American seeking to write woman from Yorkshire better

[joy_of_cooking]

I think I've missed something. Is the joke here that white people only drink black tea?

 

[onehitwanda]

I think I've missed something. Is the joke here that white people only drink black tea?

In England, there are a few unimaginably serious faux pas.

Firstly, to turn your back on the sovereign.
Secondly, to let the Port stand without sending it along to the next person at the table.
Thirdly (and to some, most seriously) to enquire what flavour of tea.

Properly, tea has cultivars. One could say, for example, "Ceylon" or "Assam."

Last year someone was shot in Royal Tunbridge Wells for asking for a cup of Chamomile-flavored tea.

Edit: And just to show how seriously we take this, the Coroner ruled it a suicide.

@stickygirl @HordHolm and @Kumquatqueen innit?

 

[EmilyMiller]

If anyone feels like critiquing my prose, feel free. In my defense, I’m aping Mike Flanagan trying to write someone from Manchester, not Sheffield (I know that’s like someone confusing Ohio and Pennsylvania).

—

“Right, Sums is it?” The woman, whom Eden guessed was Huisman, had an English accent, but not one that she could place.

“Sums?”

“You’re the new maths teacher, right?”

“Oh, I see, sums. Yes, that’s me. Eden Baker. And you must be Miss Huisman.”

“Michele. Call me Michele.” The two women shook hands. Huisman was a vigorous shaker.

“I’m sorry if I’m being rude, but your accent. What part of England?”

“The UK, Sums. It’s not just England. My family were originally Dutch, but we’ve lived in God’s own country for generations.”

“I’m sorry, where?”

“Yorkshire, Sums. Sheffield to be precise.” She smiled, a wide and friendly smile. “Don’t worry, I seldom bite. Unless…” she left the word hanging, still holding Eden’s hand as she spoke.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

View attachment 2279220

I can see the piggy in the picture. It is not a low-fat tea, I am guessing?

 

[onehitwanda]

I can see the piggy in the picture. It is not a low-fat tea, I am guessing?

what is wrong with you

 

[AwkwardlySet]

https://www.bigfooty.com/forum/media/74254ba8-3ccb-4830-b94a-061e11dbed18-gif.5776/full

 

[AwkwardlySet]

what is wrong with you

I believe posts have a 10k word limitation.

 

[lavendersilk]

If anyone feels like critiquing my prose, feel free. In my defense, I’m aping Mike Flanagan trying to write someone from Manchester, not Sheffield (I know that’s like someone confusing Ohio and Pennsylvania).

—

“Right, Sums is it?” The woman, whom Eden guessed was Huisman, had an English accent, but not one that she could place.

“Sums?”

“You’re the new maths teacher, right?”

“Oh, I see, sums. Yes, that’s me. Eden Baker. And you must be Miss Huisman.”

“Michele. Call me Michele.” The two women shook hands. Huisman was a vigorous shaker.

“I’m sorry if I’m being rude, but your accent. What part of England?”

“The UK, Sums. It’s not just England. My family were originally Dutch, but we’ve lived in God’s own country for generations.”

“I’m sorry, where?”

“Yorkshire, Sums. Sheffield to be precise.” She smiled, a wide and friendly smile. “Don’t worry, I seldom bite. Unless…” she left the word hanging, still holding Eden’s hand as she spoke.

It is so hard to tell if someone is being genuine or sarcastic on here but... either way... I kind of like where you are going with this.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Well there was that time I dreamt of being fucked by a Minotaur and woke up in an aMAZEing mood.

Em

This sounds like a cock-and-bull story.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Yeah... I thought we'd get some quaint Yorksheer bollocks speak. tbh most younger generation folk don't have such strong accents and the accent is simply based around vowel sound rather than t'mill shite. If it was based around 1980 then I guess the dialect would be stronger, but these days we've got leccy and telly and some folk even have an indoor lav if they's posh like.

Who'd have thought, thirty year ago...?

 

[EmilyMiller]

It is so hard to tell if someone is being genuine or sarcastic on here but... either way... I kind of like where you are going with this.

