise I’d want to have a child some day. She says the thought of having a baby doesn’t appeal to her but she’d have a child for me. That’s not really what I want. It has to be because we both want to do it, not to please me.
Although I described our sex life as good, this isn’t the full story. We have sex at least 5 days per week but there seems to be something missing. We rarely both lose our inhibitions enough to get fully immersed in the experience and occasionally I feel awkward and lose my erection, particularly in positions with her on top. I think eye contact is the problem and it surely shouldn’t be that way. This doesn't happen very often but is always awkward when it does, and I usually pass it off as stress or being tired from work.
Despite the issues I’ve described, we always get along well and I always assumed we’d stay together. We’ve bought a house and talked about things we’d like to do in the future. I guess I always thought I was lucky to have someone like her.
Recently, several things have happened that have made me develop concerns about our relationship. The realization that our next anniversary would be number 10 and I’d be under serious pressure to “make it official” with a proposal, my younger brother has had his first child, a little boy, and started me thinking about wanting my own family and most importantly, I think I’ve fallen in love with someone at work.
She joined my company about a year ago and I instantly fancied her, however I’ve fancied other women before but never felt any concern about it. Once I got to know her my feelings got stronger, and for the last 6 months we’ve been working in close proximity and I’m now completely smitten with her. The problem is, she’s in a long term relationship as well (but never talks about her boyfriend when I’m around), is quite a bit younger than me (early 20s) and although I’m not her immediate manager, I am in a senior position and obviously have responsibilities to the company and staff. I think about her all the time now and I’m sure my girlfriend has noticed something is bothering me despite my attempts to try and hide it. I think it’s probably clear to the other woman that I have feelings for her (I blushed every time we talked for the first few months) and I think there is some reciprocation but have nothing conclusive – just little signs and looks. I always try to behave professionally around her because she’s a great employee and the last thing I want to do is make her feel uncomfortable.
What really made me understand I had a problem was realizing I’d marry her tomorrow given half a chance. I’ve never believed in love, preferring the logical reasoning that if you find someone you like and get along with, that’s as good as it gets, however I now think differently. It definitely isn’t lust that inspires my feelings (alright, perhaps a little!); I just want to be with her and learn everything about her. I seem to have lost all interest in pornography and now I prefer to look at some pictures of her I have on my phone, downloaded from her Facebook page.
Given the lack of confirmation that my feelings would be reciprocated, it would seem the most sensible thing to do would be to find out how she felt about me before making any decisions. Apart from the difficulties it could cause with our working relationship, it would seem so wrong to do this to my girlfriend. If she didn’t have any interest in me and I “settled” for my current partner it wouldn’t be fair on either of us. I’ve been thinking I should leave my girlfriend and then see what happens, since even if nothing developed with the new woman I should find someone else who I can feel so strongly about.
I feel so guilty towards my partner of 9 years, who’s supported me through thick and thin. We’ve now reached a position where my income is enough to support us both so she has been able to focus on starting a career she always wanted. I get upset when I think about how she would handle a break-up and I’m not sure I could bring myself to do that to her. I do love her and wish I could always be there for her but if we split up that wouldn’t be possible. I think the strength of her feelings towards me would make it impossible. On the other hand, I’ve seen how much my head can be turned and I worry I’d end up cheating on her or splitting up further down the line. I would need to buy her out of the house and I’ve worked out I could afford to pay her enough each month to cover her rent and bills if she moved out. It would take at least a couple of years so I’d assuage some of my guilt by allowing her to continue trying to achieve her dream, but I don’t know how she’d handle being on her own. Not very well, I think.
Well if you’re still here, thanks for reading my ramble. It’s been quite therapeutic! What should I do - stop being stupid, appreciate the amazing woman I’m with and not break her heart, or finish the relationship to pursue the woman I think I’m in love with who may or may not feel the same, or someone else entirely.
Anyone who has been in a similar position or even if you just have an opinion, please post. I’ll try to answer any questions and all advice gratefully received!