It’s not meant to be an overly serious story .

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

This sounds like a cock-and-bull story.

You win. Your joke was much better .

Em

 

[Bamagan]

In England, there are a few unimaginably serious faux pas.

Firstly, to turn your back on the sovereign.
Secondly, to let the Port stand without sending it along to the next person at the table.
Thirdly (and to some, most seriously) to enquire what flavour of tea.

Properly, tea has cultivars. One could say, for example, "Ceylon" or "Assam."

Last year someone was shot in Royal Tunbridge Wells for asking for a cup of Chamomile-flavored tea.

Edit: And just to show how seriously we take this, the Coroner ruled it a suicide.

@stickygirl @HordHolm and @Kumquatqueen innit?

Americans traditionally prefer Boston Harbor Tea.

 

[onehitwanda]

Americans traditionally prefer Boston Harbor Tea.

The Anti-Cuppa League specifically (and lamentably) hamstrung the American electrical system by making it 110V to prevent the insidious immersion of actual Culture into America.

Still. More Chai for me.

 

[HordHolm]

In England, there are a few unimaginably serious faux pas.

Firstly, to turn your back on the sovereign.
Secondly, to let the Port stand without sending it along to the next person at the table.
Thirdly (and to some, most seriously) to enquire what flavour of tea.

Properly, tea has cultivars. One could say, for example, "Ceylon" or "Assam."

Last year someone was shot in Royal Tunbridge Wells for asking for a cup of Chamomile-flavored tea.

Edit: And just to show how seriously we take this, the Coroner ruled it a suicide.

@stickygirl @HordHolm and @Kumquatqueen innit?

Well, one might properly enquire if a guest would care for a smidgeon of Earl Grey at the right time of day.

 

[HordHolm]

Barrister: M'lord, my client, our esteemed cousin from the colonies, is clearly innocent here. She was neither the instigator of the mob, nor the unimaginably dense individual who dared... dared, My lord, to ask what flavour of tea...

Judge: No. Wait just a minute. This person asked what?

Barrister: What flavour of tea, M'lord.

Judge: Sir, must I remind you that this is a courthouse, not a comedy club.

Barrister: M'lord, if My Lord would peruse annex A, My Lord would see the signatures of several witnesses to same.

Judge: Fuck this. Grace! Where's my fucking pitchfork!

Judge: Bailiff! The Clerk of the Court needs a light for his flaming torch. See to it.

 

[stickygirl]

Who'd have thought, thirty year ago...?

Err, fifty? Is that considered a generation or more than one? Or am I missing something, chuck?

 

[Bramblethorn]

Err, fifty? Is that considered a generation or more than one? Or am I missing something, chuck?

https://genius.com/Monty-python-four-yorkshiremen-live-annotated

 

[stickygirl]

https://genius.com/Monty-python-four-yorkshiremen-live-annotated

There's a Yorkshire comedian who described how she grew up in a dip

 

[MadeleineSinha]

Who'd have thought, thirty year ago...?

and we was thankful

 

[joy_of_cooking]

Thirdly (and to some, most seriously) to enquire what flavour of tea.

Properly, tea has cultivars. One could say, for example, "Ceylon" or "Assam."

But aren't most of your teas mixed anyway? English Breakfast, Irish Breakfast, Earl Grey, Russian Caravan? And I think it's common for people to add milk and sugar at the table?

 

[onehitwanda]

But aren't most of your teas mixed anyway? English Breakfast, Irish Breakfast, Earl Grey, Russian Caravan? And I think it's common for people to add milk and sugar at the table?

But those are blends, not flavours!

 

[stickygirl]

But aren't most of your teas mixed anyway? English Breakfast, Irish Breakfast, Earl Grey, Russian Caravan? And I think it's common for people to add milk and sugar at the table?

So common!

 

[onehitwanda]

So common!

Can we fling him into the hole of Scorn? I feel a righteous and profound mocking is in order.

 

[stickygirl]

Can we fling him into the hole of Scorn? I feel a righteous and profound mocking is in order.

We could throw in the sugar, milk and look - dunking cookies. Cookies!!